Skip to comments.UFO hunter: Aliens killing sheep
Posted on 04/05/2010 5:25:49 PM PDT by JoeProBono
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Oh... That happens here all the time.
This man needs to put down the pipe..
I thought this was going to be about Mexicans and Democrats...
Hey, kids gotta eat...
Nuts in May...err, a little early
NOT THIS S*** AGAIN!
Zapping sheep? Someone needs to get these Aliens some girlfriends!
I’m convinced aliens from outer space are trampling down my lawn and flower beds. And these obnoxious aliens are deliberately seeding crab grass on my lawn. I’m sure of this! There ought to be a law.
****! You scare the crap out of me with that pic.
Andropogon gerardii have been at war with sheep for millinia. It was only a matter of time before it spread to Earth. For every sheep killed, thousands of AP have died only to be served as food to their offspring. APs love sunshine and warm summer rains. It is the sheep that are the murderers here.
Ah, the Big Blue Stem. One of the endangered prairie grasses. I’m glad they are fighting back!
My Dear Uncle Screwtape,
I wanted to report to you the success I’ve been having with The Patient employing the “UFO” schemes that you so richly detailed in your recent missive. He is entirely out of his head over the mystery, believing that some intelligent life form from some other planet in the temporal universe has visited his property.
I have done all that you suggested, including mutilating some of the farm animals, and the results have been nothing short of spectacular. Not only is the Patient completely derailed from his pursuit of God, but his mind, as well the minds of most of those in the entire region, is entirely occupied with the particulars of my activities.
My variant manifestations about their area have been replete with flashes light in various colors commonly known to be used in terrestrial navigation, and in forms approximating — in the human mind — spacefaring vessels not made by the hand of man. I have been especially careful to create these manifestations in ways that cannot be dismissed as fraudulent by photographic analysis. The Patient, and any who may examine the pictorial evidence, must conclude, as many already have, that the photos are pictures of actual extraterrestrial starships.
Oh, Uncle Screwtape, all of these developments make my infernal heart shudder in anticipation of the final, Great Deception that Lucifer has planned for these frail minds. The Patient and his neighbors are quite prepared to buy off on it “hook ,line, and sinker” as they might say. Despite the fact that secular authors among them have written books that come dangerously close to exposing our plot (Aurthur C. Clarke’s “Childhood’s End” for example), The Plan is not in the least jeopardy. They shall NEVER suspect for one moment why it is that their scriptures describe the Antichrist as “The Beast”, nor shall they ever in a million years solve the mystery of his origins. The Nephilim are SUCH an arcane idea as to be instantly dismissed, and these “space alien” deceptions are just SO bloody convincing...they’ll simply never catch on until it is far too late.
By the time they actually realize what has happened, their minds and hearts will all be eternally OURS in the bonds of fiery damnation! This truly is deliciously horrid.
Wishing you all the best success at your end, I remain,
Andropogons are wholesome under most conditions. In certain cases, however, they develop hydrocyanic or prussic acid, a most deadly poison. Literature on the subject records many cases of sudden and violent deaths. One example given by Glover and Robbins will serve for illustration: “At Brighton, Colorado, thirty-two cows, after being kept in the corral over night, were turned into a field, twenty-one of them were dead in half an hour, and four of the others were badly affected.”
Examples and Conditions of Poisoning
The formation of hydrocyanic acid is due to the action of an enzyme on a glucoside, which resembles that found in almonds. Neither the glucoside nor the enzyme is in itself poisonous. The enzyme is especially active when Andropogos get pissed off, and the poison is said to be more plentifully produced in stunted plants, or those of second growth. When the Andropogons have been left alone there is no danger, hydrocyanic acid being very volatile, and the enzyme responsible for its formation being in all probability destroyed by the drying.
The symptoms produced are very striking. Hydrocyanic or prussic acid is the most rapid poison known. Even the dilute form found in these plants causes symptoms in a few seconds, especially when taken on an empty stomach. The animal becomes giddy or staggers and falls. Heart action is slowed and breathing labored. Spasms and twitching of the muscles are followed by numbness in the limbs, and finally by delirium and death. Bloating is sometimes observed in sheep and cattle, but is not always present. If only a very slight amount of the poison has been eaten the symptoms are less pronounced. Andropogon defenses, however, have been known to become so poisonous that a few mouthfuls eaten on an empty stomach would kill a cow in ten minutes. An autopsy shows no pathological conditions but an analysis of the stomach contents of animals lately killed reveals the presence of hydrocyanic acid. The peach-like odor of the poison is usually quite noticeable.
Treatment is in most cases useless where any considerable amount of the poison has been ingested. The animal should be placed with head raised, and, if possible, in the shade. If bloating occurs in cattle the paunch should be punctured, a handbreadth in front of the hip bone. Injections of atropin sulphate serve to keep up the heart action. Sugar renders the poison inactive, and large quantities of corn syrup or molasses have been given with benefit. Treatment similar to that used for prussic acid poisoning in cyanide works is also recommended. One ounce of sodium carbonate (washing soda), and one-half ounce of copperas, each dissolved in a pint of water, should be kept on hand in separate, tightly corked, glass bottles. The solutions are mixed, and the mixture is administered at once. A quart is sufficient for a cow and one-half pint for a sheep. Sudan Grass, Sweet Sorghum, and Kaffir Corn are varieties that have been found to produce death, and great care should be taken in feeding these as well as the other Sorghums. The Sorghums are stout, broad leaved, annual grasses, ranging from three to fifteen feet tall, and have been introduced into this country as forage plants and for their seed. The large flowering panicles of different varieties vary greatly in shape. The spikelets are in pairs at each joint of the slender rachis, and the seeds are large, rounded and polished.
Memo from Uncle Screwtape
My dear Wormwood:
This is a dangerous turn toward forms of intimacy that might lead to interpersonal communication and even conversation and love. Admittedly, there is still something pathetic about it, and that is to our advantage. But it makes me uneasy to see the creatures stir in their torpor and recognize that something more than mere copulation is necessary for them to be fulfilled creature in the image of the Enemy. See that the hairless bipeds are encouraged to abandon such notions and resume impersonal exploitation of one another’s genitalia.
How I miss “Sex and the City”! What a useful programme!
Your affectionate uncle,
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