Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Why I Had to Stay Up Half the Night Watching 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra'
Newsweek ^ | 08/07/09 | Ramin Setoodeh

Posted on 08/07/2009 1:07:48 PM PDT by OldDeckHand

Paramount was so worried the critics would hate G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra—and with good reason, it's awful—that they decided not to screen it for anybody. Just one problem: the first showing was at 12:01 a.m. on Friday, which means I have all night to tell you how bad it is. Bad. Bad. Bad. It's excruciatingly bad. Gigli bad. How bad are we talking? I chronicled my night:

11:40 p.m.: I arrive to the theater, a little sleepy and slightly giddy that the movie could be so bad that it's good. I ask the older couple on the escalator behind if they're here to see G.I. Joe. No! It's got to be bad, they say, because it wasn't even screened for the critics. They're here to see Meryl Streep as Julia Child.

12:01 a.m.: Showtime. Except not really. I was expecting crowds and G.I. toys and maybe even a few people chanting "All-American Hero" (yes, I was a G.I. Joe groupie back in the day). But the theater is half empty and a woman down the aisle from me is picking her nose.

12:09 a.m.: Trailers. First bad omen: the movies previewed before G.I. Joe include a very bad John Travolta movie and a very bad M. Night Shyamalan movie. Although, in retrospect, neither of them could possibly be as bad as G.I. Joe.

(Excerpt) Read more at blog.newsweek.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Military/Veterans; Music/Entertainment; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: badmovies; dreadful; gijoe; hollywood; horrible; moviereview; movies; worthless
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-56 next last
Apparently, even the leftist media loathes (as the director described it), Barack Obama's GI Joe. The reviews, like this one, are just bone-crushing critical. Worst movie ever seems to be the consensus.
1 posted on 08/07/2009 1:07:48 PM PDT by OldDeckHand
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Darn.

I was hoping it wouldn’t be too craptacular.

Sigh.

Maybe I’ll just wait for a pirate version consisting only of scenes of The Baroness walkign around.


2 posted on 08/07/2009 1:10:00 PM PDT by El Sordo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Worst movie ever?

No, they have to sit through “Manos, the Hands of Fate” before they can say that.


3 posted on 08/07/2009 1:10:04 PM PDT by Brett66 (Where government advances, and it advances relentlessly , freedom is imperiled -Janice Rogers Brown)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Obama Joe. I hope it tanks (pun intended) badly.


4 posted on 08/07/2009 1:10:43 PM PDT by Rocko (Mymindisaragingtorrent,floodedwithrivuletsofthoughtcascadingintoawaterfallofcreativealternatives.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

I see Razzies in this movie’s future.


5 posted on 08/07/2009 1:12:40 PM PDT by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand
They're here to see Meryl Streep as Julia Child.

And just how desperately bored would you have to be to see that?

6 posted on 08/07/2009 1:13:16 PM PDT by marron
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: dfwgator
"I see Razzies in this movie’s future."

If you're a director or producer and you see the word "Gigli" in one of the first published reviews of your movie, you're probably going to be looking for a tall tree and a short rope.

7 posted on 08/07/2009 1:15:06 PM PDT by OldDeckHand (No Socialized Medicine, No Way, No How, No Time)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

RE: Your reference to the “preview” of the new Travolta movie. Don’t be so quick to judge. Don’t sell Travolta short. His movie could be WAY worse than this one.


8 posted on 08/07/2009 1:16:15 PM PDT by WayneS (Respect the 2nd Amendment; Repeal the 16th)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand
Odd. The guy at Air Force Blues actually liked, particularly once you realize it's a comic movie not a military movie.
9 posted on 08/07/2009 1:18:11 PM PDT by Tanniker Smith (Obi-Wan Palin: Strike her down and she shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

throw in “Joe vs. Volcano” also.


10 posted on 08/07/2009 1:21:54 PM PDT by WoodstockCat (General Honore: "The storm gets a vote... We're not stuck on stupid.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

12:20 a.m through 2:08 a.m - from start of movie to finish.

That’s exactly one hour and forty-eight minutes of your life you can never get back!


11 posted on 08/07/2009 1:23:06 PM PDT by WayneS (Respect the 2nd Amendment; Repeal the 16th)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

That was one of the funniest movie reviews I’ve ever read,

I’ve only known two people who liked The Mummy, both of them were mildly retarded. I’m sure they’ll go crazy for this pap too.


