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How to help your child cope with a bully
CNN.com ^ | 25 August 2008 | Judy Fortin

Posted on 08/25/2008 8:34:10 AM PDT by Moose4

A week before the start of the new school year, principal Denise Magee roamed the hallways of Campbell Middle School in Smyrna, Georgia, preparing for battle.

The adversary? Preteen and teenage bullies.

Toting anti-bullying posters and masking tape, Magee was determined to let students see from Day One that she had a zero-tolerance policy when it came to that kind of harassment.

"Middle-school kids are just cruel to each other," Magee said. "They speak their minds, so you see bullying in the form of teasing, taunting, social isolation and name calling."

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services estimated that 30 percent of all children in grades six through 10 have been bullied or have bullied other children during a school year

(Excerpt) Read more at cnn.com ...


TOPICS: Education; Society
KEYWORDS: bully; bullying; education; psychology; school; schoolviolence
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To: Moose4

Parents should be finished teaching their kids about how to deal with all kinds of other kids before middle school starts. Listen and be humble with everyone. Correct when the Bible standard has been challenged. Walk away from a fight but physically defend yourself when you or someone else is injured. Revenge is left to God. Flee temptation of other’s wrong invitations.


51 posted on 08/25/2008 9:43:26 AM PDT by Righter-than-Rush
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To: ichabod1

“Jesus never ran away from anyone or anything.”

And was crucified. Didn’t he advise his followers to “turn the other cheek”? Most posters here are advising the opposite.

I am an atheist conservative. We do exist.


52 posted on 08/25/2008 9:46:39 AM PDT by reaganaut1
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To: beebuster2000

The boar didn’t happen to weigh 1200 lbs did it?


53 posted on 08/25/2008 9:47:01 AM PDT by ichabod1 (It's all fun and games until Russia starts invading Eastern Europe (pete))
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To: LongElegantLegs
WTF??? My kids don't go to public school, but about a year ago some random kid at a softball game started kicking my two year old daughter. (They were with grandma at the time) I told my older kids that if anything like that ever happened again, they all needed to jump on him clawing and biting and I would make sure they didn't get into any trouble. Some kids are like animals and there's no reason to just sit there and take it.

I couldn't make that promise, but I taught my kids two rules: (1) If they are being bullied or see someone else being bullied and fight back, they will probably get in trouble. (2) If they are being bullied or see someone else being bullied and do not fight back, they will be in even more trouble (with me) than if they did the right thing. Surprisingly, my kids never got in trouble. They have stopped bullies several times by walking up to them, unafraid, and saying 'no'. They expect to get hurt if they fight, but they see that as less to be feared than the shame of allowing someone else to be bullied. I've never even heard a report of successful bullying in front of my kids. As for the "zeo tolerance" nonsense where everyone who fights gets in trouble, we have ourselves to blame for allowing lawyers to get away with their stunts when schools apply common sense 'unequally' to the kid who accidentally tripped another kid and to the kid who hit a classmate with brass knuckles.

54 posted on 08/25/2008 9:49:19 AM PDT by RogerD (Educaiton Profesionul)
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To: Jim Hill
Now, 5 1/2 years later, they’re both 3rd degree black belts

TKD is a great program for the kids, my son is a Black Belt in TKD and a 4-time state champion. However, based on time requirements I don't see how they could be 3rd Dan Black Belt. They shouldn't even reach 1st Dan Black Belt for 5-6 years, then there are minimum time requirements between each black belt level. Starting at age 5, a person should reach 3rd Dan Black Belt between 15 and 17 years old.

55 posted on 08/25/2008 9:49:38 AM PDT by rivercat
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To: reaganaut1
Didn’t he advise his followers to “turn the other cheek”?

I think this is one of the most misunderstood of all scripture.

When Jesus said to turn the other cheek you have to understand it in the mode of the times he lived in.

If a man struck you to cause you shame, he struck you backhand.
When you "turn the other cheek" you are inviting him to strike you forehand, therebye giving you leave to kick his everlovin a$$.

If the man strikes you twice, it is now serious and it is completely self defense.

56 posted on 08/25/2008 9:51:41 AM PDT by Just another Joe (Warning: FReeping can be addictive and helpful to your mental health)
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To: Freelance Warrior

“It’s not a good choice in this case. Children need to learn how to live in a society, the younger they can cope with this, the better. In adult age they’ll meet the same, but things will get more complicated”

My experience is that there is less bullying in the workplace. At work, the boss does not want the loss of productivity that a bully causes, and a jerk will evetually be fired in most cases. Many schools care about the number of kids enrolled (which determines funding) rather than how much is being learned. Kids in public schools probably have more “due process” rights than private sector workers.


57 posted on 08/25/2008 9:55:31 AM PDT by reaganaut1
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To: Moose4
I told my 10 year old the following:

1. First tell the kid to leave you alone and report the incident to the teacher, thus covering yourself.

2. If it happens again, call the teacher's attention to it immediately and tell the bullying kid that you don't like it and if he does it again you'll let him know.

