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Lazamataz Vows Celibacy
By Lazamataz

Posted on 04/01/2011 4:57:48 AM PDT by Lazamataz

Yes, everyone. You have heard me correctly. I have come to realize that casual sex with various women is sinful and wrong. It is lustful and lascivious, and I have decided that in my turn towards rightous living, that I must stop 'Hitting It'.

Expect no more comments of 'I'd hit it'. Expect no more flirting with cute freeperettes. Expect no more comments about pretty women's pictures.

Women have become more than sex objects to me. They are whole and wholesome Children of God, and I have come to the understanding that to treat them as amusement parks is degrading to both them and me.


TOPICS: Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Health/Medicine; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: lazwouldnothitit; napl; narcissus; waitwhat
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To: Lazamataz
Wowo the first April's Fool thread of the day. It's ok the women will not mind!!1 ;-)
51 posted on 04/01/2011 5:21:31 AM PDT by mad_as_he$$
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To: SERE_DOC

Perhaps you will join me in my Vow of Celibacy.


52 posted on 04/01/2011 5:23:25 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The Democrat Party is Communist. The Republican Party is Socialist. The Tea Party is Capitalist.)
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To: Lazamataz
We're witnessing the end of an era. Who will carry on?


53 posted on 04/01/2011 5:24:05 AM PDT by Daffynition (DBKP ~ Death By 1000 Papercuts)
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To: Lazamataz

Has anybody informed Drudge yet about this turn of event?


54 posted on 04/01/2011 5:24:33 AM PDT by mowowie
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To: Liz
Geeez!
What's up with those "eyebrows"?
Too much botox?
55 posted on 04/01/2011 5:24:57 AM PDT by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: Lazamataz

My Roswell, GA herd doesn't believe you!
56 posted on 04/01/2011 5:25:06 AM PDT by nevergore ("It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.")
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To: Lazamataz

This is a leopard....

This is a leopard that has changed its spots.

57 posted on 04/01/2011 5:25:16 AM PDT by N. Theknow (A gun in the hand, beats a cop on the phone.)
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To: Lazamataz
okay Admin. Moderator where did you put the real Laz?
58 posted on 04/01/2011 5:25:21 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Bless and Protect Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: Lazamataz

Last would not it that.

59 posted on 04/01/2011 5:26:31 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz
Hillary will miss the Jaeger Bombs with Laz...


60 posted on 04/01/2011 5:27:07 AM PDT by COBOL2Java (Obama is the least qualified guy in whatever room he walks into.)
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To: Lazamataz

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2698041/posts


61 posted on 04/01/2011 5:28:14 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet - Visualize)
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To: Lazamataz

Last would not it that.

62 posted on 04/01/2011 5:28:23 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz
Throwing your hat in the ring for POTUS in '12?

Start with a whopper, and everything else will seem tame. (It worked for the last guy...)

63 posted on 04/01/2011 5:29:00 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: WakeUpAndVote

Damn spell check.


64 posted on 04/01/2011 5:29:49 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: WakeUpAndVote

Which beach is that? The best beach I’ve ever been to is Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janerio, Brazil. I thought I’ve died and gone to heaven.


65 posted on 04/01/2011 5:31:33 AM PDT by MinorityRepublican
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To: Lazmataz

Ping


66 posted on 04/01/2011 5:32:40 AM PDT by the invisib1e hand (You is what you am.)
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To: Lazamataz
Laz, being old school...

1 woman, 1 wife, for life.

it has been my life for >35 years.

Been there done (or not doing)that.

Because she is the ONE

67 posted on 04/01/2011 5:32:48 AM PDT by SERE_DOC (My Rice Krispies told me to stay home & clean my weapons!)
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To: COBOL2Java
This is what she looked like after the last "interlude"
68 posted on 04/01/2011 5:33:50 AM PDT by John W (Natural-born US citizen since 1955)
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

69 posted on 04/01/2011 5:33:54 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Smokin' Joe
Me thinks the real Laz has been hidden and something else besides April 1 is taking place here .... Just sayin’ If I were one who bets, my bet would be, the real Laz is fighting his way to the keyboard to say, “I'd Hit It!”
70 posted on 04/01/2011 5:34:48 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Bless and Protect Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

71 posted on 04/01/2011 5:36:03 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz
No, trust me, your sheep are safe. I won’t hit anything at all any more. I finally had my fill, and it’s time to stop viewing everything sexually.

That's what they all say in the beginning.

72 posted on 04/01/2011 5:36:48 AM PDT by dearolddad
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To: WakeUpAndVote

No, I wouldn’t.


73 posted on 04/01/2011 5:36:53 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The Democrat Party is Communist. The Republican Party is Socialist. The Tea Party is Capitalist.)
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To: Lazamataz

You suck! You totally freakin’ got me. I need to log off in shame.


74 posted on 04/01/2011 5:37:17 AM PDT by BuckeyeTexan (There are those that break and bend. I'm the other kind.)
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To: Lazamataz; humblegunner; Bikkuri; paws_and_whiskers; Brett66; Fiddlstix; kevkrom; no-to-illegals; ..
A timely message.

Lol, happy April 1 ;)

Noted April 1, 2011.

Perfect day to post this........

This thread is proof that it is April 1st.

No, do not believe the change, Today is April 1.