12 posted on 08/07/2009 1:24:21 PM PDT by JerseyHighlander
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Somehow what has happened to ‘GI Joe’ over the years tragically mirrors the slow change in our nation’s character and priorities over the years since WW2. The phrase ‘GI Joe’ became part of the American lexicon as referring to an average soldier, probably the son of a farmer or a shopkeeper or a factory worker. He didn’t have any special title; however, together with a few million others just like him, he went about saving the world through his courage, honor, and self-sacrifice.

Somehow GI Joe’s weapons became high tech and he morphed into a member of an elite top-secret special unit with unlimited resources that answers to no one, and does whatever is necessary to win.


13 posted on 08/07/2009 1:26:48 PM PDT by CaptainMorgantown
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JerseyHighlander

“...You’re on the wrong side of the riiiveeer.”

Loved The Mummy


14 posted on 08/07/2009 1:28:04 PM PDT by PeteB570 (NRA - Life member and Black Rifle owner)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

“To Wan Fu with love, Julie Numar” I hate that movie so much I didnt look up how to spell it.


15 posted on 08/07/2009 1:30:10 PM PDT by Enigo54 (What we don't have makes up for what we don't have)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Worst movie ever?

Has this guy never viewed Fireball 500?


16 posted on 08/07/2009 1:32:05 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Obama is in way over his ears.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: PeteB570

Liked “The Mummy” but Sommers hasn’t done ANYTHING worth watching since. The sequels and “the Scorpion King” were all horrible and this unwatchable GI Joe might be the last nail in the coffin of Sommers’ career.


17 posted on 08/07/2009 1:33:29 PM PDT by jyoders19
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: JerseyHighlander
I’ve only known two people who liked The Mummy

I saw part of that movie once. There were a lot of malevolent bugs. I don't know why.

18 posted on 08/07/2009 1:34:09 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Obama is in way over his ears.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: JerseyHighlander

All “The Mummy” movies are popular at my house. But then the kid has just turned 17 this year and those are ‘his’ movies.


19 posted on 08/07/2009 1:39:12 PM PDT by SatinDoll (NO Foreign Nationals as our President!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand
The reviewer is Ramin Setoodeh, Stanford educated with an English major and recipient of numerous business internships incl. the WSJ and USN&WR. His college minor was in (surprise!) political science. He's such a good journalist that, according to his own journal, he had already determined that G.I.Joe would be bad 20 minutes before the movie started....
11:40p.m.: I arrive to the theater, a little sleepy and slightly giddy that the movie could be so bad that it's good.
ONE MINUTE INTO THE MOVIE, he demonstrates that he's not even paying attention to what's happening on-screen, because the introductory scene sets up both the villain's background, modus operandi, and affectation for iron masks....
12:20 a.m.: OK, at last the movie is about to start. Oh. It's presented by Hasbro.
12:21 a.m. France, 1641....I should add this scene has no relevance at all to anything that follows.

20 posted on 08/07/2009 1:40:04 PM PDT by Alex Murphy ("I always longed for repose and quiet" - John Calvin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: jyoders19

Might be.

I’ll be taking the 10 year old to see GI Joe this weekend.

Hey, just the two of us, the big screen, a large very buttered popcorn, large drink to split (two straws) and twizzlers.

She watches the previews - “Me & sis movie” “Me and Grammy” “Me & Mommy” “That’s a Me & You movie, Daddy”.


21 posted on 08/07/2009 1:40:42 PM PDT by PeteB570 (NRA - Life member and Black Rifle owner)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Brett66
I dunno....I think 'The Lonely Lady' starring Pia Zadora has to be in my top 2 PFU movies of all time....
22 posted on 08/07/2009 1:41:29 PM PDT by BossLady (<<<Had my MOB name before it was kewl......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand
a very bad M. Night Shyamalan movie


Off topic but every time I hear M. Night Shyamalan's name I think of Dale Gribble's line: "The films of M. Night Shyamalamalan." Cracks me up.
23 posted on 08/07/2009 1:41:46 PM PDT by Since 2009-07-21
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: El Sordo

The Director already said last week that this film isn’t for Republicans to watch...that it takes place in an Obama world.

He can keep this crap and shove it.