3. If it happens again, hit the kid as hard as you can and don't stop until he gets the message. Don't give him a little tap. Really make him feel the consequences of his actions. And here are a few ways of causing maximum pain with minimum damage.

He did this and had no more trouble with those kids. He said he didn't think the teacher noticed anything when he slugged the kid. At the parent/teacher conference the teacher told me she was glad to see him finally standing up for himself. She noticed and had no problem with a bully getting retribution.
58 posted on 08/25/2008 9:55:40 AM PDT by aruanan
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To: Lady Jag

Your dad was a super dad for giving you this.


59 posted on 08/25/2008 9:58:52 AM PDT by webrover
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To: ichabod1
The boar didn’t happen to weigh 1200 lbs did it?

LOL. no, but to a 12 year old it might have well.

60 posted on 08/25/2008 9:59:35 AM PDT by beebuster2000
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To: rivercat

As I am sure you know, there are numerous different Taekwondo associations, federations, and alliances, both domestically and internationally. The various time and class attendance requirements between belts are governed by the guidelines adopted/enforced by the particular organization with which the student is affiliated.


61 posted on 08/25/2008 10:08:50 AM PDT by Jim Hill
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To: Moose4
I was bullied by a teacher when I was in 4th grade. And I had to finish out the year in her class. I think that's why I went from gregarious to shy overnight.
62 posted on 08/25/2008 10:19:36 AM PDT by HighlyOpinionated (o.b. is a registered trademark. But then Obama is an elitist and doesn't care.)
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To: Freelance Warrior

The social atmosphere in a public school has NOTHING to do with civilized society. It’s an artificially constructed environment with less supervision than you might realize.

Homeschooling is a valid choice.


63 posted on 08/25/2008 10:21:54 AM PDT by LongElegantLegs (Come then, War! With hearts elated to thy standard we will fly!)
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To: Jim Hill
WTF/Kukkiwon is 3 years minimum from 1st to 3rd Dan.
AAU is 3.5 years minimum from 1st to 3rd Dan, minimum age 13.
USAT is 3.5 years minimum from 1st to 3rd Dan.
ITF is 3.5 years minimum from 1st to 3rd Dan.
What else is there?

Then there's the technicality that the WTF/Kukkiwon (the real TKD governing body in Korea) does not recognize anyone under 18 years old as being a Black Belt. They are called a Poom (1st Poom, 2nd Poom, etc). I think it's fantastic that your kids have worked so hard at TKD, and I applaud their success. I just get equally nuts about schools that promote kids too fast, as well as the schools that promote any kid just because they have completed the time requirement. Both instances diminish the true value of the black belt.
64 posted on 08/25/2008 10:42:33 AM PDT by rivercat
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To: rivercat

ITA - International Taekwondo Alliance (used to be the old USTA). It is all that is available near our residence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Taekwondo_Alliance


65 posted on 08/25/2008 10:51:43 AM PDT by Jim Hill
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To: Artemis Webb

He thrusts his fists against the post and still insists he sees the ghost.

The POINT was, Jesus stood up to everyone that attacked him. He almost got thrown off a cliff, almost got stoned, and ultimately faced the cross. None of us could do what Jesus did, not one.


66 posted on 08/25/2008 10:57:06 AM PDT by ichabod1 (It's all fun and games until Russia starts invading Eastern Europe (pete))
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To: Jim Hill

ITA: 4 years minimum 1st to 3rd Dan; total time 7yrs, 4 months.
http://www.itatkd.com/tkdmintime.html


67 posted on 08/25/2008 11:00:47 AM PDT by rivercat
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To: Moose4
Some parents can inflame the situation. "You will encounter situations where parents will tell their kids, 'If you are hit, I want you to hit back.' "

Dang straight, they should hit back. Nothing encourages a bully more than a wimp - an easy target. Don't start a fight, but if a fight comes to you, you should by all means finish it. Defend yourself.

68 posted on 08/25/2008 11:10:25 AM PDT by meyer (...by any means necessary.)
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To: workerbee

Poor Johnny - he probably did have a crush on her (Johnny sounds like me when I was a kid 8^)

Good tactic though - I know I would have been mortified to have my crush on a girl called out in front of the other kids.


69 posted on 08/25/2008 11:16:27 AM PDT by jonno (Having an opinion is not the same as having the answer...)
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To: ichabod1
"The POINT was, Jesus stood up to everyone that attacked him."

YOUR point was about Jesus!
My point was about bullying.

The thread is titled, "How to help your child cope with a bully". I related a personal anecdote to lead into a point which has nothing whatsoever to do with The Lord's trials.

Now since you don't want to be topical and talk about school bullying:


70 posted on 08/25/2008 11:18:33 AM PDT by Artemis Webb ("The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.")
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To: Artemis Webb

What does a bunny with a pancake on its head have to do with school bullying?


