Skip to comments.Need to blow off steam. I feel like my life is utterly pointless.
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
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I scanned thru about half of these posts and see that you have several dozen of good suggestions. My personal take after reading your “About Page” is that your basics are already very good. I have been in similar situations, but I am not you, so these are just for your consideration:
1. Get down and ask God for guidance, be sincere!
2. Count your blessings - write them down if necessary. You are a Christian, young, well-educated, have a professional job, and so on (many don’t even have that)!
3. If you neeed professional help, get it, but shy away from drugs, those might enslave you in a drug-induced haze.
4. By all means get a dog or other pet that you can interact with (I talk to my dog now instead of the TV!)
5. You can still date without having casual sex, and do listen to what your date has to say instead of bemoaning your own problems. Many girls would like that a lot.
6. Take pride in your work, look forward to each new day and value the companionship of your co-workers. (This is very important as it gives you a daily purpose - many people nowadays don’t have that option.)
That’s enough for now, so get with it and good luck!
Sometimes you need the darkeness to appreciate the Light.
I also read with interest the comments regarding nutrition and vitamin supplements, and will head to the health food store to check them out as soon as I kick this stupid flu. I have a feeling that the funk my DH gets into occasionally has a more nutritional basis than a mental basis, so we’ll see.
So, James, you had an effect on me today, totally unexpected because you happened to ask for help on FR on a day I happened to be home from work sick, and saw the thread. Otherwise, I would have missed it completely. Because of the wonderful posters here who gave their advice and prayers, I received some help I hadn’t really realized I needed.
My point is that you may never know the impact you have on people, just in everyday ordinary life. There may be no bells and whistles, no news stories, just a small smile on the face of a stranger as they pass you on the street that you might not even see.
I do wonder a bit at the comment that you seem to not feel the release you had expected by letting this all out. I just hope that you weren’t really wanting to see nothing but comments to “Gut it out, you wuss” and let those comments reinforce how worthless you feel about your life.
Man, this sounds preachy, and I didn’t intend it to be that way. Just a mom worrying, I guess. You are just a little younger than my kids, and I’m sorry you are feeling adrift. Just remember, no one can ‘give’ you happiness. It’s a gift you can only give yourself.
Oh, one more thing, kittens love curling up in your lap when you are on the computer. Nothing better than some purring therapy when I’m feeling down.
have kids. raise and nurture them. nothing in life compares. no love can match that which you feel for your children. you were born in the greatest country in the history of civilization. you have nothing to complain about.
oh..and man-up you wuss
God bless you. If I have any advice, it is, if your life seems empty, fill it. If you feel like you do nothing good or make no difference, go seek out something good that needs doing. Join a civic organization- there are a lot of good causes that need a hand. I think all of us have had days where we wonder what the point is to our existence. Those are days when we forget that the Almighty does have a purpose for us. It may not seem like it sometimes, and it may not always be obvious- everyone’s ministry is not in the pulpit. Nonetheless, those who are His children do His work, even in some small way, even you, and even if you are not aware of it. Take comfort in that fact, and I hope you find some solace.
Hi James, it’s late so instead of giving you more advice, I’ll send you a <<<< hug >>>>
You’re in my prayers. I hope you post tomorrow! Goodnight.
In the five years after I turned 29 I quit drinking, quit smoking, met and married my wife, fathered two daughters, built a house, completed a college degree, and earned several job promotions.
NONE of this could I have imagined at the time I was 29. I simply decided that my life was off track and I needed to become a different person. There is nothing wrong with being "just another guy" if you are a guy who believes in freedom, individual responsibility, and personal accountability. There is a great shortage of such "guys".
I really like your post. But your ambition to retire to the beach is a wonderful ambition - don’t put it down.
When I was 45, I was so burned out from working in gray office buildings in NYC, my husband and I bought a small beach house about 60 miles from the city. For about 4 years I walked the beach and climbed on the rocks and breathed the salt air and waded and swam in the ocean. The ocean is a curative! My depression dwindled and I became a happy person again. Then I got a large rescue dog who spent the last few years of his life running on the sand.