24 posted on 08/07/2009 1:42:47 PM PDT by My Favorite Headache (An oath to a liar is no oath at all)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

Nope, “Speed 2”, now there was two hours of my life I’ll never get back.


25 posted on 08/07/2009 1:42:51 PM PDT by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Jeff Chandler
Worst movie ever?
Has this guy never viewed Fireball 500?

That was worse that Robot Jox?

26 posted on 08/07/2009 1:47:12 PM PDT by Centurion2000 (1st Amendment or the 2nd .... let them choose.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Jeff Chandler
Worst movie ever?
Has this guy never viewed Fireball 500?

That was worse that Robot Jox?

27 posted on 08/07/2009 1:47:19 PM PDT by Centurion2000 (1st Amendment or the 2nd .... let them choose.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Brett66
TRUE THAT! I made the mistake of watching it because it was voted to be "The Worst Movie Ever". Me, being the eternal optimist, thought it couldn't be that bad...boy, was I wrong!
28 posted on 08/07/2009 1:48:22 PM PDT by Andonius_99 (There are two sides to every issue. One is right, the other is wrong; but the middle is always evil.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Rocko

re: your tagline - “Ditto!”


29 posted on 08/07/2009 1:50:32 PM PDT by Andonius_99 (There are two sides to every issue. One is right, the other is wrong; but the middle is always evil.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: My Favorite Headache
The Director already said last week that this film isn’t for Republicans to watch...that it takes place in an Obama world.

Transformers 2 does, too. For those who care, in the new movie "G.I.Joe" is no longer an American military force but a NATO-like international team, where America is just one of the guiding players.

The home base for the movie's good guys is in Egypt. The chief bad guys are European. Just think about the political and religious implications behind that one detail.

30 posted on 08/07/2009 1:51:14 PM PDT by Alex Murphy ("I always longed for repose and quiet" - John Calvin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: BossLady

I’ve seens parts of that, it’s a masterpiece compared to “Manos”. Manos may not even be a movie, just an abomination made to torture the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 guys.


31 posted on 08/07/2009 1:55:16 PM PDT by Brett66 (Where government advances, and it advances relentlessly , freedom is imperiled -Janice Rogers Brown)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: Centurion2000

Where is Ishtar on this list?


32 posted on 08/07/2009 1:56:33 PM PDT by willyd (My Driver's License is under Obama's Birth Certificate officer.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: Since 2009-07-21

Every M. Night Shaboobadoo movie is bad. The guy is so over rated its not even funny. He completely sucks but he is still getting rich making crap.


33 posted on 08/07/2009 2:05:45 PM PDT by Astronaut
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Brett66
I guess the scene in the 'The Lonely Lady' involving the garden hose took me over the top to put it as #2 on my list...HAHAHAH!

I have seen 'Manos'....it is hilarious horror! LOL!

Speaking of MST3K......'Santa Claus Conquers The Martians' has to be my vote for worst of the worst on their platform....

34 posted on 08/07/2009 2:10:34 PM PDT by BossLady (<<<Had my MOB name before it was kewl......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Saw it this morning. It was alright. It isn’t the worst movie I ever seen. And as far as raping childhoods go, it is faaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr behind Transformers 2 and Terminator: Salvation just from this summer.

As far as it no longer being an explicitly American team, that is really only brought up twice, when the Joes first meet Duke and Ripcord and then when Gen. Hawk explains who they are. Of the ones we follow for most of the movie, Duke, Ripcord and Scarlett are all American. Heavy Duty is English and Breaker is Morroccan. Snake Eyes, of course, is indeterminate.


35 posted on 08/07/2009 2:12:24 PM PDT by Mr. Blonde (You ever thought about being weird for a living?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Astronaut

I couldn’t agree more, actually. I find his movies insufferable. I remember early on, some critics comparing M. Night’s movies to......HITCHCOCK! AGHGHH!


36 posted on 08/07/2009 2:14:52 PM PDT by Since 2009-07-21
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: WayneS

Always good to look at the bright side there.


37 posted on 08/07/2009 2:15:00 PM PDT by El Sordo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Astronaut

It must be a matter of taste. I really enjoyed Signs and a few of his other movies. Unbreakable was only ok, and I never saw The Village.

Sixth Sense was overrated.


