Posted on 01/18/2008 4:59:39 AM PST by Lucky9teen
When : Always January 18th
Thesaurus Day celebrates the birthday of the author of Roget's Thesaurus. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779.
The Thesaurus has been an invaluable reference book for hundreds of years. Students and writers use it to improve the quality of their literary work. Do you remember how the book works? After High School, many of us forget. So, you're in good company. The Thesaurus lists synonyms (words with the same or similar meaning) for words. It allows you to avoid repetition in writing and speeches. It also lists antonyms...words with opposite meaning.
Enjoy today appreciating the value of the Thesaurus. If you haven't seen it in a while, take a moment to browse through it.
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Origin of Thesaurus Day:
We know that Thesaurus Day was created to honor Peter Roget, the author of Roget's Thesaurus. We fully expected to find a book company, or the folks at thesaurus.com to claim to be the originators. However, we did not find the originator or the date of origin. Perhaps it was one of the millions of people who appreciate the value of this reference book.
MEN'S THESAURUS
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: Why isn't dinner already on the table?
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: I have no idea how it works.
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: What did you catch me at?
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: No one will ever see us alive again.
And because it's longer...A Woman's Thesaurus
Top3
Just thought I'd throw that out there...
top 5?
An addition to the Man’s theasaurus:
“I’m just gonna get this old car and enjoy driving it.”
Means: “This will be a wheels up restoration.”
My recent experience. It’s what has hapened to my 69 VW convertible I bought back in the summer.
No wonder they hate they world!
They live in a hellish climate, they cover up their women from head to toe, they ban beer, and if they happen to live in a region high enough to have an actual winter? They go out and play in the barf!
It makes sense now!
"Let's go skiing. I hear that there is a lot of fresh barf up on the slopes."
Thanks for the ping!
Ooh. A Maine Coon.
It's silliness you'll get !!!
DEER MEAT
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, ‘It’s what mommy calls me sometimes’.
The little girl screams to her brother:
‘Don’t eat it, it’s an a##hole..
It was an unprecedented event.
Subject: FW: C-130 vs. F-16
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, “Watch this!” and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.
The C-130 pilot said, “That was impressive, but watch this!”
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said “What did you think of that?”
Puzzled, the F-1 6 pilot asked, “What the hell did you do?”
The C-1 30 pilot chuckled. “I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the back, took a leak, and then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun.”
When you are young and foolish - speed and flashy may be a good thing. When you get older and much wiser, comfort and mellowness are not such bad attributes to have around, now are they?
He was there for almost five hours without even a nibble when a young boy walked out, drilled a hole in the ice and sat on his bucket not far from the old man. It only took about one minute and BAM! A huge walleye bit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it and figured it was just luck. Yet, the boy put his fish line in again and within just two minutes he pulled in another huge walleye!
This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't stand it any more. He hadn't caught a fish all day. He went to the boy and said, "Boy, I've been here nearly all day without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught TEN huge fish! How do you do it?"
The boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm."
"What," asked the old man?
Again the boy said, "Oo af o rep ra rums rm.”
Freezing and impatient the old man yelled "Look, I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy took off his gloves, spit a clump of stuff into his hands and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!!"
A man brought his retriever to the vet for some tests and had to pay a lab fee.
The concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth.
Trust your calculator. It’s something to count on.
Did you hear about the fight at a local Laundromat? A washing machine beat the crap out of a diaper.
:-) Is there a word that translates into “vom” or perhaps “throwup”?
Yes! That makes me laugh...”Hey look! It’s barfing outside!”
“Let it barf, let it barf, let it barf...” LOL
Got this on email this morning — enjoy!
Top Ten Country Western Songs
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
9. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I
Woke Up With a Few.
8. If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
7. I’ve Missed You, But My Aim’s Improvin’.
6. Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dogfight ‘Cause I’m Scared
She’d Win.
5. I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like You’re Still
Here.
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She’s Lookin’ Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It’s Hard To Kiss the Lips at Night That Chewed My
Ass Out All Day Long
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’.
bttt
And then he brought his feline in for a checkup and had to pay for a CAT scan.
I'm sure it's a doozy. ;-)
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore ...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
The #1 song -— lol....
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're really not my type.
4. Good evening officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight.
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
I don’t know if those are real songs or not (certainly not very popular ones), but there is an actual song on the air that I’ve heard called “She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft.”
Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the viable choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.
Added to my collection!!! : )
Sum grammur tiz for teh newbs:
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
I think the word for lightning is “Bahroooom”.
Honorable mention
If my nose were full of nickels, I’d blow it all on you
I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me
My John Deere was breakin your field, while you Dear John was breakin my heart
A band named Commander Cody and this Lost Planet Airmen had a very sad country song titled:
The Down to Seeds and Stems Again Blues.....
I’m sittin alone, Saturday night, watching the Late Late Show.
A bottle of wine, some cigarettes, I got no place to go.
Well, I saw your other man today; he was wearing my brand new shoes,
And I’m down to seeds and stems again, too.
Well, I met my old friend Bob today from up in Bowling Green;
He had the prettiest little gal that I’d ever seen.
But I couldn’t hide my tears at all, cause she looked just like you,
And I’m down to seeds and stems again, too.
Now everybody tells me there’s other ways to get high.
They don’t seem to understand I’m too far gone to try.
Now these lonely memories, they’re all I can’t lose,
And I’m down to seeds and stems again, too.
Well my dog died just yesterday and left me all alone.
The finance company dropped by today and repossessed my home.
That’s just a drop in the bucket compared to losing you,
And I’m down to seeds and stems again, too.
Got the Down to Seeds an Stems again Blues.
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