Skip to comments.Sticking it to bad drivers
Posted on 01/11/2009 8:02:14 AM PST by nuconvert
BY DAVE BARRY
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Aug. 22, 2004.)
How do you rate yourself as a driver?
No, that's a stupid question. You rate yourself above average. It's a well-known fact that all humans consider themselves to be above-average drivers, including primitive Amazonian mud people who have not yet discovered the wheel. No amount of physical evidence will convince a bad driver that he or she is a bad driver. You take a motorist who, while attempting to pull out of a parking space, mistakes ''forward'' for ''reverse,'' then, in an effort to correct this error, mistakes the accelerator for the brake and sends his car (an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) lunging across a sidewalk and into a restaurant, attaining a speed of 37 miles per hour by the time it rams the salad bar and is engulfed by a wave of the house dressing (a creamy Italian). Even as the paramedics are tweezing chickpeas from the ears of this motorist, he will loudly insist that (a) the restaurant was not there before; and (b) there are PLENTY of people on the road who do not drive as well as he does.
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
This reminds me, my boss is trying to teach his teenage son, who’s in driver’s ed, not to engage in negative stereotyping of his fellow motorists.
The other day Boss and Son were driving around on a nice clear day when they encountered a car that had inexplicably collided with a telephone pole. Son says, “I bet they’re Asian.” Boss tells him, “Now, you shouldn’t say that - you don’t know that.” Sure enough, a second later, a couple of Asian guys get out and start gesticulating toward the telephone pole like, “How did that get there?”
The next day, Boss’s Son is assigned to visit the local traffic court for what the driver’s ed program hopes will be an educational experience. One by one the alleged traffic offenders get up and try to defend themselves. Virtually every one of them is Asian, including some guy who’s getting his license taken away but says he needs it because he’s the sole breadwinner for his family. He drives a delivery van.
Boss is starting to think this is a lost cause.
I used to rate myself as an above average driver, in fact in my job I was rated as above average.
Lately ,as I age, I see myelf making small mistakes. My head doesnt turn as well as it used to and I have to make myself turn,even as it hurts to do so. My reflexes arent as good, and my depth perception is suffering. My knees hurt and I find myself on cruise control a lot more than I used to use it.The advantage is the recklessness of youth has gone, to be replaced by added caution.
We allow most youths to drive at 16 in most states. They have little experience, but they have to learn, as we age we should think of a point where the aged should stop driving, perhaps we should have a test for older driver’s instead of just the eye test, we have when we renew our licenses. Perhaps as we make the young have a driving test before getting a permit we should have the aged take a driving test to keep theirs.
>>Perhaps as we make the young have a driving test before getting a permit we should have the aged take a driving test to keep theirs.<<
Couldn’t agree more. A friend recently had her car totaled by an elderly lady who apparently wasn’t sure where she was or what she had been doing when questioned by police. Very fortunately there were no serious injuries, but it made my blood boil to think that people like this lady are out there handling two-ton hunks of machinery, unchallenged, year after year. When I ranted about this to a family member, demanding to know why there isn’t already mandatory re-testing for older drivers, she just pointed out what should have been obvious: old people vote.
Nobody will ever write a song like that about my Actuary, or any other modern car. Modern cars are just not songworthy.
The other guys are all jealous of me
When I cruise in my Hyundai Elantra GT
And the girls always feel a romantic explosion
When they learn that my warranty covers corrosion
No, today's cars are just not exciting.