Skip to comments.Need to blow off steam. I feel like my life is utterly pointless.
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
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Dude if this is the least of your worries. Be thankful. WOuld you like to hear bout my life. Pick a problem. I have it.
I have felt like that in my past. I now have a wife and two sons (ages 3 and 6). I don’t have time to worry about myself, what I have and have not accomplished, or anything. I dedicate my efforts to taking care of my family. I still dedicate time to my hobbies, but nothing significant. My primary focus is not on me. It’s on those who depend on me and who I love. I’ve never been happier in my life.
When I’m gone, there will be two people who (I hope and pray) will say, “My father was the greatest hero of my life”. I say that about my own father who is no longer with us. I completely agree with the following quote:
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! - Lydia Maria Child
Please see a doctor, friend. As soon as possible.
Please also stay in touch. I know that many of us on this thread are very concerned about you.
Beer has alcohol in it? Wow, who knew?
Don’t wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.
Orison Swett Marden
Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.
Orison Swett Marden
First of all, ignore any snarky comments on this thread. You are reaching out to us and some of us know exactly what you are going through. If you want, feel free to write me privately.
What others have said may be right: you might have a serious case of depression - a condition that can be either controlled or cured. So please go to a good doctor - preferably a psychiatrist. Make sure the psychiatrist is sympathetic and kind. If he/she is not, get the hell out of the office. Then, take your meds - all the while keeping in touch with your doctor - if meds aren’t taken properly and monitored by a doctor - they can lead to even more problems. When correctly applied, they can change your life.
It also sounds to me like you HATE your job. There is nothing more depressing than being in the wrong job. Here, I truly feel for you.
There are many kind people on this board - and many will recommend that you return to God. Although I can’t really believe, I would take their advice.
Good luck to you, God bless you and keep in touch. Miss M cares!
Volunteer to help the poor or the disabled at the VA or cancer kids at St.Jude.
helping others less fortunate takes the focus off your problems and you see how fortunate you are, even if you don’t feel that way.
Has anyone noticed James seems to have not involved himself in his own thread? Hmmmmm.
I experience that, too, from time to time. But I don’t sit in it.
Focus on God’s love. Read the Psalms. Meditate on them (as Chuck Missler says, “digest them”.)
Hollywood, TV and literature have given us a false impression of what life is really about. Finding yourself and your purpose is NOT a productive use of time. Seeking God is.
100 years ago people were working 14 hours a day on their farms just trying to survive. We now do it between 9-5, which leaves us more time for other things.
Life won’t make you happy. It isn’t designed to. You won’t find fulfillment in external things. And America’s obsession with HAPPINESS is foolhardy. Feeling happy 24/7 is an unrealistic standard.
Find a way to become useful. Volunteer somewhere. Hospital, animal shelter.
This life is temporary. Our real reward is on the other side.
And as someone else posted, life isn’t about what others say about you when you are dead, or the “mark you make” on the world.
If the other 6 billion people on the Earth hate you, but God loves you, you should be ok with that.
Hope that helps. Don’t mean to preach or lecture. I’m telling myself as much as I’m telling you.
I spend my days in Afghanistan (married 35 years and remain married to this date) and my bride insists that she would rather see me happy in Afghanistan then unhappy in a cube day in and day out. But I will agree that perhaps you need to talk to a padre.
You can also realize (something I did a long time ago) I /you are not in control of "diddly" so if you are feeling less than inspired, then make a change.
PS IMHO there is a reason / purpose for everything, and God does everything for a purpose so don't try to second guess Him.
The reality is that we never really see what our contribution is. We might have a sense of it, or have a burning passion, but in all, it is left for those around us to see us and God. So, it is normal for someone who is even religious to have spells of wondering.
