Posted on 10/23/2007 6:00:43 PM PDT by cradle of freedom
I don’t know if this is really a joke, but it is something to ponder...
Please read carefully; answer honestly. This test has only one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer . . . somehow the woman looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It’s Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under . . . forever.
You have two options—you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful women.
So here’s the question, please give your most honest answer:
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
HA!
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, “I’m the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident. I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”
The second surgeon said. “That’s nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident. I reattached them and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.”
The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman’s blonde hair and the horse’s ass.
I was able to put them together, and now she’s running for President.”
Classic!
Stop! yer killing me!
Sounds of screaming, patrons running, climbing over each other to leave.
Satan walks in. "Hey, how's the campaign going?", he says.
"Okay so far. We need to get rid of the black guy.", she says.
"Done."
*sound of crickets*
Subject: Rodham Family Tree
Eugene Judy, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary
Clinton’s great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in character,
was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The
only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows.
On the back of the picture is this inscription: “Remus Rodham; horse thief,
sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana
Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in
1889.”
Judy emailed Hillary Clinton @NY.Gov for comments. Hillary’s staff of
professional image adjustors cropped Remus’s picture, scanned it, enlarged
the image, and edited it with image processing software so that all that’s
seen is a head shot.
The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:
“Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business
empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and
intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted
several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally
taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a
key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective
Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held
in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed... :”
Are there any budding joke writers out there who could come up with jokes about Hillary and her dubious Chinatown connetions —you know all those dishwashers and waiters giving her thousands of dollars in contributions on their minumum wage jobs? This would be very timely. Hillary’s China connection...hmmm.
Most of the jokes allude to Hillary’s nasty disposition, we need some corruption jokes as well.
Here’s my favorite:
It’s January 20, 2009. Hillary Clinton has just been elected as President of the United States. During her first night in the White House, she wakes up and sees the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, “What can I do to best serve my country?” He says “Never tell a lie.” Hillary says “Ooh! I don’t think I can do that.” The next night she sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him “How can I best serve my country?” He says “Do what the people want.” Hillary says, “No way, I don’t want to do that.” On the third night she sees the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Again, she asks “What can I do to best serve my country?” And he says “Go into the theater...”
My first thoughts too, LOL
ROFLOL!!
Bill and Hill die at the same time and find themselves standing at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter. They demand to be allowed in to Heaven.
St. Peter looks in his big book and says, “I’m sorry, but neither of you are on the list of people scheduled to be admitted into heaven.”
“That’s impossible! There must be another list somewhere!” Hillary screeches. “Go get it, and then let us in! NOW!”
“I- I’ll have to go talk to my Boss,” poor St. Peter says.
So he hurries into the Gate and finds God. “Lord, the Clintons have just shown up at the Pearly Gates,” St. Peter says. “They’re not in the Book, but they insist that there must be another list somewhere and they are demanding to be allowed in!”
God tells Peter that there is no other list and under no circumstances are the Clintons to be allowed into Heaven!
St. Peter scurries back to the Pearly Gates to give the Clintons the bad news. A few minutes later he runs frantically back to God.
“Lord!” he exclaims. “They’re gone!!”
“The Clintons?” God asks.
“No! The Pearly Gates!”
I did not come up with this one, but I think it’s pretty funny. Can’t remember where I read it, but somebody made the comment that the Chinese people mentioned sure gave a lot of money to a woman with a name they can’t even pronounce.
Bill and Hillary Clinton and Al Gore are all killed at the same time and show up before God for their judgement. God asks Bill “who are you?” He says “I am Bill Clinton. I was President of the United States for 8 years.” God says “well thats pretty impressive. You may enter.” Next he turns to Al Gore and asks “who are you?” Al Gore says “I am Al Gore. I was Vice President of the United States for 8 years. God says” Well thats pretty impressive. You may enter.” Next he turns to Hillary and asks “who are you?” She says, “I’m Hillary Clinton. Now get out of my chair.”
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