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Let The Tiger Jokes Begin...
Self | 12-3-09 | Bushbacker1

Posted on 12/03/2009 6:03:15 AM PST by Bushbacker1

Let 'em begin:


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Sports
KEYWORDS: humor; jokes; tiger; tigerwoods; woods
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What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common? They're both in danger of being clubbed by Norwegians!

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between the iron or the wood.

Tiger just hates it when he drives and his balls hit a tree.

His wife Elin told police that she went for a rescue wood, but it looks like she really went for the driver.

Did you hear that he inspired a new Kung Fu movie to be released? "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant."

Did you make it out of your own driveway safely this morning? Then you can say that you outdrove Tiger Woods.

Tiger just lost his endorsement with Gillette because now they can't use his ad in which he says, "This was my closest shave yet."

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant. She's teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

What do Tiger and Elin have in common? They both try to club his balls as hard as possible.

Tiger's confused. Every OTHER time he made a hole-in-one, everyone was all happy about it.

Usually Tiger makes it onto the fairway, but he's in trouble on this round because he put one into the bush.

Did you hear about Tiger's last outing? He drove into a tree, then ended up with a bad lie.

What kind of club did Elin swing at Tiger? Looks like it was a bitching wedge.

Tiger Woods has a lot of nice cars, but now he has a hole in one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 350 yards.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.

1 posted on 12/03/2009 6:03:15 AM PST by Bushbacker1
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To: Bushbacker1

Even the world’s best golfer cannot play every lie.


2 posted on 12/03/2009 6:05:53 AM PST by pogo101
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To: Bushbacker1

He’s changed his name from “Tiger” to “Tom Cat”


3 posted on 12/03/2009 6:06:15 AM PST by kittymyrib
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To: Bushbacker1

Women agree, Mrs. Woods should have employed an iron.

Men agree, Mr. Woods should have employed a driver.


4 posted on 12/03/2009 6:06:45 AM PST by pogo101
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To: pogo101

And to think I thought “Woods” was a reference to a driver.


5 posted on 12/03/2009 6:08:29 AM PST by dangus (Nah, I'm not really Jim Thompson, but I play him on FR.)
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To: kittymyrib

“Go in the hole” will be replaced with “Hey, where the White women at?”

The Woods haven’t come out of the house to go to the grocery store. They must be living off “hot tongue” and “Cold Shoulder”.


6 posted on 12/03/2009 6:08:36 AM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: kittymyrib

Cheeta...


7 posted on 12/03/2009 6:08:42 AM PST by gov_bean_ counter (Sarah Palin - For such a time as this)
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To: Bushbacker1

Well well, my question about the obsession with the destruction of a family and the elevation of a home-wreaker gets pulled.
But a joke posting about the Woods gets to stay.
OK I get it.


8 posted on 12/03/2009 6:10:21 AM PST by Marty62 (former Marty60)
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To: massgopguy
No kidding.

They are hiding in that house.

I wonder what they are eating or doing with their time?

Obviously Woods has access to his cell phone and internet (haha).

9 posted on 12/03/2009 6:12:04 AM PST by GI Joe Fan (GI Joe represents Real American Heroes, not a bunch of globalist drones.)
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To: Bushbacker1

Put a Tiger in your skank........


10 posted on 12/03/2009 6:12:14 AM PST by Lovely-Day-For-A-Guinness (Eenie meanie, chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak....)
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To: gov_bean_ counter

That’s what my friend heard on the radio. Tiger Woods has had a name change. He will no longer be called Tiger; henceforth he will be known as “Cheetah.”


11 posted on 12/03/2009 6:12:21 AM PST by hennie pennie
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To: Bushbacker1

Nike dropped Tiger’s endorsement deal; they said his balls are uncontrollable


12 posted on 12/03/2009 6:13:11 AM PST by jilliane
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To: Bushbacker1
"I hereby pardon Tiger Woods of any wrong-doing, I will fire any divorce-court judge that takes this case! ...that White-Girl acted stupidly! ...all of 'em"

"PS. Michelle says only date Black women from now on!"

13 posted on 12/03/2009 6:13:24 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: kittymyrib

Cheetah


14 posted on 12/03/2009 6:13:53 AM PST by ButThreeLeftsDo (Fight Crime. Shoot Back.)
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To: Marty62
I have no idea what happenned to your thread, was it a vanity? Or was it an actually published article with a URL to where it's posted online?