Analyzing her deeds and achievements, John Paul II asked: "Where did Mother Teresa find the strength and perseverance to place herself completely at the service of others? She found it in prayer and in the silent contemplation of Jesus Christ, his Holy Face, his Sacred Heart." Privately, Mother Teresa experienced doubts and struggles over her religious beliefs which lasted nearly fifty years until the end of her life, during which "she felt no presence of God whatsoever", "neither in her heart or in the eucharist" as put by her postulator Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk. Mother Teresa expressed grave doubts about God's existence and pain over her lack of faith:
Where is my faith? Even deep down ... there is nothing but emptiness and darkness ... If there be Godplease forgive me. When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul ... How painful is this unknown painI have no Faith. Repulsed, empty, no faith, no love, no zeal, ... What do I labor for? If there be no God, there can be no soul. If there be no soul then, Jesus, You also are not true.
With reference to the above words, the Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk, her postulator (the official responsible for gathering the evidence for her sanctification) indicated there was a risk that some might misinterpret her meaning, but her faith that God was working through her remained undiminished, and that while she pined for the lost sentiment of closeness with God, she did not question his existence. Many other saints had similar experiences of spiritual dryness, or what Catholics believe to be spiritual tests ("passive purifications"), such as Mother Teresa's namesake, St. Therese of Lisieux, who called it a "night of nothingness."
Now, you are not Mother Teresa and she is not representative of all deeply religious people. Its just a point, you can't argue she didn't have a purpose or make a difference. Its just in the privacy of our own thoughts, good people sometimes feel quite lost.
The feeling of burning passion or exaltation is a passing thing. Our feelings are not from God but our own minds and interpretations of what goes on around us. This is why we rely on Grace and our own determination to trust our passionate self when we made our commitments. Trusting that us that set us on this path and using reason to understand that the path is valid, even when our confidence, zeal and even interest flags.
I’ve been working for 32 years in the Pharma Industry.
Each day my work is rewarding to ME because in the end the work I do helps the sick.
Whatever work you do DOES have a benefit to other people, either a service or a product that improves life for others.
Take stock of what you do every day, do not lie, cheat or steal. Be kind to others and help them, for you know not who might be an Angel.
Tell your family and friends you love them for you do not know when you may never see them again.
It’s not rocket science, we’re here to help.
I thought about something like you say — that or a B12 deficiency, or similar. But who knows?
So I took this ultra-vain lament of the poster’s as something from someone perfectly sane and healthy and responded appropriately.
A computer scientist sounds like you may work largely alone ... perhaps you teach. People working alone can become isolated and lonely for real interaction.
Go today at LUNCH OR IMMEDIATWLY AFTER WORK AND FIND A DOG YOU LIKE AND TAKE HIM OR HER OUT FOR A WALK AND GET ACQUAINTED. iT GIVES A NEW PURPOSE IN DAILY LIFE ... AND A DOG IS A WONDERFUL FRIEND IN THIS WORLD AND ARE GOOD COMPANY sitting by you which is where they want to be. All the time. DO IT .
God help us in our day, in Jesus name, amen.
Become entirely responsible for another life. It will get you outside of yourself, and instantly, you will realize that while not everything revolves around you, you have made all the difference in the life of one of God's creatures.
Do it right, and you will find that it alters your worldview and ultimately enhances your relationships with people.
As others in the thread have mentioned, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to a doctor, as you might be suffering from depression. I know a number of people whose lives were improved significantly once they got treatment.
It seems like you want to find some big Purpose but may be overlooking that our purpose can be found in many smaller gestures. Here’s a link to a meditation by Lawrence Kushner which notes that we each hold the pieces to someone else’s puzzle:
Involve yourself in a charity. Do you love animals. Have a heart for less fortunate kids, sick kids, kids with disabilities? Battered women. The Elderly? I have felt the way you did in the past. I remember going to a Retirement Home and reading to some folks. Listening to their stories and asking questions. One gentelman passed away and when I was notified, i was told that he had left a very simple gift he asked the nurse to give to “that fella that reads to us”. A paper book mark! He couldn’t remember my name. It didn’t matter. I will never forget his.
What you say would be 100% correct...were there not a God.
I choose to believe there is a God (in fact, I can honestly say that I KNOW there is a God - a wonderful and loving God.)
If there isn’t, oh well. Belief in God has cost me nothing (in fact, it has been immeasurably rewarding).
I’ll pray for you. That’s what I can do.
