On The Range: Chili Con Carne

dallasobserver ^ | Wednesday, Apr. 15 2009 | Chris Meesey

[Sister_T]

I grew up in Cincinnati and as such, I never heard of or ate chili WITHOUT pasta. To me, that was an alien thing.

I don't know exactly when I discovered the difference between Texas and Cincinnati chili. I doubt that I've actually ever had true Texas chili ... maybe in terms of the spices I use but since ya'll mentioned that it has no beans, I reckon I can leave out the beans the next time I prepare it ... and skip the pasta. :)

But here's a recipe for Cincinnati chili: Cincinnati Chili

[Verginius Rufus]

I thought I had a bowl of chili for lunch, but the meat wasn’t venison, so I guess it wasn’t chili.

[MarkL]

This is a classic....

Texas Chili Cook Off - INEXPERIENCED CHILI JUDGE

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking
directions to the beer wagon, when the call came.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.”

Here are the scorecards from the event:

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 1 MIKE’S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy sh!t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 2 ARTHUR’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
__________________________________________________________

CHILI # 3 FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting sh!t-faced from all the beer.
____________________________________________________________

CHILI # 4 BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. Bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

_______________________________________________________

CHILI # 5 LINDA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
________________________________________________________

CHILI # 6 VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I sh!t myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
___________________________________________________

CHILI # 7 SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh!t to match my
damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing; it’s too painful. Screw it. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________________

CHILI # 8 LESTER’S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER’S CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare it’s existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a
really hot chili?
_____________________________________________

Mark

[Billthedrill]

That sign in #32? I don't think that was a misprint.

I love chili but you really don't know how good it was until the next day.

[Professional Engineer]

ping

[tet68]

I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't even EAT it till the
second day. I can take or leave beans but pintos NOT kidneys
It must have chunks of meat not ground, cumin, jalapenos
and Masa. I like to have chopped onion or pico de galo to put on top and even some really sharp cheddar or queso. Saltine crackers and cold cold root beer. I like it hot, good and hot, but not so your lips get numb.

Mmmmmmmmm

[The_Victor]

I love venison chili, but the best recipes I've tasted use sirloin and beef kidney fat

[BigBlueJon]

Where did chili come from???

Well, when God ran out of mana, he gave his people chili. Chili in all shapes and fashions, meat or no meat, beans or no beans. God loves all of his chili equally and ........so do I.

[JoeProBono]

[BigBlueJon]

I’ve made chili so many ways, I can’t keep track. I’ve made chili with beans and without and with 1 kind of bean and many. I’ve made it with meat and without, and I’ve used ground beef, ground sirloin, grilled steak, ground chicken, grilled chicken, pork, turkey and venison. I’ve used different tomatoes and different chili peppers, and I’ve made it mild, extra extra spicy and in between.

Um, I’m hungry.

[alarm rider]

Check you FReep mail cous..

[TigersEye]

In my area of NM it is Chile con Carne, chunks of meat with red chile, or chili, hamburger and beans with red chile.

That's chile in CO too and I make killer Chile con Carne.

And then there's my green chile stew which is a completely original recipe.
Also killer!

[Mr Rogers]

Chili on spaghetti is OK. Chili Mac is easier to eat. My wife is from the Philippines, so Chili on rice is common for us. It also is great over a baked potato, but you have to bump up the spices a bit or it becomes too mild.

If I were rich, I’d probably go without beans in my chili, but dried beans are a lot cheaper than beef. But enough New Mexico green chilies cover a multitude of sins...

[basil]

It’s all in how we were brought up, I suppose.

[Mr Rogers]

I was brought up trying to strettccchhhh things. Not because we were poor, but because my Mom grew up in the Great Depression, on a farm. The only thing they didn’t lack was food, so there was a table outside for the ‘bums’.

And whatever food the family had, was stretched to ensure no bum went away hungry.

However, if you haven’t tried spicy chili on a big baked potato - try it. It makes a great meal!

[basil]

I have done the chili/baked potato thing at a friend’s house. It wasn’t so bad. I rather enjoyed it.

[Mr Rogers]

It isn’t exactly chili, but it is still a good meal.

[5thGenTexan]

In my family, chili normally had pinto beans. We have been here a while (note my handle 8^) ).

I see both all the time. I think the real essence of "Chili" is the chili powder, cumin and tomato paste. Meat, beans (or both) were based on that day's hunting/gathering.

I have two 1st place trophies from cook-offs, each from a different small town in Texas. I must be doing something right...

8^D

[JoeProBono]

;-}

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I think we are having chili this weekend..... and bourbon. lol