Posted on 03/14/2007 8:50:03 AM PDT by 7thson
You probably think you know what frightens most men. A long-weekend at the in-laws' place. Antiquing. Running out of beer in the third quarter. But that's just the stuff he'll admit to being afraid of, which, by definition, means they're not his true deep fears. So how can you determine what those are? Easy: They're the ones he'll almost never talk about. But I will.
Let's count down through the Scary Fifteen:
#15 Hair in the drain.
#14 Getting caught noticing another woman.
#13 Rejection.
#12 Super Nanny.
#11 Speedos.
#10 His dad's death.
#9 Her tears.
#8 Being a lousy lover.
#7 Not being a god to his kids.
#6 Living paycheck to paycheck.
#5 Beautiful women.
#4 Getting naked.
#3 Tofurky.
#2 Not seeing his kids grow up.
# 1 Public humiliation.
(Excerpt) Read more at health.yahoo.com ...
What are you afraid of? Me? I'm afriad of the United States running from Iraq.
Hillary in a thong.
The 'Bent One' sizing up your daughter
I don't have a daughter so I'm safe there. However, I do have two grandsons and having them sized up by Barny Fwank would scare me! 8-)
LOL! I'm expecting to see a Helen Thomas picture at any moment.
Hillary in a thong.
Being tied up with Hillary's thong ... while she's wearing it.
How about finding this in the seat next to you on a crowded and looong bus ride?
I'ld have to stand.
A letter from the IRS.
Agreed. Or take a taxi. Or gouge my own eyes out to get a lift in an ambulance!
TurDuckEn, OTOH, is cause for celebration!
Dying alone.
Telling him you are pregnant.
Other than my mother-in-law?....being stuck in LA traffic and realizing I just had three cups of coffee and a bran muffin.
Have you seen previews for a new movie called Knocked Up? The plot involves an educated woman getting a promotion and while celebrating, gets involved with some one-night stand bozo. 8 weeks later, she calls the guy up to tell him she is pregnant. The rest of the story deals with having the child and getting to know each other. When I saw the trailer, it reminded me of an old George Carlin joke.
No - I will have to look out for that one. The shows are really getting a bit over the top or maybe just mimicking real life. There is another what out, not sure if it has aired called, called "The Starter Wife".
The Charles Schwab commercials.
My husband hates them. He's scared of them and freaks every time. ;-)
I have it together today, not. There is a sitcom about to air called the "Started Wife".
Hillary as CIC
YIKES!
Where on Earth did you find that? Maybe don't tell me. It's sad to know freaks like this hang out in public someplace.
Being a donut in front of rosie o'donnell.
Matrimony! It scares ( PAINS ) me just typing it. :)
A woman walking into the bedroom room and sees his shrinkage after a cold swim in the pool and she leaves the room laughing.
Elaine: "It shrinks?"
Jerry: "Like a frightened turtle!"
Elaine: "Why"
George: "It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
I 2nd Elaine.
And I really don't know how you guys RUN around with those things.
It's a new movie coming out, not a television program.
Like Kramer, I am afraid of clowns.
Doesn't "#11 Speedos" and "#1 Public humiliation" kind of go together?
Hmmm...well, it's never happened, but if I had ever had a one night stand and the woman called me up eight weeks later saying she was pregnant, the only Carlin sketch I can think of that would relate is the "Seven Words You Can't Say" bit.
I guess priapism would be the "opposite" of that particular fear.
Well at least you would always have somewhere to hang your hat.
Me too DV! Clowns are evil.
Ring... ring...
Hello?
Hello, this is Jaaaaane.
Jane? Jane... who?
Jaaaaaaaaane.
Jane.... Jane?
Yeah, remember? You met me at a party about 6 to 8 weeks ago? You said I was a reeeeally good sport?
Oh, geeze... that Jane. Oh, yeah, well... Jane, how are you?
Pregnant. And I feel like I want to jump out the window!
Say, Jane, you really ARE a good sport, aren't you...
***I think this was from the FM & AM album (just before Class Clown)***
I know. I realized that from your posting. For some reason I am having a Monday today. My thoughts are not making to my fingertips to post them correctly :)
TurDuckEn, OTOH, is cause for celebration!
I am afraid of eating anything that includes the word "turd"
Running out of beer and being too drunk to drive out and get more.
And spiders. Not those little ones you see around your house, but the big, hairy bastards. *ugh* Snakes, alligators, lizards, big bugs, rats; I can handle all of those, but spiders creep me the hell out.
Lorena Bobbit
Harm to our genitals is #1.
And DOUBLE YOI!!!
Where on Earth did you find that? Maybe don't tell me. It's sad to know freaks like this hang out in public someplace.
Same place all of this other crap comes from.... on the web somewhere. I saved it for one day when I needed a "special" photo for just such a thread. :)
The depth of freak-ness of that thing does make an impact.
My wife says that once they're big enough that you can see their knees and ankles "articulating", the scream can not be suppressed! :)
I can't tell you now many spiders I've dispatched over the years at bedtime. My daughter always makes a quick spider-survey of the ceiling and walls before she'll go to bed.
LOL!!!
But it's amazing how you'll fold as soon as something that can actually KILL you is threatened. Then the wee-wee goes bye-bye!
I think those big'uns could be scary, but frankly, there's something MORE scary and gross about thin spindly legs and bodies - especially when they're a weird color! We have these weird red-legged things around our house that we find occasionally. Their bodies are grayish and all of it is transparent-like. Transparent is too creepy.
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