Dear Bride: 10 wedding complaints from your bridesmaid

[Venturer]

Funny thing, I do a little bar tending at the American legion where a lot of people have these parties
.
1. 9 times out of ten the children of the bride or the groom are picked to be ring bearer or flower girl. Yes you read right most of them have kids either out of wedlock or from another wedding that didn’t work out.

2. Buying an expensive wedding gown and having your tattoos show is pretty dumb.

3. Do not get falling down drunk on your wedding day.

4. there is no way to hide a 6 month pregnanacy in a white gown.

5. Park your car 25 miles up the road where it can be hidden easily and tell no one where it is.

[Cowgirl of Justice]

We had the money for a big wedding but it didn’t interest us. Gifts didn’t interest us. We just wanted to set the tone for our lives together and it wasn’t about stuff. I have a brother who shacked up with his girlfriend, had a child with her and they got married when his son was 10. The bride wore white. They had a huge reception, a band and honeymoon. They registered for gifts at the high end dept stores and were given God knows how much money.

My family could have come to our wedding but not my husband’s as his parents were not well enough to travel. I tucked my cellphone behind my bouquet and my 96 year Sicilian grandmother listened to the 10 minute ceremony 600 miles away. She was so happy to be a part of the ceremony. She passed away 2 weeks later.
She didn’t live to see my brother get married which was a continuous heartbreak for her.

[Cowgirl of Justice]

Sweetheart, it wasn’t a pasture. It is a farm that we own. Outright. And with an attitude like that, maybe she deserves better than you. Stop thinking about what you want. It is not YOUR day. And going into debt that takes years to pay off to impress your neighbors and idiot friends is kind of stupid. Dontcha think? And you did knock me you bitch.

[Melas]

And you did knock me you bitch.

Irony is truly the highest form of humor. You've defended yourself most...uh...eloquently.

[ladyjane]

Here is a wedding for you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ_fWNCbXYc

[ladyjane]

Here is a wedding for you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ_fWNCbXYc

[Yaelle]

You made me laugh! Funny article - edit just a teeny and submit it to Brides magazine!!!

I was a bridesmaid a couple times and a matron of honor once. It’s definitely an experience.

[Cowgirl of Justice]

Sorry for the cattiness. Well, calling you a bitch actually. But it was bitchy for you to say that. I can only hope your daughter marries her forever true love who doesn’t abuse her or cheat on her and if getting married in a pasture ensures her lifelong happiness, so be it.

[Yaelle]

At my wedding, the bridesmaids wore whatever they wished!! I wasn’t going to do that to them. They all looked LOVELY. The groomsmen wore whatever suits they wanted, too.

[Grizzled Bear]

Free advice to unmarried men, marry a woman who knows how to cook very well...

...because no matter how old you are, you'll always get hungry!

[OnlyTurkeysHaveLeftWings]

I really, really want to like this. I do. You've got a great voice, the whole Bridezilla outlandish wedding thing is ripe for skewering, and there is a ton of potential in this piece... but.

Parts of this are good to go as written, parts need to be re-written, and some parts just need to be scrapped outright.
Good news: Your structure is perfect. You lay out your grievance, you make your case point-by-point, you've got a good kicker on the end. This is the beginning of what could become a good, sell-able piece.

Bad news: It seems like you're going for sassy and catty but you're missing it. Instead, you're in the Bitch Zone. This is not a bad thing; if that's your niche, that's your niche.

Really the big problem with this is that when you've got a rant like this--and I've done rants. They're fun to read, they're fun to write, and you can really work out some of that anger you've got, but with a rant like this you need to be the voice of authority. You must be unassailable. You gotta grab your reader by the ears and force them to see that what you are saying is the unimpeachable TRUTH.

But you can't do that until you have where you're coming from. You're 24? Come at it like a 24-year-old would. The trick with an opinion piece is to get people to feel like you're saying what they're thinking even though you're busy convincing them of something they disagree with. It's called "persuasive" for a reason.

You're good at being the sassy friend, but don't go so hard into the Bitch Zone.

Take this: f you're a good bride, I've got my bridesmaid's flask by now

I know everyone here was hoping to get some good booze

we should all be sitting in an AA meeting

And then you shoot yourself in the foot with: couldn't you not imbibe once?

This is a problem for two reasons: 1., Not drinking at a wedding is something you do when you're the flower girl, and B., You can't crow about your own love of booze and then turn around and expect the bride to go without. Who are you writing this for, the Women's Christian Temperance Union Monthly? This is the Bitch Zone. If you're going to undercut your own argument, cut it altogether.

Re-reading the piece, you're at your strongest when you're puncturing the "It's MY SPECIAL DAY I AM A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS" pretentiousness of the overblown ceremony. Stick with that.

Miscellaneous: If you MUST talk about the white dress thing, do your homework. White dresses have only been used since Queen Victoria's wedding made it The Thing To Do. Use *that* to make your argument. Someone else in the thread made the point that white hasn't symbolized virginity in generations. Use *that* to make your argument.

Exorcise, not exercise. Be more "common-sense," point out that what they're doing is illogical, not morally bankrupt. For the love of God, don't introduce the fact that you work at Hooters.

I could go on but this is already pretty lengthy.

[Brucifer]

The best wedding I ever attended was in a pasture filled with flowers. That marriage has lasted a lot longer than mine.

