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6 misunderstood first-date signs
Match.com on Yahoo ^ | December 23, 2010 | Julie Taylor

Posted on 12/24/2010 12:30:12 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

You’re on a first date, and it’s going horribly. Or is it? It turns out that it’s all a matter of perspective. The elements that are making your date a disaster could actually signal something much sweeter. Read on for the six signs that your doomed date is anything but.

1. Your date is not your type Sure, you’ve seen your date’s photo on his or her profile — but when you meet face to face, you realize the person is so not your type. “Next!,” you say? Not so fast. “Remember that there are thousands of happy couples out there who are not each other’s type,” says Janice MacLeod, coauthor of The Dating Repair Kit. By ruling out someone just because he or she does not meet your romance requisites, you are cutting yourself off from a world of possibilities.

When Jenna, 32, of Key West, FL, met Jeremy, she thought it would never work. After all, he was three inches shorter than she was and was a bit scruffy for her taste. “I wanted to leave instantly, but I had agreed to dinner and didn’t want to be rude,” she says. “Once I got past the superficial stuff, I realized what a gem of a guy he was, and to my surprise, our souls totally clicked. I never thought my soul mate would come in a package like his, but it happened. The lesson? Never say never, no matter what your ‘type’ may be.”

If your date isn’t your type, try redefining your “type” in terms of how a person treats you and makes you feel. This will instantly broaden your dating horizons. “Then vow to finish out the date, come what may,” MacLeod concludes. “Just be in the moment, and give chemistry a chance to grow and prosper.”

2. Your date is super-nervous When Jennifer, 38, of Las Vegas, NV, was on her first date with Bob, she couldn’t help but notice that his voice was shaking. And his hands were trembling. And he was sweating buckets, right through his shirt. “I thought something was seriously wrong with this guy,” she recalls. “I had no intentions of dating him again.” But luckily for Jennifer (and Bob), she changed her mind and decided to give him a second chance. “The next date, he was much more chilled out and relaxed,” she continues. “He later told me he was nervous because I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. That was a good enough reason for me!”

Extreme nervousness on a first date could be a good sign, says MacLeod. “It probably means this person likes you a whole lot,” she says, “and might need a few dates to get past the initial set of jitters.”

When your date is super-nervous, put him or her at ease by being deliberate and calm yourself. Take a few deep breaths, smile, and make eye contact. “It helps to be compassionate and understanding about what the other person is going through,” MacLeod advises. “A first date isn’t necessarily easy, especially if you’re super-nervous to begin with, so try to cut your date some slack.”

3. Your date tells you there are other people in the picture It’s your first dinner date. Between the hot wings and the halibut, she drops it on you: she’s just out of a major breakup and is seeing a few other men at the moment. Instant date-killer, right? Wrong, says MacLeod: “This full disclosure means your date is very honest,” she says. “She’s laying all her cards on the table and not pretending to be someone she’s not.”

Over appetizers, Bob, 29, of Colorado Springs, CO, learned more than he ever wanted to know about his date, Jill. “She told me she was dating another guy, but they weren’t totally serious — they were more like friends with benefits,” he recalls. His response to her confession? “I paid the tab and told her to call me if she ever dumped her so-called ‘friend,’” he recalls. Four weeks later, she did — and Bob and Jill began dating in earnest. “She later explained that she liked me so much, she didn’t want to lead me on during that first date,” he says. “In retrospect, I guess I can respect that.”

If your date tells you he or she is dating other people, just be happy no secrets are being kept from you. (After all, it’s better to know now than later.) However, if the bombshell your date drops is more of the “I’ve cheated on every person I’ve ever been with” variety, this is a major red flag, according to MacLeod... beware!

4. You argue You’re having a nice, normal, getting-to-know-you conversation when suddenly you have a difference of opinion. What begins as a friendly disagreement quickly escalates into an all-out fight. Whether you’re arguing over politics, religion, or even the merits of VH1’s current reality show lineup, an argument on a first date never feels like a good sign. But a fight can actually be a very good thing. If you’re arguing, it can mean there’s passion between you. Sparks are flying — sure, maybe not in the way you’d hoped, but they’re still there. “Arguing can lead into interesting conversation, which is part of what keeps a relationship alive,” says MacLeod.