The key to a good April Fool's joke is to make it at least marginally believable.

happy 4/1

That Laz really had me going until I started reading the posts. The first poster, humblegunner, caught that goofball in less than 2 minutes. It just goes to show you...you can't get up early enough to fool FReepers. Sheesh, I need more coffee. Thanks to all picture posters (except maybe TSgt...very funny). Good April Fool's joke, Laz. LOL!

75 posted on 04/01/2011 5:39:28 AM PDT by PGalt
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To: Lazamataz
I was a Medic Laz, just a couple of shots of anti-biotic and you'll be back in the saddle again. Happy beginning of the second quarter.


76 posted on 04/01/2011 5:39:47 AM PDT by USS Alaska (Nuke the terrorist savages.)
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

77 posted on 04/01/2011 5:40:57 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz

Good one! I almost forgot what day it was :)


78 posted on 04/01/2011 5:41:24 AM PDT by READINABLUESTATE (“It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once.” - David Hume)
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To: airborne

Oh, my...


79 posted on 04/01/2011 5:44:41 AM PDT by Yudan (Living comes much easier once we admit we're dying.)
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To: Lazamataz

Holy smokes! Let me mark the calendar! Waaaaaaait a second....


80 posted on 04/01/2011 5:46:00 AM PDT by JRios1968 (Laz won't hit it!)
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To: Lazamataz
I deleted all my porn, too.

"Hah. A likely story."

81 posted on 04/01/2011 5:47:03 AM PDT by Liz (A taxpayer voting for Obama is like a chicken voting for Col Sanders.)
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To: Pan_Yan; Lazamataz; dead
Expect no more comments of 'I'd hit it'. Expect no more flirting with cute freeperettes. Expect no more comments about pretty women's pictures.

You're dead to me.

PING

82 posted on 04/01/2011 5:47:58 AM PDT by JRios1968 (Laz won't hit it!)
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To: SERE_DOC; Lazamataz
being old school...

There is a real old school remedy from the early 60s.

I have given up wine, women and song!

From now on it is Metracal, the same old gal, and 'Sing along with Mitch' [Mitch Miller]

83 posted on 04/01/2011 5:48:09 AM PDT by Dustoff45 (The current POTUS is so temporary that FR does not even show his name in their dictionary)
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

84 posted on 04/01/2011 5:48:18 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz
Easy for him to say!!

What ever are his wife, his three mistresses, the gals down at the "club" and the 3 sheep gonna do, huh?

Why oh why does he have to punish them, huh?

Or is this April 1st????

85 posted on 04/01/2011 5:50:00 AM PDT by Logic n' Reason
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

86 posted on 04/01/2011 5:50:22 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: PGalt

OK


87 posted on 04/01/2011 5:50:38 AM PDT by JoeProBono (A closed mouth gathers no feet - Visualize)
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To: Lazamataz
...I deleted all my porn, too.


88 posted on 04/01/2011 5:50:52 AM PDT by JRios1968 (Laz won't hit it!)
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To: Liz
Laz must be busy collecting the pictures on this thread. Laz what you doing there?
89 posted on 04/01/2011 5:50:57 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Bless and Protect Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: WakeUpAndVote
I would not hit this either!!! Those damnable navel "thingys" keep getting caught in my.................!

Oh, never mind!

90 posted on 04/01/2011 5:51:12 AM PDT by Logic n' Reason
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To: Lazamataz

Laz would not hit that.

91 posted on 04/01/2011 5:53:52 AM PDT by WakeUpAndVote
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To: Lazamataz

Laz, I don’t know how old you are, but I remember coming to a similar point in my life many years ago. In some ways, it was difficult but it was the point where my life started making sense, I found some peace, and led up to me meeting my wife.

Remember keep busy, make new friends and make a point of avoiding compromising situations.

Good luck.


92 posted on 04/01/2011 5:54:19 AM PDT by dangerdoc (see post #6)
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To: Lazamataz

No one believes you!


93 posted on 04/01/2011 5:54:26 AM PDT by WashingtonSource
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To: Lazamataz

I will stop “treating them as amusement parks” when they stop treating men as human wallets.


94 posted on 04/01/2011 5:56:26 AM PDT by central_va (I won't be reconstructed, and I do not give a damn.)
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To: Lazamataz

It’s a known fact that you hit on the women of Walmart!


95 posted on 04/01/2011 5:57:16 AM PDT by lonestar (It takes a village of idiots to elect a village idiot.)
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To: no-to-illegals; Lazamataz
What's Laz doing here?

He's trying to figure out how Pam gets in and out of this bathing suit.


96 posted on 04/01/2011 5:57:38 AM PDT by Liz (A taxpayer voting for Obama is like a chicken voting for Col Sanders.)
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To: WashingtonSource
Breaking News out of a secret, undisclosed location, Bill Clinton has remarked, when informed of the news, “That more for me!”
97 posted on 04/01/2011 5:57:47 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Bless and Protect Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: Lazamataz

My the Lord bless you and keep you. Amen


98 posted on 04/01/2011 5:59:55 AM PDT by bmwcyle (It is Satan's fault)
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To: WashingtonSource

More Breaking News, the State Department has released the following information ... Hillary is safe.


99 posted on 04/01/2011 6:02:57 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Bless and Protect Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: no-to-illegals

Either that or he didn’t check for the pod under the bed...


100 posted on 04/01/2011 6:05:16 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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