38 posted on 08/07/2009 2:17:28 PM PDT by Retired Greyhound
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

The absolute worst movie of all time is “Raymie” released July 5, 1960. It is the standard by which all movies can be rated. It serves the function of absolute zero. Anything above absolute zero demonstrates at least some movement. It was not even “camp!” “Raymie” gave meaning to the term death.


39 posted on 08/07/2009 2:29:30 PM PDT by AEMILIUS PAULUS (It is a shame that when these people give a riot)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

Is it worse than the First Street Fighter Movie?

I knew it was going to be bad in previews I have seen in trailers plus on tv, and the moment I had heard they had deviated from the Real American Hero plot of the Pro-American 80’s tunes.

I hope GI Joe is remade someday (but with a decidedly less cheesy and decidedly more American plot-line-NO I haven’t seen it, but from the reviews I have read).

I wouldn’t mind if GI JOE is even re invented minus the cartoon/sci fi plot and get back to the GI JOE of my father (The Real American Hero) which fought in WW II, Korea, and Vietnam!


40 posted on 08/07/2009 2:33:36 PM PDT by JSDude1 (I'm a "Tea Partier" and proud of it..now can I have my check from Mr. State Farm man??)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: JSDude1

My post made it sound like my father fought in WWII, Korea and Vietname, not he did not, and wasn’t in a war, however he is former Army, and served in the 70’s-80’s!


41 posted on 08/07/2009 2:35:18 PM PDT by JSDude1 (I'm a "Tea Partier" and proud of it..now can I have my check from Mr. State Farm man??)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 40 | View Replies]

To: Mr. Blonde
"Terminator: Salvation "

Really, it's better than TS? I didn't see Transformers 2 (and don't plan to), but I did see TS and didn't think it was horrible. It wasn't great or even good, but was just average.

I don't think I'll see it because of the director's comments - plus the fact that my wife would me me reciprocate with a chick-flick, probably starring Matthew McConaughey. Considering I'm still in therapy trying to erase "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" from my memory, I'm not going to risk it.

42 posted on 08/07/2009 2:39:31 PM PDT by OldDeckHand (No Socialized Medicine, No Way, No How, No Time)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 35 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand
Sienna Miller makes her grand entrance. She's wearing a dominatrix leather suit and channeling Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Well, that sounds promising...

43 posted on 08/07/2009 2:41:27 PM PDT by Billthedrill
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: OldDeckHand

I loathed Terminator: Salvation. I thought GI Joe was pretty good in comparison. It was cheesy and full of CGI, but it had the big explosions I remember imagining when I played with the toys.


44 posted on 08/07/2009 2:55:49 PM PDT by Mr. Blonde (You ever thought about being weird for a living?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: JerseyHighlander

My kids love The Mummy movies.


45 posted on 08/07/2009 3:09:32 PM PDT by BBell
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

I thought Ishtar was the worst movie ever?

Or was that Howard the Duck?


46 posted on 08/07/2009 7:36:48 PM PDT by Chewbacca (He isn't POTUS until he shows a birth certificate. Refer to him only as Barry until he does.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Chewbacca

Ok, you asked for it. Manos is on youtube, here’s part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GLkJFLkHS8

If you don’t want to stab your eyes out after part 1, then here’s part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTgh5IJHCuw

Keep going until you see all 7 parts, you’ll regret it. LOL!


47 posted on 08/07/2009 7:56:38 PM PDT by Brett66 (Where government advances, and it advances relentlessly , freedom is imperiled -Janice Rogers Brown)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 46 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

Hey Brett...don’t trash Manos..lol. I love the haunting Torgo theme and the “seduction” scene. To fully appreciate the beauty of Manos you have to see the MST3K treatment.


48 posted on 08/07/2009 8:03:24 PM PDT by TrishaSC
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 47 | View Replies]

To: TrishaSC

Ahh yes, the emotional impact of the Torgo seduction scene was epic! Kind of like a million worms crawling underneath your skin.

He even convinced her not to tell her husband, quite the charmer that Torgo. LOL!


49 posted on 08/07/2009 8:25:50 PM PDT by Brett66 (Where government advances, and it advances relentlessly , freedom is imperiled -Janice Rogers Brown)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 48 | View Replies]

To: Brett66

ThE mAsTeR wOuLd NoT aPpRoVe...


50 posted on 08/07/2009 10:02:37 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Crazy is the new sane.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-56 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson