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'I've never liked my child' mother explains why she can't love her eldest daughter
Daily Mail ^ | 7:12 PM on 3rd June 2011 | By Tamara Abraham

Posted on 06/03/2011 12:15:50 PM PDT by Niuhuru

For most mothers, the love they have for their child is unconditional. And if that wasn't the case, few would dare admit it.

Which perhaps explains why a woman breaking that social taboo has chosen to write under a pseudonym.

In an article published today in the latest issue of REDBOOK, the mother-of-two, who calls herself Jennifer Rabiner, confesses how she has never been able to love her eldest child.

(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: child; culture; daughter; eldest; family; love; moralabsolutes; mother; parent; parenting; social; taboo
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To: Niuhuru

Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes. It is a decision to put your stupid self aside and care for a child you have in your care.

Gad, what a STUPID generation.


21 posted on 06/03/2011 12:51:03 PM PDT by bboop (Stealth Tutor)
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To: SoConPubbie

“Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.”

Exactly. It is a parent’s duty to will themselves to love their children.


22 posted on 06/03/2011 12:53:22 PM PDT by mas cerveza por favor
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To: A_perfect_lady

Then she should have done the research herself and then proceeded to take initiative.


23 posted on 06/03/2011 12:54:05 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: bboop
Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes

Bingo.

24 posted on 06/03/2011 12:55:14 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Want to make $$$? It's easy! Use FR as a platform to pimp your blog for hits!!!)
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To: SoConPubbie

“Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.”

Non-wealthy, strait, white couples are almost never able to adopt white children.


25 posted on 06/03/2011 12:55:49 PM PDT by mas cerveza por favor
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To: Valpal1; A_perfect_lady

Oh, yes. Stupid FReepers. You’ve got us pegged. I’m surprised you two deign to visit this site.


26 posted on 06/03/2011 12:56:45 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: bboop

I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.


27 posted on 06/03/2011 12:56:51 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: bboop

I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.


28 posted on 06/03/2011 1:09:34 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: MrEdd

What on earth is going on these days with parents?


29 posted on 06/03/2011 1:11:02 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: Vigilantcitizen

“I’m nothing special, but I’ve had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids”

Then YOU are something special. You were able to overcome a hurtful rejection by a woman who was suppose to love you and made a good life for yourself. We unfortunately cannot pick the woman who gives birth to us. Some women cannot show love even to their own babies.


30 posted on 06/03/2011 1:25:52 PM PDT by momtothree
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To: trisham
...snicker...snort!

Maybe they enjoy slumming...?

31 posted on 06/03/2011 1:27:09 PM PDT by Flycatcher (God speaks to us, through the supernal lightness of birds, in a special type of poetry.)
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To: Flycatcher

Your guess is as good as mine.


32 posted on 06/03/2011 1:40:37 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Niuhuru

That’s rather harsh, and scientifically it holds little if any truth. We like to pretend that we’re in total control of everything and that everything is a choice that someone could make if only they were good enough.

The truth of the matter is that maternal bonding is psychologically and physiologically complicated. Increased levels of serotonin and oxycontin accompany the early bonding with a child, with or without breastfeeding. This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.


33 posted on 06/03/2011 1:46:39 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Melas

Stupid tablet changed oxytocin to oxycontin.


34 posted on 06/03/2011 1:47:24 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Niuhuru

This is far more common than most people think. I find this on a regular basis in my work. I read the emotional subconscious stored memories of childhood experiences, all the way back to conception. I do this with total strangers without them saying one word. It’s real easy to detect if a child was unwanted by the mother as the child stores the mother’s emotional experiences as their own while they are in the womb.

One of my first cases where I discovered this was with a female university professor about 50 years old who was losing it emotionally. I was able to tell her that she was the oldest child and that her mother did not want her. She responded that her mother ended her career and married her father when she became pregnant with her. Each time I touched the stored memory, it physically knocked the woman off her feet. (I do not touch their physical body in any way) This subconscious emotional memory was beating up this woman, even though she had a very loving mother throughout her life. Ends up, her mother who lived in Europe was coming to visit her in two days, thus her emotional eruptions.


35 posted on 06/03/2011 1:49:23 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: Melas

“This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.”

And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?


36 posted on 06/03/2011 1:50:40 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: Melas
The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.

******************************

We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.

37 posted on 06/03/2011 1:53:53 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Niuhuru
And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?

We aren't perfect. I can't blame the woman for being unable to get closer to her daughter. What you perceive as a moral failing, I perceive as just one example of human frailty out of billions of possible examples. It's something of a sad story, although with an apparently happy ending. However, I can't fault the mother for failing to mimic biological reactions that in her case never occurred.

38 posted on 06/03/2011 1:58:04 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: trisham

There are many many factors influencing the relationship and NO ONE SHOULD BE BLAMED!


39 posted on 06/03/2011 2:04:43 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: trisham
We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.

You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.

But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.

40 posted on 06/03/2011 2:05:14 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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