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(-:~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~:-)

Posted on 05/07/2010 5:44:06 AM PDT by Lucky9teen


1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...What Mom 
Taught Me
"Just wait until your father gets home."

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"

4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

What Mom 
Taught Me5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

7. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

What Mom 
Taught Me8. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

9. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."

10. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

What Mom 
Taught Me11. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And last but not least...

12. My Mother taught me about JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like!"

Things Mom Would Never Say
1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

DIY, but Mom's Way
While assembling furniture, my friend Debbie asked her roommate's five-year-old son to bring her a screwdriver.

"Do you want a 'Daddy' screwdriver or a 'Mommy' screwdriver?" the little boy asked.

Confused but preoccupied, Debbie absentmindedly said, "Bring me a 'Mommy' screwdriver."

The child came back and handed her a butter knife.

Head of the Household
My husband, Jeff, and I incurred several problems while assembling our new computer system, so we called the help desk. The man on the phone started to talk to Jeff in computer jargon, which confused us even more.

"Sir," my husband politely said, "please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old."

"Okay," the computer technician replied. "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"

Peace and Quiet
Aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other. "Could you hold on for a moment?" my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone.

Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence. Then, "Okay, I'm back."

"But it's so quiet!" I exclaimed. "You must have complete control over those two."

"Not really," my aunt confessed wearily. "I'm in the closet."

Mom's Where
One evening after dinner, my five-year-old son Brian noticed that his mother had gone out. In answer to his questions, I told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"

I've always given my son honest answers, so I figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, Brian," I said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

Brian nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"


Nap Time Notes

You turn the knob of the front door and push.
The door gives about a foot before meeting resistance. You have to slide in sideways through the opening to enter the family room. It's dark except for the light given off by the television. Credits from some animated classic roll by. Stumbling over a building block castle, you reach the end table and turn on the lamp.

Big mistake.
Now you have a full view of the entire family room. Toys and school clothes cover the floor. An assortment of uncoastered half full pop cans line the coffee table. Sighing, you look around for the remote. Unable to locate it you try a manual shut down of the VCR and TV. The finger you hit the rewind button with is covered in...oh no, peanut butter. You go to the kitchen to get a dish cloth wondering what became of the nutritious, if not delicious, casserole that was supposed to be dinner.

Another big mistake.
The more aptly named mess hall is in worse shape than the family room. The table is topped with U-shaped sandwich crusts and milk ringed cups. Someone obviously tried finger painting with grape jelly on the high chair tray. After clearing the table you try loading the dishwasher only to find a black gooey casserole in the plate rack. Tackling the kitchen in the morning seems like a better plan. You head for the bathroom.

Big mistake number three.
Little blue blobs of bubblegum toothpaste line the sink. The tub is filled with soap scum and toys. Wet washcloths dangle and drip over the shower curtain rod. Disgusted, you leave the bathroom. In the hallway you notice a pale illumination coming from the bedroom. The familiar sounds of fingers on a keyboard and a mouse clicking greet your ears. You step over your husband's shoes and socks.

"Hi Hon. How was your Mom's night out?"
"Fine... What happened here?"
"The usual. Dinner, bath and bed," he reports. "Oh, the casserole got a little burned. I guess I didn't hear the timer go off." He looks up from the monitor. "But, I took care of it. Fed the girls some PB & J...Even put the casserole thingy in the washer."
(Is that pride you see in his face?)
"But, the house..."
"I know, it's a little messy. I started to pick up, but the baby started getting fussy. When I finally got her quiet,
it was bath time..."
('Welcome to my world,' you think.)
"The other two were so keyed up tonight. I don't know what their problem was, but it took forever for them to settle down and go to sleep."
"That'll happen when they have sugar sandwiches for supper."
(Did I say that out loud?)
"Other than that, no problem. I don't know why you make such a big deal about staying home all day with the kids."
Your eyes glaze over. Your fists clench. Your world turns red.
"Hon?...What is it, dear?....Liz?...NOoooooo!!!



