Skip to comments.Who lets an infant cry?
Posted on 04/16/2011 7:33:22 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
A coworker came back from a trip to the coffee shop steaming mad. Here's Sarah's story:
I'm meeting my husband at Starbucks today for a quick coffee and while in line I smile and coo at a 5-month-old boy in line ahead of me who was with his father and brother, a toddler.
When I get to the concession stand I hear the baby start to make those familiar hunger sounds, that eh eh eh sound I know all too well because I have a 4-month-old and 2-year-old.
By the time I am mixing my fifth sugar packet into the coffee the baby is crying. I turn to see that the father is done mixing his own drink well and he is in business discussion with an associate. Hes holding his happy toddler but not even acknowledging the crying baby in the stroller.
I sit down with my husband and the cry escalates to a blood-curdling scream. As a mom I cant stand to hear the cry. All I can think about is walking over and swooping the baby into my arms. My husband is even wincing, not because the scream is painful but because we know it could have been prevented if the dad was just paying attention.
A man sitting beside us hears what we're talking about it so he joins in. He tells us he is thinking of calling the police because hes not sure what else will break the fathers attention from his conversation. He says this loudly, hoping the father will hear. He doesnt.
My husband suggests I do something, so I walk over to offer help. I ask if the baby needs food. The dad takes me up on the offer by handing me his toddler and he starts to make a bottle for the baby. As he does this he continues his conversation with his associate and is distracted so much that even when hes done making the bottle he doesnt give it to the baby.
His associate steps in, picks up the bottle and says are we going to do this?
The father gives the baby a couple sucks at it, but then takes the bottle away because he decides he doesnt want to feed him at Starbucks and says to the baby: Youre not going to like this but lets go upstairs.
I hand the toddler back and watch them leave as the baby begins to scream again. I hope he didnt have to wait much longer, poor thing.
Scenes like this drive me crazy and Ive witnessed it way too often. An infant cries to communicate and that's even a last resort communication. If you pay attention, infants give you clues as to what they need before the crying begins. Letting a baby cry that long just teaches them that crying is the only form of communication that works and as a result you just get more crying.
In my opinion an infant does not cry to manipulate and it certainly isnt spoiling to respond to her needs. Its not the same as when my 2-year-old cries because I wont let her have ice cream for breakfast.
At least he didn’t let a dingo he his baby.
It took us but days to learn his rules.
The father in this story may well have known more about his baby than hapless strangers armed only with good intentions.
5 packets of sugar? 1 cup of coffee? How utterly strange.
Some folks get it; some folks don't. You can always tell who the good fathers will be by how attentive they are during the baby CPR classes. The ones that refuse to put away their blackberries are the kind that will let the baby drowned in the tub because they are too busy with their toys to be dads.
Oh for the love of pete!
This is all this idiot has to worry about?
Don’t you wish you had video recorded this? Some day this dad will wonder why Jr. wrecks everything just to get heard.
A pretty typical illustration of people’s priorities. While we cannot possibly know what all that father has on his plate, it is obvious what his 1st priority is - and it isn’t being the father.
That scenario will probably happen soon enough. Look how many parents forget children in the car for a few hours in 80-degree weather.
The father MAY have known about his baby, but he was torturing everyone around him in a Starbucks. That is inappropriate. If you know your baby is going to cry for 10 minutes BEFORE you feed him....stay in your car until he/she is fed....sheesh.
You ought to seen the moms that roll their babies through the ‘bargain stores’ during what is the natural ‘nap times’ for babies. The babies are screaming at the top of their lungs and ‘mom’ is getting mad.......which makes it worse.
My friends used to ‘take the piss’ out of me for stopping EVERYTHING I did to stop for ‘nap time’. I didn’t CARE where I was or what I was doing. The babies has a SCHEDULE....full stop. They thrived. (I pat myself on the back, thank you.)
Their service lines move with the old K-Mart speed.
I think I know that kid. He’s just a big crybaby.
Some people approve.
Some people will disapprove.
It’s the parent’s call.
When my Dad taught me to swim, I thought I was going to drown!
It was hell getting out of that burlap sack.
And those kittens kept scratching me!
At least the dad has his children with him. Unlike the blogger and her coworker who, I'll wager, have their little kiddoes tucked away in daycare. It's lots easier to be the perfect parent when you are only doing it part-time.
You can always tell who the good fathers will be by how attentive they are during the baby CPR classes.
My husband pounded the doll so hard it’s head fell off and went flying across the room.
That might have been a sign.
Since there’s no mention of puppies in that sack, it’s obvious your pop was a kindly man.
Thanks for posting this! Crying is how a baby communicates. I’m glad when other conservatives understand this.
He was a fair man, but cruel... ;)
I thought motion puts babies to sleep, no?
Once I had kids, I found it much easier to tolerate crying children.
Some babies just cry for the slightest of reasons; a child who is hungry isn’t going to die if he has to wait 10 minutes. God forbid the baby is breast-feeding when the father has him out with these folks at Starbucks.
