For many, it's SPRING BREAK (or soon to be)...
Posted on 03/07/2008 4:50:15 AM PST by Lucky9teen
For many, it's SPRING BREAK (or soon to be)...
Spring break—that’s when kids work on their tans and teachers work on their sanity.
Spring break—that’s when kids go wild someplace other than school.
Spring break is when the only thing kids study is each other.
The college kids call it spring "break." Their parents, however, call it spring "broke."
Spring break is when teenagers give their swimsuits a dry run.
Spring break—that’s when students take time off from football games, basketball games, dances, parties, and hanging out in bars, and go to Florida and relax.
Thousands of college kids head south to vacation on a shoestring. Or at least that's what they wear on the beach.
Spring break is that annual ritual when college kids flock to the beach, get drunk, and try to swim upstream.
Spring break is when the nation's college kids demonstrate to the world how much they've learned.
Spring break is when the nation's breweries go all out to teach another generation how to throw up responsibly.
The Official Friday Silliness Thread
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SILLINESS!
Happy Friday Lucky.
Memories of the old spring break days.............. :)
Are you sorry for your sins?
Sins? I don't see any sins...
No? What kind of Catholic ARE you?
Catholic? I'm not Catholic, I'm Jewish!
Then why are you telling me?
Father, I'm 92 years old, and I'm telling EVERYBODY!
THE PHEASANT PLUCKER'S SONG by Anon Me husband is a keeper, he's a very busy man, I try to understand him and I help him all I can, But sometimes of an evening I feel a trifle dim, All alone and plucking pheasants when I'd rather pluck with him. I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's mate And I'm only plucking pheasants Cause the pheasant plucker's late. I'm not good at plucking pheasants, pheasant plucking I get stuck, Though some peasants find it pleasant I'd much rather pluck a duck, Oh, but plucking geese is gorgeous, I can pluck a goose with ease But plucking pheasants is sheer torture, for they haven't any grease. I'm not the pheasant plucker, He has gone out on the tiles, He only plucked one pheasant And I'm sitting here with piles. You have to pluck them fresh, if they're fresh it's not unpleasant, I knew a man in Dunstable, could pluck a frozen pheasant. They say the village constable has pheasant plucking sessions With the vicar of a Sunday 'tween the first and second lessons. I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son, And I'm only plucking pheasants Till the pheasant pluckers come. My good friend Godfrey's most adept, he's really got the knack, He likes to have a pheasant plucked before he hits the sack. I try and lend a helping hand, I gather up the feathers, It's really all this pheasant plucking keeps us here together. I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's friend, And I'm only plucking pheasants As a means unto an end. Me husband's in the woods all day, a-banging with his gun, If he could hear me heartfelt cries, then surely he would run, For I've fluff in all me crannies and there's feathers up me nose, And I'm itchin' in the kitchen' from me head down to me toes. I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's wife, And when we pluck together It's a pheasant plucking life!
The liquor store advertised, ‘We De-Liver.’
A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab replies. “So, what’s your story?” The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.” “But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. “I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired” The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. “Ten dollars,” the guy says. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”
Present and Silly!
You got fins to the left
Fins to the right
And you're the only girl in town.
SPRING BREAK????
I'll drink to that!!!
She became a lifeguard at the beach and kept the buoys in line.
Do people who live near a beach have sandy and wavy hair?
Beach owners would like surfers to sign waivers containing riders.
Yeah? Well surfers stay mounted longer because they work their “wax” in deeper...*drum roll please*
After a night out on the town the wine-drinking pirate captain had a port list.
The latest in swimwear........
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories:
Ashley said, “My father’s a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.”
“What’s the moral of that story?” asked the teacher. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!” “Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, “Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, ‘Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched’.”
“That was a fine story Sarah.” said the teacher.
“Michael, do you have a story to share?” “Yes,” said Michael, “My daddy told me this story about my Auntie Sharon. Auntie Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?”
“Stay the heck away from Auntie Sharon when she’s been drinking!”
Somehow I was expecting more from a “see-through bikini”.
...silly...I know...
spring break game..
http://mirror1.ipdb.org/images/2324/image-2.jpg
(large pic)
Bump
LOL. I was trying to smush that bug that had landed on my screen.
Lancaster New Era
Published: Mar 06, 2008
By JANET KELLEY, Staff It was bad enough when the Lebanon County woman crashed her sport-utility vehicle early this morning in Clay Township. But making matters worse, police said, when Melissa M. Herr, 37, of Kleinfeltersville, got out of her vehicle to look at the damage, she tumbled down a well. Herr was eventually rescued and taken to Lancaster General Hospital, state police said. She was not seriously injured, troopers said, but sustained bruises to her back and arms.
She also faces drunken driving charges, Trooper Paul E. Hardnock said.
According to state police, Herr was traveling north on North Clay Road, past Hopeland Road, around 12:30 a.m. today when she struck a fence and the concrete pad over a well. Neighbors heard the crash and went to investigate, officials said, and saw Herr get out of the vehicle and start to walk around. As someone called 911 for help, witnesses told officials they saw her fall into the 30-foot well. The cold water was up to her chest, officials said, and Herr was down in the well for about 30 minutes until she could be rescued by volunteers from Brickerville and Durlach fire departments. Herr was flown to the hospital for treatment of her injuries, and her vehicle was towed from the scene, state police said. The roads around the accident scene were closed for a period of time until the woman could be rescued from the well.
Witnesses claimed she told police to watch out for the first step as it was very high step.
Something To Offend Nearly Everyone
Q. What’s the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office’s flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They’re hiring
Q. Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they’re not going to work
in the future either.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi
farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday,
the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description
of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the “F” word?
A. Get another sweet little
80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!”
Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run,
jump or swim are already in the United
States.
Q. What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time...”
A southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this sh**.”
Fresh from the shower, my wife stands in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, I
uncharacteristically come up with a suggestion. ‘If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.’
Willing to try anything, she fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ‘How long will this take?’ she asked.
‘They will grow larger over a period of years,’ I reply.
She stopped. ‘Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?’
Without missing a beat I say ‘Worked for your butt, didn't it?’
I'm still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, I may even walk again,
Although I will probably continue to take my meals through a straw.
I'm a stupid, stupid man.
That was even better. haha, but I didn’t try to smush that one. I held out my finger and it flew around and lit on it.
See my tagline
Loved your dog pics, very beautiful, artistic.
I was traveling between West Palm Beach and Boca Raton the other day when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it too was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.
The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window, “Need a lift?”
“Yes, I sure do,” I replied.
“You a Republican or Democrat?” asked the old man.
“Republican,” I replied.
“Well, you can just go to Hell,” yelled the old man as he sped off.
Another guy stopped, rolled down the window and asked me the same question. Again, I gave the same answer, “Republican.” The driver gave me the finger and drove off.
I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans. The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.
“Democrat,” I shouted.
“Hop in,” replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, I couldn’t help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.
Finally, I yelled, “Please stop the car!”
She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out. ‘What’s the matter?” she asked.
“I can’t take it anymore,” I replied, “I’ve only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody !!”
A Condensed Version of History
Humans originally existed as members of
small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer,
and
2. The invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer.
These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain
and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet for shipping the beer, so early humans stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and
killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative Movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled
at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and do the sewing, fetching, and shampooing and dressing of hair. This was the beginning of the Liberal Movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into
women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of socialism so they could divide the meat and beer that the Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be
symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with a
lime or an orange added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish (but like their beef well done), sushi, tofu, and French food. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than liberal men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, Hollywood actors and group therapists are liberals.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women and families. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies like to hire other conservatives because they want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives first came to America They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
This ends today’s lesson in world
history......
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