I don't follow the "Celebrity Threads" unless they concern our administration, then I occassionally open them up.

Frankly, I wish the press would IGNORE Tiger & his wife, but that isn't going to happen. The majority of the populace want that type of "news" and are uninterested in anything political. Current Events to them is sports & fashion & Hollyweirdos.

15 posted on 12/03/2009 6:16:24 AM PST by hennie pennie
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To: Bushbacker1; hennie pennie
From FReeper hennie pennie on another thread...

A friend told me she heard on the radio that Tiger’s name has been changed. He will not be called Tiger anymore; henceforth he is known as, “Cheetah.”

Cheetah Woods..LOL! (works for me)

16 posted on 12/03/2009 6:16:29 AM PST by PGalt
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To: Bushbacker1

Released for Xmas 2009, Ang Lee’s classic remade :

Crouching Tiger, Passion Wagon.


17 posted on 12/03/2009 6:16:38 AM PST by sunmars
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To: Bushbacker1

Great post.


18 posted on 12/03/2009 6:17:33 AM PST by A Cyrenian
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To: hennie pennie

Sheesh, your quick. (Great FReepers FReep alike. ;))


19 posted on 12/03/2009 6:17:41 AM PST by PGalt
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To: Bushbacker1
Leave Tiger Alone!


20 posted on 12/03/2009 6:18:08 AM PST by TexasCajun
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To: Bushbacker1

The warning written on Tiger’s side view mirror reads: ‘Swedish women bearing 3 irons are closer than they appear!’


21 posted on 12/03/2009 6:20:36 AM PST by Batman11 (Sarah Palin: "Illegal immigrants are called illegal for a reason!")
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To: Lovely-Day-For-A-Guinness
Put a Tiger in your skank........

LOL!

He could tell the skanks he's a Detroit Tiger and ask them if they wanna play ball.

22 posted on 12/03/2009 6:20:47 AM PST by PGalt
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To: Bushbacker1

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and baby seals? Nothing. They both get beat with clubs by Scandinavians.


23 posted on 12/03/2009 6:21:34 AM PST by svcw (The time is near at hand which must determine whether Americans are to be free men or slaves. GW)
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To: Bushbacker1
Initial reports were that Tiger's wife used a 60 degree wedge, but the report was later refuted by golfing experts who know that only Phil Michelson and God can hit a 60 degree wedge.
24 posted on 12/03/2009 6:21:59 AM PST by Recon Dad ( SSgt O - 3rd Afghanistan Deployment - Day 44)
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To: massgopguy

LOL~


25 posted on 12/03/2009 6:22:03 AM PST by Bad~Rodeo (Defensor Fortis)
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To: Bushbacker1
Tiger Woods Christmas Photo http://www.businessinsider.com/tiger-woods-christmas-photo-2009-12
26 posted on 12/03/2009 6:25:43 AM PST by FromLori (FromLori)
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To: Bushbacker1
I, for one, don't find the news particularly humorous.

ML/NJ

27 posted on 12/03/2009 6:26:23 AM PST by ml/nj
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To: Recon Dad

I have and use a 64 degree wedge regularly. Then again I’m a 19 handicap


28 posted on 12/03/2009 6:27:14 AM PST by GQuagmire ( Driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ)
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To: FromLori

I’m amazed that any guy with a wife like that could stray, i mean is he blind, stupid or just can’t keep it in his pants


29 posted on 12/03/2009 6:27:29 AM PST by sunmars
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To: Bushbacker1; FatherofFive

BTTT


30 posted on 12/03/2009 6:30:11 AM PST by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: gov_bean_ counter
Tiger was not only a cheetah but he was lion about it and now he has to bear the consequences. He now looks like an ass and media sharks will continue to dog him as long as his former foxes continue to rat on him.

In his defense Tiger was only following the Nike motto--just do it.

31 posted on 12/03/2009 6:31:30 AM PST by Fetid Facts (Under Democrats, "The law is a ass--a idiot.")
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To: Bushbacker1

He wouldn’t have this trouble if he only spent less time practicing his putz on other courses.


