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Honest Woman/Mistress Material
July 16 2009 | Niuhuru

Posted on 07/16/2009 8:38:36 AM PDT by Niuhuru

What is it that makes a woman mistress material in the mind of men? What is it that makes an honest woman in their minds?

Why do men keep mistresses? What drives them to it? I'm curious because on recent threads that discuss hookers/call girls, etc. some men say that wives are not putting out (forgive me for the crudity) and that is why they go to hookers.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Society
KEYWORDS: areyounutz; whatisthis
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1 posted on 07/16/2009 8:38:36 AM PDT by Niuhuru
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To: Niuhuru

I suppose for some people it’s hard to find “everything they want” in just one person.

But human beings are not perfect. No one should expect marriage to be perfect. What it is is a commitment - to one person.

In my life I have usually tried to be faithful to, and put up with, anyone who can put up with MY shortcomings!


2 posted on 07/16/2009 8:41:04 AM PDT by cvq3842 (Countless thousands of our ancestors died to give us the freedom we have today. Stay involved!)
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To: Niuhuru

Still wouldn’t cheat on my wife.


3 posted on 07/16/2009 8:42:12 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Niuhuru; Lazmataz

It is a global plot to keep all women away from Laz, so some of us take on 2, 3, even more....


4 posted on 07/16/2009 8:42:42 AM PDT by RabidBartender
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To: Niuhuru

What kind of comment threads are you reading?


5 posted on 07/16/2009 8:44:14 AM PDT by libertarian27 (Ingsoc: Life, Liberty and the Department of Happiness)
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To: Niuhuru
Here's a good start:


6 posted on 07/16/2009 8:45:19 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I can spell just fine, thanks, it's my typing that sucks.)
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To: Niuhuru
Just as rape is not about sexual gratification as much as it is about the thrill some human animals feel dominating another....

Infidelity isn't about sexual gratification as much as it is about the thrill of the “conquest”, feeling desired, etc.

Some people are happy with being married and are not out looking for trouble.

Other's like being married but feel a void within themselves that they seek to fill with adultery.

The difference between the two has nothing to do with how much love affection or sex they were getting at home.

The “I committed adultery because YOU were not loving enough” is just blaming the victim.

7 posted on 07/16/2009 8:45:42 AM PDT by allmendream ("Wealth is EARNED not distributed, so how could it be redistributed?")
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To: cvq3842

“In my life I have usually tried to be faithful to, and put up with, anyone who can put up with MY shortcomings!”

I have always said if my marriage ended for any reason, I’d probably remain unmarried. I just don’t like the odds of finding a second woman who can tolerate me. :)


8 posted on 07/16/2009 8:47:47 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (Whoever coined the term "foolproof" underestimated the ingenuity and determination of fools.)
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To: Niuhuru

I plead the Fifth your honor.....LOL


9 posted on 07/16/2009 8:47:47 AM PDT by jakerobins ( NO)
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To: Niuhuru

Why do men keep mistresses? What drives them to it?

____________________________________________________

God and man were in relationship in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve had one rule, not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Satan tempted Eve, telling her that God was lying. Eve and Adam ate of the apple and the relationship with God was broken and sin entered the world. Each of us is a sinner, each of us sins and there is no escape from that fact. God is perfectly just, and so sin must be punished. The punishment is death. To overcome this, since God is also perfectly loving, God sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to die in our place for our sins, punishing him in our place. To gain this forgiveness you do not need to do anything, since that anything is impossible for you since you are a sinner . . . no one can keep any law perfectly . . . so we are required to do only one thing. Come to the father through the son. Believe and repent.

The rest is just details!


10 posted on 07/16/2009 8:48:13 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: Niuhuru

If denied the opportunity to eat long enough, one will feel compelled to do so by any means necessary.


11 posted on 07/16/2009 8:48:58 AM PDT by ctdonath2 (John Galt was exiled.)
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To: Niuhuru

I always thought men cheat to feed their egos.


12 posted on 07/16/2009 8:49:08 AM PDT by KansasGirl (I still think Obama is just plain creepy.)
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To: Woebama

Perfect!


13 posted on 07/16/2009 8:50:14 AM PDT by SoConPubbie
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To: Niuhuru

The men, (or women who keep boytoys) are buysexual.

They can’t get sex unless they pay for it.


14 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:06 AM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: WakeUpAndVote
That's admirable decency. You've made the good moral decision. You are one of the fortunate people who really have a marriage!

One of my favorite books is His Needs Her Needs. It opened my eyes.

15 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:06 AM PDT by bannie
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To: Niuhuru
Too many individuals believe that once the ring in on their finger, the heavy lifting is over. Compound that with the radical feminists pumping out the bilge of "all sex is rape" and basic human laziness and you have a recipe for extra-marital affairs.

