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Wanted: A full-time wiener peeler
Toronto Sun ^ | February 26, 2011 | Mike Strobel

Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888

I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.

I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.

But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.

I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.

“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.

Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?

“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.

Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.

“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.

“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”

A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.

Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.

Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.

The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.

You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”

I peel wieners, Drew.

“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”

Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...

I’m not the wiener stuffer

I’m the wiener stuffer’s son

I’m only stuffing ...

(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)

NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.

The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.

I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?

I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?

“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”

So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”

The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.

If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.

Or go eat a veggie burger.

Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.

The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.

They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.

The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.

What a great job, eh?

I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.

And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.

Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.

I can picture the negotiations:

“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.

“But hold the mustard.”


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: napl; sionnsar; weeniechat; weinerchat; weiners; wienerchat
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1 posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:39 PM PST by Squawk 8888
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To: Slings and Arrows

Not a wiener ping


2 posted on 02/26/2011 1:39:26 PM PST by Squawk 8888 (Will work for chocolate)
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To: Squawk 8888

If your wiener’s peeling...you need sunscreen.


3 posted on 02/26/2011 1:40:24 PM PST by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: neverdem; Tax-chick; sionnsar; NicknamedBob; SunkenCiv; Slip18; Laura Earl; xsmommy; tioga; ...

No weiner pullers here in NW GA....

But the whiners in San Francisco want to outlaw circumcisions. (Does that count?)


4 posted on 02/26/2011 1:41:43 PM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Squawk 8888

5 posted on 02/26/2011 1:41:54 PM PST by pogo101
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To: Squawk 8888

Good part-time work for a Mohel.


6 posted on 02/26/2011 1:42:00 PM PST by Mr Ramsbotham (Laws against sodomy are honored in the breech.)
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To: Squawk 8888
I think Obama just hired a wiener peeler as the WH social secretary! I bet he's a pleasant ph*cker, too.;-)

I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't resist.

7 posted on 02/26/2011 1:42:45 PM PST by SonOfDarkSkies ('And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?' Yeats)
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To: Squawk 8888

Wiener Peeling belongs in chat, not news/activism.......


8 posted on 02/26/2011 1:44:37 PM PST by Hot Tabasco (Oh Magoo, you've done it again.....)
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To: Squawk 8888
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings

I remember the good old days when it took real guts to be a wiener stuffer.

9 posted on 02/26/2011 1:45:10 PM PST by bigheadfred (THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN)
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To: Lazmataz

Ping


10 posted on 02/26/2011 1:46:25 PM PST by listenhillary (Social Justice is the epitome of injustice.)
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To: pogo101

I don’t care who you are; that is funny as hell...LOLOL!


11 posted on 02/26/2011 1:47:34 PM PST by who knows what evil? (G-d saved more animals than people on the ark...www.siameserescue.org.)
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To: bigheadfred

And I remember the good old days when high school graduates knew how to spell “weiner”. *sigh*


12 posted on 02/26/2011 1:48:47 PM PST by lonevoice (Where the Welfare State is on the march, the Police State is not far behind)
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To: Squawk 8888

How about Huma?
Is she happy with her Wiener?

Hillary looks pretty down in the dumps these days.....


13 posted on 02/26/2011 1:49:51 PM PST by nascarnation
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To: lonevoice

Are you from Arkansas?


14 posted on 02/26/2011 1:57:13 PM PST by bigheadfred (THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN)
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To: Squawk 8888

“I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.”

You’re right Fred! There’s a Clinton angle to this dangle!


15 posted on 02/26/2011 2:02:00 PM PST by Dr. Bogus Pachysandra ( Ya can't pick up a turd by the clean end!)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE
But the whiners in San Francisco want to outlaw circumcisions.

How could any civilized society outlaw genital mutilation?

16 posted on 02/26/2011 2:14:33 PM PST by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: Squawk 8888

A what??!?

17 posted on 02/26/2011 2:17:41 PM PST by Lando Lincoln
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To: Squawk 8888

"I prefer the chop, myself."

