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Dolphins Discovered Fleeing Warming Tropical Waters [Satire]
ecoEnquirer ^ | June 23, 2009 | ecoEnquirer

Posted on 06/23/2009 1:49:50 PM PDT by This Just In

Dolphins Discovered Fleeing Warming Tropical Waters

Pod of dolphins observed fleeing tropical waters, which have warmed to dangerous levels in recent years.

(Miami, Florida) Marine researchers who have been observing the same pod of dolphins off Florida's eastern coast for three years have now, for the first time, photographed the dolphins swimming directly northward.

"These bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth, were observed swimming directly northward", said Prof. Bonita Krillman. "Given the recently observed warming of the tropical oceans, we theorize that this pod is heading poleward in search of cooler waters".

Underwater listening devices, used to pick up the normal playful squeals of the fun-loving dolphins, recorded squeals with a noticably different timbre, the researchers reported. "They sounded more terrified than playful", claimed Crystal Dearing, a graduate student working toward a degree in Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography. "They sounded distressed and fearful".

The scientists, who perform their work aboard the research ship "Gaia's Revenge" were noticeably shaken by the observation of the dolphin pod's behavior. "We were performing our usual tasks -- photographing and communing with the pod -- when someone yelled, 'Oh my God! They are travelling directly northward!'. We were stunned at the obvious implications of this unusual behavior", related Ms. Dearing.

Dr. William Fishman, program manager at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's (NOAA's) Sustainable Wildlife Division was also troubled by the news. Contacted by phone, Dr. Fishman said "this is exactly what we would expect for dolphin behavior... if you had hot water poured on you, you would flee, wouldn't you?"

The group plans to extend their two week research cruise by another week to see how far northward the dolphins migrate. Even though the researchers have been working in the same region off the Florida coast for ten years, the present pod has been studied for only three years. Tragically, another pod that had been closely followed for seven years was decimated by a great white shark in 2003.

Breaking News: Tenth Bali Global Warming Conference Ends with Historic Agreement


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: dolphins; marinebiology; noaa; satire; wildlife
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1 posted on 06/23/2009 1:49:51 PM PDT by This Just In
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To: This Just In

>>(Miami, Florida) Marine researchers who have been observing the same pod of dolphins off Florida’s eastern coast for three years have now, for the first time, photographed the dolphins swimming directly northward. <<

For the first time in THREE YEARS!

Oh, the humanity!

What a joke.


2 posted on 06/23/2009 1:51:16 PM PDT by RobRoy (This too will pass. But it will hurt like a you know what.)
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To: This Just In

>>”These bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth...”

Again, what a joke.


3 posted on 06/23/2009 1:51:54 PM PDT by RobRoy (This too will pass. But it will hurt like a you know what.)
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To: This Just In

I’m sorry, but why do these “scientists” assume that the only reason the dolphins are moving is the so-called extreme warmth? Maybe the dolphins are sensing storms or seismic activity (volcanoes).


4 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:29 PM PDT by madison10
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To: This Just In
hmmm, maybe the dolphins are sensing a bad hurricane season....
5 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:37 PM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.)
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To: This Just In

LOL gotta love the ecoenquirer


6 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:37 PM PDT by cripplecreek (The poor bastards have us surrounded.)
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To: This Just In

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish


7 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:45 PM PDT by BGHater (Insanity is voting for Republicans and expecting Conservatism.)
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To: This Just In

How cool is it that they guy in charge of dolphins at NOAA is named “FISHMAN?”


8 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:56 PM PDT by PGR88
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To: RobRoy

What a bunch of idiots. They were swimming north so they are ‘fleeing’


9 posted on 06/23/2009 1:52:57 PM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: This Just In
Come on, seriously?

You changed the URL from "The Onion" to the ecoEnquirer

10 posted on 06/23/2009 1:53:29 PM PDT by Popman (Joe Biden REALLY can't be Vice President, can he ?)
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To: RobRoy

Well the dolphins are probably smarter than the idjit who wrote this story.


11 posted on 06/23/2009 1:53:37 PM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: This Just In
Maybe they just saw Rosie O'Donnell going into the ocean for a swim?

Would explain their movements and their frightened squeals.


12 posted on 06/23/2009 1:53:38 PM PDT by who_would_fardels_bear (These fragments I have shored against my ruins)
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To: This Just In
Mental illness is not pretty.

"Gaia's Revenge" Good Lord!

13 posted on 06/23/2009 1:53:52 PM PDT by Eagles6 ( Typical White Guy: Christian, Constitutionalist, Heterosexual, Redneck. (Let them eat arugula!))
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To: This Just In

While I did wade through the emotional baggage and rhetoric of the story, I didn’t see a single water temperature reading — past or present — that would justify asinine comments like “if you had hot water poured on you, you would flee, wouldn’t you?”

Seems to me a real scientist might have been curious enough to RECORD the water temps these dolphins had been swimming in for days, months or years if there was a fear they were being cooked alive ...


