L
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
No mocking from me. What is it you do for a living?
It’s called beer.
How long have you felt like this? Since you were a child?
Never mind what anyone left behind will say. Your only concern should be what He thinks of you. Your only concern should be to get yourself into His Book of Life.
Do you read your Bible? If not, start. Once you have, you will not care what anyone else thinks of you after you're gone.
God loves you and has a purpose for you. Your job is to find it; the trying alone may be beneficial.
But then, what do I know; I’m just another sinner.
I go to work every day too, and most likely that’s all that anyone notices. There is a wonderful man who loves me and I have some great friends and a wonderful family. I get lost with my horse hobby sometimes to the point that I don’t pay much attention to anything else. And I go to work.
But I’m also as nice as possible to everyone I encounter. Try to always remember to say please and thank you and try to do some random nice deed each day for someone.
That’s enough for me.
“man up you wuss”.
Pre-empted!
Seriously, are you seeking treatment for depression? I presume from what you’ve told me here that you are in your mid twenties.
Your symptoms sound very similar with what I was going through at the time. When I finally got treatment, I felt like myself again, but it took a long time for me to figure out what was wrong.
No mocking here.... but the book of Ecclesiastes comes to mind. The preacher in the book had the same issues that you have, but came to some very valuable conclusions. It will help you. Read it :)
James,
You need to speak with your clergymman NOW. If you don’t have one, get one. Probably he will recommend that you seek psychiatric counseling, and you should go for anti-depressants to treat this acute situation. Then you should take them.
We all are here for a purpose, and we may never know what it is. Perhaps it is to make one statement to one person one time, that will change that person’s life. We never know. G-d doesn’t make mistakes, and if you are here you belong here. You need to accept that you may never know your role, and in the meantime your job is to push forward and not do anything that distances you from G-d.
Good luck.
Mind if we ask your approximate age?
Think you found it, Bro -- spend more time with God. The void you're feeling is probably "faith-shaped' to a certain degree.
I've been there. Spend more time not only talking with God, but listen to Him through scripture. It does a body good!
:D
Hodd
Not Mocking
There is a God sized hole in everymans heart and only he can fill it.
I had the same issues for a while and sometimes I still do. I figure its cause I’m in my 40’s.
sounds like you are getting depressed. Maybe you should speak with your doctor.
L
I have a solution. I suggest that you go to a shrink. One who does hypnotism. Have him hypnotize you. Have him completely relax you. Make all your cares and concerns disappear. Have him go really deep. Have him put you in a state of complete relaxation. Then don’t let him snap his fingers and “wake” you up. That should fix you.
Let us know how it goes.
Oh, one last thing. After this happens keep away from a guy who is looking for “his stapler”.
You may not go down in the annuls of history but you will have made a difference.
I had to cut down, people complained I was too happy.
Sounds like you’re spiritually bankrupt. Why don’t you try reading the bible between now and Easter. If something in your reading catches your attention or doesn’t make sense, do some casual internet research on it.
This could possibly be God preparing you for something.
I got restless and felt pretty meaningless and dull for a bit and then an opportunity came along that I probably would not have taken if I had been content with how things were in my life.
I thank God for it. It changed my life.
Took me out of my comfort zone, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Keep your eyes open for unusual chances.
And God bless...I hope it gets better. You do have a purpose.
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem."
PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN, 1985
I was in the Navy, I hope I made some tiny difference.
“Seek first the kingdom of God”
May sound simple but it worked for me.
Er...
that should read:
Hoss, not ‘Hodd’
:D
A Swingline doesn't bind like a Boston.
maybe this is Gods way of telling you its time to come to Him and He will lead the way...we don’t always listen to Him or recognize the signs that He sends us.....i didn’t for many years....but a year ago jan i found my way back to the church and in july of last year was baptized...find a church...get closer to God and serve Him and who will find your purpose in life.....good luck...
That's true for most of us, except for our close friends and family. But even after time, things will go back to normal.
Open your Bible, start reading and strengthen your relationship with Him.
You sound depressed. Some types of depression are related to organic causes-brain chemistry. Go to a doctor and tell him how you feel. Good Luck.
Irritating people I don’t like usually pulls me out of a slump.
Dude. Walk into a Doctor’s office right now and tell them at the front desk you need to see the doc NOW.
There are amazing drugs that will put you straight.
Trust me. I’ve been there.
Do it. Now. Go get in your car, and drive to the doctor.
We will pray for you in a special way today James (((((Hugs))))))Fatima
Life has exactly as much point as you chose to give it. You can be a balloon bobbing along the river of life or a speedboat chugging up stream at full tilt. Both have their good and bad points, the trick is to understand which way you are living it, figure out if you’re OK with that and either change it or learn to be happy. I became a lot happier in life when I adopted the theme of “know who you are”, which oddly enough was just for weight loss but turned out to be just plain handy across the board. Once you know who you are most of the problems in your life go away, all those internal unhappinesses vaporize because now you understand them and can either cope or change. 90% of everybody’s unhappiness comes from between their ears, you fix that and the other 10% is gravy.
Get a ‘rescue” from the SPCA ... they are so happy to have a home.
Many are the lives saved by cats and dogs.
You will be glad you did. Keep in touch and report back, okay?
James, if and when you marry and have children, I honestly feel all your anxieties will be calmed. I work every day and rarely take a day off (maybe 10 days in 20 years). However, spending time every day with my now grown children has truly been a gift.
God speed.
For what it's worth, I care about what you wrote. I see that you are a Christian. I think that is the key. This may surprise you but you are not alone in how you feel. I think this is pretty common even among Christians.
I think that is why it is important to talk to God every day. Read the Bible every day so he can speak to you. Do you have a local church? God does not intend for us to walk out the Christian life alone (Hebrews 10:25). Finding a good local church is huge. If you don't know where to look, freep mail me and I can try to help.