Wandering men, and women, are looking for excitement that isn't happening at home. And don't spew the crap about how tired the partner is! I had a stay-at-home wife who did virtually nothing all day and greeted me with a litany (once I woke her up) of how miserable her life was. I stayed faithful and remained in that empty marriage until she started abusing our son.

Marriage takes hard work. Just like fishing, it isn't enough to get 'em to bite and to hook them, you have to keep the line taunt and play 'em or they will get off!

The operative word is "play". It is an effort to keep a marriage or any relationship fun. If you think your work ends at the altar, you better have the number of a good divorce attorney, because that is where you are driving the marriage!

16 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:18 AM PDT by Redleg Duke ("Sarah Palin...Unleashing the Fury of the Castrated Left!")
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To: ctdonath2
If denied the opportunity to eat long enough, one will feel compelled to do so by any means necessary.

Only if you view yourself as a lower-order animal and not as a free moral agent.

BTW, we all have a choice to do either the right thing or the wrong thing, that is what distinguishes us from non-sentient beings like the animals.
17 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:44 AM PDT by SoConPubbie
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To: Niuhuru

From my observations, there are several reasons. One, some men cheat because it is fun. New lovers equals new experiences equals fun. Two, a feeling develops that wifey poo does not communicate or communicates by nagging, sarcasm, anger, or just doesn’t seem to have time, or just doesn’t enjoy intimate interactions any more. Three, hubby meets someone to whom he can talk and who seems to be different from wife, and as time goes on, feelings develop. If hubby leaves wife for new lover, he often finds new lover is same as old lover over time. Four, wife is just a rolling h*ll-raising b*tch.

parsy, who sees this kind of stuff happen


18 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:52 AM PDT by parsifal ("Knock and ye shall receive!" (The Bible, somewhere.))
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To: KansasGirl

The original question should be posted on Daily Kos. They check their consciences at the door.


19 posted on 07/16/2009 8:51:56 AM PDT by aimhigh
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To: Niuhuru

“ATTENTION”- physically, intellectually, emotionally


20 posted on 07/16/2009 8:52:51 AM PDT by captbarney
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To: MrEdd

“I don’t pay them for sex.......I pay them to leave.” Charley Sheen during the Heidi Fleiss trial.


21 posted on 07/16/2009 8:54:23 AM PDT by Roccus (The Capitol, the White House, the Court House...........America's Axis of Evil)
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To: KansasGirl

Do you think the same goes for women?


22 posted on 07/16/2009 8:54:39 AM PDT by Hildy
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To: Niuhuru

No offense but if you can answer that question you will probably have solved thousands of years of human behavior problems. You actually expect a credible answer?


23 posted on 07/16/2009 8:58:49 AM PDT by Seruzawa (Obamalama lied, the republic died.)
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To: Niuhuru

Whatever a spouse can not secure at home they will secure elsewhere.

There is ALWAYS someone willing to provide that which is not provided at home.

Period....


24 posted on 07/16/2009 8:59:05 AM PDT by river rat (Semper Fi - You may turn the other cheek, but I prefer to look into my enemy's vacant dead eyes.)
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To: allmendream

“The “I committed adultery because YOU were not loving enough” is just blaming the victim.”

You have categorically identified the “cheated on spouse” as a victim with no responsibility in the situation. A spouses eye or other body parts don’t wander if there is full participation and communication between married partners. I don’t beleive children,jobs,hobbies or other distractions are valid reasons for lack of full participation and communication between married partners.

Just some personal thoughts and observations of this 74 year male.


25 posted on 07/16/2009 9:00:51 AM PDT by TNoldman (Conservative Values FOREVER!)
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To: Niuhuru
What is it that makes a woman mistress material in the mind of men?

When she makes it pretty clear that she's willing to ignore the fact that the guy is married, and provide him with "sex on the side", supposedly without consequences.

What is it that makes an honest woman in their minds?

Not being that woman I just described. If she's shown that she has a tendency toward promiscuity she's probably not the one you want to start a family with.

26 posted on 07/16/2009 9:02:01 AM PDT by Kenton
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To: Niuhuru

Why do men keep mistresses? What drives them to it?....

(putting on my flame suit)

I believe that most men and women who have fallen in love eventually reach a mature state of love. That mature state is best described in my mind by most people’s phrase, “I love my wife” or “I love my husband”.

To put it in perspective “I love my daughter”, “I love my son”, “I love my mother” These statements all indicate a commitment to some family member based on a relationship and interaction overtime.

The interaction with the lover can best be describe with the phrase, “I am in love with this person” This to me indicates an exciting time of emotions that indicates a desire to be with someone constantly because of hormones racing around your mind, not necessarily sexual activities. The longer this can be sustained the more exciting the relationship.

So why do people cheat? I believe they miss the emotional excitement of being in love with someone. Love can be like a drug.


