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'I've never liked my child' mother explains why she can't love her eldest daughter
Daily Mail ^ | 7:12 PM on 3rd June 2011 | By Tamara Abraham

Posted on 06/03/2011 12:15:50 PM PDT by Niuhuru

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Witch. All because her daughter had an easily fixable deficiency that she never researched and sought out treatment for.
1 posted on 06/03/2011 12:15:58 PM PDT by Niuhuru
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To: All

a souless human being....


2 posted on 06/03/2011 12:18:34 PM PDT by Maverick68
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To: Niuhuru
My mother resented me because she got pregnant with me at 15 and gave birth at 16. Ten years later, she gave birth to my brother, then left us with our dad.

I'm nothing special, but I've had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids.

My brother has raised a son on his own, worked at a HVAC duct plant for 10 years saving enough money to quit, and get a history degree from a local university known for producing good teachers. He wants to teach HS history and coach wrestling.

She lives within a 30 minute drive. We've went out of our way. Her loss. She's about to be old, and is gonna come to regret her decision.

3 posted on 06/03/2011 12:21:39 PM PDT by Vigilantcitizen (I got a fever and the only prescription is more watermelon trickworm.)
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To: Niuhuru

Well, at least she knew her attitude was wrong and tried to do something about it.

But she sounds like your basic upper-middle class parent, and I’m puzzled as to why she didn’t seek out a medical evaluation earlier. Most modern parents in that group are so obsessed with medical diagnoses and love to talk about them so much that it’s hard to believe they’d let the chance to have a child with a syndrome slip by like that...

Better late than never, I guess. And it sounds as if things will improve for this little girl now.


4 posted on 06/03/2011 12:22:38 PM PDT by livius
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To: Niuhuru
'I watch her sometimes, looking for clues of the emotional scarring I fear I've inflicted, but I see none.'

I think she's seeing what she wants to see.

5 posted on 06/03/2011 12:23:06 PM PDT by proud American in Canada (To paraphrase Sarah Palin: "I love when the liberals get all wee-wee'd up.")
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To: Vigilantcitizen

It is wonderful that you have a good attitude; unfortunately, there’s nothing that you can do about her attitude.

Having a parent who resents you is hard as all get out, and I really congratulate you on how you have lived your life. And I bet you love your kids and grandkids...and they love you!


6 posted on 06/03/2011 12:24:33 PM PDT by livius
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To: Niuhuru

Sadly she is not only not unique, she is not even unusual.

There are many like her even within the church.


7 posted on 06/03/2011 12:25:30 PM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: Niuhuru
How typical of the selfish, soulless products of our age. Love is a choice not a random emotion. Choose what you need to choose. then you will feel what you need to feel. How disgusting.
8 posted on 06/03/2011 12:26:47 PM PDT by TFMcGuire (Liberalism Is Hatred)
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To: Niuhuru

Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.

Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.


9 posted on 06/03/2011 12:31:56 PM PDT by SoConPubbie
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To: livius
Having a parent who resents you is hard as all get out, and I really congratulate you on how you have lived your life. And I bet you love your kids and grandkids...and they love you!

Good call. ;)

Also very tight with my brother and half sister(Not from my mother, but from the woman my dad remarried, who left her with dad when they divorced). We are "The family" now, even if our parents don't want to be.

I got over it a long time ago.

10 posted on 06/03/2011 12:32:14 PM PDT by Vigilantcitizen (I got a fever and the only prescription is more watermelon trickworm.)
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To: Niuhuru

I can actually see how the undiagnosed medical problem could interfere with the mother infant bond because it interfered with nursing which plays a huge bio and neuro chemical role.

If this ill child had been 2nd born instead of first born, I’m guessing the mother would have been way more forceful with both her husband and doctors in seeking for a diagnosis because she would have known from the beginning that something was right based on previous experience with a healthy infant.

As it was I bet she had a lot of her gut feelings downplayed as “nervous, new mother” syndrome. The cognitive dissonance this created was displaced onto the relationship with the child.


11 posted on 06/03/2011 12:32:14 PM PDT by Valpal1 ("No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet." ~ C.S. Lewis)
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To: Niuhuru

Well, it did say that she had suggested to her husband that it might be autism or something, and he rejected the idea that anything was wrong.


