Skip to comments.Middle-aged dating and love of coupons
Posted on 04/25/2009 9:47:01 AM PDT by chasio649
Honey, do you remember our first date? I asked Husband-Head after hanging up the phone with my old high school girlfriend from California. What did we do and how did we meet?
Husband-Head was sitting on the couch and it was clear that there couldnt be a subject he was less interested in than that of reminiscing about our dating days nearly 20 years ago.
Why is it that we girls want to remember every detailed minute, yet the actual wedding date seems to be a painful memory for the men?
From what I recall, the first time I met Husband-Head, I was tending bar at a local well-known watering hole, and he and 20 of his closest friends had come in to celebrate his birthday. Each one of his so-called buddies had ordered him a shot of liquor and even though this was prior to the stringent liquor laws about overserving a patron I knew that it was not a good idea. Ummm ... dude ... youre gonna die if you drink all these, I warned him as I looked at all the shot glasses lined up on the bar.
Then go out with me, he bargained, as he started to drink the shots.
Not wanting him to die on my shift, I agreed to meet him the next night, pretty sure that there was no way he would ever remember the date.
I was wrong.
He didnt die, but he did show up for our date.
And we ended up getting married not until three years later, of course but weve lived happily ever after since then.
All that came back to me the other weekend when my best friend from high school in California called me to give an update on her latest dating debacle.
Dana is a single, slim, smart and stylish woman, but for some reason shes been single all of her life. Shes tried her hand several times at the online dating services, but so far has not had much luck with the men shes met.
We talk on the phone almost every Friday night to share the events of our week and whats been happening in our lives.
On this particular evening, Dana was relating a recent date shed been on with a guy shed met on one of the online dating services. The man claimed to be a 54-year-old medical doctor.
After chatting for a while, they agreed to meet for dinner at an Outback Steakhouse restaurant. Thats not bad, I said, trying to be encouraging. I hear they have great steak and pasta.
I dont even LIKE pasta! Dana pointed out.
For me, it would be all about the food, but obviously this isnt the main course in the dating world.
And then he had a friggin coupon for the blooming onion appetizer, Dana lamented.
I found this to be kind of funny, and I laughed.
You dont like onions, nor do you want to kiss someone after eating them?
Then, at the end of the dinner, he pulled out a gift certificate to pay for it all, she continued. And this guy is supposed to be a DOCTOR!
Hmmm ... perhaps the economy is bad even for physicians.
I put my hand over the mouthpiece of the phone so she couldnt hear me laughing. ...
Nevertheless, Dana relayed that she continued to give him a chance and accepted an invitation to go to his apartment for a cocktail afterwards. Which, surprisingly, did not go well.
I am not going to date a guy who drives a crappier car than I do and lives in a crappier apartment than I do, she reported indignantly. It was gross!
At this point, I had my hand over my mouth and was trying not to snot in my palm...
I didnt even venture to ask if there had been any intimacy involved and what it was like...
And furthermore, he had a flag draped over his bed, she continued, answering my unasked question. And hes not even a veteran hes an idiot! I am SO done with dating!
I wanted to console her by relaying all the idiots Id dated and kissed in my younger years, but I didnt think it would make her feel better.
When youre dating in your middle-aged years, you think you know better by now and have learned from past mistakes.
Guess what...youre pretty much just as stupid as you were when you were 25.
I looked at Husband-Head with new eyes after Dana and I got off the phone.
Honey, lets go out to Red Lobster for a romantic dinner this weekend, I suggested. I think I have a coupon...
“Why is it that the wedding date is a painful memory for the man?”
Don’t You think You can answer that yourself, IF, You are honest about how You have treated your “Man” since You captured him? Just sayin! :-( /s/ maybe......
No truer words were ever written! Still stupid in my 50's!
Color me clueless but I have no idea what her objection is to his using a gift certificate.
I was engaged for my only time when I was in my late 20’s. We broke up and it has been a wasteland ever since (no date since).
She wanted him to shower her with money since he was a doctor...she is a whoe...basically...you can’t get around that fact.
A man who makes good money but doesn’t squander it....who is a patriot....and who encourages a woman to eat onions without reproach....where, oh where, can I find a man like this???
The reason Dana is still single is that she is hawg-stupid. Went to his apartment after dinner? What, is she desperate for sex, even if she didn’t like the guy?
Agreed. The doctor sounds like a real, though perhaps frugal, person. It’s no surprise this woman is still single.
