Posted on 01/25/2008 5:16:36 AM PST by Lucky9teen
That’s a series pichur!
SIPPING VODKA
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
· Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
· There are 10 commandments, not 12.
· There are 12 disciples, not 10.
· Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
· Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
· We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
· The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spooky.
· David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
· When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
· We do NOT refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
· When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “ Eat me.”
· The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yay God!”
· Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
Good one. Thanks for the ping
An oldie but a goody.
My sister in law sent it this morning. A little
irreverent, hope it didn’t offend anyone.
Have a great day!
I heard it as a joke years ago, and it is still funny.
NBA OR NFL?
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36
have been accused of spousal abuse
7
have been arrested for fraud
19
have been accused of writing bad checks
117
have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3
have done time for assault
71,
repeat
71 cannot
get a credit card due to bad credit
14
have been arrested on drug-related charges
8
have been arrested for shoplifting
21
currently
are defendants in lawsuits, and
84
have been arrested for drunk driving
in
the last year
Can
you guess which organization this is?
Give
up yet? . . . Scroll down,
Neither,
it’s the 535 members of the United
States Congress.
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