12 posted on 06/03/2011 12:33:11 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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Comment #13 Removed by Moderator

To: Valpal1

I agree. Sad how many people here are judging her. But Freepers, I find, are nearly as perfect as Liberals.


14 posted on 06/03/2011 12:35:29 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: Vigilantcitizen
She's about to be old, and is gonna come to regret her decision.

Without question!

15 posted on 06/03/2011 12:35:45 PM PDT by Puppage (You may disagree with what I have to say, but I shall defend to your death my right to say it)
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To: Niuhuru

A number of people do not like one of their children, The mark of character is making sure the child never discovers this fact.


16 posted on 06/03/2011 12:40:57 PM PDT by Chickensoup (The right to bear arms is proven to prevent government genocide. Protect yourself!)
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To: proud American in Canada

She’s seeing herself, absolved of guilt.


17 posted on 06/03/2011 12:45:31 PM PDT by supremedoctrine (BURMA SHAVE! (sorry you missed the previous four taglines))
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To: Niuhuru

that bitch doesn’t deserve to be loved by her child.


18 posted on 06/03/2011 12:46:33 PM PDT by mamelukesabre (Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum (If you want peace prepare for war))
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To: Vigilantcitizen

You sound special to me, FRiend. :)


19 posted on 06/03/2011 12:46:40 PM PDT by Shimmer1 (No matter how cynical I get, I just can't keep up.)
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To: A_perfect_lady

Honestly, did many of them really read and actually comprehend the article?


20 posted on 06/03/2011 12:48:51 PM PDT by Valpal1 ("No clever arrangement of bad eggs ever made a good omelet." ~ C.S. Lewis)
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To: Niuhuru

Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes. It is a decision to put your stupid self aside and care for a child you have in your care.

Gad, what a STUPID generation.


21 posted on 06/03/2011 12:51:03 PM PDT by bboop (Stealth Tutor)
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To: SoConPubbie

“Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.”

Exactly. It is a parent’s duty to will themselves to love their children.


22 posted on 06/03/2011 12:53:22 PM PDT by mas cerveza por favor
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To: A_perfect_lady

Then she should have done the research herself and then proceeded to take initiative.


23 posted on 06/03/2011 12:54:05 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: bboop
Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes

Bingo.

24 posted on 06/03/2011 12:55:14 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis (Want to make $$$? It's easy! Use FR as a platform to pimp your blog for hits!!!)
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To: SoConPubbie

“Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.”

Non-wealthy, strait, white couples are almost never able to adopt white children.


25 posted on 06/03/2011 12:55:49 PM PDT by mas cerveza por favor
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To: Valpal1; A_perfect_lady

Oh, yes. Stupid FReepers. You’ve got us pegged. I’m surprised you two deign to visit this site.


26 posted on 06/03/2011 12:56:45 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: bboop

I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.


27 posted on 06/03/2011 12:56:51 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: bboop

I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.


28 posted on 06/03/2011 1:09:34 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: MrEdd

What on earth is going on these days with parents?


29 posted on 06/03/2011 1:11:02 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: Vigilantcitizen

“I’m nothing special, but I’ve had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids”

Then YOU are something special. You were able to overcome a hurtful rejection by a woman who was suppose to love you and made a good life for yourself. We unfortunately cannot pick the woman who gives birth to us. Some women cannot show love even to their own babies.


30 posted on 06/03/2011 1:25:52 PM PDT by momtothree
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To: trisham
...snicker...snort!

Maybe they enjoy slumming...?

31 posted on 06/03/2011 1:27:09 PM PDT by Flycatcher (God speaks to us, through the supernal lightness of birds, in a special type of poetry.)
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To: Flycatcher

Your guess is as good as mine.


32 posted on 06/03/2011 1:40:37 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Niuhuru

That’s rather harsh, and scientifically it holds little if any truth. We like to pretend that we’re in total control of everything and that everything is a choice that someone could make if only they were good enough.

The truth of the matter is that maternal bonding is psychologically and physiologically complicated. Increased levels of serotonin and oxycontin accompany the early bonding with a child, with or without breastfeeding. This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.


33 posted on 06/03/2011 1:46:39 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Melas

Stupid tablet changed oxytocin to oxycontin.