It still ranks as one of my greatest achievements, lol!
I couldn’t respond yesterday, but you have my prayers going out. I’ve been through depression before, when I was very young and in school of all times. It feels like it will never get better. I promise you that it does.I wish I could explain to you and prove that it does, just hang in there. Work on self improvement, maybe it will lead you onto other positive projects. Donate time at a church or something like that. This will work itself out, just have faith!
Wonderful aint it? rolling eyes..... Good luck to you also.
Still feel somewhat numb this morning. Still feel cheated and feel as if things are “unresolved” because I didn’t just fall to pieces last night like I felt that I needed to.
Why don’t you read through all these posts again? Surely, it will tell you that many people care about you - even though they don’t know you personally. You have inspired a lot of people to talk about their own struggles with depression.
Youve received a lot of great advice on this board and a lot of good ideas. Nutrition, supplements, exercise, books to read, travel, switching jobs, prayer, spiritual help... all of it is good stuff. I would advise you also to avoid SSRI meds if you are not in danger of harming yourself or others. Ive done the Prozac... you know what the worst side effect is? It makes you not care anymore. It makes things like jobs, people, circumstances, etc. tolerable. Therefore, you may find yourself stuck in an intolerable situation longer than you would have otherwise. But talking to someone can be very helpful. A doctor would certainly be more qualified than me to tell you if thats what you need.
The other thing I want to say is that what youre going through is absolutely normal. Something about approaching every 0 year affects everyone psychologically, but 30 is that year where, as someone else here said, everything can change and usually does. I can guarantee you that 80-90% of everyone here had some major change occur in the years around age 30. Job change, move, death in family, relationship loss, marriage, first child born. Those are just the years that this sort of thing happens. You came out of the starting gate after graduating school, stumbled a bit, found your wings, got flight, and now youre cruising and thinking, Is this is? Is this what Im doing for the rest of my life? Its absolutely normal. In this day and age, its really rare to find someone who went into a job or a career right out of college and stayed there until retirement. So instead of thinking, What do I want to do with my life? (a question you will be asking until you are dead), start asking, What do I want to do next?
It sounds like the job is where your hangup is, so look at that. What I would not advise you to do is just up and quit your job and follow your heart. That is not in your rational self-interest, particularly in this economy and with the train wreck that is likely coming. (All of us here may be out of a job soon, whether we choose to be or not.) But you should look at your options. Someone here recommended firefighting and that seemed to catch your attention. Good idea. Youve probably spent the past few years sitting in a cubicle staring at a computer. Something that would be physically exhausting - like firefighting - can be spiritually uplifting. And now is the age for you to do it. It will be much harder to make such a leap when you are 40 and competing against guys who are 29. So look into it, see if you need to take some fire science classes, get back into shape (the physical tests for that job are extremely challenging), start saving your money and stocking up some canned food and see if a few months down the road you can do it. Cut off your landline phone and stop your cable if you need to... those are expenses that are unnecessary and set that money aside. But set a goal and keep your eyes on it.
I did the same thing youre doing. I went into computer work right after school and found myself crying on my drive in to work every morning. I didnt want to still be sitting there at 50, wondering what I had missed out on. I made a complete 180 and became a flight attendant, a job that was extremely physical (bending, lifting, fighting gravity, twisting, reaching... much more physical than I ever had anticipated) and I got to travel. After a few years, I found it no longer fulfilling, so I moved on. Now Im back in an office, but I no longer feel like Ive been chained to a desk. Another friend of mine left his desk job that he hated (precisely at age 30) and he became a cop. He is happier than I had ever seen him before. Hes doing something both physically and mentally challenging, and as he said to me, After just one year, Ive already got stories that Ill be telling until I die. Who knows, five years from now, he may no longer feel like its fulfilling and will be ready to move on. Or maybe not.
The thing is, your sadness is telling you something. Listen to it, make a workable plan, set some goal and start attacking it. Now is the time to do it. Good luck!