When 28-year-old Noah, of Burbank, CA, met Lillian, they instantly clashed. “It felt like we couldn’t see eye-to-eye on anything that first date,” he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.” Despite the meat melee, their connection was still meaty enough to merit a second date. “She was my opposite, sure, but being with her was never boring,” he says.

The next time you find yourself in a heated argument with a new date, try embracing your differences. After all, who’d want to date a clone of him- or herself? Agree to disagree, then search for common ground.

5. The date feels more like an interview The entire time Mark, 41, of Plano, TX, was out with Jackie, he felt like he was in the hot seat. “She just kept asking me question after question — where I was from, what my favorite ice cream flavor was, where I wanted to be in five years,” he says. “It was really uncomfortable, and it was hard to feel a vibe or any sparks over all the interview-speak.”

If your date spends the whole time you’re together shooting questions at you in rapid-fire succession and giving you the hard sell, it could just mean that he or she is impressed by you and is simply trying too hard, says MacLeod. That was the case for Mark and Jackie: “Once I ‘passed’ her pre-screening interview, she let her true self come out — and that’s when we actually started to have some fun,” he recalls.

When your date is grilling you, attempt to turn it around and ask some questions of your own. That way, it won’t feel so one-sided. If you have a second date, MacLeod suggests catching a movie. “That way, you won’t have to talk the whole time,” she says. After your first-date chatfest, it will be a nice break.

6. There’s no goodnight kiss If your date isn’t sealed with a kiss, it doesn’t always mean you’re getting the kiss-off. In fact, a sans-smooch soiree could even be a good thing, according to MacLeod. “Not kissing you on a first date very often means he’s being respectful,” she says. “He’s waiting for the perfect moment to have that great first kiss, like people have in movies. Plus, this means he’s probably not kissing all his other first dates, either. He’s too selective to just give his kisses away.”

Judy, 32, of Baltimore, says her current boyfriend waited four whole dates to kiss her. “I was wondering if he just wanted to be pals or what,” she recalls. “It turns out that he’s really old-fashioned. He just wanted us to build a friendship before we took things to the next level. The wait made our first kiss even that much more spectacular. I think we both saw fireworks!”

In the absence of a smooch, look for other signs of attraction. Does your date make eye contact, give you undivided attention, and make you feel like you’re the only person in the room? In this case, actions speak louder than… no action. Hang in there, and you may well be smooching in no time.

Julie Taylor has written for Cosmopolitan and Redbook and is the coauthor of How to Be a Dominant Diva. She and her now-husband’s first date was less than perfect — but she’s eternally grateful she gave him a second chance!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: dating; misunderstandings; romance; signs; singles
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1 posted on 12/24/2010 12:30:14 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: RandallFlagg

Possible Singles PING?


2 posted on 12/24/2010 12:31:08 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (up)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

It’s too bad people don’t heed this advice— especially people who insist upon a “type.” It drives me bonkers.


3 posted on 12/24/2010 12:37:32 AM PST by Lysandru
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

College Class of ‘89?...My God you are a pup! No wonder you are confused. You have a LONG way to go sonny....hang in there!


4 posted on 12/24/2010 12:41:03 AM PST by bobby.223
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Ha! This article reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode “It’s a Good Life”. It’s good she’s not your type. It’s good she didn’t kiss you. It’s good you had a big fight. It’s good you turned that guy into a Jack-in-the-box


5 posted on 12/24/2010 12:49:50 AM PST by Krankor (When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
...he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.”

An hour? I'd have her threatening to kill me in less than twenty minutes.

6 posted on 12/24/2010 1:08:52 AM PST by TigersEye (Who crashed the markets on 9/28/08 and why?)
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To: Lysandru

To me a type doesn’t mean looks, although that can come into play. To me a type is the whole package, looks personality, likes, dislikes. I would never date a vegan regardless of what this article says or a frickin liberal either. Nothing worse than a left wing woman lecturing you all the time.


