Posted on 06/03/2011 12:15:50 PM PDT by Niuhuru
For most mothers, the love they have for their child is unconditional. And if that wasn't the case, few would dare admit it.
Which perhaps explains why a woman breaking that social taboo has chosen to write under a pseudonym.
In an article published today in the latest issue of REDBOOK, the mother-of-two, who calls herself Jennifer Rabiner, confesses how she has never been able to love her eldest child.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
a souless human being....
I'm nothing special, but I've had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids.
My brother has raised a son on his own, worked at a HVAC duct plant for 10 years saving enough money to quit, and get a history degree from a local university known for producing good teachers. He wants to teach HS history and coach wrestling.
She lives within a 30 minute drive. We've went out of our way. Her loss. She's about to be old, and is gonna come to regret her decision.
Well, at least she knew her attitude was wrong and tried to do something about it.
But she sounds like your basic upper-middle class parent, and I’m puzzled as to why she didn’t seek out a medical evaluation earlier. Most modern parents in that group are so obsessed with medical diagnoses and love to talk about them so much that it’s hard to believe they’d let the chance to have a child with a syndrome slip by like that...
Better late than never, I guess. And it sounds as if things will improve for this little girl now.
I think she's seeing what she wants to see.
It is wonderful that you have a good attitude; unfortunately, there’s nothing that you can do about her attitude.
Having a parent who resents you is hard as all get out, and I really congratulate you on how you have lived your life. And I bet you love your kids and grandkids...and they love you!
Sadly she is not only not unique, she is not even unusual.
There are many like her even within the church.
Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.
Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.
Good call. ;)
Also very tight with my brother and half sister(Not from my mother, but from the woman my dad remarried, who left her with dad when they divorced). We are "The family" now, even if our parents don't want to be.
I got over it a long time ago.
I can actually see how the undiagnosed medical problem could interfere with the mother infant bond because it interfered with nursing which plays a huge bio and neuro chemical role.
If this ill child had been 2nd born instead of first born, I’m guessing the mother would have been way more forceful with both her husband and doctors in seeking for a diagnosis because she would have known from the beginning that something was right based on previous experience with a healthy infant.
As it was I bet she had a lot of her gut feelings downplayed as “nervous, new mother” syndrome. The cognitive dissonance this created was displaced onto the relationship with the child.
Well, it did say that she had suggested to her husband that it might be autism or something, and he rejected the idea that anything was wrong.
I agree. Sad how many people here are judging her. But Freepers, I find, are nearly as perfect as Liberals.
Without question!
A number of people do not like one of their children, The mark of character is making sure the child never discovers this fact.
She’s seeing herself, absolved of guilt.
that bitch doesn’t deserve to be loved by her child.
You sound special to me, FRiend. :)
Honestly, did many of them really read and actually comprehend the article?
Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes. It is a decision to put your stupid self aside and care for a child you have in your care.
Gad, what a STUPID generation.
“Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.”
Exactly. It is a parent’s duty to will themselves to love their children.
Then she should have done the research herself and then proceeded to take initiative.
Bingo.
“Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.”
Non-wealthy, strait, white couples are almost never able to adopt white children.
Oh, yes. Stupid FReepers. You’ve got us pegged. I’m surprised you two deign to visit this site.
I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.
I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.
What on earth is going on these days with parents?
“I’m nothing special, but I’ve had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids”
Then YOU are something special. You were able to overcome a hurtful rejection by a woman who was suppose to love you and made a good life for yourself. We unfortunately cannot pick the woman who gives birth to us. Some women cannot show love even to their own babies.
Maybe they enjoy slumming...?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That’s rather harsh, and scientifically it holds little if any truth. We like to pretend that we’re in total control of everything and that everything is a choice that someone could make if only they were good enough.
The truth of the matter is that maternal bonding is psychologically and physiologically complicated. Increased levels of serotonin and oxycontin accompany the early bonding with a child, with or without breastfeeding. This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.
Stupid tablet changed oxytocin to oxycontin.
This is far more common than most people think. I find this on a regular basis in my work. I read the emotional subconscious stored memories of childhood experiences, all the way back to conception. I do this with total strangers without them saying one word. It’s real easy to detect if a child was unwanted by the mother as the child stores the mother’s emotional experiences as their own while they are in the womb.
One of my first cases where I discovered this was with a female university professor about 50 years old who was losing it emotionally. I was able to tell her that she was the oldest child and that her mother did not want her. She responded that her mother ended her career and married her father when she became pregnant with her. Each time I touched the stored memory, it physically knocked the woman off her feet. (I do not touch their physical body in any way) This subconscious emotional memory was beating up this woman, even though she had a very loving mother throughout her life. Ends up, her mother who lived in Europe was coming to visit her in two days, thus her emotional eruptions.
“This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.”
And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?
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We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.
We aren't perfect. I can't blame the woman for being unable to get closer to her daughter. What you perceive as a moral failing, I perceive as just one example of human frailty out of billions of possible examples. It's something of a sad story, although with an apparently happy ending. However, I can't fault the mother for failing to mimic biological reactions that in her case never occurred.
There are many many factors influencing the relationship and NO ONE SHOULD BE BLAMED!
You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.
But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.
There are countless that are not good parents to a child or all of their children. At least this person seems to have come to some awarness, recognition and honesty about that failing. She isn’t due applause, but she is a long way from condemnation.
No. You know the type who gravitates to these sorts of threads. They have what I call "love kittens/hate cats" mentality.
But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.
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Who's talking about choosing to bond? I'm talking about a woman who chose not to behave as a loving, nurturing mother.
Human beings are not animals. If you choose not to hold human beings to a higher standard than animals, that's your mistake.
I can understand why you’re tired.
I know that you genuinely believe that, so I'll let it go without further elaboration. My mistake was entering the conversation in the first place.
I do research on this topic everyday and work in a clinical setting. I find it fascinating and it really helps people to understand themselves. Been doing it for over 20 years.
It’s not entirely biochemical, nor is entirely free will/choice. There are many influencing factors including conscious awareness /subconscious, emotional/logical consciousness, perception formulation, and the resulting biochemistry. Bottom line though is that perception influences biochemistry as much or more than biochemistry influences perception.
On that we agree.
I never disputed the biochemical influences.
Oh, you are special, indeed!!! Congratulations to you and your brother on overcoming the profound emotional hurt imposed by your mother, and going on to lead your productive lives. That’s really extraordinary.
Good. Even in the real world, I only have a handful of friends who appreciate wholly rational discussion without the taint of ideology, or emotion. I really do know better.
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