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Looking for article on how dating affects marriage
7-4-2011 | Me

Posted on 07/04/2011 4:38:01 PM PDT by Optimus Prime

Hello, everyone. Hope no one minds my posting this, but this is driving me nuts. I read an article posted here within the past few weeks about a study done on successful marriages. In it, the article pointed out that marriages were much more likely to survive if the couple hadn't dated as much. In other words, a persons marriage was more likely to fail the more partners they'd had prior to their marriage. So does anyone remember that article? And if so, can you please point me to it? Thank you, and have a happy 4th of July.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: dating; marriage

1 posted on 07/04/2011 4:38:08 PM PDT by Optimus Prime
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To: Optimus Prime

There’s a book by Joshua Harris called, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. It’s very good and deals with what you are talking about.


2 posted on 07/04/2011 4:44:48 PM PDT by liege (As for me, I'll pay more for tomatoes)
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To: Optimus Prime

My ex wife dated too much after we wed.


3 posted on 07/04/2011 4:46:15 PM PDT by umgud
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To: liege

That is the book i was going to post. Awesome book for youth, teenage and adults to read.


4 posted on 07/04/2011 4:47:44 PM PDT by IllumiNaughtyByNature ($1.84 - The price of a gallon of gas on Jan. 20th, 2009.)
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To: Optimus Prime

From your title, I thought you were wondering about dating after the wedding.


5 posted on 07/04/2011 4:58:51 PM PDT by bgill
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To: metmom

does this ring a bell?


6 posted on 07/04/2011 5:00:08 PM PDT by tutstar
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To: Optimus Prime

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2712704/posts


7 posted on 07/04/2011 5:02:18 PM PDT by Doogle ((USAF.68-73..8th TFW Ubon Thailand..never store a threat you should have eliminated))
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To: Optimus Prime

Sorry, I do not know the article, but in a lot of Orthodox Jewish literature on this subject, you might find some great facts or stats. it is amazing how well the old fashioned matchmaker style engagements work. Not always, but better than your average “met at a bar looking for someone hot to mate with” couple.

Parents and other relatives network among the young eligibles and use a lot of good criteria to pick a great spouse for their child whom they love more than life, and when there is a potential match, there is no hard feeling on either side if after meeting either young person doesn’t feel it’s right.

There are flaws with this system but overall there is so much success because the head comes first in choosing a spouse rather than just the heart (or sex organ!). Imagine someone picks a real wonderful human being for you, with promising future and brains and personailty. That is a lot better than falling in with someone who is cute, good in bed, parties well, etc. Whom you have no idea about their past or family.

Good luck to you.


8 posted on 07/04/2011 5:02:58 PM PDT by Yaelle
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To: umgud
My ex wife dated too much after we wed.

My wife told me 40 years ago that she wouldn't be happy at all if I went on dates :^)

9 posted on 07/04/2011 5:04:43 PM PDT by The Cajun (Palin, Free Republic, Mark Levin, Rush, Hannity......Nuff said.)
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To: Optimus Prime
In it, the article pointed out that marriages were much more likely to survive if the couple hadn't dated as much. In other words, a persons marriage was more likely to fail the more partners they'd had prior to their marriage.

Maybe I am showing my age and Catholic upbringing but are we talking about "dating" or are we talking about sexual "partners"?

There used to be a time in America when "I dated Mary last week" did not mean "I slept with Mary last week".


10 posted on 07/04/2011 5:07:12 PM PDT by Polybius
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To: Optimus Prime
Looking for article on how dating affects marriage

Affects it badly. My wife told me to stop it or else.

Ba dum dump! CRASH!

11 posted on 07/04/2011 5:37:30 PM PDT by Tanniker Smith (I didn't know she was a liberal when I married her.)
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To: Optimus Prime

I hope your not worried about the marriage being successful.
If you are, chances are it will fail.

In a successful marriage, there is not question or doubt.

Where there is doubt there is mistrust... and a marriage will not survive without trust.


12 posted on 07/04/2011 5:37:43 PM PDT by Safrguns
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To: Polybius

I’m glad you said that because it’s just what I was thinking.

It’s pitiful when dating means the same thing as sex.


13 posted on 07/04/2011 5:38:48 PM PDT by kitkat ( I sure HOPE that it's time for a CHANGE from Obama.)
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To: Polybius

Most of the people who go to my church are opposed to dating. All of those who do assume that dating equals sex. Pre-marital sex is what has the potential to damage future marriage relationships, even if the pre-marital sex was between the future husband and wife. Many in my church’s solution to this problem is to breathe down the neck of courting couples, which I think is a tad ridiculous.