You’re a Christian. Remember then, your presence in the world is pushing back the darkness. Just you being in the world pushes back the darkness. It doesn’t help the feeling that you presently have that maybe you are just taking up heat and light, but at least you need to remember your presence in the world as a Christian is accomplishing one of your main, stated objectives (push back the evil).
Next, get a checkup, and then see if your health plan covers a visit to a head shrinker and get yourself there. What your post says is that you are willing to help yourself. Do that much and see if there’s something medical going on.
My child is a type 1 diabetic, and pediatric diabetes is absolutely epidemic right now, and they have no idea why. There may be something environmental that may be causing depression as a symptom. Rule that out.
Then, pray by yourself. Just talk to God, and pull no punches. David once screamed at God in one of his psalms, “What glory would it bring you to have my enemies destroy me?” Essentially, he was saying, “What are people going to say when your public sees a man who’s come to completely depend on you fall to his mortal enemies?”
That took guts, I’d say, but it taught me that God is pretty well aware of both our shortcomings and our potential. If you want God to put you in the game, go ahead and ask him to put you in the game.
I’d be careful what you pray for, however.
Last but not least, pray with some like-minded (and like-hearted) people. Perhaps God will use that to bring to you the person that will set you off on the next part of your life.
One more thing, waiting is still doing something. Moses drifted around the ME for 40 years leading God’s people, even when he told Moses that he was going to die before setting eyes on it. Moses was a bad ass. One tough old bird. Moses also killed a guard and fled to his father-in-laws place just prior to God picking him (and his brother) to lead the Jews out of Egypt.
Moses was deeply, deeply flawed. He was mealy-mouthed, wishy-washy, and couldn’t put together an effective verbal communication together to save his life. After Moses continued protestations, God finally relented and shanghaied Aaron into being Moses’ mouthpiece.
Aaron was just minding his own business too.
You’re a lot healthier than you think. All I’ve done is suggested that you may need a plan. See if you are sick, and then start pestering the Boss. He’s very, very used to it.
Don’t make God hit you in the head with a board before you finally understand that He may have been ATTEMPTING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION FOR A WHILE NOW, and you are too wrapped up in your other concerns to see it.
All the best.
From what you write, you do sound very depressed. This is a forum, no one here is a doctor nor should we try to “help’ if its out of our league other than to offer you support.
Please go to a doctor. Being Christian and being clinically depressed are not mutually exclusive. You don’t treat clinical depression ( which is a biochemical imbalance) by reading the Bible, just like you wouldn’t treat diabetes or high blood pressure by going to church.
Your faith will help you to cope, but God made Doctors and medicine to help us.
No one with any sense or compassion would mock you. I suffer the same problem. I work with people everyday who have the same problem. I come from a family filled with the same problem...so, I ask myself....just what is it we expect out of life and ourselves anyway? Who made the rules up that we have to or need to or should feel any specific way. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has some beautiful quotes on living.
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.”
“Our concern must be to live while we’re alive ... to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.”
We give ourselves our purpose. We define ourselves. You can change the way you look at life, yourself and all around you if you choose to do so. It is your decision and no one else’s. If you choose to find no purpose, to feel no purpose then be content with that because you have chosen this way of looking at your journey. At any time you can look at situations differently and change your own life.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes we are what we are....and it is okay.
Get married and have children. I know exactly how you feel and felt it for a long time before my daughter was born.
She changed my life and gave meaning to all those meaningless work days.
Don’t think it will make your life easier, it won’t. You will realize that you no longer have an exit as long as you have a child that needs you and depends on you. But the love you get in return will make it all worth it.
“Be fruitful and multiply” was not simply God’s demographic plan. He knows that children can bring meaning to an otherwise empty life of going through the motions.
Try it. Sounds like you have something wonderful to offer to the right woman (and don’t look for them in blue counties because they don’t live there).
Good luck and FReepmail me if you just want to vent or talk some more.
note to The Watchers, just kidding, it's a lame attempt at a joke
More seriously, most people lead lives of quite desperation, you are not alone.
That void is called depression. Believe me I know, I've been there.
Talk therapy can help, medication can help, being part of something greater than yourself can help, falling in love can help.
Are you of an age where you could join the military?
How about the Salvation Army?