I followed this thread yesterday, and again this morning, because there is just so much good in it that goes beyond simple advice. These are the voices of people who care. They all have either been where you are, or have known/loved someone who has, and have lived to tell the tale. They make this world a special place, and they are reaching out to you, assuring you that this too shall pass.
Listen to them, and start talking to God again too...it might seem difficult at first, but by all accounts, He seems to be an extraordinarily patient guy ; } And strangely enough, even though so many people talk to Him, somehow, when I talk to Him, I always get the feeling that He is really happy to hear from me...
May God bless you.
Self edit : / need more coffee - very small smile. A lesson here too James - learn to forgive yourself. Very difficult for a lot of us, but so important.
“These are the voices of people who - like you - care. They all have either been where you are, or have known/loved someone who has, and have lived to tell the tale. They, like you, make this world a special place, and they are reaching out to you, assuring you that this too shall pass.”
And hang in there. :)
Have you been hanging out with the Dalai Lama?
Try two things. They include getting out of your comfort zone. One is easy- take a different way home. - you’ll see a what other people see in the world. The other is difficult - offer to be a Sunday School assistant. Let the Holy Spirit work through you and improve the spiritual lives of the young’uns in your church.
Hey James — just checking in on you again. Let us know how you are doing. Hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight.
I understand the VOID part. Don’t let anyone tell you that you need meds or are depressed.
The only thing I can say to help you and I don’t mean for this to sound harsh but there are people right now that WISH they had a job to go to 9-5. Yet I understand the go to work and hate it non fulfilling thing.
I have been reading what you’ve written and want you to know that I believe in you.
You are alive and have expertise at this moment that is needed. Just by posting and connecting with FReepers, you are part of a network of people who need rugged and technical skills as things deteriorate economically. Your objective experience as a computer scientist will come in handy, so I hope you have processes and methods stored away somewhere to pitch in when you are called on to do so. While it may seem slow-moving and same stuff, different day right now, your skills may become unique in your physical location, like knowing DOS or COBOL or how to assemble a PC or cobble networks together.
Please squirrel that away. You’re at an age when you still have enough energy to be considering these things and should write them down/assemble them, for reference.
Life sucks. In America.
So take some time off from work. Do some traveling for a couple of weeks. I'll suggest Brazil for you. Especially Ipanamea Beach in Rio de Janerio. Now that's how you'll want to live. Once you're back from traveling, you'll be in a much better mood, guaranteed.
My suggestion? Tell God 50 things you are grateful to Him for.
Do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
Oh no, I quite pleased that I have finally won the battle over the marketers and the promoters, and all those who try to put their own definition of success or ambition on to me.
The key is that it is my ambition- my goal. I have no desire to please anyone else, or use any one elses measurements of what might make my life a success. Of course, I'm also not interested in trying to steer anyone else towards my beliefs. And that's why as much advice as was posted, and it is all well-meaning of course, I believe that we all have to find our own way. Many of us find great comfort in joining others, some of us just go it alone.
But the real value of this thread is that we can let others know that our uncertainty need not be permanent, nor is it unique. many of us have felt it, and many of us have overcome it.
Why don’t you tell us more about yourself? What happened recently to make you feel like this? Did a girl dump you?
Well, you’ll still have total consciousness after you die, right?
No mocking from me. I understand how you feel. I too am alone now in my life’s journey. When I was younger it seemed purpose was a myriad of things from trying to ‘save’ my classmates, to prayer for my family, to my own falling away and returning.
Growing up I could never picture my life past 25...now I am approaching 50. Just the other night as I sat in my empty house with my cats (2). Not a crazy cat lady... I asked God...here I am again...what is it I am to do?
And these thoughts came to mind...
Sometimes we’re not all given to the big things in His plans, sometimes we’re there to be that little thread to hold it all together. Have you ever grabbed hold of that little dangling thread and pulled it...only to have the whole thing unravel?
That is how I look at my life for now. I’m not making big waves or even really part of the weave of the rug...but just maybe I am that little dangling thread waiting for the Great Weaver to finish me or for the cat to come along and pull on me.
