Posted on 04/02/2008 1:25:30 PM PDT by gocartoons
SENATOR MCCAIN MULLS RUNNING MATES – Political Satire
UPee (Arizona) – Arizona Senator John McCain, the 2008 GOP Presidential nominee is in the process of choosing a running mate. However, at Senator McCain’s age, a walking mate might be a better choice than a running mate. “I don’t run as fast as I used to, but I’d still like to pick a running mate who can keep up with me. Just because my name happens to have the word ‘cane’ in it, does not mean that I’m too old and that I use one.” McCain said during a Town Hall meeting in Snowflake, Arizona where flakes routinely gather.
Senator McCain, speaking behind closed doors, named some potential running mates’ names. “I thought about Shirley MacLaine. A McCain-MacLaine ticket rhymes, although we’d don’t agree on UFOs. Then, I thought about former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, but when Bush comes to shove, people get turned off. Then, I remembered an old friend of mine, Senator Lieberman from Connecticut, but he’s too Independent for me.”
Senator McCain went on to say, “Maybe a McCain-Twain, as in Shania Twain, that’s the ticket, would work because it rhymes and I like Country and Eastern music. Better yet, a McCain-Clooney (George Clooney) choice would help us to secure female votes. Or maybe even a McCain-Cosby (Bill Cosby) interracial dynamic duo would persuade a few more black voters to vote Republican. And our press conferences would be highly entertaining too!”
Further McCain added, “Or how about a McCain-Caine (Michael Caine) tandem? But then it sounds like I’m stuttering, doesn’t it? Wait a minute, I just thought of another one. What about a McCain-Hilton (Paris Hilton) ticket? She’s got lots of on-the-job experience. I’m sure she’s qualified to be Vice President. I saw her on that FOX reality-television show, The Simple Life, where she showed us that she can do almost anything if she puts her mind to it. Uh, maybe not. She probably wouldn’t be as easy to keep locked up as Vice President Cheney.”
Senator McCain is expected to announce his running mate before the Democratic Presidential Primary in Pennsylvania on April 22nd, 2008. With time on his side, President Bush has been busy emailing Senator McCain running mate names from old Bush shortlists of Vice Presidential candidates. President Bush would love to see someone try to fill Vice President Dick Cheney’s shoes.
President Bush, standing in the Rose Garden said, “Dickie my boy, you’ve got some big shoes to fill. 10EEE is a pretty big foot. Have you seen Big Foot? Heh, heh, heh, … I made a funny joke. Them are some big shoes to fill! I don’t think a lady can fill them shoes. Do you? Heh, heh, heh… And I know they’re too small for a black dude. That’s right! Heh, heh, heh… I made another funny joke. Heh, heh, heh…What’s that? Oh, I sincerely apologize if I offended any of you all. You know me. I’ll say or do anything to protect the country. Heh, heh, heh… My heart goes out to VP Cheney, Lord knows he needs one. Heh, heh, heh… Sorry Dickie! I meant no harm or meanies.”
Back in Arizona, Senator McCain’s beautiful, second wife, Cindy stated, “You’re only as old as you feel, so you can stop talking about my husband’s age right now. But thank God for Viagra! It sure is hard on the campaign trail. Can we talk about something else now? I think John should pick me to be his running mate. It would make life so much easier. We’d have shorter commercials, shorter signs (McCain x 2), shorter everythings, and we could be together 24/7. You wouldn’t have to worry about any Monica Lewinsky shenanigans with me as your VP. John’s honey-do list would be my top priority as your Vice President and he wouldn’t have time for women. I mean, he’d have time for me, and he’d fight for women, and women’s rights, and women’s causes. Well, you get what I mean.”
While campaigning in Pennsylvania this week, New York Senator Clinton shouted, “I don’t see why we need to pick a running mate. I don’t see what the big deal is. They just get in the way and they always end up in hiding anyway. Take Al Gore for instance, I don’t want him, you can have him.” Illinois Senator Obama, in a prepared statement, stated, “Today, I would like to announce that, no, I am not picking Reverend Jeremiah Wright, my pastor, as my running mate, although God would have overwhelmingly approved. I promise you that I will announce my running mate in the very near future, as soon as she loses in Pennsylvania, and as soon as she stops her darn bitching. I’ll let the change fall where it may.”
Senator McCain is expected back in Washington tomorrow for high-level talks with GOP leaders on his potential VP running mates. Senator McCain plans to announce his choice for VP in a wild ceremony on the White House lawn, beneath the 25-foot tall statute of First Lady Hillary Clinton, “The Mother of All First Ladies”.
Kramer http://www.StephenKramer.com http://www.FansGoWild.com p.s. – If you liked my humor, visit my Web site at the above link and check out my other humor writing and award-winning cartoons.
Before I read any more, is there anything serious here?
Oh wait, maybe I should have read the whole headline.
I can give you a serious RUMOR that “Ace” McCain could choose his very good friend Fred Smith , founder of Federal Express!!!!!
SENATOR McCAIN MULLS RUNNING MATES - Political Satire
Self-published | 4/2/08 | Kramer
Posted on 04/02/2008 1:25:30 PM PDT by gocartoons
SENATOR MCCAIN MULLS RUNNING MATES – Political Satire
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