Skip to comments.So when is it permissable to check out?
Posted on 03/01/2011 9:05:12 PM PST by PhilosopherStone1000
So I'm 50. I have a very smart, very beautiful daughter who is a junior in high school.
Every day, I wake up and say to myself "Crap. I'm still alive."
I feel like I've done my job. I have give birth to and raised an extraordinary human being. There's nothing I can do now to advance her career or life.
How much does God expect me to endure? When can I say "I've had enough?" At what point is it rational to jump off that bridge simply because one is tired of putting up with all the crap?
Never, all life is precious including your own.
If your life doesn’t seem worth it, then consider donating it to others or to the church.
Stop being so selfish.
You have responsibilities. To say that your daughter has rec’d everything she could ever need from you is absurd. She is not a grown woman yet.
She’s only what, 16? You really think she’s ready to be without a dad? Geez.
What you should do is
1. read your post to your daughter.
2. assure her you’re serious
3. Observe her reaction when she realizes how cowardly and selfish is her father.
If you are absolutely sure you want to give up your life, I will take it.
I know some good causes that need people’s lives to help others.
Your daughter still needs you. I am sure others in your life need you as well.
A father’s importance to a daughter does not decrease as she ages, it changes in accordance with her age and stage in life.
If you do not have a Bible, I advise you to get one and begin reading. If you have one, I suggest that you read the wisdom books.
Well, I’m 57. There’s a lot of good stuff I would have missed out on if I had “checked-out” at 50.
You think your kid doesn’t need you? They like you to think that, but it’s just an act.
And what, exactly, do I have to “give” her?
I love my FReeper friends, generally, but they all tend to live in some sort of DisneyConservative World
50 is not old enough to have “done your job”. Your daughter doesn’t need you around? You say she is a junior in High School, so she is 16 years old, maybe 17?
She doesn’t need you? She deserves to lose a parent when she is a teenager? She doesn’t deserve for her children to have a grandparent?
Your job is done? Grandchildren who will never know you? Neighbors and friends that you will meet that will have a hollow hole in their lives?
Your job is done? God has a job for you. It’s there, a glimmer in the distance. Your enduring is a part of that job. Endure until he decides your job is done.
Frustrating, and frantic, and seemingly hopeless are lies meant to confuse and bring you to despair. Face them the same way you should face any lies. With truth and determination to remove those lies from existance.
Remove the teeth of those lies with statements of truth. Your job is not over! Your battle has just been joined! Your victory has just started!
Tomorrow, you get to a counselor. Your minister is a good place to start. If you don’t have a minister, getting one is a good place to start.
Get help, as soon as you can. You do not have to face the lies alone.
Just from my own experience, your daughter will probably need your physical presence and emotional support the rest of your life and her life.
I’m seventy-four. I have a beautiful daughter who is forty-four. She graduated from high school, undergrad school and law school. She owns her own law firm. Think I’ll hang around for a bit and see what else might happen. I’m greedy, you understand.
It doesn’t sound as though you are satisfied with your accomplishments. Would be stupid to check out before you are somewhat satisfied.
If you think that girl won’t cry for the next 50 years every time she realizes she doesn’t have Dad you are sadly mistaken. It’s not all about you. None of us are all that important on our own..but we are never alone. Snap out of it.
I don’t know your circumstances are or what difficulities you face. What I will say is that when someone begins to talk about suicide then it is time to seek some help. I’m glad you posted this. Please talk to your doctor. I’ve suffered major depression. I know what living in a black hole is like. I hate to see anyone suffer this.
Bump for later
What is “all of the crap” that you have endured?
My doctor once told me that if what you are doing isn’t making you happy do something that does. Si mate if your job or career or the place you live is making you feel trapped and unhappy do something else and if you can’t well try getting up every morning and thank God you are alive and have such a wonderful daughter who should be your delight and the apple of your eye.
I don’t know what you have to be unhappy about, you might be suffering under a great load so i cannot judge you but I do know that making small positive steps, like praising God in all things, can make you happy. Second find yourself a good Christian brother who you can meet with regularly and have a chat and a pray and a beer.
And what, exactly, do I have to give her?
For starters, you can teach her, by your example, that men and women of character stay the course even in difficult times. You don’t have to be the Lone Ranger and face your problems alone. I encourage you to get counseling and to read the Bible.
If you take your life, that seemingly insignificant decision will have eternal ramifications.
I think you need to seek help
I just returned from the decision to place my Mom in hospice care, today. She is 93.
Unless you are seriously and terminally ill, your aspiration level is frighteningly low.
Look buddy, you’ve been here for a while so I don’t think you’re joking around.
I can’t figure out too much from what you wrote, but God loves your daughter and you. I don’t know if you’re a single dad or if you have a wife.
I don’t care if you’re liberal or conservative right now. Just don’t be an idiot. I know times are tough with the state of this economy and this country. It’s just a year and a half until Obama’s voted out :).
Cheer up, dude. Yes, I know Obama’s still President and you the may be having some problems, but your daughter needs you, and it seems by reaching out to the Internet community (you’ve been here long enough that odds are you’re not a troll) you really don’t want to do this.
She’s still a child.
You will cause her untold pain and most likely put her at risk for suicide as well.
Please, please seek professional help. It isn’t normal to feel like you say you do.