71 posted on 08/25/2008 11:30:07 AM PDT by ichabod1 (It's all fun and games until Russia starts invading Eastern Europe (pete))
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To: ichabod1

72 posted on 08/25/2008 11:35:20 AM PDT by Artemis Webb ("The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far away, but I will walk carefully.")
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To: Moose4

bump


73 posted on 08/25/2008 11:39:11 AM PDT by BulletBobCo
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To: Moose4

I coped, more or less, knocking out a few bullies teeth along the way. I wasn’t too popular with their moms. :-)


74 posted on 08/25/2008 3:11:40 PM PDT by TexasRepublic (When hopelessness replaces hope, it opens the door to evil.)
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To: Moose4

I was small as a kid (I’m no giant now but bigger than average) and I was what you called “scrappy”. I was scared to death of fighting, especially some of the bully types, but the minute someone took a swing at me, I’d go ape sh1t, punching straight to the face with everything I had. Couple of times, with kids with long hair I’d get a fistful of hair in one hand and go to work with the other. Broke a couple of noses. Never trained for it, I just went crazy once I get hit. Only got my arse kicked one time when a much bigger kid got on top of me on the ground and pummelled me good. In each case, once the fight was over, I never had a problem with that kid again. Some of ‘em even became really good friends.

Seems the world is different these days, though. I’d be a bit scared if it was my kid that you don’t know if even a 12, 13 or 14 year old isn’t going to pull a knife or come to school the next day with a gun.


75 posted on 08/25/2008 4:29:29 PM PDT by JewishRighter
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To: JewishRighter

IRVING !?!! Is that you ?!!!


76 posted on 08/25/2008 4:32:38 PM PDT by Twinkie (TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT !!!)
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To: Twinkie

“IRVING !?!! Is that you ?!!!”

Nope, no Irving here. You get your butt kicked by someone named Irving? Is that why you took the name twinkie?


77 posted on 08/25/2008 4:52:36 PM PDT by JewishRighter
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To: Moose4
How to help your child cope with a bully

Two words:

Krav Maga

78 posted on 08/25/2008 5:16:43 PM PDT by IllumiNaughtyByNature (Don't go chasing waterfalls.....na na na na nana na na na na nana....gets stuck in your head, huh?)
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To: JewishRighter
When my daughter was 7, she came home crying about the boy on the bus who kept pinching her and hitting her. I told her she had my permission to hit him back. 2 days later I get a call form the school wanting me to meet with the principle, my daughter had been in a fight. It seems the young man had punched her in the belly, she in turn, hit him over the head with her Fonzie lunch pail. He had to be taken to the ER for stitches. He never messed with her again.
79 posted on 08/25/2008 5:20:28 PM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: Moose4

I can feel my stomach turning whenever this subject comes up.

Not so much for me, but for my boyfriend. We are many, he was alone. Evil “fighting” (with knives, chains, & bricks) every day after school for any reason imaginable, & worse consequences than getting beat up. I don’t want to think of what would have happened if he was small & defenseless. F**king scum, I get agitated just thinking about it.


80 posted on 08/25/2008 5:26:40 PM PDT by forkinsocket
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To: Dusty Road

“When my daughter was 7, she came home crying about the boy on the bus who kept pinching her and hitting her. I told her she had my permission to hit him back. 2 days later I get a call form the school wanting me to meet with the principle, my daughter had been in a fight. It seems the young man had punched her in the belly, she in turn, hit him over the head with her Fonzie lunch pail. He had to be taken to the ER for stitches. He never messed with her again. “

Which proves the point: aggression must be met with deliberate force.


81 posted on 08/25/2008 5:37:54 PM PDT by JewishRighter
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To: JewishRighter

My parents taught me that under no circumstances was anyone to touch me if I didn’t want them to. I grew up in a pretty rough neighborhood, and never had any trouble with bullies. When I suspected someone might be thinking about touching me, I would stop everything I was doing and focus my entire attention on them, giving off casual but obvious defensive signals. Only one or two of them even made a step toward me. At that point, I eliminated the casual from the defensive signals. I suspect the reason no one ever tried it was because my parents taught me that my bodily integrity was part of my honor, and that it was worth defending with everything I had. Regardless of the threat, I was ready to defend to the death. I find this attitude still works. And if, at some point, it doesn’t, at least I will have died with honor.


82 posted on 08/25/2008 7:03:12 PM PDT by PinkChampagneonIce
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To: JewishRighter

Well, Irvings are tougher than we think.


83 posted on 08/26/2008 11:50:18 AM PDT by Twinkie (TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT !!!)
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To: Moose4

I have a great way to deal with bullying, since I’ve been bullied since 3rd grade and i’m 15.

Stand up for yourself, and only defend yourself physically only when your on physical being is in danger. Also, realize that the bully is probably either being bullyied or is very insecure with him or herself. Lastly, gain many friends that will help you cope with the idiot.


84 posted on 08/27/2008 12:23:18 PM PDT by FutureRocketMan
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