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WHO : Olympics Triggered Global Pandemic (Vanity, headline not real)

Posted on 07/21/2008 11:27:03 AM PDT by Scythian

What you are about to read is not true, just a what if scenario ....


WHO : Olympics Triggered Global Pandemic

By SARAH G. KEMPTON
August 20th, 2008

BEIJING, CHINA -- An immediate response from the Epidemic and Pandemic Alert and Response (EPR) was issued today. Acting within the framework of International Health Regulations, IHR(2005) the World Health Organization (WHO) has suspended all international travel. Those still in Beijing to attend the Olympics will be forced to remain and temporary shelter is being provided for those stranded. Since the start of the Olympics on August 4th over 1,762 people have died from the mysterious illness with 348 of those deaths occurring outside of China now being traced to those who either travelled to China for the Olympics or those that came in contact with them.

The WHO EPR team is tracking the spread of the disease in eight countries, including the United States. Contact with the disease results in death within 96 hours of contact. The officials at the WHO would not comment on the form of transmission and when asked about releasing a symptom checklist stated only that they were still working on the list and that it would be published soon. However, it has been reported that the onset of the disease is so grotesque and violent and that the WHO may be stalling on the release of a symptom checklist in order to prevent panic.

The US military is quickly mobilizing and has already blockaded three cities and quarantined many people...


TOPICS: Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS:
For those that need a distraction today.

Who can post the most creative ending to this story?
1 posted on 07/21/2008 11:27:03 AM PDT by Scythian
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To: Scythian
This is what made me think of writing this post: WHO: Asia Is Putting World at Risk of Drug-Resistant Tuberculosis http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,387061,00.html
2 posted on 07/21/2008 11:31:38 AM PDT by Scythian
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To: Scythian

Ring around the rosies
Pocket full of posies
Ashes, ashes,
and they all fall down.


3 posted on 07/21/2008 11:33:25 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly.)
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To: Scythian

The Totalitarian Dream Syndicate presents...


4 posted on 07/21/2008 11:41:16 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Drill Here! Drill Now! Pay Less! Sign the petition at http://www.americansolutions.com/)
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To: Scythian

Good reason to have some food and water stored.


5 posted on 07/21/2008 11:41:25 AM PDT by fanfan (SCC:Canadians have constitutional protection to all opinions, as long as they are based on the facts)
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To: Scythian

Must have been from eating tomatoes.


6 posted on 07/21/2008 11:41:41 AM PDT by EggsAckley (If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?)
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To: Scythian

The US CDC discovers that every person who contracted the disease was inadvertently exposed to hyper-concentrated doses of Communism while in Beijing. Ordinary doses of Communism, quietly administered to unsuspecting millions by governments, universities and major media & entertainment outlets slowly deteriorates the brains of otherwise intelligent humans until they become mind numbed robots. While in Beijing, some received too much exposure, resulting in total mental failure and quick death. This kind of outbreak has not been seen since the “cultural revolution” and “great leap forward”, in which Mao Tse Tung repeatedly blanketed China with heavy doses of Communism, resulting in the deaths of millions. Similar outbreaks occurred in Russia under Stalin and in South Vietnam after the American withdrawal.

The CDC advises all to protect themselves by studying the Bible, the US Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Federalist Papers, the Wealth of Nations and Atlas Shrugged.


7 posted on 07/21/2008 12:18:31 PM PDT by bobjam
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To: bobjam

You sir, are the Winner !


8 posted on 07/21/2008 12:21:58 PM PDT by Scythian
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To: bobjam
The CDC advises all to protect themselves by studying the Bible, the US Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Federalist Papers, the Wealth of Nations and Atlas Shrugged.

And only having sex with members of the opposite sex.

9 posted on 07/21/2008 12:24:46 PM PDT by CholeraJoe (Warning, Man cooking. Wear hearing and eye protection and keep hands off cookware.)
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