14 posted on 06/23/2009 1:54:38 PM PDT by mgc1122
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To: This Just In

Dr. William Fishman


15 posted on 06/23/2009 1:54:44 PM PDT by demsux
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To: This Just In
bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth

If they're so smart why aren't they building cities down there?

16 posted on 06/23/2009 1:54:49 PM PDT by hugorand
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To: This Just In
At first I thought this was real ... but "Prof. Bonita Krillman" ...
Professor Bonita Krillman??

Good one...

17 posted on 06/23/2009 1:54:55 PM PDT by El Cid (Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house...)
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To: This Just In

Poppycock! I was in the ocean a couple miles out off central FL and that water is freezing-a$$ cold!


18 posted on 06/23/2009 1:55:41 PM PDT by subterfuge (BUILD MORE NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS NOW!!!)
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To: This Just In

Just play a couple of 0bama’s speeches and they’ll chill out/s Seriously, this is satire, right? Because if it’s not, there are a lot of seriously deranged people out there.....


19 posted on 06/23/2009 1:55:58 PM PDT by Frank_2001
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To: This Just In

This reminds me of this thread from this week:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2276897/posts
Dolphin 56’s playful antics have Jersey boaters flipping
nj.com ^ | Jun 21 2009 | Kelly Heyboer

“He has blogs, websites and a Facebook page devoted to his travels. Over the last 30 years, Dolphin 56 sightings have been recorded from Florida to Long Island. The bottlenose, whose dorsal fin was branded with a 56 for a research study in the 1970s, has spent his life swimming up and down the East Coast chasing down any boater or kayaker who might toss him a fish.”

So if a single dolphin is travelling from Florida to Long Island, then they can go pretty far distances. To say it is strictly water temp or “global warming” is a stretch. Beyond all of that, the inevitable claim that it is MAN warming the globe and that it is happening at an astonishing rate AND that we can change the temperature “for the better” through land based means of CONSERVATION (vs. doping the atmosphere) is just playing the game.


20 posted on 06/23/2009 1:56:00 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (There is no truth in the Pravda Media.)
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To: RobRoy
>>”These bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth...”

Compared to the folks making these statements, perhaps.

21 posted on 06/23/2009 1:56:21 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (The University of Notre Dame's motto: "Kill our unborn children? YES WE CAN!")
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To: This Just In

I doubt they’re “fleeing” the tropics, instead going in search of food.... was watching some DISC Channel show that said they’ll swim a thousand miles in a week for food.


22 posted on 06/23/2009 1:57:35 PM PDT by theDentist (qwerty ergo typo : i type, therefore i misspelll)
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To: PGR88

the research ship “Gaia’s Revenge”


23 posted on 06/23/2009 1:57:35 PM PDT by eCSMaster
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To: This Just In
The group plans to extend their two week research cruise by another week

Translation: "We're almost out of beer and condoms."

24 posted on 06/23/2009 1:58:06 PM PDT by Lurker (The avalanche has begun. The pebbles no longer have a vote.)
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To: This Just In
Everybody knows that dolphins only swim south.

The only reason they would ever swim north is because America sucks.

25 posted on 06/23/2009 1:58:35 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Islam is a religion of peace, and Muslims reserve the right to kill anyone who says otherwise.)
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To: This Just In
.....possibly the smartest creatures on Earth.....

Nope, sorry. The smartest creature on urf is in the White Crib.
(I can't remember if it was the fly or the President....)

26 posted on 06/23/2009 1:59:19 PM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.....)
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To: This Just In

Just about every species of pelagic marine life heads northward this time of year, what wouldn’t dolphins?

Are the waters these guys live REALLY warming? If so, what’s causing it, and why are global temperatures decreasing? Could it be similar to El Nino they used to talk about? Underwater geologic activity?

And could somone really find someone who is getting a degree in “Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters” (Global warming) an unbiased news source, when clearly, they already believe in global warming enough to get a degree in it?

What bullcrap.


27 posted on 06/23/2009 1:59:19 PM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I can spell just fine, thanks, it's my typing that sucks.)
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To: This Just In

I imagine they are en route to the polar bear’s “Welcome Back the Ice” party. I hear it’s supposed to big a big shindig, ya know.


28 posted on 06/23/2009 1:59:34 PM PDT by IrishPennant (RLT = Radical Left Terrorism...feel it????)
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To: This Just In

It must be satire. They never heard of migration? North in summer, south in winter.


29 posted on 06/23/2009 1:59:39 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink)
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

Perhaps they’re fleeing to Japan.


30 posted on 06/23/2009 1:59:43 PM PDT by This Just In
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To: BGHater

Didja ever notice that canned tuna fish does not tast as good as it did before they took out the dolphin?


31 posted on 06/23/2009 2:00:00 PM PDT by RobRoy (This too will pass. But it will hurt like a you know what.)
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To: This Just In

I think some people just want to test recognition of satire.


32 posted on 06/23/2009 2:00:01 PM PDT by Comstock1 (So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.)
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To: This Just In

33 posted on 06/23/2009 2:00:15 PM PDT by wolfcreek (KMTEXASA!)
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To: hugorand

bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth
If they’re so smart why aren’t they building cities down there?