7 posted on 12/24/2010 1:21:52 AM PST by calex59
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I once developed a crush on a man who, I swear, looked exactly like the ‘spokes elf’ of the Keebler commercials. Sure I was taller and didn’t resemble an elf but there was just something about the man....*sigh*


8 posted on 12/24/2010 1:53:31 AM PST by ransomnote
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Years ago I had a first date with a nice woman. Hit it off well. But she was looking for the GQ man. Now she has lost custody, etc. Go figure, I’ve had a job every day since then...


9 posted on 12/24/2010 2:22:58 AM PST by Aut Pax Aut Bellum (The Summer of Recovery is becoming the Fall of Fall...)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Years ago I had a first date with a nice woman. Hit it off well. But she was looking for the GQ man. Now she has lost custody, etc. Go figure, I’ve had a job every day since then...


10 posted on 12/24/2010 2:23:03 AM PST by Aut Pax Aut Bellum (The Summer of Recovery is becoming the Fall of Fall...)
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To: Petruchio; Yorlik803; ryan71; boxerblues; Hammy; Phinanceguy; DollyCali; DaveLoneRanger; ...


Thanks for the ping, Tolerance Sucks Rocks.
11 posted on 12/24/2010 2:27:40 AM PST by RandallFlagg (Let this chant follow BHO everywhere he goes: "You lie. You lie. You lie.")
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The stories I could tell..better not..the ladies would scream..and the men cheer..


12 posted on 12/24/2010 2:55:40 AM PST by bushpilot1
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To: RandallFlagg

Randall et al. Thanks for ping & Merry Christmas. I am in Oklahoma w/brother/family.. For singles this time of year can be very hard. Love to you all.


13 posted on 12/24/2010 3:43:16 AM PST by DollyCali (Don't tell God how big your storm is... tell your storm how BIG your God is!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

bump for later


14 posted on 12/24/2010 4:01:21 AM PST by Skooz (Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us)
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To: DollyCali

Yes it can.


15 posted on 12/24/2010 4:05:20 AM PST by Skooz (Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us)
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To: ransomnote
I once developed a crush on a man who, I swear, looked exactly like the ‘spokes elf’ of the Keebler commercials. Sure I was taller and didn’t resemble an elf but there was just something about the man....*sigh*

Yeah, but why did you have to MARRY Dennis Kucinich?!
16 posted on 12/24/2010 4:31:46 AM PST by Dr. Sivana (There is no salvation in politics)
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To: calex59
Nothing worse than a left wing woman lecturing you all the time.

Michelle and Zero are worse.

17 posted on 12/24/2010 4:50:16 AM PST by FatherofFive (Islam is evil and must be eradicated)
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To: Lysandru
It’s too bad people don’t heed this advice— especially people who insist upon a “type.” It drives me bonkers.

For a guy "type" is important, on a scale of 1-10 it's about a 15 for most guys. Some things we can't fake.

18 posted on 12/24/2010 4:56:30 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed, and I do not give a damn.)
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To: TigersEye
...he recalls. “She was a vegetarian, and I ordered a rib-eye steak. An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued.”

An hour? I'd have her threatening to kill me in less than twenty minutes.

I would have changed my order to the veal medallions wrapped in bacon and some brown gravy to use as salad dressing. I'd be rid of her in less than 10 minutes

19 posted on 12/24/2010 5:00:14 AM PST by Cowman (How can the IRS seize property without a warrant if the 4th amendment still stands?)
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To: FatherofFive
Nothing worse than a left wing woman lecturing you all the time.

Michelle and Zero are worse.

Yes, but that would be two left wing women wouldn't it

20 posted on 12/24/2010 5:01:48 AM PST by Cowman (How can the IRS seize property without a warrant if the 4th amendment still stands?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“She told me she was dating another guy, but they weren’t totally serious — they were more like friends with benefits,” he recalls. His response to her confession? “I paid the tab and told her to call me if she ever dumped her so-called ‘friend,’” he recalls. Four weeks later, she did — and Bob and Jill began dating in earnest. “She later explained that she liked me so much, she didn’t want to lead me on during that first date,” he says. “In retrospect, I guess I can respect that.”

