Skip to comments.Need to blow off steam. I feel like my life is utterly pointless.
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
I don't really have anybody I can talk to about this that would understand. I don't expect FR too either, but it's as good a place as any to vent.
You know what I do? I get up every day and go to work. I do my job and get my work done. I come home. I do it again the next day. And then again, and again, and again.
When I am dead, the most anyone will ever say about me is "he went to work ever day". If I were to simply drop dead, everything would pretty much be as if I had never lived. I have accomplished nothing noteworthy and I don't expect to. When my life is over with, the world will not be a better place, no one's lives will have been improved, and the evil that lives in the world will not have been pushed back.
This leaves me feeling....sick inside my soul. As if something is very, very wrong. The only thing I really look forward to is burying myself in the mundane of the normal to the degree that I do not think about these things. By and large this works, but some days I take my head out of the sand, and the result of that is days like today.
I've tried many things. When I was in school, I spent time every week in a nursing home. It did the folks there good to see anybody. But it did not fill the void. I am a blackbelt in karate and used to exercise a lot. It was good for me, but it did not fill the void. I have good friends, but I don't see them as much as I used to. We're all out of college, have jobs, and some have kids now. But even during the heyday of college, I couldn't fill the void with other people. I have hobbies. They're fun, but they leave me empty. I don't want to drop everything and be a drifter, but I don't want to sit still. I am not into carousing and having casual sex with whatever comes along. Never have been, and I'm fairly certain it would make me feel worse. I am a Christian; I do not speak to God as much as I should, but I do at times. He is supposed to have purpose for me, but I don't know what it is. I hope He has something for me other than work 9-5 until I'm dead.
A lot of people will say that your purpose is what you make of it. Every bit of evidence and observation I have tells me that's true. Yet I don't believe it, and never have.
In before "man up you wuss".
This could possibly be God preparing you for something.
I got restless and felt pretty meaningless and dull for a bit and then an opportunity came along that I probably would not have taken if I had been content with how things were in my life.
I thank God for it. It changed my life.
Took me out of my comfort zone, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Keep your eyes open for unusual chances.
And God bless...I hope it gets better. You do have a purpose.
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem."
PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN, 1985
I was in the Navy, I hope I made some tiny difference.
“Seek first the kingdom of God”
May sound simple but it worked for me.
that should read:
Hoss, not ‘Hodd’
A Swingline doesn't bind like a Boston.
maybe this is Gods way of telling you its time to come to Him and He will lead the way...we don’t always listen to Him or recognize the signs that He sends us.....i didn’t for many years....but a year ago jan i found my way back to the church and in july of last year was baptized...find a church...get closer to God and serve Him and who will find your purpose in life.....good luck...
That's true for most of us, except for our close friends and family. But even after time, things will go back to normal.
Open your Bible, start reading and strengthen your relationship with Him.
You sound depressed. Some types of depression are related to organic causes-brain chemistry. Go to a doctor and tell him how you feel. Good Luck.
Irritating people I don’t like usually pulls me out of a slump.
Dude. Walk into a Doctor’s office right now and tell them at the front desk you need to see the doc NOW.
There are amazing drugs that will put you straight.
Trust me. I’ve been there.
Do it. Now. Go get in your car, and drive to the doctor.
We will pray for you in a special way today James (((((Hugs))))))Fatima
Life has exactly as much point as you chose to give it. You can be a balloon bobbing along the river of life or a speedboat chugging up stream at full tilt. Both have their good and bad points, the trick is to understand which way you are living it, figure out if you’re OK with that and either change it or learn to be happy. I became a lot happier in life when I adopted the theme of “know who you are”, which oddly enough was just for weight loss but turned out to be just plain handy across the board. Once you know who you are most of the problems in your life go away, all those internal unhappinesses vaporize because now you understand them and can either cope or change. 90% of everybody’s unhappiness comes from between their ears, you fix that and the other 10% is gravy.
Get a ‘rescue” from the SPCA ... they are so happy to have a home.
Many are the lives saved by cats and dogs.
You will be glad you did. Keep in touch and report back, okay?
James, if and when you marry and have children, I honestly feel all your anxieties will be calmed. I work every day and rarely take a day off (maybe 10 days in 20 years). However, spending time every day with my now grown children has truly been a gift.
For what it's worth, I care about what you wrote. I see that you are a Christian. I think that is the key. This may surprise you but you are not alone in how you feel. I think this is pretty common even among Christians.
I think that is why it is important to talk to God every day. Read the Bible every day so he can speak to you. Do you have a local church? God does not intend for us to walk out the Christian life alone (Hebrews 10:25). Finding a good local church is huge. If you don't know where to look, freep mail me and I can try to help.
This may sound strange but I take some encouragement from your description of your life because it confirms the emptiness of human life apart from God. But realize God does have a plan for you. Read Ephesians 2:1-10.
I have been where you are and I still go there some times. But I am reminded that God is eternal and what he does through us for him is eternal and has eternal consequences. There is a peace that comes with that. It fills that empty place you describe because it was meant to fill it. Nothing else apart from Jesus Christ can fill it.
I don’t know if this will help you at all, but I’ve given up on the idea of ever doing anything ‘really important’ with my life in terms of how other people would define what is important. But I look at things a little differently than I used to. My abilities are very limited in the good that I can do, but if I can help just a few (or even one person) to make their lives better, this is enough. I may seem worthless to almost everyone, but I know that I mean the world to my golden retriever as an example.
I won’t mock you. I would help you the best I could. You have come to the point in your life, a point that some never reach, where you face mortality and the awful length of it. You look and wonder what is the purpose. You don’t realize one for yourself, and life is weighing down on you like water over your head and you can’t break through to the surface.
But you don’t understand, this isn’t a defect, but a perception lost on most people who don’t look up to see the stars, but are content with the very life you find miring you down. They live the unexamined life.
The good news, I’m sure you would like some with your post, is that you are on the first step to freedom. You have the insight to break free and do things that the herd isn’t doing, because you realize your life is all yours to spend.
Now the only problem is picking a direction..finding a purpose. That’s up to you. Pick something you can be passionate about. Start a company, become a mountain climber, write a novel, become a photographer, I don’t know, I’m not you.
But please, don’t think this pain you are feeling is one of mortality, depression, and listlessness, it is the pain of realizing you are alive. It is a gift. Seize it and you will find all the colors brigher, the food tastier, and the friends more precious.
I’ll say a prayer for you,
James, some people like the same routine everyday. Ever notice how people will park in the same place, and sit in the same seats? I thought you were parrotting Ecclesiasties. King Solomon understood that having everything in life can still leave you wanting.