This may sound strange but I take some encouragement from your description of your life because it confirms the emptiness of human life apart from God. But realize God does have a plan for you. Read Ephesians 2:1-10.
I have been where you are and I still go there some times. But I am reminded that God is eternal and what he does through us for him is eternal and has eternal consequences. There is a peace that comes with that. It fills that empty place you describe because it was meant to fill it. Nothing else apart from Jesus Christ can fill it.
I don’t know if this will help you at all, but I’ve given up on the idea of ever doing anything ‘really important’ with my life in terms of how other people would define what is important. But I look at things a little differently than I used to. My abilities are very limited in the good that I can do, but if I can help just a few (or even one person) to make their lives better, this is enough. I may seem worthless to almost everyone, but I know that I mean the world to my golden retriever as an example.
I won’t mock you. I would help you the best I could. You have come to the point in your life, a point that some never reach, where you face mortality and the awful length of it. You look and wonder what is the purpose. You don’t realize one for yourself, and life is weighing down on you like water over your head and you can’t break through to the surface.
But you don’t understand, this isn’t a defect, but a perception lost on most people who don’t look up to see the stars, but are content with the very life you find miring you down. They live the unexamined life.
The good news, I’m sure you would like some with your post, is that you are on the first step to freedom. You have the insight to break free and do things that the herd isn’t doing, because you realize your life is all yours to spend.
Now the only problem is picking a direction..finding a purpose. That’s up to you. Pick something you can be passionate about. Start a company, become a mountain climber, write a novel, become a photographer, I don’t know, I’m not you.
But please, don’t think this pain you are feeling is one of mortality, depression, and listlessness, it is the pain of realizing you are alive. It is a gift. Seize it and you will find all the colors brigher, the food tastier, and the friends more precious.
I’ll say a prayer for you,
Irish Catholic.
James, some people like the same routine everyday. Ever notice how people will park in the same place, and sit in the same seats? I thought you were parrotting Ecclesiasties. King Solomon understood that having everything in life can still leave you wanting.
BFL
Ever since I was a kid, I felt I had a purpose, but couldn’t figure out what it was. I’ve done all kinds of things looking to find my purpose. I eventually accepted Christ. That feeling was still there until I started serving God. Now, I know I’m doing what I was supposed to do. The void is filled.
God is calling you. You need to talk to Him more and allow Him to talk to you through His word. You’re a Christian, so you’re already set apart. You may have a higher calling.
Pray for God to reveal himself to you. In the mean time, learn to be content. Remember to be “joyful always, pray continuously and give thanks to God in all circumstances”. (this is somewhere in Thessalonias) You would be amazed at how things change when you start saying “thank you, God” for EVERYTHING, good, bad, ugly and indifferent.
I’m glad you posted. There’s something drawing you. God says, you draw closer to Him and He’ll draw closer to you. Seek and ye shall find. Start praying!!!
It sounds as though the Lord *is* working in your life! If he were not, you wouldn’t have written this. Most people go through life content with material wealth, or health, or entertainment, or family, or friends. Especially here in the U.S., where we have so many of our material needs met. Jesus said that it was difficult for a rich, comfortable man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, because he didn’t feel as though he lacked anything.
Jesus had the vast universe at his disposal - his becoming a limited man was more torture than we can imagine. But he did it because he loved us so much. He even kept his corporeal body - he will show us the nails in his hands someday — the ones he put there for us, on our behalf. He’s pleading with the Father for you as you pray.
You are on the right track - read through Ecclesiastes - the way you are feeling is absolutely known to God. You will find exactly how you are feeling in that book, and the answers lie in the book as well.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”
Not going to give you any advice because all advice is ****.
I’m in a similar position to you. I wake up each morning cursing the very moment I was conceived. Life is a curse, the worst curse imaginable and we all earned it for the unforgivable crime of merely existing. It has gotten to the point where I am a complete nihilist. I’m supposed to be passionate about helping people in a job that requires extreme commitment and courage...yet I just don’t care anymore...even though I have barely started it.
The power of evil and insanity in the world has rendered everything completely pointless. I don’t even love anyone because it leads to nothing but pain. It is impossible to save anyone or to make any positive difference.
I can save someone’s life today and it would accomplish nothing but dooming that person to tomorrow’s brutal fate.
I am not a Christian or even remotely spiritual and it’s probably never going to happen at this rate. It is absolutely incomprehensible to me how anyone can have a spiritual life based on nothing but words in an ancient book or some naive vision of the “beauty of creation” or some such nonsense. This world is 100% horror. Even the ‘good stuff’ is merely another reflection of horror and evil. Maybe there is a God and a heaven out there but I’ll never know. By the time I find out it will be too late and I’ll wind up in hell anyway.
Don’t know what to tell you. We are basically ****ed. The only reason to stay alive is out of an arbitrary sense of duty. Hopefully death will take us soon. That’s the only remaining hope.
pick up a copy of “the hour that changes the world” and read it....
pick up a copy of “the hour that changes the world” and read it....
Take a few months off. Travel and see the world. Get out of North America and experience life as most humans live.
Never forget — there are, literally, billions of people on this planet that would do anything to have the life that you describe.
You and I could be twin brothers from different mothers.
For me I find great satisfaction in work and by that I mean finding ways to help others become more productive and efficient. For, by doing so, I’m helping people (including myself) to increase their job security.
I enjoy gardening and giving away the produce but also beautifying a plot of land.
Find someone who is worse off than you and invest yourself in them. Teach them. Help them become more than they are; give yourself away.
James, we have all been there, or will be there one day.
Pray without ceasing.
Alcohol does not dull the pain, only your thinking ability. Therefore, it makes life even more difficult to get through.
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