Skip to comments.BREAKING: Obama to be new Jack Bauer on '24'.
Posted on 10/09/2009 10:47:24 AM PDT by rintense
In a stunning move, Fox has announced it is replacing Kiefer Sutherlund of Jack Bauer fame with President Barack Hussein Obama. Sources say the show will be 'restyled' for the world we live in today, and the title changed to '57', the number of states the new Jack Bauer will try to protect.
'We're excited with this new direction,' said a show insider who asked not to be named, '24 was already headed down this road anyway. Obama has shown that he is a man of peace, though we really only gave him this role because we hope he'll do well.'
Out-going Jack Bauer of old, Kiefer Sutherlund, had some biting criticism of his replacement, but rumors indicate he received a strongly worded email from the White House before those comments were made public. We managed to find Kief at the Viper Room in Hollywood, and his only comment was: 'I'm known for tackling Christmas Trees. The only experience Obama has with that is sex with his wife when she's wearing a green dress.'
Though Fox execs, whose network has been accused of unfairly attacking the President on several occasions, are noticeably silent as to speculation that Obama has requested a character name change. The President reportedly complained the surname 'Bauer' sounded 'too Jewish'. Other sources say the character will now be known as just 'Jack'.
Right-winged commentator Rush Limbaugh, who has ties to the show, said he will likely skip the restyled series, and declined rumors that he was asked to play a bad guy on the show.
'Obama Jack coming after me in a tv show wouldn't be any different than in real life. Now if he wanted to have a pitching contest, that I'd do. I just have to head to Coldwater Creek for some granny jeans and have someone remove the bones from my wrist.'
This Just In: Obama Wins American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, Survivor and Big Brother all in same day.
I read that he has already been awarded an Emmy for his future performances on the show!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.