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Exclusive: Darth Vader NOT Luke's Father; Actual Father REVEALED!
Fertile Imagination | 09/25/2007

Posted on 09/25/2007 12:17:46 PM PDT by cogitator

In an exclusive, stunning revelation, the actual paternity of Luke Skywalker has finally been discovered. Contrary to the claims and dramatizations of the life of the legendary hero, the link to Anakin Skywalker is now discovered to have been an elaborate cover-up to hide the truth, which has now, due to genetic testing, been brought to light.

The son

The true father


TOPICS: Humor; Music/Entertainment; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: darth; freebased; freebasing; jabba; luke; lukefreebased; lukefreebaser; paternity
The resemblance is undeniable.
1 posted on 09/25/2007 12:17:47 PM PDT by cogitator
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To: cogitator

Has he been to Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon?


2 posted on 09/25/2007 12:23:09 PM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: cogitator

The difference between 25 and 56. (With some hard Hollywood livin’ thrown in at some point no doubt.)


3 posted on 09/25/2007 12:24:07 PM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
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To: cogitator

The ageing process is a horrifying spectacle. I just turned 61 several weeks back, and I am thinking of having all mirrors removed from my home. I’m fine now (much better off than old Luke there), but you never know when the downhill slide is going to begin. Better safe now than sorry later.


4 posted on 09/25/2007 12:26:04 PM PDT by lapster
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To: cogitator


5 posted on 09/25/2007 12:27:58 PM PDT by r9etb
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To: cogitator

He did have a car crash right after filming the original movie that required considerable facial reconstruction.


6 posted on 09/25/2007 12:34:13 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: cogitator
And in related news:

"Darth, I am your Father!"

7 posted on 09/25/2007 12:34:43 PM PDT by mikrofon (>>Asthma Attack<<)
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To: PBRSTREETGANG

Everything I’ve read indicates he’s had a busy career and good family life (married since 1978 with 3 kids).

Apparently just a nice guy.


8 posted on 09/25/2007 12:40:23 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: lapster

I can empathize with you, I get up every morning and see my grandfather looking back at me.


9 posted on 09/25/2007 12:41:58 PM PDT by ontap (Just another backstabbing conservative)
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To: cogitator

LEAVE LUKE ALONE! LEAVE HIM ALONE!! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S BEEN THROUGH! HE LOST HIS AUNT AND UNCLE. HE KISSED HIS SISTER AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS USE HIS HOVERCRAFT AND MAKE MONEY OFF HIM!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE...


10 posted on 09/25/2007 12:43:07 PM PDT by steveo (Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.)
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To: Tijeras_Slim
He did have a car crash right after filming the original movie that required considerable facial reconstruction.

I know. It just struck me that the eyes and the shape of the mouth and the chin = Jabba. Nothing against Mark or "Star Wars".

11 posted on 09/25/2007 12:45:19 PM PDT by cogitator (Welcome to my world!)
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To: cogitator

Well, I demand restitution in the form of Carrie Fisher pics on Jabba’s barge!


12 posted on 09/25/2007 12:46:56 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: cogitator
The whole Skywalker family seems to age badly
13 posted on 09/25/2007 12:47:10 PM PDT by sticker
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To: ontap

Ooooh, that’s a tough one. My paternal grandfather looked like Wally Cox, my maternal grandfather like Don Corleone. My dad looked like Clark Gable. And I don’t look like any of them. Wierd, just wierd. Still, better than poor old Luke.


14 posted on 09/25/2007 12:47:12 PM PDT by lapster
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To: steveo

And he was orphaned at birth. OK, but the truth had to come out eventually. (grin)


15 posted on 09/25/2007 12:48:41 PM PDT by cogitator (Welcome to my world!)
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To: cogitator; CougarGA7

Well, Jabba is a better actor than Anakin. Much wittier dialogue too.


16 posted on 09/25/2007 12:48:52 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Tijeras_Slim

“Well, Jabba is a better actor than Anakin.”

Isn’t everybody? ;)


17 posted on 09/25/2007 12:51:15 PM PDT by L98Fiero (A fool who'll waste his life, God rest his guts.)
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To: L98Fiero

Well, Ben Affleck might give him a run for the money.


18 posted on 09/25/2007 12:53:29 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Tijeras_Slim
Luke rescues Leia from the evil tongue of their true father.


19 posted on 09/25/2007 12:54:54 PM PDT by cogitator (Welcome to my world!)
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To: cogitator

It just gets kinkier!


20 posted on 09/25/2007 12:55:53 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: cogitator

sigh! Princess leia doesn’t look like that anymore either.