18 posted on 02/26/2011 2:19:03 PM PST by Libloather (The epitome of civility.)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE; Slings and Arrows
But the whiners in San Francisco want to outlaw circumcisions.

Does that mean I would have to leave these strung together, instead of "tipping" them?


19 posted on 02/26/2011 2:27:06 PM PST by ApplegateRanch (Islam: A Satanically Transmitted Disease spread by unprotected intimate contact with the Koranus)
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To: Squawk 8888

Thanks for the laugh. lets becareful now that are weinies do not get to close to the fire or there will be a weinie roast. in the Deli the father was asking for all natural weiners without the casing. the little boy says my daddy has a weiner. the father turns bright red picks up his package of weiners and all the ladies in line at the local deli just start laughing. Out of the mouth of babes make for an interesting day.


20 posted on 02/26/2011 3:33:16 PM PST by hondact200 (Candor dat viribos alas (sincerity gives wings to strength) and Nil desperandum (never despair))
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To: Squawk 8888

(with apologies to the Smothers Brothers)

My old man’s a wiener peeler,
What do you think about that?
He wears a wiener peeler’s collar,
He wears a wiener peelers hat.
He wears a wiener peeler’s raincoat,
He wears a wiener peelers shoes,
And every Saturday evening,
He reads the wiener peeler’s news.

And someday, if I can,
I’m gonna be a wiener peeler,
The same as my old man.


21 posted on 02/26/2011 4:36:16 PM PST by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: Squawk 8888

Keep your hands off my wiener, you hoser. Eh

22 posted on 02/26/2011 4:41:51 PM PST by McGruff (Is it time to Drill Baby Drill yet?)
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To: Squawk 8888; ApplegateRanch; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...
I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer.

Barney Frank just applied for both jobs.


23 posted on 02/26/2011 7:18:11 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Mr Ramsbotham
Good part-time work for a Mohel.

They work for tips.

Thank you, I'll be here all week!

24 posted on 02/26/2011 7:54:11 PM PST by JRios1968 (Laz would hit it!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

“They’re in the union contract,”...

Well, that’s one clause I haven’t heard about.

“I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.”

I see why you would think these jobs would be attractive to Barney. lol


25 posted on 02/27/2011 12:24:28 AM PST by dixiechick2000 ("First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Gandhi)
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To: dixiechick2000

o/~ Look for the union label... o/~


26 posted on 02/27/2011 1:02:38 AM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Libloather

Anthony’s Weiner is Gay-Married to Barney’s Frank in Taxachussettes.


27 posted on 02/27/2011 5:20:50 AM PST by exile (I will NOT submit.)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE
Wienermobile wipes out | Firefighter Nation | 2-9-2008 | George Osgood | Posted on 02/11/2008 2:59:21 PM PST by Cagey

28 posted on 02/27/2011 5:40:36 PM PST by SunkenCiv (The 2nd Amendment follows right behind the 1st because some people are hard of hearing.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

LOL!

I love your humor! You are better than comic relief...;o)


29 posted on 02/27/2011 11:25:57 PM PST by dixiechick2000 ("First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." - Gandhi)
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To: dixiechick2000

Thank’ee, ma’am.


30 posted on 02/28/2011 12:31:20 AM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Monkey Face; glock rocks; ColdOne; libertarian27; Cyber Liberty; Sparko; The Flying Dutchman; ...
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
What's this all about?

Zotland the Craven
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Some guidelines for posting on this thread.
Some highlights of this thread.
Spawn of the Undead Thread:
The March Chronicles (redux)
Ping!

FReepmail sionnsar if you want on or off the ping list.
This is a low volume ping list (every few days).

Read: The February Chronicles (redux)

31 posted on 03/01/2011 4:34:33 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: All

Be nice now!