Wow. Well it's not exactly a fairly tale now is it.

This list seems like it was created by a sales guy at an online dating service.
21 posted on 12/24/2010 5:04:51 AM PST by Vision ("Did I not say to you that if you would believe, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
In the absence of a smooch, look for other signs of attraction.

Heh...."Is that a Maglight in your pocket?"

22 posted on 12/24/2010 5:10:44 AM PST by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Then there is the date who is baring gifts!

That's a GOOD SIGN!

23 posted on 12/24/2010 5:20:28 AM PST by Young Werther ("Quae cum ita sunt" Since these things are so!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The nervous date.
24 posted on 12/24/2010 5:31:19 AM PST by 6SJ7 (atlasShruggedInd = TRUE)
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To: Young Werther

She has a gift?


25 posted on 12/24/2010 5:37:11 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed, and I do not give a damn.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

There’s no goodnight kiss If your date isn’t sealed with a kiss, it doesn’t always mean you’re getting the kiss-off.


Uh, yeah it does. There’s no way I’d ask a girl on a second date if there isn’t [at the very least] as kiss.


26 posted on 12/24/2010 5:47:11 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: ErnBatavia
"Is that a single AAA battery Maglight in your pocket?"

You know at that moment it's going to be a lonely night!

27 posted on 12/24/2010 5:49:08 AM PST by Las Vegas Dave (To anger a Conservative, tell him a lie. To anger a Liberal, tell him the truth.)
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To: rbg81
Uh, yeah it does. There’s no way I’d ask a girl on a second date if there isn’t [at the very least] as kiss.

What is your both to drunk to kiss? Or stand up for that matter.

28 posted on 12/24/2010 5:50:30 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed, and I do not give a damn.)
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To: TigersEye
An hour-long debate on animal rights ensued. --------------------------------------------------------- If I got this treatment at dinner, I would seriously consider sneaking out and leaving her there to pay for my Ribeye steak.
29 posted on 12/24/2010 5:52:30 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: central_va

I drink, but I’ve never been drunk (or would dream of getting drunk) on the first date. If my date got that drunk, she’s probably a lush. No thanks.


30 posted on 12/24/2010 5:55:48 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: rbg81

One guy asked...”Do you kiss on the first date?” I replied, “Why are you asking?”....He said “Because I’m always nervous about ‘to kiss or not’ so once that is out of the way it’s smooth sailing from there on.”

He would have to wait...and did! HA!


31 posted on 12/24/2010 5:57:40 AM PST by caww
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To: rbg81

Clearly, we went to different Universities.


32 posted on 12/24/2010 5:58:55 AM PST by central_va (I won't be reconstructed, and I do not give a damn.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The first time I took my wife out, she really didn't speak English nearly as good as she does now. She surprised me when we were walking by a rowdy country-Western party at a brew-pub and said she wanted to go in and see what it was like. We had a blast and really seemed to enjoy everything. Of course folks were just fine with us as well. It was just something I didn't expect. Being that most of my family is of Southern decent, it was a good sign.

I remember that date clearly above all others, she was wearing a deep green white polka-dot dress that drove me crazy. The first thing I said when she opened the door was "Oh WOW..." : )

33 posted on 12/24/2010 5:59:13 AM PST by Caipirabob ( Communists... Socialists... Democrats...Traitors... Who can tell the difference?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

“The next time you find yourself in a heated argument with a new date,”

If it’s a political argument and she sides with liberalism....NEXT!


34 posted on 12/24/2010 6:00:30 AM PST by Rebelbase ( Islam is a mental disorder.)
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To: central_va

Oh, college? Those days are long (long) gone.

I will say that (back then) I got inebriated at some parties and left with girls to do .... whatever. But I never recall being incapacitated (in the case of the girls or myself). Also, not sure I would consider those encounters “dates”.


35 posted on 12/24/2010 6:04:55 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: RandallFlagg

I had two Oriental shorthairs who looked so much like these cats....


36 posted on 12/24/2010 6:05:47 AM PST by kabumpo (Kabumpo)
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To: caww

That’s fine. Never said those types of guys weren’t out there. Just saying that in my case, there would have been no second date.