32 posted on 12/03/2009 6:31:47 AM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult (The man who said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" has never talked to Helen Thomas.)
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To: Bushbacker1

How many Tiger Woods jokes does it take to difuse the media attention that should be given to Climategate, Afghanistan and Obamacare?


33 posted on 12/03/2009 6:31:58 AM PST by kidd (Obama: The triumph of hope over evidence)
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To: GQuagmire

I play with a guy that had a 60 degree wedge and skulled it every time he had it in his hands. I bought it off of him for $10 and I’ve holed out twice from about 25 yards. I think he wants it back.


34 posted on 12/03/2009 6:32:04 AM PST by Big Giant Head (Running my computer bare naked for over a year with no infections at all.)
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To: sunmars

All of the above? And let’s not give the skanks involved in this a free pass. They should be known for what they are: skanks and ho-bags.


35 posted on 12/03/2009 6:33:21 AM PST by cammie
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Comment #36 Removed by Moderator

To: Fetid Facts
Tiger was not only a cheetah but he was lion about it and now he has to bear the consequences. He now looks like an ass and media sharks will continue to dog him as long as his former foxes continue to rat on him.

Ok, so it has turned into a zoo.

37 posted on 12/03/2009 6:39:23 AM PST by gov_bean_ counter (Sarah Palin - For such a time as this)
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Comment #38 Removed by Moderator

To: ml/nj
I, for one, don't find the news particularly humorous.

The news isn't, but the jokes are.

39 posted on 12/03/2009 6:44:10 AM PST by Bushbacker1 ( I'll miss President Bush greatly! Palin in 2012! The "other" Jim Thompson)
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To: FromLori
Ahhhh! The loving couple!

Shank you very much!

40 posted on 12/03/2009 6:47:50 AM PST by Bushbacker1 ( I'll miss President Bush greatly! Palin in 2012! The "other" Jim Thompson)
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To: Bushbacker1

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and David Letterman? Tiger Woods never broke any Human Resources Policies at CBS - haw haw haw - oh wait, that’s not funny.


41 posted on 12/03/2009 6:48:07 AM PST by AD from SpringBay (We deserve the government we allow.)
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To: Bushbacker1

What do Tiger Woods and Pres Obama have in common?

They both blame everything on Bush.


42 posted on 12/03/2009 7:03:18 AM PST by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: Bushbacker1

Tiger’s love life, up until recently, has been like that Nike Golf commercial. He could juggle it, and then hit it on the fly.


43 posted on 12/03/2009 7:06:02 AM PST by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: Bushbacker1
Tiger should have continued to whack his own driver without the use of a caddie.
44 posted on 12/03/2009 7:10:40 AM PST by MGMSwordsman
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To: hennie pennie

No it was in Chit chat.


45 posted on 12/03/2009 7:16:46 AM PST by Marty62 (former Marty60)
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To: sunmars

IMHO, the guy’s has seriously serious issues that go to the core of his being. Seems like he’d cheat with just about anyone, with no thought whatsoever to the dangers...forget getting caught! What about contracting and passing on an STD...how ‘bout HIV? Who the heck knows these days! Just plain lunacy. Hard to think of someone like Tiger as stupid or ignorant, but to take such great risks...where does that come from?


46 posted on 12/03/2009 7:17:08 AM PST by nfldgirl
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To: kittymyrib
He’s changed his name from “Tiger” to “Tom Cat”

He changed his name from Tiger to Cheetah.
47 posted on 12/03/2009 7:19:01 AM PST by aruanan
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To: Bushbacker1

He made a hole in two, just not on the green!


48 posted on 12/03/2009 7:21:58 AM PST by djf (Maybe life ain't about the doing - maybe it's just the trying... Hey, I don't make the rules!)
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To: GQuagmire
I have and use a 64 degree wedge regularly. Then again I’m a 19 handicap

19?

Sounds like you use it twice on every hole.

49 posted on 12/03/2009 7:35:19 AM PST by USS Alaska (Nuke the terrorist savages - In Honor of Standing Wolf)
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To: USS Alaska; Big Giant Head

First day I used it I chipped in from off the green twice. One for birdie and one for par. Since then more skulling than not. Only when there is is plenty of grass underneath is when I’ll use it now....


50 posted on 12/03/2009 7:48:17 AM PST by GQuagmire ( Driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ)
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