Change something in your life! If nothing changes, nothing changes.
The single thing I think you should grasp (this is IMHO of course) is that you are part of the engine of creation, every thought, every breath, every step, you take.
And because you encounter others in your minutes, hours and days, you DO have impact. You are essential.
It is your choice to color that impact with whatever goodness, or badness, or blandness, that you choose.
That is the free will you are given by the Continuously Creative, that which we call God.
I happen to believe if you choose to demonstrate kindness and goodwill to others through the even most mundane of everyday decisions, a smile, a kind word, the offering of help, the show of concern— you do as much to reflect the cohesiveness of Love-that which we call God—as any human-based measure of achievement.
I happen to be believe if you live in a way that demonstrates personal integrity, clear-headedness and the ability to be empathetic, fair but strong, you reflect the order of that which is sustainably eternal, that which we call God.
Because you are a part of ‘all’, your birthright is purpose, your birthright, intrinsic reason-to-be.
You are a child of forever and your soul an eternal light of creation.
Jesus said, “the Kingdom is within”.
Never lose the awe of that phrase.
Because God is sacred, every move you make is sacred.
Do not let yourself suffer.
You are sacred.
Just don’t give up, man.
Your post reminded me of a quote — I hope it doesn’t sound too cheezy:
What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. - Albert Pike
I really identify with your concerns and I wish I had time to post more. Maybe I can come back on later to give you some ideas.
Nice rebound bvw, but you scored in the wrong basket. It happens. lol
Several thoughts come to mind. Get a good physical and make sure there is nothing physically wrong. Depending on your age, several periods in ones life arise that cause us to question what we have done, the oft joked about “midlife” crisis for example. Sometimes a deeper calling from God first manifests itself as depression such as you are experiencing, try talking to God more, fasting as well. Christians are under spiritual attack constantly and the oppression in this age I believe is thicker and more intense than has ever been; the demonic modus operandi is to make every Christian feel isolated as though they are the only one trying to slug it out. I think you’ll find a lot of Christians right at this instant are feeling exactly the same way as you.
The answer is more God and more of one another ultimately; remember Proverbs: “One shall put to flight 1,000, one shall put to flight 10,000, and a three fold cord is not quickly undone!”
One prayer I often pray is that God may use me inspite of myself, inspite of my imperfections, that I might be made an instrument of his glory, a minister of his grace and a conduit of his love. For I have no high station in life, nor have I riches. Every good thing I have comes not of my self but from out of the will of God. I live twixt flesh and spirit,twixt a body of death I yearn to be free from and the promised glorified sinless body promised by Christ.
I’ll die too at some point and will be forgotten of man... yet while I live, I’ll live in the confident hope of that work begun in me, that it will be worked until its completion on that day...when we see HIM(!) face to face.
At 29, you have many, many years to achieve what you want to achieve. I wanted to be an actress at your age but that didn’t pan out. I became a writer at 50 and have had some success at it as well as deep satisfaction. So: you have got to hang in there because your life WILL change for the better.
The 20s can be miserable years for some. Luckily, the 30s, 40s and 50s are sure to follow. And they can be terrific, trust me!
Hi, James. Thank you for sharing with us. I felt that way one time. There is a poem with a line, “It’s darkest before the dawn.” God does His greatest work when no one is watching.
Please don’t think you have made no contribution. Just posting this makes a contribution. It causes all of us to pause and consider our own lives. If you have caused one person to take a more productive path because you have made him/her stop and think, you have contributed.
The ocean is made up of zillions of drops of water, but they all have a job to do. Some drops have bigger tasks, but not bigger responsibility. Think about that.
In fact, study water. It has amazing properties. It might give you a different outlook. And while you are studying water, look to the Bible for a study of water. Acts 2:38 is an interesting place to start.
I know you are not looking for advice. I’m sorry for giving you some when you didn’t want it. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t help it. Please forgive me if doing so offended you. That was certainly not my intent.
I’ll say a prayer for you that the void is soon filled.
With Christian Concern,
You never know what might surface.