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; mom; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 05/07/2010 5:44:06 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP Again!! WooHoo!!!!!


2 posted on 05/07/2010 5:44:18 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP


3 posted on 05/07/2010 5:45:36 AM PDT by Pan_Yan (The Constitution. How quaint.)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...


ON TO FRIDAY SILLINESS


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


Happy Mothers Day my FReeper FRiends!!!

The Most CLASSIC Mothers Day video - EVER!

4 posted on 05/07/2010 5:46:51 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (I'll just say the 2nd amendment to the Constitution is there for a reason!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10


5 posted on 05/07/2010 5:48:57 AM PDT by Dacula (Critical thinking Conservative American who believes in our Constitution.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten!


6 posted on 05/07/2010 5:50:39 AM PDT by Bean Counter (We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office -- Aesop)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP 3 in a row?


7 posted on 05/07/2010 5:51:58 AM PDT by CPOSharky (What outrage will the administration foist upon We the People that will be the last straw?)
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To: ShadowAce

top ten two weeks in a row
!!!


8 posted on 05/07/2010 5:52:13 AM PDT by acad1228 (Palin/Watts in 2012!!!)
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To: Bean Counter

In!


9 posted on 05/07/2010 5:52:14 AM PDT by samiam1972 ("It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."-Mother Teresa)
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To: Lucky9teen
top ten. holy crap
10 posted on 05/07/2010 5:52:50 AM PDT by starlifter (Sapor Amo Pullus)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!


11 posted on 05/07/2010 5:53:40 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I wear a yellow ribbon for my army hero grandson, and for the intrepid CG explorer!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10?


12 posted on 05/07/2010 5:57:05 AM PDT by JRios1968 (The real first rule of Fight Club: don't invite Chuck Norris...EVER)
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To: Lucky9teen
You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When...
You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

13 posted on 05/07/2010 5:57:27 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

thank you! I love Friday Silliness, you rock for posting it!


14 posted on 05/07/2010 5:58:24 AM PDT by holly go-rightly
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To: ShadowAce
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette -

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
15 posted on 05/07/2010 5:58:42 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

16 posted on 05/07/2010 5:59:09 AM PDT by Daffynition ( Someday we'll know why love can't move a mountain.)
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To: Lucky9teen

17 posted on 05/07/2010 6:03:19 AM PDT by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: ShadowAce
Who is a better mother?

mother otter with baby

mother polar bear with cubs

mother elephant with baby

mother tiger with cub

mother dolphin with baby

mother gorilla with baby

mother polar bear with cub

mother holding baby upside down by leg

18 posted on 05/07/2010 6:03:21 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

That is the funniest Mother’s Day clip I’ve ever seen, moreso because it is so true!

Happy Mother’s Day!!


19 posted on 05/07/2010 6:05:37 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I wear a yellow ribbon for my army hero grandson, and for the intrepid CG explorer!)
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To: Lucky9teen

SWEEEEEEET


20 posted on 05/07/2010 6:05:41 AM PDT by gnickgnack2 (QUESTION obama's AUTHORITY)
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To: ShadowAce


Busted a gut on this, thanks !!!
21 posted on 05/07/2010 6:08:18 AM PDT by Scythian
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To: Scythian

22 posted on 05/07/2010 6:12:58 AM PDT by Scythian
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To: Lucky9teen

First Fifty! Woo-hoo!


23 posted on 05/07/2010 6:14:01 AM PDT by Old Sarge (Marking Time On The Government's Dime)
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To: ShadowAce

LOL!


24 posted on 05/07/2010 6:14:09 AM PDT by The_Victor (If all I want is a warm feeling, I should just wet my pants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Great video clip.


25 posted on 05/07/2010 6:14:12 AM PDT by NavyCanDo
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To: ShadowAce

Funny stuff, but, you know, it’d be interesting to hear from all the Mums who log onto this column what the REAL differences are/were in their treatment of their succeeding kids, and how those kids developed over time accordingly.


