How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad (In honor of the World Cup)

First Things ^ | 3/5/2009 | Stephen H. Webb

[markomalley]

This tongue in cheek article is posted in honor of the beginning of the 2010 World Cup.

[1rudeboy]

Good read, but the comment about basketball was completely off the mark.

[Dr. Sivana]

In all the portraits of God’s wrath, never once is he pictured as wanting to step on us or kick us; he does not stoop that low.

Interesting point. Here is one important biblical passage (cited by Our Lord in the NT) that shows that enemies are "Beneath his feet,"
The Lord said to my Lord: Sit thou at my right hand: Until I make thy enemies thy footstool.
Psalm 109:1

[Dr. Sivana]

If feet are so unworthy, what does this say about womans obsession with shoes?

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

“Soccer was invented by European ladies to give them something to do while their men prepared the meals” - Hank Hill

[Vaquero]

Soccer is good for tiny little kids to play before they are old enought to hit a ball that is not on a tee....or throw a football in a nice spiral....or learn to shoot a deer rifle or break some clays with a shotgun.

Soccer is a Euroweenie/3rd World sport and except for the little kids, has no business in America....unless you are talking about zer0bamas America.

[OldSmaj]

This tongue in cheek article is posted in honor of the beginning of the 2010 World Cup.

Nevertheless, there is one undeniable fact:

Soccer Sucks.

[Dr. Sivana]

It forces kids to run and run, and everyone can play their role, no matter how minor or irrelevant to the game.

My understanding is that some of the kids run around, and the rest kind of hang out trying to make sure that the ball doesn't hit them. Soccer's popularity in the U.S. among children is largely attributable to the increase in fatherless households. The push for soccer has been on for over 35 years. It will fail. I remember the NASL and Pelé. The truly talented American children pick up different sports as they grow up.

[Little Ray]

He’s right. America needs to adopt a REAL man’s game: Rugby.

[1rudeboy]

Watching little kids play soccer is fun. Certainly more fun than watching them play T-ball. Ugh.

I'd like to see you elaborate on why you think something that is good for your kids is 3rd World and has no business in America, though.

[1rudeboy]

Aussie rules football!

[agere_contra]

American football is for pansies. They're essentially playing Rugby, but in body armor. That is so gayyy.

Real football is played at breakneck speed for ninety minutes. And I mean 'breakneck' - the concept of 'injury time' comes from Football.

[1rudeboy]

It’ll find its niche. I’ve never seen anyone seriously claim that it will become as big as the NHL, NFL, NBA, or MLB. (Except by folks wishing it to fail).

[Colonel_Flagg]

I like games where scoring means something.

I’m going to be glued to my television for the next month.

Whenever people feel like growing up and joining me, I’ll have cold beer ready.

[1rudeboy]

You don’t have a house big enough to hold all the beer I’m going to drink over the next month. I might try to sober-up for the Fourth, though (drink Bud Light or something).

[GatorGirl]

Both my kids play select soccer. A year round commitment requiring thousands of dollars and thousands of hours. They each play another sport as well. But they like it, it keeps them occupied and in great shape.

The deadliest boring sport my kids played (thank goodness they’ve both moved on) was baseball/softball. Especially when they were younger and no one knew how to play—it was hours of sheer torture.

Sit down and watch USA vs. England tomorrow if for no other reason than to get your patriotism on. I think you’ll be amazed at the athleticism. Hopefully someone will do a bicycle kick :-)

[Chode]

it's called Sucker round these parts...

[Reeses]

American football is practice tribal warfare. Soccer is practice throwing down arms and running for their lives. The third world needs soccer to prepare themselves for when the Americans arrive.

[1rudeboy]

Tribal warfare with Viagra commercials, constant breaks in the action, and interminable instant replay reviews. He-man stuff, there.