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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 01/07/2011 5:02:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen

How the heck did he get in there??



















Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know we're already out of money?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag ever opens from the end you try first?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?




TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; silliness
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To: Pan_Yan
Hallelujah!

Hallelujah Chorus -Quinhagak, Alaska

51 posted on 01/07/2011 12:53:00 PM PST by unique
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To: MissTed

LOL


52 posted on 01/07/2011 1:29:21 PM PST by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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To: Lucky9teen

So, here’s some Friday afternoon bank bureaucratic silliness. Hubby went into our bank this afternoon to pay off our mortgage. Mortgage is also held by the bank. Guess what? Can’t do that, because although the bank branches can accept mortgage payments, they can’t accept the FINAL mortgage payment. That has to be sent somewhere back east to be processed by some other dept. in the bank. So, Hubby paid our mortgage down to $1. On Monday, he has to go back to the bank and send this other dept. a cashier’s check for the $1, plus whatever 3 days’ interest is on $1, plus the $10 processing fee to finally close the account and pay off the mortgage. Can’t do that today, because today’s payment has to post before we can send the last payment. And we didn’t want to pay 3 days’ interest on the full amount, which is why he didn’t just make one big payment on Monday. There was some equally silly reason why he couldn’t just make the big payment today, but it’s lost on me.

So, we’re not quite ready to scream “we’re debt free.” We still have a $1 mortgage.


53 posted on 01/07/2011 1:44:00 PM PST by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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To: Hoffer Rand

Aw heck... live a little!

Be a real pain to the bank, leave that outstanding balance on their books, and amortize your remaining payments for the next 5 years or so!

“So, we’re not quite ready to scream “we’re debt free.” We still have a $1 mortgage.”


54 posted on 01/07/2011 1:57:33 PM PST by DieNarrin (Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity!)
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To: DieNarrin

Wonder if you could set up direct payments in 2 cent increments...


55 posted on 01/07/2011 2:17:12 PM PST by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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To: Lucky9teen

How come every time I put the flat sheet on the bed, I choose the wrong corner to start?


56 posted on 01/07/2011 3:09:27 PM PST by synbad600
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To: unique

Hm, well, TSA found and stopped 10 guns from going through a checkpoint.

Last WEEK.


57 posted on 01/07/2011 4:35:40 PM PST by DaveLoneRanger (Bookmark this site, you'll like it: TheArmedCitizen.com)
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To: Hoffer Rand

I guess I would have been the wiseguy that paid it down to a penny or perhaps do the gas station thing and pay all but 1/10 of a cent.


58 posted on 01/07/2011 4:45:59 PM PST by Clay Moore (The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left. Ecclesiastes 10:2)
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To: Lucky9teen
Pelosi reluctantly yields the gavel to Boehner.


59 posted on 01/07/2011 7:48:05 PM PST by clearcarbon
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To: unique; Pan_Yan

Pan_Yan just wanted your post to live up to your screen name! ;-P


60 posted on 01/09/2011 9:57:37 AM PST by MortMan (I am in no mood to be amused! (Ebenezer Scrooge))
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To: MortMan; Pan_Yan

Let’s review - if one posts a joke on a silliness thread that has already been posted, that qualifies as silly (fully aligned with the purpose of the thread). Anyone that brings the first post to their attention qualifies as anal, not silly.

Therefore, Pan_Yan was being anal and you are sort of a blooter for pointing out Pan-Yan’s original purpose for posting two days after the fact, unless Pan_Yan and you are roommates.


61 posted on 01/09/2011 11:41:37 AM PST by unique
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To: unique; MortMan

Don’t be so anal.


62 posted on 01/09/2011 11:45:52 AM PST by Pan_Yan
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To: Pan_Yan; MortMan

You’ve got a point, I’ve just not fully learned to never wrestle with a pig in the mud, you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it. Not that either one of you is a pig, you’ve just dragged me down to the anal level and beat me with experience.


63 posted on 01/09/2011 12:52:25 PM PST by unique
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To: unique; Pan_Yan

Okay - I got it now. Pointing out irony is now considered anal.

“Lighten up, Frances”


64 posted on 01/09/2011 1:59:38 PM PST by MortMan (I am in no mood to be amused! (Ebenezer Scrooge))
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To: MortMan

Irony is not worth noting on a silliness thread, except if one is anal.


65 posted on 01/09/2011 2:22:33 PM PST by unique
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To: unique

That’s AWEsome.

Thanks.


66 posted on 01/14/2011 1:55:34 PM PST by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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