I’m not real good with people, never have been. I am real good with animals though. Since starting my own business the clients that come in contact with me are “amazed” and use phrases like...”you have a gift with animals.”
Here I am nearly 50 years old and like you I’ve been and done many things, but none have ever been called a “gift.” Cashier, bank teller/manager, Environmental Health and Safety Field Manager, salesperson, horse and rider trainer, training manager, a saved Christian, a care-giver for my disabled parents, a wife, a divorcee, a tough love sister, a generous friend. And very much like you...empty.
Fulfillment is starting to come from an animal care business...how is God wanting to use me now? I don’t know...but if I am the thread...I’ll hang around a little longer.
Here’s what you do...
find some thing new and different to do this weekend and DO IT
If you dont like that, try something else next weekend.
Eventually you will find something you love and spend all week looking forward to going to work every day so you can support your new found activity.
Wood working is good, so is gardening. I LOVE building things and making a beautiful landscape. Get some pictures of a world you would like to live in (a garden world) and make it happen
Your complaint (if I can cal it that) is that you are doing the same thing every day... so... do something different
Move to Arizona- you can go hiking in the desert
Just DO IT
DO YOU SMOKE POT???
IF YOU DO STOP (FOR 3 MONTHS)
Too much pot makes you feel exactly like this
And I am 100% for legalization.
You just can’t smoke all day every day (like I did 20 years ago)
You just explained my ex-boyfriend. I had always wondered where that nihilistic attitude came from.
Life is simply a set of problems and hurdles that we navigate around and for most of us the only legacy we leave behind is the collection of DNA we give to the next generation.
“Life is simply a set of problems and hurdles that we navigate around and for most of us the only legacy we leave behind is the collection of DNA we give to the next generation.”
Whereas the legacy of great men is that they set in motion a chain of events that affects the life of many, many people for years and years to come.
Strangely, though, that could just be through the way you raise your children so that they grow up to be great.
It’s hard to measure the overall impact a small thing may have on the world, but there have been plenty of movies made about it.
Cheers and thanks!
Indeed...who were Rush Limbaugh’s parents, how about Ronald Reagan’s or George Washington’s.
yeah I have talked a good half dozen people into quitting (at least long enough to clear their heads)
and the reaction is always the same
After 3 months they suddnly feel like they have ‘woken up’ after a long long sleep.
The pot stores in fatty brain cells (or something like that) and it take about 3 months to clear it from your system
I am NOT against legalization, but everything in moderation. If you drank alcohol for beakfast lunch and dinner and every night you would have problems with that too.
If I did not have a job that prevented it I would still occasionally partake- it is fun and makes you feel very creative and stops nausea when you are sick and stops hair loss.
But all day every day is bad bad bad!~! and messes you up big time
And don’t let your age get in the way of anything EVER
I was you age when I went back to college- worked my ass off on third shift WHILE doing two bachelors degrees during the day (and easy ones too! Physics and Computer Science)
I did not graduate until I was older than you are- I went from ‘going to work every day” to “I CANT WAIT TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW!!!” (I love my job~!!)
And I am 53 now and I tell my kids I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
I'm 62 now, retired at 55 after over 30 years with the same company, and finally drawing Social Security. I intend to get what I can while the getting is good.
I don't see how I was able to work as long as I did. I am never at a loss for something to do. My wife and I are looking forward to drier, warmer weather before heading out on a car tour of Arizona. Living in Kalifornia I really love breathing free air. I look forward to being able to go armed without a permit.
Hope you’re not planning on being out here in June...that’s when we have our “inversion” and all the smog from LA makes its way here :-)
No, we're aiming at early April. We're hoping to find a happy medium between the cold and the heat.
I found this today, seems like the answer:
Hey, drama queen, how are you today?
So...what would you do if you had a million dollars?
All I can tell you is DON’T do anything stupid. It CAN and WILL get better.
I'd be pretty upset about such a pay cut.
"As long as they talk about you, you're not really dead, as long as they speak your name, you continue. A legend doesn't die, just because the man dies."
from "A Game of Pool," by George Clayton Johnson, aired on The Twilight Zone, October 31, 1961
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