I think the world makes us feel like if we’re not movers and shakers we don’t have worth. I never thought my life would turn out like it did (I don’t have a family of my own), but there it is. Are we not commanded to live quietly, mind our own business, and work with our hands? Sounds mundane, I know. But in God’s mind, those things have great value. Fire, my friend, fire...and our purification. I believe (and hope) the reason I’ve been denied the things I really want is because I’m being prepared for something (for eternity, yes, but something perhaps more immediate). This world IS a weird place and my existence in it feels weird to me a lot (I am also a Christian). You speak of the shortcomings in your life...trust me, there is something within you that is precious, to God and others.
We need to encourage 19 year olds to marry. Young James is suffering from something ...
And that something seems to be lack of troubles!
Read Ecclesiastes You aren’t the first to feel this way.
Excellent post Tory.
I rescue dogs. I would rescue them all if I could. But I can’t. Does that mean I shouldn’t rescue the one’s I can?
Reasonable expectations are important. I have accepted the fact that I am an average person, no more, no less. I don’t feel the need to be smarter or better looking than everyone else (which is impossible, anyway - there will always be someone smarter and better looking no matter who you are). I found my averageness freeing, and have embraced it. I don’t have to change the whole world, just do my small part.
Also, my dog’s think the world of me, too. If they only knew I was a screwed up human.
One of my favorite prayers: Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.
This is a torture so horrendous that I would not even wish it upon a leftist rodent...however much I despise those things.
The worst part is that if somehow God does exist, it won’t matter anyway. My lack of faith dooms me to hell. By the time I find out that there is any hope...there won’t be any.
What do I want?
Who am I
What is the purpose of life?
Those that can answer those questions seem to enjoy life more. I think it is great you are asking the question, most don't. It is a long hard process. I am going through it myself, but just assure yourself it is OK to go through the process and that there is an answer out there, you just don't know what it is yet.
Sometimes I think I just have to sit there like Moses for 40 years in the wilderness before I am ready. Other times I probe like Paul in different directions until some doors open. Go do something, allow yourself to make some mistakes. You are not alone...................
James is 29. I agree that sometimes when things are going well, we don’t realize how blessed we are.
Read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”
I'm bring this post from another thread
“Amy, I love your video clip this morning - and thought everyone might enjoy this one, too - about a dog named Grizzly who loved to swim with the wild dolphins.
do watch and read about Grizzly
When the video starts, right under the picture are the words in blue dolphin dog......watch and learn.....
Click there, before watching the video, read the introduction, and you will feel like you know Grizzly, as you watch this incredible film. (It is a bit long, but worth every second to the end.)
Please watch and read the story below "the watch and learn"
Society/media/Hollywood gives people false expectations of life.
Did mid-life crisis’s exist prior to the last half-century?
I have an IQ that supposedly puts me on par with Nobel prize winners. While I’m successful in many of the things I do, I’m still not “great.” Part of that is my fault, but I turn 40 this year and - believe me - it weighs on me.
My grandfather is lying on his deathbed right now. He’ll probably pass away today. He was a minister and affected the lives of many people. Was he “great?” What is his legacy beyond the people he helped? There will be no building named after him. He didn’t amass great wealth. He has not published any books.
He did have an impact on me, though. That alone is *great* to me. Will I, in turn, cure cancer? Will I give a speech crediting him for my success? Probably not, although the jury is still out on what I do with the rest of my life.
He has helped give me potential. I an intend on passing that potential to my children. And the people *I* help. If you help just one person, who helps another, who saves someone, who later becomes great...
It’s the Butterfly effect. If you are Christian - and trust that God has a plan - you may not see the part you played until you stand in His glory.
In the meantime, keep your dreams alive. At 29, you have plenty of time to realize them.
Funny, I always end up rescueing cats! Right now, there is a giant, orange, homeless tomcat who I feed every day. The poor thing is as wild and feral as they come. Does make me feel like I’m doing something good for the little helpless ones! Do you rescue greyhounds?
Know, you have purpose.
You see if he had married at 19 he would already KNOW why this kind of vanity as he posted is silly. AND IT PISSES ME OFF.
Of course, as a fellow human and Freeper, I LOVE HIM, but this crap pisses me off.
Your dogs do know you’re screwed up. They love you anyway! :)
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