~~~~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~~~~

[Lucky9teen]

What's the difference between God and a Supreme court judge?

God does not think he is a Supreme court judge.

How many Supreme Court judges does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.

---

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?

Your Honour.

An attorney passed on and found himself in Heaven (obviously not a family law lawyer), but was not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to Saint Peter, who told him his only course of action was to appeal. The lawyer immediately appealed and was told it would take 3 years to hear his appeal. The attorney protested that this was unconscionable, but to no avail.

The lawyer was then approached by the devil who told him that he could have the appeal heard within a few days if the lawyer would change the venue to Hell. When the lawyer asked why appeals were heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told "We have all the judges."

---

Two duck hungers ran into one another early one morning. One of them noticed that the other's dog was just sitting there, who no interest in retrieving any of the fowl his master downed.

The first hunter asked, "What's wrong with your dog? The last time I saw him he was one of the best bird dogs I'd ever seen!"

"Well," the other hunter replied. "His name's Lawyer. He used to run all over creation working hard and getting the job done. Then one day, someone made the mistake of calling him Judge. Now all he does is sit on his ass and bark."

"All in all, I'd rather have been a judge than a miner. And what's more, being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, you have to go. Well, the very opposite applies with judges." -- Peter Cook

---

Father (after being denied access to his children and having all his assets seized): Can I address the court?

Judge: Of course.

Father: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?

Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and sentence you to five days in jail.

Father: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?

Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.

Father: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that. The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."

---

While walking through a courthouse, a kid enters an empty courtroom. He sees a fine leather briefcase (the kind the lawyers carry) sitting on the table, picks it up and exits through the back door of the courtroom into the judge's chambers. And who should be sitting there - the judge.

Judge: "Hey kid, are you familiar with the liquor store across the street from the courthouse?"

Kid: "Yeah?"

Judge: "Good, I want you to go across the street and steal me a bottle of booze." The kid runs across the street, enters the liquor store, and when the proprietor is not looking, slips a fifth into the briefcase and brings it back to the judge. The judge immediately opens the bottle and swigs half of it.

Judge: "Hey kid, I need you to run another errand. There's a contractor, Slapdash Construction, next to the liquor store. Go to them and tell them that the judge sent you. They'll give you a brown paper bag. Bring it back to me."

The kid runs to Slapdash Construction, tells them that the judge sent him, receives a brown paper bag filled with fifties and hundreds, puts it into the briefcase and takes it to the judge.

Judge: "Kid, you did great. Now unzip my fly." Kid: "Hey wait a minute mister. I'm not a real attorney; I just found this briefcase in the courtroom."


A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.

Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. "Where are they," asked the driver.

"You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is?" asked the incredulous judge.

"The courthouse? Of course I know where that is." replied the driver. "But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice.'

A family court judge and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door.

"What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the family court judge to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood.... the pig and the cow.

---

A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot.

Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, "Counselor, you should be aware that at this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other."

"Your honor," replied the lawyer, "That goes without saying. What is there to prevent it?"
Q: What do you call a judge gone bad?

A: Senator.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Your honor.

[Lucky9teen]

JUDGE SOTOMAYOR
You Are Totally Prejudiced

You judge people on their race, gender, sexual orientation, and ethnic background...
Even before you have a chance to get to know them!
While you think you know people, you really don't have a clue about them.
Get to know individuals for who they are... and you'll be surprised what you find out.

Are You Prejudiced?

[Travis T. OJustice]

Happy Friday!

[Travis T. OJustice]

Happy Friday!

[Travis T. OJustice]

Happy Friday!

[Lucky9teen]

---

FRIDAY SILLINESS

CLICK HERE TO BE ADDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

---

[CholeraJoe]

[ShadowAce]

Happy Friday!!

[Larry Lucido]

Good morning!

[bmwcyle]

[ETL]

Judge Sonia Sotomayor caught on tape
saying "Court is Where Policy is Made"

Link to YouTube video of her making the comment:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfC99LrrM2Q

[arbooz]

[ErnBatavia]

Silliness much needed....115 degrees predicted for these parts today.

Sigh....summah in the desert.

[envisio]

Its Friday.
I want beer.

[Rummyfan]

Happy Friday to you too!

Heard these two this week and had to share:

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum Blown-Apart.

A man returns to his family home for Christmas. On Christmas Eve morning he goes to breakfast at the local diner and orders eggs benedict. The waitress serves him his eggs on an oversized chrome platter. Intrigued the man asks why.

The waitress replies 'There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.'

[BwanaNdege]

As my wife would say, “Oooooooooooooooooooooo!”

[Izzy Dunne]

[Responsibility2nd]

She either has the biggest outie ever...

Or her (bleep) rides high.

[Izzy Dunne]

I'm ready for OFST!

[Pan_Yan]

I want beer.

Here ya' go.

[Izzy Dunne]

I'm ready for OFST!

My Iranian Tank - not so much

[CSM]

I’m only a little prejudiced. I am surprised by that...

[glock rocks]

Whoa... looks like it’s about 90% off...

[Izzy Dunne]

Ever wonder about that horse-head on the wall? Well, look at the other side:

[Izzy Dunne]

I'm ready for OFST!

[CSM]

That was awesome!

[Izzy Dunne]

We're ready for OFST!

[envisio]

I nominate that for an Academy Award.

[Dead Corpse]

This should surprise no one...

You Are Not Prejudiced

Not only are you color blind, but you're also ethnicity blind, gender blind, and sexual orientation blind.
You don't judge someone until you truly know them. And even then, you're probably reluctant to judge.
You try to treat everyone equally. Everyone has a fair chance with you.
Good job - there's not a prejudiced bone in your body.

Are You Prejudiced?

[Izzy Dunne]

Ever wonder what happens to old fat ho's ?

[crusty old prospector]

That’s a man, baby.

[red-dawg]

ALRIGHT! IT'S FRIDAY!!!!

[OrioleFan]

Where I work, they used to hand out a Cliff Claven award for the person who could toss out the most useless information. You had to preceed it with, “It;s a little known fact...”

Example:
It’s a little known fact that Ted Kennedy didn’t have a valid driver’s license when he killed Mary Jo Kopechne - the state of Massachusetts created one and backdated it for him.”

[red-dawg]

[Sax]

[ErnBatavia]

That bulge is proof that “it’s a myth”....

[rockabyebaby]

Woooooooooooooohooooooooooooo in the top 40!

[red-dawg]

[martin_fierro]

[OB1kNOb]

[CougarGA7]

That is awesome. Where do I get some OMG missiles?

[OB1kNOb]

[ConservativeMan55]

bttt

[Disambiguator]

How many Supreme Court judges does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.

How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: one to hold the bulb and the other to drink Scotch until the room spins.

[The Chief]

Top 50!

[Tatze]

We're ready for OFST!

[Lucky9teen]

Are you in AZ too?

[the_devils_advocate_666]

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