After the third or forth time I heard one of them loudly complaining, "where have all the GOOD men gone?"
I replied, "We got married to the good women."
I am not going to date a guy who drives a crappier car than I do and lives in a crappier apartment than I do,a woman who knows true love I bet.
It depends ... does “crappier” car and/or apartment simply mean inexpensive and not new, or does it mean filthy and full of trash and unpleasant insects?
I'll take a wild stab at it and say, 'because the men in her life have good taste.'
When a woman wants to diminish a man, any reason will do. It doesn't even have to make sense. This is one reason why God created mistresses.
The odds are against it. I was just looking for some stats....doesn't leave much to choose from does it?
Males in USA * 20−64 years: 89,881,041 60.1%
87,762,000 men are married.
the unemployment rate for men 8.8 percent.
Almost 5% of the adult males are incarcerated.
23.8% of adult men alcoholics or drug addicts.(not sure I believe it's that high....
BUT , you get the point. And if you think young men are a problem, you ought to get a look at the ones over 60!!
A good point. If it means of lesser value that says something not very nice about her. If it means that there are cockroaches fighting in the back seat that is a whole other animal.
Well , probably she figured if he was a doctor, he'd spend a lot of money trying to impress his date. Maybe she felt that his frugality implied she wasn't worth being treated as if she was a star.
Maybe it was just a test to see whether or not she was worth a second date, or if she was just another gold-digger. Or maybe the guy was just a loser aggrandizing his resume to get laid, who knows...
Well, if she rode to his apartment in his car (see “Too dumb to breathe without assistance ...”), then she would see trash and/or bugs. If she followed him in her car, then she would only see the model and year of his. And wouldn’t a sensible woman quickly excuse herself, if she found herself in a filthy apartment, rather than going into the bedroom for purposes not graphically specified?
My present husband lived in a fair amount of squalor when I met him (no roaches, just ants, or I’d be an old maid with catz today), but we were in our early 20’s.
Holes in the story ... maybe the author made some of it up, or maybe the subject is truly a desperately dumb b*tch.
Anyone who’s paid attention knows that if a man is really, really interested in you he will not go ‘on the cheap’. This guy was probably lying about being a doctor. Duh.
Since they'd never met, how could he be?
My grandson, whose father is wealthy, broke up with his girlfriend because she wore $300.00 jeans. He considered it a symptom.
Exactly. They’d never met and he’s pulling out a coupon on the first date?
Look, men who say she’s a gold digger or whore, if this were...Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin you were going to dinner with would you use a coupon? Yeah.
You seem to know what you are talking about so I will ask you this question. Why would a man marry and remain married to a women who seeks to diminish him?
Michelle Malkin is married. Ann Coulter is single in her late 40’s, for some reason ...
When I was dating, at age 19 and 20, it was assumed that none of us had a dime to spare, so cost-saving measures went without saying. Then we got married and were even poorer, and wouldn’t have considered going out to eat without a coupon. (Found some great restaurants that way, too: “Look - free entree at Los Barrios! Let’s try it!”)
But my original point is still unaddressed. How could a man she’d never met be “really, really interested in her”? He probably just wanted to know if she were anything like the way she presented herself online and by phone.
I don't claim to have all the answers but I will give it a shot. Many men just give up, feeling they don't deserve any better. Many are just too tired to get rid of their miserable bride and start fresh - it can seem like a daunting task. Other men just suffer from a poor self image and their wives' conduct validates that image.
Some men just get used to it. Some just don't care anymore, after taking the abuse for a while. Some others have no other choice, or feel that have no other choice.
Yet other men feel inferior, so naturally they draw a woman into their life who agrees.
If he treated the waiter like dirt that was our last date. My primary requirement was that he had to be kind.
My grandson, whose father is wealthy, broke up with his girlfriend because she wore $300.00 jeans. He considered it a symptom.
I had to laugh but my son in law indicated he appreciated the fact that our daughter, his wife, was frugal with their money. He did laugh and say that she was opening up a bit. She is but still this woman does her part. They bought a home in FL as a second home. Now she is swapping their home in FL with others around the world so they travel the world without it costing them extra for housing.
LOL! Maybe he picked her up at her place? Not something that I ever did on a first date. I always met them so I had a easy escape route if the date went sour. Of course going to his place on a first date is also a safety no-no so it is quite possible that he picked her up.