[Nea Wood]

I’ve suffered through many friends’ and coworkers’ wedding plans, and you’re right, it’s ridiculous! It’s nothing but competitiveness. It’s all, “So-and-so’s dress/invitations/band/flowers/ring/reception hall/whatever were tacky! Mine are going to be MUCH better!” Women spend a ridiculous amount of money and get all stressed out and bridezilla-like trying to have a “perfect” day that is “better” than all their friends’ weddings. IMO if all that money and effort were instead put into starting the couple’s life together, there might be fewer divorces.

Then there’s the bride who registers for gifts and all of her choices are ridiculously expensive. Or the one who starves herself for months so she’ll be skinny on the wedding day. Or the one who brags about how many carats her diamond engagement ring has. The whole thing has gotten just way out of control. It’s all about being Queen for a Day, the Princess, the movie star, and not about being in love and making a life together.

[Feline_AIDS]

Thanks! I just might submit it.

FA

[PieterCasparzen]

Personally, I used to believe that engagement rings are appropriate, I don’t any more. Actually I don’t believe in wearing jewelry at all any more owing to a change of heart in terms of my Christian faith.

FWIW, I wasn’t the skinflint, my wife was; the do-it-yourself aspect was her idea. The rings were simple bands. Dress was off the rack normal dress that could be worn again. No tuxes, just suits. No DJ or band - which allowed everyone to mix and mingle and talk a lot more. It not only didn’t bother anyone, everyone really enjoyed the fact that they could mingle and talk. It was like a big family reunion or picnic.

Held at our house, had large room inside, ceremony was outside since we had a beautiful sunny day.

Wife professional chef, gave me lists: rented tables, chairs, linens, china, s/w, glassware, etc. My own personal selection of wine and beer (huge savings). Served choice of Chicken in a champagne sauce, Salmon or Filet Mignon. It was fantastic to be able to select everything ourselves - and pay less ! For example, I knew many of the guests tastes in wine and beer and was able to accomodate them very well - it had the same effect as open bar for the whole reception. I even could splurge on a few very nice French wines for our table and the very few guests that would appreciate - or even like them, that would have cost a fortune if they even were available from a “wedding factory”. People really enjoyed that the food and beverage was just as if they went to their favorite restaurant and they were able to really enjoy the meal instead of suffer through it. For the kids we made simple spaghetti and meatballs, since that’s something everyone said they would be happy with.

It was a glorious day, easy (if you like work) and everyone was extremely happy with everything. I have to admit that we were a little helped by the fact that the house was on a lakefront, but that actually proved quite unnecessary.

Another alternative I would suggest to people instead of catering at a “wedding place” is to see if you could find a good chef-owned restaurant that you like and see if you can get them to do it. Restaurants will often do private parties.

IMHO, often the ceremonies are rushed through in the stampede to get to the “real fun”, the reception. Sometimes, the bride’s fantasy ceremony is required by her and turns the focus from the marriage to her circus dress and those of her bridesmaids. Often people “write their own” vows in complete disregard of what a Christian marriage means. I’ve come to realize just how foreign the whole “big wedding day” process is to what marriage is all about. The typical huge expense modern wedding is actually a very good way to start off a marriage on the wrong foot, living a fantasy which costs far more than the happy couple is able to afford. Fantasy is the last thing that should be in the mind of a newly married couple - a marriage is real life, not a fantasy. In terms of how much a husband “loves” a wife, it is far better if he is financially responsible than if he humors her whims; of course sometimes it is the husband, sometimes both that want to spend. Even for the wealthy couple who can easily afford it, an ostentatious party contributes nothing to marital fidelity.

IMHO, seeing how it went, the home reception was far preferable to a “retail” reception. Wedding catering food can be the most overpriced, dismal stuff; the “retail” wedding is hackneyed and banal and has been for decades. One has to take a step back and do the arithmetic, or be an industry insider, to figure out that for what they’re spending, if they went to a restaurant, they’d have a better meal cooked to order. Which makes no sense, because it is much more difficult to cook to order than “dish out” with minimal variety and one seating. The most expensive “wedding places” offer the best of one commodity: a status symbol to impress friends and family, and today, that means mostly friends.

Instead of the “entertainment” show of the typical wedding reception, the “at home” allowed the focus to be simply on the wedding and family. Absolutely wonderful, I would advocate the same thing for someone worth $1 billion.

I now see the wisdom of sticking to an all-cash payment. It’s not an investment of any kind, it’s one meal.

I would highly recommend the at-home wedding that the couple hosts themselves. It is a wonderful experience that the couple has to work on together, it takes pressure off guests of humble means to fork over a big fat check to cover your costs and there’s nothing like the feeling afterwards when you both realize that you’re all paid up, you owe nothing, you didn’t waste money needlessly, only spending what you truly could afford.

[Atomic Vomit]

I agree wholeheartedly!!

Mrs. AV

[Melas]

I’ll drink to that. In the end, it’s love that counts. Little has changed on that front.

[PieterCasparzen]

Please, Cowgirl, start with a /sentimental for posts like #19.

[wyokostur]

Rented campground in mountains...$20.00

Homemade elk burgers for reception...Buns & beans $30.00

Dress...$100.00

Married to same person 20 years this fall...priceless

oh yea..honeymoon..went antelope & elk hunting :-)

[PieterCasparzen]

Sarah ? Is that you ?