Posted on 07/03/2009 5:16:23 PM PDT by TravisBickle
My name is Brendan. I'm an Obamaholic.
It started back in November of 2000. I didn't really hate George W. Bush then, but I really liked Al Gore and thought he would be the kind of president who would care for my needs.
When the Supreme Court stole the presidency from Al Gore, I went into a fit. I had trouble sleeping, and I would become angry with my cats for almost no reason. My employer noticed that my work productivity had slowed down, and they put me on light duty. With the help of my shop steward, I was able to apply and receive a disability settlement that I'm still not allowed to discuss.
As the Bush presidency wore on, I noticed that my thoughts were becoming more and more irrational. For example, when the man-made disaster struck on 9/11/01, I cried because my country had created so much anger in the world. I only know that if Al Gore had not been denied his presidency, the hijackers might have only asked for a monetary settlement before accidentally hitting those buildings.
Anyway, the Iraq invasion caused me further shame. I called Cindy Sheehan to see if I could go with her to Crawford, but I really sweat a lot in the heat, and my therapist said I shouldn't put so much stress on my body. So, I watched it all on MSNBC.
I'm not really sure if John Kerry was the best candidate to topple the Bush regime, but I campaigned for him anyway. At least that John Edwards was sharp.
When W won in 2004, I really thought about leaving this country. I considered going to one the progressive countries in Europe, but I'm not really good at picking up foreign languages. Then I thought about going to Canada, they speak English and are very polite. But the cost of living there is extremely high, and I really hate hockey. Besides, I could never find a copy of my birth certificate. As if that should matter for entry into a foreign country..
The US economy fell apart last year and while it hurt a lot a people, I secretly rejoiced because I knew in my heart of hearts that if there had not been some sort of catastrophe, that old codger and his bimbo running mate would have won the election. It's not that I hate Sarah Palin, but, okay, yes I do. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! She's a Stepford Wife with a hunting rifle.
But God was looking out for us (well, not really the real God, because there is no real God), and the country has been saved by the election of Barack Obama.
It's only been six months and things aren't looking good for millions of Americans, but I just feel different since January 20, 2009. I have spring in my step that has been missing for eight years. I'm not even gay, but I'm so happy I feel like marrying a man, just because I can!
But most of all, I'm so thrilled for our country because President Obama is going to change the world like it has never been changed before. I don't really know what that means, but it has to be something super fantastic, just because he is so wonderful! It's like when you wish upon a star, and you wish the craziest things like I want all the people in the world to love one another, and we can all have barbeques every weekend and we can ride our bikes forever and ever without getting tired. It's hope and love and joy and tenderness and happiness. I feel it every time I whisper his name . . . O-bama!
Why are they always so angry?
“Besides, I could never find a copy of my birth certificate. As if that should matter for entry into a foreign country.. “
Not saying a word.....
Here are the steps I took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over George W. Bush—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to economic prosperity. (And I wonder who THAT power could be --- hmmm?)
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Barack Obama as we understood the words he spoke from his teleprompter.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our political enemies.
5. Admitted to Obama, to ourselves, and to another caring, nurturing and gentle human being the exact nature of their wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have ACORN remove all those GOP registered voters.
7. Humbly asked Rahm to remove all handguns.
8. Made a list of all countries the US had harmed, and became willing to make apologies to them all.
9. Made direct reparations to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would come out of our own pockets.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when they were wrong promptly printed it in the New York Times.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Obama as we understood Him, praying only for universal health care and the power to raise taxes on every American earning more than $250,000 per year.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Obamaholics, and to pound these principles in the brains all our Republican friends, neighbors and relatives.
The liberal Kool-Aid is spiked with uric acid. Would make anyone humorless....
Travis! How hilarious! Now I have to run to STLToday.com and see the replies!! (I live in StL and work with some really rabid Zerobots.)
That was very good!!!!
The hard Left is angry because they feel Obama is just like Bush. There will never be a president far left enough for them.
ping
Why?
The truth hurts.
Thank you. I needed a laugh. Today I was telling somebody that this whole cult of global warming is due to the 2000 election.
Think about it. They NEVER got over the “ STOLEN “ election. So when slimebag Gore, started trying to be relevant with global warming- They felt they owed it to him to support him. Then, like the simpletons that they are, they were hooked.
They never believed that Bush was their president, and they martyed Gore- He used this to foist the greatest scam- next to Obama- ever pulled on America, global warming. But it is really serious now with crap and trade.
I know so many people that are exactly like the lightweight you just described. That post you put up made me laugh out loud.
I really, really, cannot stand these brain dead people. So again......Thanks for a little levity.
Oh, THANK YOU, Travis. The very thing for this surreal and paradoxical holiday.
Fantastic!!!!
You are great!
Here’s the direct link to the article and the lib responses LOL:
http://www.stltoday.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=7251417
Leftists are spoiled children. No matter what they get it still won’t make them happy.
Got a link to the article? I’d love to see the lib’s reaction!
I like it!! If it’s any consolation, I read a couple of paragraphs before realizing it was satire. You captured the essence of moonbattery ;-)
ROTFL!
9. Made direct reparations to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would come out of our own pockets.
Ain't that the truth!
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