A few years back I dated a guy who was shall we say, quite frugal.
And I didnt have any problem with his frugality at first; he had a good stable well paying job, a nice home that he hoped to pay off in a few years, didnt drive a late model fancy car, didnt spend his money foolishly, saved, invested, wasnt in any credit card debt: all very good things in my opinion that at first blush made me think he might be a keeper.
He was fond of using coupons and discount cards again not a problem with me!
So what was the problem?
Well the problem was that he was rather overly obsessed with saving a few bucks and with money in general.
For instance, hed take me out for dinner at a nice restaurant, ask me if I enjoyed the meal then go into great detail about how he found this coupon or used this or that discount card and about how much money he had saved and how proud he was about himself. Again I have no problem with my date using a coupon or discount card but when he spends more than 20 minutes of our date explaining how smart he is for doing that, thats not what I consider a particularly good date.
And it wasnt as if I was expecting to be wined and dined all the time. I had an equally good job and income and nice home and was more than willing to pick up the tab now and then or at least chip in to pay the tip. I cooked meals for him at my home and we stayed in to watch a movie to me, not a bad way to spend an evening.
One Sunday we planned to take a picnic at a local park, a very romantic gesture IMO. But when I met him at his house that morning, he had all the local newspapers spread out and all the grocery store flyers and a game plan on what stores we should go to in order to buy what items we needed for our picnic at the absolute cheapest price. Two hours spent visiting four grocery stores to save all of about two dollars?
Another time he came with me to buy a birthday present for one of my teenage nieces and admonished me for spending too much money at Old Navy (I think I spent all of about $40) and then insisted that we go to a dollar store for the wrapping paper and birthday card.
He also told me that buying my make up at a department store was a waste of money as I could get the same thing at the Dollar Store.
He was also engaged in a very heated and bitter argument with his sister over their parents estate, and his parents were still both alive at the time.
One day I gave him the Youre a really nice guy but Im in a different place in my life Its not you its me Lets just be friends speech and ran away as quickly as I could. Can you blame me? Does that make me a shallow?
Can you blame me? Does that make me a shallow?
You gave it a the old college try...i wouldn’t say you were shallow at all...pretty tacky of him to comment on your niece’s gift also.
Anyone whos paid attention knows that if a man is really, really interested in you he will not go on the cheap.
Did you read that in Cosmopolitan?
They need a little perspective.
When i was dating, i always thought it was a little corny to go on a 1st date to a swank place...i figured if a mexican food joint was beneath her then i wasn’ interested from the get go.
His zealotry gives you ample justification to split.
I don’t disagree...i wouldn’t bring a coupon myself....but if that is a deal breaker on a 1st date...then some are living an episode of Seinfeld...i would hate to think of some mistakes i’ve made on 1st dates....i’m sure i’ve given off the wrong impression without realizing it during small talk or what have you.
I went on a 1st date with a gal one time and she spent half the date telling me about her old boyfriend of the last 2 years...she was trying to get him off of crack...she was a nice, decent person but she went on and on about how she tried to help this guy...he of course went out of control and it ended....she was a teacher at a catholic school and was big into the church...we talked on the phone the next few nights and i told her i wasn’t particularly religous...that was her deal breaker she told me...it ended there....now this coming from a woman that spent 2 years with a crack head....it did wonders for my self esteem....i laugh about it now but boy did i replay in my head what was wrong with ME...why wasn’t i at least worth another date...i kinda figured i was a little too boring for her...shouldn’t slapped her around a little.../joke ;)
It’s called, “being penny smart, and pound foolish.”
And leaving up the toilet seat.
Sounds to me like she was looking for her next fix up project. As you didnt need any fixing, she wasnt interested.
Im not interested in a renovation project. If I had the money and the time, Id love to fix up an old house but a guy in need of rehab? No way. You are better off without her.
MMm,, no — if that’s how he begins, it’s not going to get better later. For a first date a man really should make an atatempt to sweep a woman off her feet. Coupons are not going to do it.
I’d like to start middle age dating, where can I get
these “Love coupons”?
So you went out with Alan also !!!
I had a similar experience. I first saw him a “stable” but he was a joyless miser who ruined every occasion for happiness with his obsession for control.
“Did you read that in Cosmopolitan?”
I’ve never read Cosmo. Wouldn’t waste my money. Just telling the truth. Sometimes that’s hard for some people to handle.