Barf Bags. Gross has never been so sweet! Orange-flavored gummy and liquid candy.
Posted on 09/14/2007 6:51:45 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
I know a guy who’s tough but sweet
He’s so fine, he can’t be beat
He’s got everything that I desire
Sets the summer sun on fire
I want candy, I want candy
Go to see him when the sun goes down
Ain’t no finer boy in town
You’re my guy, just what the doctor ordered
So sweet, you make my mouth water
I want candy, I want candy
Candy on the beach, there’s nothing better
But I like candy when it’s wrapped in a sweater
Some day soon I’ll make you mine,
Then I’ll have candy all the time
I want candy, I want candy
I want candy, I want candy...
A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”
The farmer was dubious.
“Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you. and get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer.
The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.
The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”
The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, “Doesn’t that calf have a mother?
hehehe ... I’ve made that cake. It looks disgusting but tastes great.
Some women are like apples. Some are likes watermelons.
I think I’ll stop my analogy right there.
YUCK!!!!!!!! hahahaha
Yes, watermelons works for me!
An Irish woman of advancing years visited her physician to solicit his help in reviving her husband’s flailing libido.
“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.
“Not a chance,” she said. “He won’t even take anaspirin!”
“Not to fret,” replied the doctor. “Give him an Irish Viagra.”
“What’s an Irish Viagra, Doctor?”
“That’s where you just drop the Viagra into his morning coffee. He won’t even taste it,” replied the doctor. “Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.”
Not even a week had gone by before she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress of the experiment.
The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid, just too terrible, doc!”
“Really? What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well, I did as you advised. I slipped the Viagra into his morning coff ee and it took effect almost immediately. He jumped hisself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging proudly! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth a flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me right on the tabletop! T’was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!
“Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Do you mean to say the sex your husband gave you wasn’t any good?”
“Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! T’was the best sex I’ve had in twenty-five years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here before you, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”
_____
From Get Fuzzy (by Darby Conley):
The Characters:
Bucky Katt: Aloof.. bizarre...sarcastic... volatile... He is a CAT, after all.
Satchel Pooch: Good ol’ Satchel tries to be everyone’s best friend, but more often than not, he’s caught in the middle of Bucky’s mischief. Innocent and well-meaning, if hopelessly naive.
_____
(Looking out the window)
Satchel Pooch: EEW...What is it?
Bucky Katt: I don’t know the exact species, but it’s got no spine, so it would be in Phylum Democrata.
Satchel Pooch: OK, that’s it. I’m sick and tired of....
Bucky Katt: Hey, Hey, Hey, I’m applying the scientific method here.
Bucky Katt: It’s spineless....it’s blue.....it’s show-moving, yet it leaves a layer of slime on everything it touches....I’m sorry, but in my book, that’s a democrat.
Bucky Katt: I suppose you could hit it with something.....if if fights back, you prove it’s not a democrat.
Bucky Katt: It looks sad! Why don’t you tax my tuna and buy it some drugs?!
_____
From a Dilbert cartoon:
Scene: Pointy haired boss is seeing a doctor.
Pointy haired boss: I keep forgetting where I put things
Doctor: The problem is that you’re stupid. I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain.
Pointy Haried Boss: Will that help?
Doctor: No, I just hate monkeys.
I think I'd have to pass on this one
Mmmmm, tasty.
that comic is on my calender in front of me right now :)
*About 3rd grade somewhere in the 60's, as we lined up for the water fountains and then off to the restrooms we would pop a red or green Fizzie into our water filled mouth and see if we could make it to the restroom before it spewed out in a big gush.
Some kids were sent to the Nurse's Office if they spewed in the hallway.
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