26 posted on 05/07/2010 6:14:55 AM PDT by Jack Hammer
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To: windcliff

ping


27 posted on 05/07/2010 6:17:56 AM PDT by stylecouncilor (What Would Jim Thompson Do?)
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To: Lucky9teen
At a DC bar...

Having downed a few power drinks, the woman turns and faces the man sitting beside her, looks him straight in the eye and says, "Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on. It doesn't matter to me. I just love it."

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a Congressman too. What state are you from?"

28 posted on 05/07/2010 6:19:35 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (Remember in November. Clean the house on Nov. 2. / Progressive is a PC word for liberal democrat.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

lol ping


29 posted on 05/07/2010 6:22:16 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (Stop cap and trade fraud.)
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To: Lucky9teen
The most feared words from my mother:

"Just Wait Till Your Father Get's Home!"

In these days and times I could have had my mom arrested for mental torture.

30 posted on 05/07/2010 6:32:17 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Lucky9teen

Thanks for keeping the TOFST going. bump


31 posted on 05/07/2010 6:33:54 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: ShadowAce

Ahhhhhhh. Great moms and one idiot.


32 posted on 05/07/2010 6:35:20 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: Currentriverrat

Got that in a good email from this AM.


33 posted on 05/07/2010 6:40:46 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (Remember in November. Clean the house on Nov. 2. / Progressive is a PC word for liberal democrat.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Erma Bombeck quotes...

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.


34 posted on 05/07/2010 6:41:57 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

Thanks for posting this thread every week. I look forward to reading it.


35 posted on 05/07/2010 6:47:06 AM PDT by Rocky (REPEAL IT!)
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To: Lucky9teen

The Mom Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXgoJ0f5EsQ


36 posted on 05/07/2010 6:50:12 AM PDT by Califreak (A man is defined by the nature of his enemies-Preach it Rush!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Singing corpses:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmxNcVnH9Jw

The Candy Man Can!


37 posted on 05/07/2010 6:50:25 AM PDT by Ingtar (My dog died yesterday, but less than expected. - Freeper Juan Meden)
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To: wyokostur

Mothers day card

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhcA4Ry65FU


38 posted on 05/07/2010 6:52:41 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

Thanks Lucky!!


39 posted on 05/07/2010 6:59:17 AM PDT by Rightly Biased (Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?)
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To: Lucky9teen

I never get tired of that clip, thanks!

More Things My Mother Taught Me...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

6. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”


40 posted on 05/07/2010 7:03:46 AM PDT by fml
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To: Lucky9teen


41 posted on 05/07/2010 7:05:33 AM PDT by Sax
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To: stylecouncilor

Thanks for the ping.


42 posted on 05/07/2010 7:11:45 AM PDT by windcliff
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To: Lucky9teen
Fun one to pass the time - they have a bunch more too!
Improv Everywhere - Food Court Musical
43 posted on 05/07/2010 7:25:32 AM PDT by nite97m
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To: Sax

LOL!


44 posted on 05/07/2010 7:26:31 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Lucky9teen

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

45 posted on 05/07/2010 7:30:08 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

Happy Mother's Day!

46 posted on 05/07/2010 7:35:56 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: wyokostur

As the mother of 5 boys I laugh so hard I cry every time I see this clip.


47 posted on 05/07/2010 7:38:04 AM PDT by momto6
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To: Lucky9teen; Revolting cat!; Slings and Arrows
Things Mom Would Never Say - 1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

WTF, my parents used to always complain about me sitting too close to the television set and then then pressured me to get a job in the rising field of computers where I've spent the better part of 20 years sitting with my face less than 24" from a tv screen.

48 posted on 05/07/2010 7:47:12 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The hysteria of Matthewsism and Andersonism has led to a Tea Party Scare that is unAmerican.)
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To: martin_fierro; JoeProBono

Happy Muthers' Day!

49 posted on 05/07/2010 7:48:55 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The hysteria of Matthewsism and Andersonism has led to a Tea Party Scare that is unAmerican.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Bat be late today.....!


50 posted on 05/07/2010 7:50:28 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
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