Skip to comments.Colonoscopy Journal..(SOME HUMOR)
Posted on 03/29/2011 11:59:03 AM PDT by Doogle
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
(Excerpt) Read more at miamiherald.com ...
This 52 year old has a colon of a 26 year old. Dang proud of it too. Wanna see pictures? Got them right here in my wallet.
I call friends to help me move things, go to the range, hit the bars.
Calling a friend to arrange ANYTHING concerning my exit would be construed as a breach of code.
What? have you been rooting in Gary Heidnik's freezer?
Got’er done a few years ago. Scary results that end up with me rushed to and admitted to a hospital that morning. Blockage that the Dr. was afraid could be cancer, turned out after an extensive opperation to be non cancerous. Wooo Hooo! Have had two colonoscopies since and all was good! Spent a week in the hospital after the surgery and months recovering at home. Walking and other activity was very painful. I am free and clear and the next test is two years down the road. Damn nasty stuff to drink ( force down) the day before!
Calling a friend for such things is probably stretching the bonds of friendship...
...among other things.
Mine is scheduled for the 2nd week in May. Wheeeee.
Don't make friends with swollen intestines. They rarely do anything good for you like lend you a car or watch your kids. Maybe Dave should make more friends with gastroenterologists instead.
Dave Barry is one of the greatest humor columnists for a generation.
Now you don’t have to do the MediPrep. If you can tolerate pills (LOTS of pills) there’s a prep that has you downing pills, instead of the MediPrep. Worked great for me, but don’t forget to drink tons of liquids, if you decide to take that route.
I’m 58 and have had four of them, the preparation is far worse than the procedure - don’t put it off if you’re getting older.
“I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenteritis”
If I called my friend an enflamed gut, he might resent it.
Don't worry, you will probably survive it. The best advice I got was drink the laxative through a straw. That way it bypasses the tastebuds. Of course, I got this advice the day after my prep as the nurse was readying me for the procedure itself. But I'll remember it for next time...ten years from now.
(Holy beep! Dave Barry is 60????)
Too funny, too true!
My first, some time ago... I was dating
a retired Army Drill Sargraent at the time, who
promised the DOCTOR he would get me there.
Literally, he broke down the bathroom door
to get me into the car - I was petrified.
Afterwards, the doc told me that in 10,000 patients,
I was his worst.
That said, Xanax will get you through or to anything,
even your next colonoscopy.
Dave’s right, go get one.
A homosexual acquaintance of mine reported difficulty overcoming the anesthetic used for his colonoscopy.
I have large straws from Taipei that should help.
THANK GOD! I'm going to ask for that next time. I could not get that MediPrep stuff down. I was gagging. I was afraid I'd just throw it up and so it wouldn't do any good. I'd rather take a whole bushel basket of pills than drink that crap again.
I woke up with a smile on my face...and a large bill as I have a high deductible health care policy.
Colonoscopy Showing Moving Worms That Live In Your Body
Glad to be of assistance. To get the maximum benefit from the pill regiment, just make sure you drink so much liquids you think you’ll float away, way more than what you need to get all the pills down.
—as I tell those gross enough to want to talk about it , if that’s the worst thing the medical profession ever has to do to me , I’ll be happy-—
Having been through the procedure, I cried, I was laughing so hard when I read this!!
“Sable” sounds like something you’d find in Richard Gere (sorry Richard, I know it’s an urban legend).
Yeah he did, I related to term "nuclear laxative."
I though it was interesting he said he was asleep. I had an IV anesthesia, and I certainly felt no pain, but I wasn't knocked out. I watched the camera images on the screen in a very detached way.
My wife took me to the ER on Valentine’s Day. I had terrible diarrhea and vomiting. They stuck a gastric tube down my nose and drained my intestines for 18 awful hours. I thought I was going to be pampered, but ended up wearing Pampers. After four days, my GI doctor ordered a colonoscopy, my fourth. He said it had been an inflammation of the bowel and the colonoscopy was clean as a whistle. He said he’d see me again in five years. I’m 68 now. Thanks for the tip about the straw. I hope I remember it next time.
I'm sure you've heard this before, but the day of - is nothing. It's the prep day before, the clear liquid diet, that is pure hell
I still remember the morning of the “procedure” - I walked up to the desk to sign in and fill out the paper. The lady at the desk said, “this is the self-serve line” (grinning, of course)
My reply - “Ok, then I guess I’m going to need a mirror and a map”. Brought a grin to a few nervous faces in the waiting room.
So I’ve heard, alright.
Is apple juice OK?
That’s exactly what happened to me. Fortunately, it doesn’t last very long. In Jan 2008, I had a very complicated triple bypass. They put me in a chemically induced coma for four days. When I came out, I was starving and when I tried to eat and drink, they determined I had an Ilius issue and for 60 hours all I could have was ice chips. The body can be very tough, but occasionally, it can be very fragile. Glad your husband is back on track.
The best part is the day of the operation. You will never know it happened. And if you play up the “I'm still feeling groggy” line when you get home, you can be pampered by the wife the rest of the day.
A Dear Freeper Friend is taking me down to Albuquerque the day before . . . Wheeee.
I have the list of stuff around somewhere. Will have to find it. LOL.
This article convinced me to go get the scope done back when it first appeared. Was a piece of cake. The night before was the worst part.
I had my first one in 1983 at age 40. I was up and out of hospital in six days. A mere 100 days post op, I was jogging through the streets of Baghdad.
yep....I had both, awake and asleep...the awake one was like I was playing a part in Alien...very uncomfortable..I make sure I go every 3-4 years...
LOL! Dave Barry is hilarious! I had one and really didn’t mind the prep the night before but I didn’t like the next day for 2 reason. First I felt dehydrated and like total dog crap on the next morning and felt like just saying in bed. Then after I woke up the doctor said he had a problem knocking me out, and had to give me more meds to knock me out than almost anyone else he had ever done.
Great, so he almost OD’ed me? WTH? I did wake up a couple of times during the procedure and it hurt, but briefly. One “OUCH” and they shot more drugs in the IV and I was out instantly again. Definitely not looking forward to another one and when it’s time, they better use another drug to put me out. I want to make sure I wake up.
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