37 posted on 12/24/2010 6:07:36 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Here is a sure way to end the first date guys:

Don't take your date out to a place and dare her to do a Balloot shot our of a Champagne glass to see how adventurous she is.

A pro will know you have to get drunk and go into a dark closet with the Ballot in its natural wrapper to be able to accomplish this feat.

38 posted on 12/24/2010 6:09:26 AM PST by Global2010 (Pisces at hospites tribus diebus foetebunt.....)
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To: Caipirabob

Speak English well, not good. Southern descent, not decent.


39 posted on 12/24/2010 6:09:30 AM PST by kabumpo (Kabumpo)
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To: rbg81
. Just saying that in my case, there would have been no second date.

Exactly. There wouldn't have been if the issue was pushed.

40 posted on 12/24/2010 6:11:49 AM PST by caww
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Best dating advice I can offer: Beware of the hyphenated last name.


41 posted on 12/24/2010 6:13:07 AM PST by Hat-Trick (Do you trust a government that cannot trust you with guns?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Excellent article, imho.


42 posted on 12/24/2010 6:15:35 AM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Getting dates is easy when you're a musician. Convincing a lady to stick around for the long haul is difficult once they realize what becoming a good musician entails -- living the life of a monk/mad scientist, even when they're well off financially.

It's hard for a woman to have to compete with a Steinway. They have needs.

The ivories, I mean.

43 posted on 12/24/2010 6:20:38 AM PST by InternetTuffGuy
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Julie Taylor has written for Cosmopolitan and Redbook and is the coauthor of How to Be a Dominant Diva

Hard for someone to take advice from someone who wrote a book called "How to Be a Dominant Diva"

My last date was 30 years ago so maybe I'm behind the times a tad !!!

44 posted on 12/24/2010 6:23:52 AM PST by Popman (Obama. First Marxist to turn a five year Marxist plan into a 4 year administration.)
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To: caww

Honestly, I think (in your case), the guy was clearly using a tactic. I never have (or would) try that old schtick of asking for a kiss up front to dispell “tension”. Frankly, I only care about getting intimate if I want a second date. And I typically make that decision as the date is winding down, if everything has gone well. If I’m really interested at that point, I’ll press for more. If not, not.

Of course, I’ve been married for over 20 years, so I’ve been out of the dating game for quite a while. Can’t say I miss it much.


45 posted on 12/24/2010 6:29:02 AM PST by rbg81 (When you see Obama, shout: "DO YOUR JOB!!")
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To: Rebelbase

Yup, some differences cannot be overcome.


46 posted on 12/24/2010 6:34:47 AM PST by mad_as_he$$ (V for Vendetta.)
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To: calex59

“I would never date a vegan”

That’s what a guy told me when we first starting dating. Then I told him I was vegan and he changed his mind. We were married 2 years later and still going strong. (I’m no longer vegan, for what it’s worth)

I never, ever lectured or argued with him (or anyone else) about the issue. Ever.


47 posted on 12/24/2010 6:58:10 AM PST by coop71 (Being a redhead means never having to say you're sorry...)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Here's my only distilled wisdom:

The first time she mentions her meds, or her therapist, count slowly to sixty.

Then, put down your drink.

Excuse yourself, saying that you have to go to the men's room.

Once there, open the window and exit.

Go home.

Change your name on the mailbox.

Change your phone number.

Don't go out for three months.

Seriously.

48 posted on 12/24/2010 7:04:46 AM PST by Jim Noble (It's the tyranny, stupid!)
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To: calex59
I would never date a vegan

Oh, c'mon!

If your the first guy, she'll never forget....

Oh, you said "vegan". Never mind...

49 posted on 12/24/2010 7:08:38 AM PST by Jim Noble (It's the tyranny, stupid!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Over the years I have lowered my standards on the “gotta have list” of acceptable date characteristics. Currently it includes “Having a pulse is not mandatory, but it helps.”.


50 posted on 12/24/2010 10:27:39 AM PST by Petruchio (I Think . . . Therefor I FReep.)
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