My husband and I have a son who’ll be 21, and our baby, a daughter, graduates in May and is planning to attend school in Chicago. I can’t wait to se what kind of full adults they’ll be and how far they’ll fly!
I’m greedy too. I want to see New Zealand. :)
What do you mean by this?
There is an extraordinary amount that you can still do. What you may be experiencing with her is that the raising part is over and now you have to begin guiding her and that will take you into a whole new realm of life.
At a time when my wife and I were raising our 2-7 year old children (and we still are), we took in her teenage neice who had suddenly become orphaned.
While a good kid, she was 16, had gone through a lot and couldn't be dealt with like our children. We had to suddenly switch from raising mode to guiding mode. It seems to have worked out well and she's now in nursing school with plans to become a nurse practitioner.
Depression is real and it hits conservatives and liberals alike. I know, I’ve been there.
The internet is a place where one can post about anything. For what it’s worth, I’m going to believe what the man posted as the truth. If he is seriously feeling like checking out, then he needs to talk to someone. I hope he does and gets the medication and counseling he needs to live a full and abundant life. As a conservative, I would hope that you’d feel the same way. Being conservative means valuing life not kicking someone who is already down.
What is your blood type and what kinda shape is your Liver in?
Become a true patriot and let it guide you through life. Wrap yourself around the American flag and every day will be better. Fight the good fight because we need all the help we can get. Go to your library and rent the HBO series John Adams and other historical videos about the foundations of this country. Its great stuff!
No I dont live in any sort of Disneyland world but I’m 50 too and there is no way I want to go anywhere. I fight everyday to stay here since I live with one of the top 10 killer dieases out there.Wow it’s really sad to me that someone’s life is so meaningless to them? Life has challenges and a whole lot of joy to experince and I plan to stay as long as the lord will let me and then probably try to fight for more time anyway.
If you check out you are going to deny both of you the chance to know each others as adults. That is something you aren't going to want to miss.
Permissible? From whom do you want permission?
Stop the whining! You have a bed to sleep in and food to eat.
You enjoy a standard of living kings a hundred years ago couldn’t dream of and you whine about you have to put with.
I’m around people who really do have problems and don’t get on the internet to gripe to strangers, they thank God every day they have the opportunity to live and enjoy the blessings that they have.
What is your faith tradition?
What do you believe is the value of any human life?
What will your death do to those you love?
What will your obituary read?
This evening I had a pity party of my own.
I have chronic — debilitating — back pain I can’t shake: so I have to work 12 to 16 hours a day to do the work I would normally do in 8 to 10.
I have a close friend who told me she will probably die from cancer very soon (which set off a WHOLE NEW set of pity and some self-loathing for feeling bad for feeling bad).
I hang in there for my wife, whose I love more than the depressing feelings of my physical and emotional pain.
I hang on to the important things in my love: the love of my wife, the affection of my friends, the importance of my work, etc.
If you have kids, you have a gift from God that is immeasurable. I assume you have a spouse, whose love is all any of us can ask for.
And God watches over us all — and never gives us more than we can handle, although sometimes more than we can take.
I am so in there with your pity party: sometimes we need people to remind us why we keep on keeping on. I think crying is OK (as long as it is for someone else).
Just look up at your burdens and take pride in your hanging in there. That is what Men do. Unless you are a woman. Because that is also what Women do.
But don’t let people berate you — just don’t neglect your responsibilities (living for your loved ones being #1)
Fine comments from your fellow Freepers here. Life is a gift. Enjoy along with your daughter and the rest of us!
” Being conservative means valuing life not kicking someone who is already down.”
You’re a Mom...I’m a Dad. Mom’s give their kids hugs, Dad’s tend to give them a kick in the Obama.
I’m 24, and I really wish my dad were more involved in my life.
Sixteen is when a girl starts to look independent, but trust me, she needs her father.
Why does your back hurt?
Don’t you want grandchildren? :-)
Sounds like depression talking. That is just a temporary phase, don’t let it sway you into doing something unwise. It would break your daughter’s heart to lose you. Regaining zest for life can come slowly, but it is worth waiting for. In retrospect, all the “reasons” for checking out will seem absurd when the depression clears. Good rest, regular exercise, drawing close with friends and family, and religious practice all help heal the heart back from the bleakness of depression. Its like being under the influence of alcohol - be aware of its effects on judgment.
That would never be considered a 'rational' thought although I would say the majority of people here and in the country have thought of it. You are too valuable, not only to your beautiful daughter, but to those of us fighting to restore the republic.
Because you have joined FR, I am assuming that you are concerned about the direction of the Nation and want to help reverse course. Don't take the easy way out FRiend. The U.S. is worth the fight, worth the effort......not just the U.S. but the cause of LIBERTY.
So you have thoughts of taking the easy way out while we have forefounders who LOST EVERYTHING. Why? Because your world has been rattled as it has been for most of us.
You are needed FRiend...don't take the selfish way out. This is life and what we have and have had is worth fighting for.
And finally: John 3:16
“And what, exactly, do I have to give her?
Ever been to a funeral?
Most people miss their loved ones when they are gone. It’s especially hard on the children. Think about how it would affect her.
BTW, I don’t live in any ‘DisneyConservative’ World. I have seen loss and had to deal with my own version of this issue. But that’s all part of the human experience, isn’t it?
Hugs to you!
“Sixteen is when a girl starts to look independent, but trust me, she needs her father.”