27 posted on 07/16/2009 9:02:21 AM PDT by Hang'emAll
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To: Niuhuru

This thread belongs on a liberal site, not a conservative one. Adultery is wrong.


28 posted on 07/16/2009 9:03:09 AM PDT by reaganaut1
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To: Niuhuru
Easy answer.


29 posted on 07/16/2009 9:04:45 AM PDT by Daffynition ("If any of you die, can I please have your ammo?" ~ Gator113)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

No matter how hot she is, there is at least one guy out there who is sick of her crap.


30 posted on 07/16/2009 9:04:55 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: Niuhuru
The wives not putting out is further justification for cheating. But I believe even if wives did put it out-- men would still cheat. Because we have a biological drive to put it in as many women as possible. And when you're married-- it makes you realize death is just around the corner so you have limited time to spread your DNA.

So there is the biological drive-- but I think perhaps even more determinant is boredom. You try ordering from the same menu everday for the rest of your life. Eventually, you're going to wanna try something new.

31 posted on 07/16/2009 9:07:00 AM PDT by exist
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To: SoConPubbie

Actually, if one segregates the sexual functions from the eating functions (I know...I know...)

Let’s just call them higher and lower instincts for the purposes of discussion (and this is not denigrating the power of the procreative impulses...)

One of the saddest, most pathetic and heartwrenching things about reading a book like “I Cannot Forgive”, “Night” or other books about the Holocaust is that it is true that the majority of people WILL do nearly anything to eat if they are starving. They will disown their own parents, children, spouse or siblings if that decreases their chances of survival or gaining food.

That is the heartbreak, when people came face to face with the choice, and because they wanted to live so badly, chose food. And the survivors carried that with them to the end of their days.

Now, granted, that isn’t everyone. Some people chose to die rather than succumb to that dehumanizing will to survive.

But, as horny as I have been at points in my life, I don’t see the sex instinct making me cross that threshold.

I did think the other poster was being somewhat...rhetorical when making that point...:)

Okay. Back to the silliness of the thread. TTIWWP!


32 posted on 07/16/2009 9:07:47 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: Niuhuru

People are regularly subject to all sorts of temptation. Some choose to give in to it because they have no moral compass. This takes place whether they are deprived of sex, love, and attention at home, or surrounded with all those things.

Some people cheat to gratify their egos. For some, no amount of love and admiration is enough. They think they can get away with it.

Some people get bored easily, and when the wife is no longer fresh meat, or if she is de-glamorized by wet diapers and screaming children, he seeks glamor and excitement of through some woman who has never touched a diaper (or can pretend she hasn’t). These men have unrealistic, immature ideas of what marriage is supposed to provide them with or what women should be like I’ve seen this one quite a bit—the guy thinks a woman with three preschoolers should always look gorgeous and be ready to screw at the drop of a hat, whether there are two kids with stomach flu in the house or not, and then they get all pouty if she doesn’t have mascara on and isn’t as enthusiastic about sex as she was before they had kids.

Some men (and women) are in genuinely miserable marriages but don’t want to leave because of the children, and they succumb to loneliness and/or horniness. This is rarely the case, however.


33 posted on 07/16/2009 9:07:50 AM PDT by ottbmare (Ein Reich, ein Volk, ein Obama!)
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To: reaganaut1

Nothing in the question even hints that adultery is not wrong.

The Bible says you can not make sickness go away by pretending it isn’t there.


34 posted on 07/16/2009 9:08:50 AM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: ctdonath2
If denied the opportunity to eat long enough, one will feel compelled to do so by any means necessary.

"If you're starving and somebody throw you a cracker, you gonna be like this: Damn, that's the best cracker I ever ate in my life! That ain't no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine? Damn, that was delicious. That wasn't no Saltine. That was... That was a Ritz. That wasn't a Ritz? God, that was the best cracker I ever ate in my life. Can I have another one, please? Please, one more."

Then you get married, because you think you've found the bomb. Have the same crackers every day for a year. And you roll over one day and be like: "Hey, I just got some regular old crackers."

-Eddie Murphy, Raw

35 posted on 07/16/2009 9:09:24 AM PDT by dfwgator
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To: dfwgator

36 posted on 07/16/2009 9:12:04 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: allmendream

Sorry, but I can’t agree completely with your statements.

I will say that more often than not folks dabble, both men and women, because they are missing something in their primary relationship.

However, when someone finds themselves in a relationship where the other person denies intimacy, whether physical, emotional or both, or where one lets themselves go to the point where their partner literally does not find them sexually appealing any longer, infidelity is more often than not going to be the end result.


37 posted on 07/16/2009 9:12:57 AM PDT by HamiltonJay
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To: Hildy

Yes. That is why you hear women say a lot, “He just made me feel so special...”


