How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad (In honor of the World Cup)

First Things ^ | 3/5/2009 | Stephen H. Webb

[Texas Eagle]

I can fix soccer with one simple rule change:

Get rid of whatever "off sides" is.

[1rudeboy]

Americans think soccer sucks because they don’t understand how the majority of that 3 hours is actually spent watching the sport, and they can’t figure out when to run to the bathroom to relieve their prostate.

[1rudeboy]

LOL—What a stupid idea!

[antiRepublicrat]

We’ve done well when the WC has not been held in Europe.

The Europeans don't do well when it's not in Europe. Hey, it being in South Africa could be the best thing that could have happened for our team. Both the Europeans and South Americans (the two continents that always win) will be out of their traditional win zone.

[dfwgator]

Get rid of whatever "off sides" is.

Uhh no, the "offside trap" is a key part of the game.

[montyspython]

"I don't know of anyone who has cranked a soccer ball 450 feet and out of the park"

Before or after the steroid injection?

[1rudeboy]

Why does it bother Europeans so much that grown-up Americans really dislike soccer? I don't particularly care if the French like football or not.

If you follow soccer threads on FR, you'd ask "why does it bother Americans so much that other Americans like soccer?" I mean, you don't see people parachuting onto NASCAR threads to inform the rest of us they dislike it (usually).

[Grunthor]

But anyone who watches an ‘El Classico’ between Real Madrid and Barcelona, or a Manchester United-Chelsea match, will know that soccer at the highest levels is not boring.

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Three hours. No scoring. I’d rather be forced to watch soaps with my mother.

[Dr. Sivana]

When all else fails, just make up a number.

Okay, here is a hard number:

The average World Cup Soccer matched aired on ABC in 2002 scored less than 1 million viewers. According to Reuters, this year the average is 2.6 million, representing a 65 percent increase from the previous tournament.
http://blogcritics.org/sports/article/unlike-the-scoring-world-cup-tv/

I was being generous in my estimate. An earlier poster admitted that soccer in the U.S. will not get the same size audience as NFL, MLB, NBA or NHL. NHL gets maybe 2% and the Stanley Cup has been recently relegated to tiny cable networks. If soccer in the U.S. cannot approach that, it remains a small niche. Why can't soccer fans be happy with the worldwide popularity. Its like Manga, wildly popular in Japan, with a handful of maniac fans in the U.S.

[1rudeboy]

Can you imagine? 20 guys standing around the goal and one guy lobbing the ball in, repeatedly. LOL

[Texas Eagle]

Uhh no, the "offside trap" is a key part of the game.

Oh, yeah. I forgot. It's the only way to make sure the game ends in a zero-zero tie.

Excuse me. Nil-nil.

[Grunthor]

Americans think soccer sucks because they don’t understand how the majority of that 3 hours is actually spent watching the sport

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I have TRIED to watch soccer. I really have. And I can attest that some of those guys have real talent. But the sport they play is hard to understand, the games are far too long and after three hours, no score....it’s just boring. Most Americans can appreciate a no hitter/perfect game in baseball but even the most avid fan will tell you that a 1 - 0 game is pretty damned yawn-worthy.

[PackerBoy]

Soccer is not for everyone. But it’s not evil (although it is European). It will never be a commercial success in the US.

[1rudeboy]

In 2002, nearly everyone who actually liked soccer watched the games (in the U.S.) on Univision. ABC sucked. If you want an accurate number . . . .

[Hegewisch Dupa]

worst of all, they will hand out the cup to a winner of a shootout if “necessary.” When you decide world championships with a method slightly less random than “Scissors, Paper, Stone” the problem becomes legitimacy, not boredom. If soccer wants US to take it seriously it needs to learn to take itself seriously first.

[Grunthor]

“Would you prefer watching little kids play . . . ?”

Pop Warner football comes to mind right away.

[1rudeboy]

You just stated that a 1-0 soccer game is yawnworthy, but a 1-0 baseball game is not, and the difference is your level of understanding of each sport. Your level. Which is perfectly ok.

We could have an interesting discussion of why Americans started to believe that outcomes that end in a tie are "unworthy." That's a cultural thing, and in my idea, unfortunate (and not very conservative).

[Dr. Sivana]

Before or after the steroid injection?

I don't think anyone has cranked a soccer ball that far before or after. As for hitting the baseball, it depends on the player. Mickey Mantle, Duke Snider and Dave Kingman did not take steroids and could crank the ball over 500 feet. I stopped watching MLB when wildcards and interleague play was introduced.

[1rudeboy]

Can you run the NFL overtime rules past me again? They change every year, and changed again this year. And they’re still gay.

[Vaquero]

It’s also great for little kids that can’t get the ball up to the basket, and have trouble dibbling. It’s just an inherently easier sport.

You mean thug-beee-ball??? Dont get me started on that crap(do they even call ‘traveling’ anymore???).

but agreed soccer is good for little kids...but after that?? back to europe and the 3rd world with it...