Skip to comments.Dolphins Discovered Fleeing Warming Tropical Waters [Satire]
Posted on 06/23/2009 1:49:50 PM PDT by This Just In
Dolphins Discovered Fleeing Warming Tropical Waters
Pod of dolphins observed fleeing tropical waters, which have warmed to dangerous levels in recent years.
(Miami, Florida) Marine researchers who have been observing the same pod of dolphins off Florida's eastern coast for three years have now, for the first time, photographed the dolphins swimming directly northward.
"These bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth, were observed swimming directly northward", said Prof. Bonita Krillman. "Given the recently observed warming of the tropical oceans, we theorize that this pod is heading poleward in search of cooler waters".
Underwater listening devices, used to pick up the normal playful squeals of the fun-loving dolphins, recorded squeals with a noticably different timbre, the researchers reported. "They sounded more terrified than playful", claimed Crystal Dearing, a graduate student working toward a degree in Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography. "They sounded distressed and fearful".
The scientists, who perform their work aboard the research ship "Gaia's Revenge" were noticeably shaken by the observation of the dolphin pod's behavior. "We were performing our usual tasks -- photographing and communing with the pod -- when someone yelled, 'Oh my God! They are travelling directly northward!'. We were stunned at the obvious implications of this unusual behavior", related Ms. Dearing.
Dr. William Fishman, program manager at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's (NOAA's) Sustainable Wildlife Division was also troubled by the news. Contacted by phone, Dr. Fishman said "this is exactly what we would expect for dolphin behavior... if you had hot water poured on you, you would flee, wouldn't you?"
The group plans to extend their two week research cruise by another week to see how far northward the dolphins migrate. Even though the researchers have been working in the same region off the Florida coast for ten years, the present pod has been studied for only three years. Tragically, another pod that had been closely followed for seven years was decimated by a great white shark in 2003.
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>>(Miami, Florida) Marine researchers who have been observing the same pod of dolphins off Florida’s eastern coast for three years have now, for the first time, photographed the dolphins swimming directly northward. <<
For the first time in THREE YEARS!
Oh, the humanity!
What a joke.
>>”These bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth...”
Again, what a joke.
I’m sorry, but why do these “scientists” assume that the only reason the dolphins are moving is the so-called extreme warmth? Maybe the dolphins are sensing storms or seismic activity (volcanoes).
LOL gotta love the ecoenquirer
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
How cool is it that they guy in charge of dolphins at NOAA is named “FISHMAN?”
What a bunch of idiots. They were swimming north so they are ‘fleeing’
You changed the URL from "The Onion" to the ecoEnquirer
Well the dolphins are probably smarter than the idjit who wrote this story.
Would explain their movements and their frightened squeals.
"Gaia's Revenge" Good Lord!
While I did wade through the emotional baggage and rhetoric of the story, I didn’t see a single water temperature reading — past or present — that would justify asinine comments like “if you had hot water poured on you, you would flee, wouldn’t you?”
Seems to me a real scientist might have been curious enough to RECORD the water temps these dolphins had been swimming in for days, months or years if there was a fear they were being cooked alive ...
Dr. William Fishman
If they're so smart why aren't they building cities down there?
Poppycock! I was in the ocean a couple miles out off central FL and that water is freezing-a$$ cold!
Just play a couple of 0bama’s speeches and they’ll chill out/s Seriously, this is satire, right? Because if it’s not, there are a lot of seriously deranged people out there.....
This reminds me of this thread from this week:
Dolphin 56’s playful antics have Jersey boaters flipping
nj.com ^ | Jun 21 2009 | Kelly Heyboer
“He has blogs, websites and a Facebook page devoted to his travels. Over the last 30 years, Dolphin 56 sightings have been recorded from Florida to Long Island. The bottlenose, whose dorsal fin was branded with a 56 for a research study in the 1970s, has spent his life swimming up and down the East Coast chasing down any boater or kayaker who might toss him a fish.”
So if a single dolphin is travelling from Florida to Long Island, then they can go pretty far distances. To say it is strictly water temp or “global warming” is a stretch. Beyond all of that, the inevitable claim that it is MAN warming the globe and that it is happening at an astonishing rate AND that we can change the temperature “for the better” through land based means of CONSERVATION (vs. doping the atmosphere) is just playing the game.
Compared to the folks making these statements, perhaps.
I doubt they’re “fleeing” the tropics, instead going in search of food.... was watching some DISC Channel show that said they’ll swim a thousand miles in a week for food.
the research ship “Gaia’s Revenge”
Translation: "We're almost out of beer and condoms."
The only reason they would ever swim north is because America sucks.
Nope, sorry. The smartest creature on urf is in the White Crib.
(I can't remember if it was the fly or the President....)
Just about every species of pelagic marine life heads northward this time of year, what wouldn’t dolphins?
Are the waters these guys live REALLY warming? If so, what’s causing it, and why are global temperatures decreasing? Could it be similar to El Nino they used to talk about? Underwater geologic activity?
And could somone really find someone who is getting a degree in “Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters” (Global warming) an unbiased news source, when clearly, they already believe in global warming enough to get a degree in it?
I imagine they are en route to the polar bear’s “Welcome Back the Ice” party. I hear it’s supposed to big a big shindig, ya know.
It must be satire. They never heard of migration? North in summer, south in winter.
Perhaps they’re fleeing to Japan.
Didja ever notice that canned tuna fish does not tast as good as it did before they took out the dolphin?
I think some people just want to test recognition of satire.
bottlenose dolphins, possibly the smartest creatures on Earth
If they’re so smart why aren’t they building cities down there?
Or how about start with getting out of tuna Nets???
I thought catching whales was illegal?
LOL! Thanks for finding the humor in this?
Is this a new pc adventure game?
They couldn’t be fleeing a ship called Gaia’s revenge could they?
The same one that routinely captures and tags them every year?
No of course not.....sarcoff
“...we theorize...” In other words, it fits into our scam.
15 years have come and gone almost 3 times now. They keep discovering new species of fish in the oceans.
Maybe Cousteau was thinking of another planet.
Prof. Bonita Krillman.
Crystal Dearing, a graduate student
Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography.
Dr. William Fishman
The Nip's economy is worse than ours.
Swimming north? Could there be a Great White shark south of their position? Naw, it must be global warming.
“”They sounded more terrified than playful”, claimed Crystal Dearing, a graduate student working toward a degree in Anthropogenic Environmental Disasters at Scripps Institute of Oceanography. “They sounded distressed and fearful”.
The scientists, who perform their work aboard the research ship “Gaia’s Revenge” were noticeably shaken by the observation of the dolphin pod’s behavior. “We were performing our usual tasks — photographing and communing with the pod — when someone yelled, ‘Oh my God! They are travelling directly northward!’. We were stunned at the obvious implications of this unusual behavior”, related Ms. Dearing.”
Un-freakin’-believable! What a bunch of complete nincompoops!
Come to think of it the sucker was swimming due north. Hmmmmm.
Apparently Dolphins have never swam in that direction before. Only West, South, or East.
Missing in the article is how far and how long they swam north of course. Mentioned tracking, but not the results. What did they do after swimming North? Turn back South? What? Enquiring minds want to know!
Tragically, another pod that had been closely followed for seven years was decimated by a great white shark in 2003.
Maybe they were running from the shark?
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