38 posted on 07/16/2009 9:14:02 AM PDT by KansasGirl (I still think Obama is just plain creepy.)
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To: Niuhuru

Human males are genetically programmed to impregnate as many females as possible.

But no real MAN would cheat on his wife.

It all comes down to deciding which head is running your life.


39 posted on 07/16/2009 9:15:07 AM PDT by B-Chan
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To: Daffynition
Hehehe...I LOVE that graphic...I saw that once, and could never find it, so I made my own...


40 posted on 07/16/2009 9:15:27 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: Woebama

If God is perfectly just and all people sin, why does He create people that He knows will commit sins? That sounds like He is creating people, just to punish them? He knew what Eve was going to do, and Adam, and even satan, didn’t He?


41 posted on 07/16/2009 9:16:06 AM PDT by stuartcr (Everything happens as God wants it to...otherwise, things would be different.)
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To: Niuhuru
Some things need to be considered about your Q's.

In today's new social order, women seem to cheat more so than men. What drives them can be found in any female dominated sit-com such as “Sex in The City”, for instance. I'm amazed at the amount of women who have no reservations about cheating while married! Simply go to the gym, super market or park during the day while their hubby is at work and watch their behavior. A fling is hardly looked down upon, and any turmoil at home only justifies their actions even more so in their selfish point of view.

Unfortunately, I fell for a woman who never wore a ring at all. We saw each other for quite some time & even discussed marriage. It turned out that her husband worked a traveling job in the oil field, and she used his absence as reason for seeing me. When I found out she was married, I was crushed for three reasons:

She was married(something I respect).

She lied(foundation of relationships).

She put my life and reputation in jeopardy.

I couldn't imagine what I would do if I found another man in my bed?!

Well, I could, but I wouldn't go into detail...

42 posted on 07/16/2009 9:17:11 AM PDT by bayouranger (The 1st victim of islam is the person who practices the lie.)
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To: Redleg Duke

My wife and I don’t work at it, it’s just what comes naturally.


43 posted on 07/16/2009 9:18:15 AM PDT by stuartcr (Everything happens as God wants it to...otherwise, things would be different.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
I have always said if my marriage ended for any reason, I’d probably remain unmarried. I just don’t like the odds of finding a second woman who can tolerate me. :)

I did it. I was widowed at 59. I did a year of mourning and started dating. It's a scary thing to start dating again after 40 years.....the rules have changed. I dated ladies from 37 to 70. The Lord sent me a beautiful young lady (one year older than me) that is everything a man could dream for.

I hope it doesn't happen to you, but if it does don't give up. Just be choosy.

44 posted on 07/16/2009 9:19:18 AM PDT by Retired COB (Still mad about Campaign Finance Reform)
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To: stuartcr

If God is perfectly just and all people sin, why does He create people that He knows will commit sins? That sounds like He is creating people, just to punish them? He knew what Eve was going to do, and Adam, and even satan, didn’t He?
_______________________________________________________

Yes, God is perfectly just and all people sin, and he creates people that he knows will commit sins. However, it does not sound like he is creating people just to punish them, that is where your logic breaks down, since Christ provides forgiveness for the sins and allows us into relationship with God. God’s creation is an act of love and the relationship between man and God is one of his purposes.


45 posted on 07/16/2009 9:20:22 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: B-Chan

Well, it is why we don’t consider ourselves animals (at least most of us)

We have a choice. I recognize I am human, and try when I can to avoid putting myself in compromising positions where I will be allowed to make that choice or even put in a position to do so.

Like going to Vegas with a bunch of guys and getting completely inebriated...

I don’t always succeed in avoiding thos situations, but haven’t failed yet. Bottom line, I do love my wife and would consider it a betrayal.


46 posted on 07/16/2009 9:21:44 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: ottbmare
Some men (and women) are in genuinely miserable marriages but don’t want to leave because of the children, and they succumb to loneliness and/or horniness. This is rarely the case, however.

I'm not arguing whether this is true or not, but I have to ask: how could you possibly know this? Aren't you just making this "fact" up?
47 posted on 07/16/2009 9:21:47 AM PDT by fr_freak
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To: stuartcr

I think the whole point is free will.

If God made us all love him and obey him without deviation, then it wouldn’t mean much if we were virtuous.

This is a very old discussion...:)


48 posted on 07/16/2009 9:23:32 AM PDT by rlmorel ("The Road to Serfdom" by F.A.Hayek - Read it...today.)
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To: Niuhuru

You know this is a Political Forum right?


49 posted on 07/16/2009 9:26:17 AM PDT by McGruff (Who is Jim Thompson?)
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To: WakeUpAndVote

I never cheated on my wife either, but looking back I wonder why I put up with the crap I tolerated.


50 posted on 07/16/2009 9:26:55 AM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (THE SECOND AMENDMENT, A MATTER OF FACT, NOT A MATTER OF OPINION)
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