21 posted on 09/25/2007 12:57:11 PM PDT by ontap (Just another backstabbing conservative)
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To: Tijeras_Slim

“Well, Ben Affleck might give him a run for the money.”

LOL! “Hey Vadah, don’t make me wail on you wit my wicked lightsabah.”


22 posted on 09/25/2007 1:00:02 PM PDT by L98Fiero (A fool who'll waste his life, God rest his guts.)
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To: cogitator
I always heard Darth was a bit light in the loafers...
23 posted on 09/25/2007 1:03:08 PM PDT by uglybiker (relaxing in a luxuriant cloud of quality, aromatic, pre-owned tobacco essence)
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To: cogitator

24 posted on 09/25/2007 1:04:55 PM PDT by dfwgator (The University of Florida - Still Championship U)
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To: cogitator

The whole Vader family is an embarrassment.

Luke Skywalker’s uncle Chad (Chad Vader) is a day shift manager at a local grocery store:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wGR4-SeuJ0


25 posted on 09/25/2007 1:06:59 PM PDT by kidd
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To: cogitator

When 56 years old you reach, look as good you will not!


26 posted on 09/25/2007 1:09:33 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: cogitator

I thought his father was Mr. McMahan...


27 posted on 09/25/2007 1:14:31 PM PDT by Moleman
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To: ontap

“I can empathize with you, I get up every morning and see my grandfather looking back at me.”

LOL!

Since I hit my early 40’s (I’m 48) my line was “Arrgggh! I’m turning into my own uncle!!”


28 posted on 09/25/2007 1:15:46 PM PDT by JewishRighter
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To: steveo

LOL!!!


29 posted on 09/25/2007 1:17:03 PM PDT by Spiff
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To: Tijeras_Slim

Good to hear.

(Shame on me for assuming.)


30 posted on 09/25/2007 1:48:32 PM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
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To: PBRSTREETGANG

Well, a lot of Hollyweird make those assumptions reasonable.


31 posted on 09/25/2007 1:51:59 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: Tijeras_Slim

“He did have a car crash right after filming the original movie that required considerable facial reconstruction.”

If anyone should ever sue, this guy should. He’s got a case.


32 posted on 09/25/2007 3:56:19 PM PDT by brooklin
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To: Tijeras_Slim; brooklin; cogitator
He did have a car crash right after filming the original movie that required considerable facial reconstruction.

Actually, his car crash was before the original Star Wars movie came out.

According to IMDB.com,

“He was originally cast as David on "Eight Is Enough" (1977), and asked to be released from his contract before Star Wars (1977) came out because he sensed the movie would be successful, and Hamill wanted to focus on his movie career. ABC refused to release him from his contract, thinking that having a successful movie star connected with the show would help "Eight is Enough". Hamill was then in a car crash in December 1976 and injured his face. This made him unavailable for shooting the TV series, and ABC was forced to recast the role of David, which then went to Grant Goodeve.”

And a direct quote from Mark Hamell:
"I had the accident way before Star Wars came out, but what really happened has been terribly distorted. I broke my nose, that's it! But I've read accounts about how my face has been reconstructed with plastic surgery and how I was pulling myself along the highway with one arm looking for help. I even heard that I drove off a cliff! That's the best one of all." - Mark Hamill on his auto accident.

33 posted on 09/26/2007 4:01:41 AM PDT by cuz_it_aint_their_money (Fred Thompson & Duncan Hunter in '08)
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To: Tijeras_Slim

Thank you!! On the one hand, we all deride Hollywood for its focus on youth and its lack of morals-then we are quick to judge a person on looks.
Age happens- and in this case we’re looking at someone 30 years later who was-dare I say- pretty in his 20’s.
There has been NO scandal involving Mark, no tabloid sleaze-unlike his co-stars. His children are now all in their 20’s- and they’re not in the news for drugs or scandals either.
Find me someone in Hollywood who managed a stable homelife,with one spouse, for 30+ years. Hamill is widely known as a genuinely normal, nice, affable man. And he’s obviously not vain- or in search of eternal youth via plastic surgery. If he were trying to look 25, he would be derided for that! How many ‘beautiful’ stars would we think scary if seen out of makeup?
God bless him , I say! I admire him.
Reputation means more than looks- and I think he looks pretty darn good for 56!


34 posted on 09/26/2007 1:39:56 PM PDT by ClearBlueSky (Whenever someone says it's not about Islam-it's about Islam. Jesus loves you, Allah wants you dead!)
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To: ClearBlueSky

You’re right. I skipped the last day of high school to see Star Wars on opening night. I wouldn’t want a picture of me then next to the mirror now. :)


35 posted on 09/26/2007 3:41:53 PM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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