14 posted on 07/04/2011 5:50:04 PM PDT by RecoveringPaulisto
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To: umgud

Yup, I had the same problem.


15 posted on 07/04/2011 6:00:12 PM PDT by Dawggie
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To: Dawggie

My wife and I dated for about 2 1/2 years before we got married. The first year we weren’t exclusive. After a year we one day looks at each other and decided our wild oats were sown.

We have been married for 21 years. Our rules were simple. Friday night is guys or gals night out. Saturday night was date night. Sunday depended on whether the Giants were playing the 4pm game.


16 posted on 07/04/2011 6:11:31 PM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Save the planet, destroy the MSM)
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To: EQAndyBuzz
We have been married for 21 years. Our rules were simple. Friday night is guys or gals night out. Saturday night was date night. Sunday depended on whether the Giants were playing the 4pm game.

Excellent (and despite the injuries and screwups, we're still in first place!).

Er, I mean, that sounds like a very healthy marriage map.

17 posted on 07/04/2011 6:41:03 PM PDT by Talisker (History will show the Illuminati won the ultimate Darwin Award.)
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To: umgud

I had one of those. Getting out saved my sanity and probably my life, as well. Nothing’s quite like going down in flames in a small town.


18 posted on 07/04/2011 7:24:39 PM PDT by Free in Texas ("Islam is the religion of peace"...Yes, those murdered by Islamists are ever so peaceful.)
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To: Polybius

Yep, that photo is about the last time dating and sex weren’t synonymous.


19 posted on 07/04/2011 8:12:34 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: RecoveringPaulisto
Many in my church’s solution to this problem is to breathe down the neck of courting couples, which I think is a tad ridiculous.

Unless they're your parents, or hers, I'd tell them to mind their own business.

I don't know when churches became so intrusive, but more than one has. My deceased father-in-law earned my admiration when his church started asking parishioners to sign an abstinence pledge. Nearing 80, and having survived two wives, and in poor health himself, he was in no position to be anything but abstinent but he told them to shove it anyway. Not because he had anything against reserving sex for marriage, but because he found it personally invasive.

20 posted on 07/04/2011 8:18:01 PM PDT by Melas (Sent via Galaxy Tab)
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To: Polybius

Does anybody know why Judy Garland is like some patron saint for gays? I just wondered if there was something specific about her that makes them all gaga.


21 posted on 07/04/2011 8:42:36 PM PDT by decisis
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To: Safrguns
I'm not worried about anything in specific. There was just a really good article I read here a while back in which a study was done of the people who tended to get divorced. I recall it finding that there was a correlation between a person's chances of getting a divorce and the number of relationships they had prior to the marriage. The idea being that all those previous relationships taught those people that, when the going gets tough, they should quit the relationship and move on, and that it's that attitude which later leads to their divorce.

I just thought it was a great article, and I know someone who might be interested in reading it, so I thought I'd ask to see if anyone remembers the article in question.
22 posted on 07/04/2011 11:17:55 PM PDT by Optimus Prime (Do liberals even qualify as sentient beings?)
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To: Optimus Prime

>>> I’m not worried about anything in specific. There was just a really good article I read here a while back in which a study was done of the people who tended to get divorced. I recall it finding that there was a correlation between a person’s chances of getting a divorce and the number of relationships they had prior to the marriage.

That’s good.
I believe the correlation reflects a tendency to base the relationship upon sex before friendship.... hence multiple partners... multiple failures.

Once the guy gets what he wants physically before the commitment, the desire for commitment is diminished.
Gals tend to think that giving the guy what he wants will solidify the commitment... when it works just the opposite.

I think that guys who are looking for something that will last a lifetime need to envision their prospect old, fat, and ugly... and if they still want to marry them, then by all means pop the question.

Gals should make sure her man has his priorities straight...
FRIENDS FIRST.


23 posted on 07/05/2011 7:32:06 AM PDT by Safrguns
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To: Melas

It’s the parents who breathe down the necks. It’s not that I have a problem with strict rules intended to avoid funny business or anything. It’s just that I’d prefer to not have the parents with the girl and I 100% (that’s literally the case for these folks) of the time until after we’ve wed. It’s not like I date (or “court,” as if it’s much different) any of the girls from my church anyway, so it’s none of their business so long as I’m not obviously committing serious sin.


24 posted on 07/05/2011 9:42:06 AM PDT by RecoveringPaulisto
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To: tutstar

Can’t say that it does.


25 posted on 07/08/2011 9:49:34 PM PDT by metmom (Be the kind of woman that when you wake in the morning, the devil says, "Oh crap, she's UP !!")
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