32 posted on 03/01/2011 4:35:16 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: sionnsar
Be nice now! How about later?????? ;)
33 posted on 03/01/2011 4:41:05 PM PST by ColdOne (AZamericonnie took my tagline & won't give it back!":))
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To: sionnsar

Not an Austrian constable, but something to do with meat by-products. Well, it will make the Fluffys happy ...


34 posted on 03/01/2011 4:42:05 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: sionnsar; abigailsmybaby; A CA Guy; airborne; Allegra; Baraonda; callisto; Chode; clamper1797; ...

Hey! We’re here! We got stuck in the blizzards, so we had to stay put!

Welcome to March!


35 posted on 03/01/2011 4:44:21 PM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: sionnsar; Tax-chick

Hey! Nice digs. Can’t wait for the first kitteh pics...


36 posted on 03/01/2011 4:50:25 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: Tax-chick
It was funny. We saw "The King's English" (great movie but bad words), and at one point they showed Hitler making a speech (actual footage). Listening to him, it finally sunk in: He's Austrian! I can understand some German Deutsch, but Austrian Deutsch is almost as impenetrable as Suisse-Deutsch, and he was fairly "clearly" speaking in Austrian Deutsch.

All by way of your remark about things Viennese (Wiener). I hope I get to go back to Vienna sometime.

37 posted on 03/01/2011 4:51:35 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: Tax-chick; sionnsar; All

I think I just fell into a bad joke. Has anyone seen my buns? I need to get outta here!


38 posted on 03/01/2011 4:52:00 PM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: SunkenCiv

Me, on Honeymoon with my beloved.

39 posted on 03/01/2011 4:54:33 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: sionnsar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qkk5naD274

Music.


40 posted on 03/01/2011 4:55:33 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Cyber Liberty; Tax-chick
Hey! Nice digs. Can’t wait for the first kitteh pics...

Don't know why, but an image search of "Vienna kitty" produced this:


41 posted on 03/01/2011 4:56:44 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: Cyber Liberty; Slip18

How come I get the feeling that you were wondering how large an engine could be ensconced/shoehorned within the frame of that vehicle?


42 posted on 03/01/2011 4:58:36 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Cyber Liberty
Here's a shot of White Cat, who usually hangs out across the street from us. Cars would drive up, White Cat would give them That Look, and the cars would carefully drive around him.


43 posted on 03/01/2011 4:58:53 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: sionnsar

Sheesh!

This one hasn’t even cooled down yet.


44 posted on 03/01/2011 4:58:54 PM PST by NicknamedBob (I get my exercise. I take my vitamins. I tell pain it can come along, but it'll have to ride in back)
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To: Monkey Face
I need to get outta here!

You mustard get outta here, but mayo? And if you do, can you ketchup? Maybe you just need to chili out a bit (no, not going to do the wurst and call you a brat)! *\;^)

45 posted on 03/01/2011 4:59:32 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: NicknamedBob; Squawk 8888
This one hasn’t even cooled down yet.

Yup. Hot diggity dog -- but it's also not a ZOT thread. We just appropriated it and Squawk 8888 will be (in)famous for the month of March.

46 posted on 03/01/2011 5:03:23 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: sionnsar; Cyber Liberty; Tax-chick

LOL, you Cyber and I could carry that thing off with the occupants inside.


47 posted on 03/01/2011 5:05:07 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Squawk 8888
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?” I peel wieners, Drew. “Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”

Funny - good writing...

48 posted on 03/01/2011 5:07:32 PM PST by GOPJ (http://hisz.rsoe.hu/alertmap/index2.php - It's only uncivil when someone on the right does it.- Laz)
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To: Darksheare

And a good thing, too, because a cat’s not going to run around on a wheel and power the thing the way hamsters would.


49 posted on 03/01/2011 5:07:32 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: sionnsar; Squawk 8888
Squawk will survive.
*whispering* You will be alright, right?
They have GREAT recuperative powers!
Will we have to build the D-shearian Coffee Delivery System to ensure survival?
50 posted on 03/01/2011 5:09:34 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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