Posted on 01/07/2011 5:02:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen
IBTP?
A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says, “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well then, better tell me what you got.”
Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”
“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”
“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”
“Not much....”
IBTP?
DANG IT!
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.” Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,”declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,” but he got $10!” “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I got” “That’s true!!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!”
“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.
They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, FReepers all, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas; where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.
Go Ravens!
The queen's demeanor alone would indicate that a poot indeed escaped.
Must have been a room clearer too.....
Yeah day off................
# 11 in 2011
I wonder if HotAir.com is on the copyright no-no list. If it isn’t, I’ll post that picture in a heartbeat.
What a DOOFUSS!!
TGIF top 20!
Once there was a British princess who farted often, and blamed it loudly on someone else nearby.
One day, she let loose and shouted to her footman: "Catherwood, stop that!"
"Certainly, madam" replied the footman. "Which way did it go?"
Top 16!
Fashion police alert at link in reply 12.
What a dork.
top 20
Top 25!
Top 22!?!
Below 28!
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know they were living up there."
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown five times a week now.
I was reading in the newspaper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low!
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day .
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then.....you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions, central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Re; last photo- get your feet off the president’s desk, you sorry pos!
ROTFLMAO!!!
Woo-hoo!! Top 50!!
Out of Texas
This good ol’ Texan cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says, “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Well then, better tell me what you got.”
Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”
“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”
“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, what are you afraid of?”
“Not a darned thing.”
Did you see post #3, by any chance?
Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security
Terrorist Plots Discovered ..... 0
Transvestites..... 133
Hernias..... 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases..... 3,172
Enlarged Prostates..... 8,249
Breast Implants..... 59,350
Natural Blondes..... 3
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there
appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
Don’t be so anal.
Okay, I’ll work on that.
"Where's my Pie?...and ice cream??"
You know, Hubby and I have a deal. The day I behave like that over ANY politician, he has my permission to shoot me—he can even use MY gun. Because I just don’t want to live like that.
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