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Chinese Fortune Cookie - "You Are Not Illiterate"
http://www.bermanpost.com/2010/03/chinese-fortune-cookie-you-are-not.html ^

Posted on 03/14/2010 11:42:48 AM PDT by BermanPost

Over the weekend I got a fortune cookie that read "You are not illiterate". Not the funniest fortune I have seen, but not bad. What is the funniest legitimate (as in not a friend pulling a prank) you have seen?

The two funniest I have seen were "You will be hungry soon, order take out now" and "Lock the door, someone is coming". Can you top those?


TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 03/14/2010 11:42:48 AM PDT by BermanPost
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To: BermanPost

YOU ARE NOT ILLEGITIMATE


2 posted on 03/14/2010 11:45:06 AM PDT by Lonesome in Massachussets (The naked casuistry of the high priests of Warmism would make a Jesuit blush.)
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To: BermanPost

“Help! I’m being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory”


3 posted on 03/14/2010 11:45:35 AM PDT by dsrtsage (One half of all people have below average IQ...In the US the number is 54%)
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To: BermanPost

Theres always the classic “That was not chicken”..


4 posted on 03/14/2010 11:45:46 AM PDT by rahbert
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To: BermanPost

“Can you top those?”

A put a lot of funny stuff here:

Close Encounter with the Loony Left [link-list]
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2464035/posts

... and here ...

Obama’s Outstanding Record of Dip-lunacy [several headlines and links]
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2470815/posts?page=3


5 posted on 03/14/2010 11:45:54 AM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March (Weakening McCain strengthens our borders, weakens guest worker aka amnesty)
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To: rahbert; dsrtsage

I have heard those jokes, but have you ever actually gotten one that says that?


6 posted on 03/14/2010 11:48:37 AM PDT by BermanPost
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To: BermanPost

How about:

Keep this card. You’ll need it in 3 hours
Wing Ho’s Chinese Delivery 773-472-****


7 posted on 03/14/2010 11:50:06 AM PDT by Krankor (nO)
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To: BermanPost

Thank G*d no I haven’t!


8 posted on 03/14/2010 11:50:31 AM PDT by rahbert
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To: Krankor

A more advanced version of the “you will be hungry soon, order take out now”. Would be more interesting if instead of the delivery number of the place it was the local emergency room.


9 posted on 03/14/2010 11:56:21 AM PDT by BermanPost
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To: BermanPost

No joke, but I once got a real fortune that said, “Your mouth is moving but no one is listening.” That was depressing.


10 posted on 03/14/2010 12:00:26 PM PDT by Suz in AZ
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To: Suz in AZ
No joke, but I once got a real fortune that said, “Your mouth is moving but no one is listening.” That was depressing.

LOL. That one is reserved for women.

11 posted on 03/14/2010 12:01:58 PM PDT by raybbr
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No, alas have never gotten that, although myself and a coworker both got “Happiness is right across the table” simultaneously at a chinese restaurant, lol. (we’re both dudes).


12 posted on 03/14/2010 12:04:43 PM PDT by dsrtsage (One half of all people have below average IQ...In the US the number is 54%)
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To: BermanPost

13 posted on 03/14/2010 12:06:17 PM PDT by PugetSoundSoldier (Indignation over the Sting of Truth is the defense of the indefensible)
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To: BermanPost

i jot a relly funy 1 once, butt i didnt undrestand the wrds


14 posted on 03/14/2010 12:09:38 PM PDT by Leo Farnsworth (I'm really not Leo Farnsworth.)
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To: BermanPost

“Welcome to Flee Lepubric”


15 posted on 03/14/2010 12:25:04 PM PDT by Former War Criminal (My senior Senator (who served in Vietnam) said so.)
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To: BermanPost

I got one that said “You will be fortunate in everything.”

That’s like the ultimate fortune cookie.


16 posted on 03/14/2010 12:26:42 PM PDT by DannyTN
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To: BermanPost
One my friend got many years ago. He's stuck it in his wallet and pulls it out everytime we go eat Chinese:

"You will go to a gay party."

17 posted on 03/14/2010 12:39:22 PM PDT by RonF
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To: BermanPost

“Your request for no MSG was ignored”

OK, I didn’t get that one. But I did once get:

“You will be invited to a karaoke party”

...shortly before being sent on a business trip to Japan, wherein one of the evening social activities was karaoke.


18 posted on 03/14/2010 12:57:10 PM PDT by VoiceOfBruck (Was "Hussein" a common American Christian name in Hawaii in 1961? Just askin...)
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To: Former War Criminal
The great thing about Chinese restaurants is that if the neighbor's dogs get into your kitchen and steal and eat the turkey, you can still go to your neighborhood Chinese place and eat Christmas dinner there (duck--the head's still on...) while the staff gathers around you to sing "Deck the Harrs with boughs of horry" :)


(A CHRISTMAS STORY)

19 posted on 03/14/2010 7:12:31 PM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: BermanPost
One of my single friends got, "You will have a romantic evening"
20 posted on 03/14/2010 7:24:12 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (I miss the competent fiscal policy and flag waving patriotism of the Carter Administration)
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To: raccoonradio
Thanks. That’s our family’s second-favorite movie. We break it out every Christmas.

BTW, I listen to Rush on 1200 AM at the Cape Cod Canal. It comes in great down there. Must be my antenna.

21 posted on 03/15/2010 6:37:42 AM PDT by Former War Criminal (My senior Senator (who served in Vietnam) said so.)
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