34 posted on 06/03/2011 1:47:24 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Niuhuru

This is far more common than most people think. I find this on a regular basis in my work. I read the emotional subconscious stored memories of childhood experiences, all the way back to conception. I do this with total strangers without them saying one word. It’s real easy to detect if a child was unwanted by the mother as the child stores the mother’s emotional experiences as their own while they are in the womb.

One of my first cases where I discovered this was with a female university professor about 50 years old who was losing it emotionally. I was able to tell her that she was the oldest child and that her mother did not want her. She responded that her mother ended her career and married her father when she became pregnant with her. Each time I touched the stored memory, it physically knocked the woman off her feet. (I do not touch their physical body in any way) This subconscious emotional memory was beating up this woman, even though she had a very loving mother throughout her life. Ends up, her mother who lived in Europe was coming to visit her in two days, thus her emotional eruptions.


35 posted on 06/03/2011 1:49:23 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: Melas

“This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.”

And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?


36 posted on 06/03/2011 1:50:40 PM PDT by Niuhuru (The Internet is the digital AIDS; adapting and successfully destroying the MSM host.)
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To: Melas
The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.

******************************

We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.

37 posted on 06/03/2011 1:53:53 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Niuhuru
And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?

We aren't perfect. I can't blame the woman for being unable to get closer to her daughter. What you perceive as a moral failing, I perceive as just one example of human frailty out of billions of possible examples. It's something of a sad story, although with an apparently happy ending. However, I can't fault the mother for failing to mimic biological reactions that in her case never occurred.

38 posted on 06/03/2011 1:58:04 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: trisham

There are many many factors influencing the relationship and NO ONE SHOULD BE BLAMED!


39 posted on 06/03/2011 2:04:43 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: trisham
We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.

You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.

But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.

40 posted on 06/03/2011 2:05:14 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Niuhuru

There are countless that are not good parents to a child or all of their children. At least this person seems to have come to some awarness, recognition and honesty about that failing. She isn’t due applause, but she is a long way from condemnation.


41 posted on 06/03/2011 2:06:33 PM PDT by KC Burke
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To: Valpal1
Honestly, did many of them really read and actually comprehend the article?

No. You know the type who gravitates to these sorts of threads. They have what I call "love kittens/hate cats" mentality.

42 posted on 06/03/2011 2:07:02 PM PDT by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: Melas
You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.

But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.

*******************************

Who's talking about choosing to bond? I'm talking about a woman who chose not to behave as a loving, nurturing mother.

Human beings are not animals. If you choose not to hold human beings to a higher standard than animals, that's your mistake.

43 posted on 06/03/2011 2:10:51 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: tired&retired

I can understand why you’re tired.


44 posted on 06/03/2011 2:12:04 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: trisham
Human beings are not animals. If you choose not to hold human beings to a higher standard than animals, that's your mistake.

I know that you genuinely believe that, so I'll let it go without further elaboration. My mistake was entering the conversation in the first place.

45 posted on 06/03/2011 2:14:42 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: trisham

I do research on this topic everyday and work in a clinical setting. I find it fascinating and it really helps people to understand themselves. Been doing it for over 20 years.

It’s not entirely biochemical, nor is entirely free will/choice. There are many influencing factors including conscious awareness /subconscious, emotional/logical consciousness, perception formulation, and the resulting biochemistry. Bottom line though is that perception influences biochemistry as much or more than biochemistry influences perception.


46 posted on 06/03/2011 2:22:15 PM PDT by tired&retired
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To: Melas

On that we agree.


47 posted on 06/03/2011 2:23:27 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: tired&retired

I never disputed the biochemical influences.


48 posted on 06/03/2011 2:24:44 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Vigilantcitizen

Oh, you are special, indeed!!! Congratulations to you and your brother on overcoming the profound emotional hurt imposed by your mother, and going on to lead your productive lives. That’s really extraordinary.


49 posted on 06/03/2011 2:29:24 PM PDT by EDINVA
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To: trisham

Good. Even in the real world, I only have a handful of friends who appreciate wholly rational discussion without the taint of ideology, or emotion. I really do know better.


50 posted on 06/03/2011 2:29:46 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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