~$$~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd ~$$~

[Lucky9teen]

Obama's economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Obama's economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.



It's so bad, I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

Obama's economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.



Obama's economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.



Obama's economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Obama's economy is so bad Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.



Obama's economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.



Obama's economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.



Obama's economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama's economy is so bad the Mafia is laying off judges.



Obama's economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

[50mm]

[IYAS9YAS]

By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”

Glad I wasn't drinking anything. I'd be cleaning up a mess!

[Godzilla]

[frankenMonkey]

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

You Would Sell Out for $1,123,950

And not a penny less!

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

[LongElegantLegs]

Awesome.

[red-dawg]

[paulycy]

TOP 50!

[Squidpup]

[Squidpup]

[dangus]

LOL!*pop*

[dangus]

Hey, it’s not my problem you didn’t get the subtle ironies of my play on Dostoyevski.

You literalist, you.
(/eurosnob)

[Monkey Face]

You Would Sell Out for $1,123,950

And not a penny less!

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

[Rightly Biased]

From an email today

_________________________________________________________
Ten Reasons Why I Voted Democrat

1. I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

4. I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

5. I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop what they’re doing because they now think we’re good people.

6. I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

7. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

8. I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

10. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

[Rightly Biased]

Boobs vs. Willies

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many Kinds of boobs are there?’

The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, a woman goes through three Phases. In her 20s, a woman’s boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In Her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After50, they are like onions’.
‘ Onions??’
‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’

This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, ‘Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?’

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and Hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree’.

‘A Christmas tree?’

‘Yes -— dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.’

[Rightly Biased]

YOU GOTTA LOVE A GOOD NURSE!

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:
“Get well soon.....from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week....”

[Rightly Biased]

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, Seven Points.’

His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’
The old man replied, ‘its fart football.’

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says Touchdown, tie score.’

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
‘Touchdown, tie score.’

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally craps in the bed.

The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’

The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.

[Rightly Biased]

A Farmer in Love

A guy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says,

“Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.”

The wife, laying in bed reading a book, looks up and says, “If you

weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.”

The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch, you’d

realize I was talking to the sheep.”