Or how about start with getting out of tuna Nets???


34 posted on 06/23/2009 2:00:17 PM PDT by red devil 40
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To: who_would_fardels_bear

I thought catching whales was illegal?


35 posted on 06/23/2009 2:01:23 PM PDT by reagan_fanatic (When you put Democrats in charge, stupid things happen)
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To: PGR88
How cool is it that they guy in charge of dolphins at NOAA is named “FISHMAN?”

LOL! Thanks for finding the humor in this?

36 posted on 06/23/2009 2:01:23 PM PDT by Clock King
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To: This Just In
Crystal Dearing, a graduate student working toward a degree in Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography...

Is this a new pc adventure game?

37 posted on 06/23/2009 2:01:44 PM PDT by 668 - Neighbor of the Beast (Rent this space.)
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To: This Just In

They couldn’t be fleeing a ship called Gaia’s revenge could they?

The same one that routinely captures and tags them every year?

No of course not.....sarcoff


38 posted on 06/23/2009 2:01:47 PM PDT by usmcobra (Your chances of dying in bed are reduced by getting out of it, but most people still die in bed)
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To: This Just In
Porpoise move following the tuna, their dinner! I it wasn't for that stupid show flipper they would never be called dolphins. Dolphins are fish!
39 posted on 06/23/2009 2:02:47 PM PDT by dalereed
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To: This Just In

“...we theorize...” In other words, it fits into our scam.


40 posted on 06/23/2009 2:03:20 PM PDT by vpintheak (Like a muddied spring or a polluted well is a righteous man who gives way to the wicked. Prov. 25:26)
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To: This Just In
I remember hearing Jacques Cousteau say weekly on his show that "in 15 years, the oceans will be too polluted to sustain life".

15 years have come and gone almost 3 times now. They keep discovering new species of fish in the oceans.

Maybe Cousteau was thinking of another planet.

41 posted on 06/23/2009 2:04:29 PM PDT by lormand (b. Hussein Obama - hard on flies, soft on terrorists)
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To: hugorand
If they're so smart why aren't they building cities down there?

No thumbs.

42 posted on 06/23/2009 2:04:33 PM PDT by Maceman
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To: This Just In

Mobile's 100-Degree Reading Ties Record

43 posted on 06/23/2009 2:05:40 PM PDT by blam
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To: This Just In

Prof. Bonita Krillman.

Crystal Dearing, a graduate student

Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography.

“Gaia’s Revenge”

Dr. William Fishman


44 posted on 06/23/2009 2:05:43 PM PDT by Lazamataz (Too sick for words!)
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To: This Just In
Perhaps they’re fleeing to Japan.

Naw.

The Nip's economy is worse than ours.

45 posted on 06/23/2009 2:07:32 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Islam is a religion of peace, and Muslims reserve the right to kill anyone who says otherwise.)
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To: This Just In
"Tragically, another pod that had been closely followed for seven years was decimated by a great white shark in 2003."

Swimming north? Could there be a Great White shark south of their position? Naw, it must be global warming.

46 posted on 06/23/2009 2:07:49 PM PDT by 728b (Never cry over something that can not cry over you.)
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To: usmcobra

“”They sounded more terrified than playful”, claimed Crystal Dearing, a graduate student working toward a degree in Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography. “They sounded distressed and fearful”.

The scientists, who perform their work aboard the research ship “Gaia’s Revenge” were noticeably shaken by the observation of the dolphin pod’s behavior. “We were performing our usual tasks — photographing and communing with the pod — when someone yelled, ‘Oh my God! They are travelling directly northward!’. We were stunned at the obvious implications of this unusual behavior”, related Ms. Dearing.”

Un-freakin’-believable! What a bunch of complete nincompoops!


47 posted on 06/23/2009 2:08:53 PM PDT by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra ( Ya can't pick up a turd by the clean end!)
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To: This Just In
I had a porpoise not 5 feet from me yesterday in 90 degree water and he seemed fine to me. Yes, I puckered up a bit when I saw him.
48 posted on 06/23/2009 2:09:27 PM PDT by numberonepal (Don't Even Think About Treading On Me)
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To: numberonepal

Come to think of it the sucker was swimming due north. Hmmmmm.


49 posted on 06/23/2009 2:14:28 PM PDT by numberonepal (Don't Even Think About Treading On Me)
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To: This Just In
'Oh my God! They are travelling directly northward!'. We were stunned at the obvious implications of this unusual behavior"

Apparently Dolphins have never swam in that direction before. Only West, South, or East.

Missing in the article is how far and how long they swam north of course. Mentioned tracking, but not the results. What did they do after swimming North? Turn back South? What? Enquiring minds want to know!

Tragically, another pod that had been closely followed for seven years was decimated by a great white shark in 2003.

Maybe they were running from the shark?

50 posted on 06/23/2009 2:16:04 PM PDT by Domandred (Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.)
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