I’m thinking it will be more fun to see the woman’s two kids hopped up on sugar and getting everything they want by even threatening to cry. Although the mother did suggest she ignored her 2-year-old crying for “ice cream”. Maybe if he just asked for Yogurt with 5 packets of sugar.
Not if the baby’s mom is fraught and constantly yelling at them for crying.....only making it worse.
I’ve seen the kids whose parents put them first.
“5 packets of sugar? 1 cup of coffee? How utterly strange.”
Probably a venti (20 oz)... and a double shot espresso added. She sounds kind of wound up.
I was just thinking maybe she waves an ice cream cone in front of the kid, takes a lick of it, and then sticks it back into the refrigerator in a bag.
This ol'gal could be a total nut ball.
But which one is a POPULAR DADDY?!
Okay, so what did you do?
My kid (3 months old) is VERY fussy (lots of crying). My wife says that she has to try to put the breast into his mounth between breaths to get him to stop crying. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t.
He’ll move his head, and then get mad that the breast is no longer in his mouth and start crying again. It’s all pretty frustrating.
It doesn’t pay to mess with people nowadays.
Good way to get your block knocked off- or worse.
Best way to handle a situation where you see child abuse is call the police.
(I wouldn’t call this abuse- unless it was to the patrons having to put up with the screaming)
Imgine what’s going to go on when he gets teeth!
Today he's decades older, and he'll sit down to eat with everyone else and he's not going to eat a bite for 10 minutes.
This was built in.
I agree. Once you have kids, it is much easier to tolerate crying children. Oh the relief you feel when you know it is not your kids crying.
My two youngest were breast only babies. They would take nothing less than milk from mom’s breast. Not even pumped milk from a bottle was good enough. Man those kids would scream if they did not have momma.
Oh please....the kid will wreck NOTHING because he will have learned that he doesn't run the world....if you ask a question, "no" is a perfectly honest answer. One of the main problems with today's youth is that they were never taught the difference between a child and an adult!!
You would think it would be hard to maintain a converstation with a business associate with a screaming baby nearby. Why didn’t he just give the baby the bottle and then keep talking?
At least he didn’t smother him co-sleeping. SO many urban (usually welfare fat) moms are doing this where I live it’s a freaking epidemic and nobody gets charged for anything.
Anyone have any thoughts about attachment parenting vs. the let-them-cry-it-out approach?
“Okay, so what did you do?”
Be patient, my friend, comfort if you can, give yourself a break if you need it.
He is probably colic-y. Which, I don’t think there is a cure.
He will not stay 3, 4, 5 months forever.
This too shall pass.
I advocate a healthy balance.
Hold your baby. It won’t kill them or kill you. You will bond. If you are both happy, it is well.
If you need a break, take one, of course making sure baby is safe. Don’t let them cry overlong, but, they can cry once in a while for a while.
I don’t think you can spoil them too easily. You are building a relationship. You can pretty much tell what is working and what is not.
Maybe test the child for Celiac Disease....which simply means remove all Glutten from his diet.. My son was as this but was not until two years ago, as an adult, we learned he has Celiac Disease. In Europe all babies are tested for this.
4 months is a bit young to attempt to teach a kid they don't run the world. Sitting in a coffee shop is not a reason to ignore hunger in an infant. Driving a car until you can stop is another story. If he always ignores true needs the kid will get his attention down the road.
There's a very good genetic (DNA) test developed and used in Scandinavia, but it has a lot of false positives.
Here's your clue ~ you feed the baby cream of wheat ~ stuff happens within half an hour ~ and you'll know what.
Cream of rice will not have the same effect.
Once you are aware the kid has a problem, you should be able to head off "failure to thrive".
>>>5 packets of sugar? 1 cup of coffee? How utterly strange.
This was Starbucks. Got to distract oneself the burnt taste with something.
nonsense, when do you suggest one start training a child??? We have three wonderful sons, all sucessful in business, and all three with good personalities. They learned early on that they had been "invited" to join the family and that they did not run the show (not in those words of course). They were respectful of their elders (still ar) and their families are being raised the same way. Great kids!!!
A five month old, on a good schedule and routine, is usually a “good” baby. Generally, they are past that colicly stage.
All that crying was likely soooooo unnecessary.
By the way, even the tiniest infants can be trained in a gentle manner. I will give three examples:
1) I had a business in my home. We lived on the upstairs and the business was on the ground floor. When my children were just newborns, I would lay them on a blanket in the middle of the floor. When they cried, their babysitter would immediately take them upstairs and take care of their needs. I was **amazed** at how quickly they learned to be quiet and pleasant,...and...STAY on the blanket! They really did prefer to be around the people in the office, watching the activities going on there.
2) Immediately after the babies were born, when they woke up at night, I didn’t sing, talk, and play with them. I used the minimum light needed to get them comfortable and fed, and I did NOT talk to them. They quickly learned that it was far more interesting to be awake during the day and asleep at night.
3) Some of the women in my church will take a baby out of the services if they are crying. They will take care of their needs but again they don’t talk or play with them. They give the baby something very **boring** to look at ( like a wall). The infants soon learn that being quiet and with the rest of the family is more interesting than looking a blank wall.
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