Forget Tantra. My mantra is '13 minutes or less'

Times of London ^ | April 14, 2008 | Caitlin Moran

[SunkenCiv]

According to a poll of 50 sex therapists, the most desirable sex lasts, in actual fact, mere minutes. Between 3 and 13, optimally. Or, to break it down another way, a span somewhere between Penny Lane and the second half of an episode of My Family. The time it takes to get from Finchley Road to Wembley Park. Barely enough time to toast a muffin. It should be made clear that, apparently, this paradigmatic shag snack does not include foreplay. Nor does it include the enigmatically named "afterplay"... This 3-to-13-minutes statistic is devoted purely to the central, core, essential, elemental, no-frills act of jiggy-jiggy.

[SunkenCiv]

Her use of "toast a muffin" should not be taken as some kind of euphemism.

[SunkenCiv]

I wonder if this includes virtu- uh, never mind, just reminded me of, uh, something I read...

[Lancey Howard]

Huh. I agree with this completely. The quicker the better.

[SunkenCiv]

Wham, bam, zzzz...

[iowamark]

Last year from Caitlin Moran:

Abortion: why it’s the ultimate motherly act

[robomatik]

"Loving all night long would, surely, be equivalent to rubbing the tip of your nose between two pork chops for 19 hours. Essentially, it's an abrasive act."

and your continent is dying out because........

[wafflehouse]

I think she might be doing it wrong..

[TigersEye]

13 minutes? That’s just getting started!

[Caipirabob]

"Loving all night long would, surely, be equivalent to rubbing the tip of your nose between two pork chops for 19 hours. Essentially, it's an abrasive act."

Well, in all fairness there are limits that the human body has for such acts. After peak, without additional "help", it could become even painful for some people. Age and timing plays a role as well. Everyone's different, though.

The latter statement being a concern when taking advice from "so called" sex therapists, who can't possibly know or understand the circumstances impacting each and every individual. No single solution is right for everyone.

General rule: Respect your partner, try your best to understand each other's needs, keep it fun.

There: I saved all of you a $250 sex therapy session! Just donate it to FR... ; )

[fredhead]

Makes me think of a quote from the movie “Grease:”

“Girls are only good for one thing.”
“Yeah, but what are you supposed to do with them for the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day?”

[SoothingDave]

Similarly, whilecertainly a great fan of “sexual intercourse” - I find it a refreshing alternative to both arguments and jogging, and believe it to be the only civilised way to end a game of Scrabble - life is, tragically, short. Very short. However wonderful being borne aloft on the wings of ecstasy, etc, may be, there are also an awful lot of Neil Finn albums to get through, hats to wear, air-guitar to play, anecdotes to tell, and clips of cats falling off things on YouTube to watch. I don't believe that these activities are necessarily better than physically uniting with a loved/drunken one. It's just that I wouldn't sacrifice them in favour of 19 hours of a really quite repetitive act. Honestly, if you can't achieve what you set out to do in half an hour or less, it's possible that you just might not be doing it properly. I'd check all available diagrams, and try again.

Monopoly, too.

[Damifino]

Barely enough time to toast a muffin.

There has to be an award for literary entendre like this.

[Joe 6-pack]

"But I payed for the whole hour!"

[Turbopilot]

[martin_fierro]

then a sleepy exchange vis-à-vis the location of the cat

Euphemismometer is OFF THE SCALE.

[rintense]

I had a friend complain about 10 minutes. I told her to be glad she got that because its 8 minutes more than most of her other friends. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Lots of two-minute men around here, I guess.

[Jeff Chandler]

MINUTES?! I guess some women are pretty demanding.

[TigersEye]

If she’s not complaining that it’s going to kill her unless we stop I know I’ve let myself get distracted or undernourished. At least that’s how I remember it. : )

[ValerieTexas]

Dang. I’m going out tonight. I was looking forward to using “toast a muffin” as a euphemism. Now what shall I do?

[SunkenCiv]

Is that a trick que-, uh, never mind... ;’)

[SunkenCiv]

[virtual ticker tape parade for that comment]

[SunkenCiv]

EXTRA!
Photos of Chelsea “hanging out with 2,000 cross-dressers...burning up the Internet”
EXTRA! television show | April 18, 2008 | EXTRA!
Posted on 04/18/2008 12:04:31 PM PDT by AFA-Michigan
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2003608/posts

[of course it’s burning up the Internet — they’re flaming]

[SunkenCiv]

eHarmony promoting ‘1-night stands’?
WorldnetDaily | April 20,2008 | J.P. and Amanda Duffy
Posted on 04/20/2008 6:57:00 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2004549/posts

[RipSawyer]

13 minutes? That’s just getting started!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Absolutely! Obviously the woman doesn’t have a clue.

[TigersEye]

Did a woman write this? By golly you’re right. That’s even worse! I can’t give a woman 14 Big O’s in 13 minutes. And that’s the minimum. I insist on it. She’s obviously been mistreated.