Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down
The Washington Fancy ^ | 7/13/11 | Garret Baldwin

Posted on 07/18/2011 5:53:46 AM PDT by Past Your Eyes

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

(Excerpt) Read more at thewashingtonfancy.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Society; Travel
KEYWORDS: airport; humor; lol; patdown; tsapervs; viagra

1 posted on 07/18/2011 5:53:57 AM PDT by Past Your Eyes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes
“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line.

LOL
2 posted on 07/18/2011 5:55:58 AM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin! (look it up))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

Harlequin Romance; Version “2011”

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow, and guided me into a room, ‘his’ room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear,

“Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached down, and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily.

My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn’t care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage. Then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought, a man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking ‘No’ for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted.

A man who would look into my soul and say .. . .

“Okay,ma’am,you can board your flight now.”


3 posted on 07/18/2011 5:58:25 AM PDT by isthisnickcool (Sharia? No thanks.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

Funny. I wish it was true. Along with the other articles “Pope Calls for Crusade After Accidentally Reading Speech from 1095 A.D.” and “Barney Frank Picked Last in Congressional Softball Game… Throws Massive Fit”


4 posted on 07/18/2011 5:59:39 AM PDT by KarlInOhio (The Dems demanding shared sacrifice are like Aztec priests doing it while cutting out my heart.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

“Your leading misleading source for politics” LOL


5 posted on 07/18/2011 6:02:33 AM PDT by republicangel
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool


6 posted on 07/18/2011 6:03:02 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes
"Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

7 posted on 07/18/2011 6:03:05 AM PDT by Beaten Valve
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

The whole scenario falls apart as soon as you try to imagine “calloused hands” on a TSA agent.


8 posted on 07/18/2011 6:03:50 AM PDT by tacticalogic
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: cripplecreek

Actually the story is not true. Once TSA saw Warren Kelvin and his problem they told him to “BEAT IT”! lol


9 posted on 07/18/2011 6:06:49 AM PDT by 70th Division (I love my country but fear my government!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

He's already qualified to be the senator from Massachusetts

10 posted on 07/18/2011 6:09:15 AM PDT by Snickering Hound
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Beaten Valve
Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”


11 posted on 07/18/2011 6:09:28 AM PDT by piroque (Southern born and Raised,)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
12 posted on 07/18/2011 6:09:32 AM PDT by cripplecreek (Remember the River Raisin! (look it up))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

You owe me a keyboard. LOL


13 posted on 07/18/2011 6:11:08 AM PDT by Vinnie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

ROTFLMAOPMP ~


14 posted on 07/18/2011 6:11:57 AM PDT by muawiyah
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: 70th Division

ROFLMAO!


15 posted on 07/18/2011 6:12:17 AM PDT by Past Your Eyes (I'm sticking with Herman.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: tacticalogic

Hey, those fly zippers are rough on your hands.


16 posted on 07/18/2011 6:13:21 AM PDT by Vinnie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

that was the best post of the day even though it was NOT true. And you just KNOW I will not be the only one to remark here. I knows dees people on FR. LOL


17 posted on 07/18/2011 6:15:27 AM PDT by 70th Division (I love my country but fear my government!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

In the event of a TSA screening lasting for more than four hours, please consult your lawyer...


18 posted on 07/18/2011 6:25:47 AM PDT by Haiku Guy (Palin-o delenda est)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

Good this guy is a hero. Let all of the gropers quit in disgust and maybe Big Sis will get a clue.


19 posted on 07/18/2011 6:42:11 AM PDT by Sybeck1 (BE BOLD SARAH)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes
Photobucket
20 posted on 07/18/2011 6:43:48 AM PDT by baddog 219
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

All this, just because he had a “hard*n” for the TSA?


21 posted on 07/18/2011 6:45:36 AM PDT by Bringbackthedraft (Liberals fight with smear, Conservatives fight with truth. Palin & West team are 2012's dream)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool
My dream approach to a TSA pat down...and make sure it's a guy giving it.

I'm next?! You're not George! Where's George?
Nobody named George works here.

But I got into this line because Paul said George would be working this line today. Paul said George gives really good pat downs. Oh well, I guess you'll have to do. Be thorough with me! /raving homosexual

22 posted on 07/18/2011 7:00:44 AM PDT by philman_36 (Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty, and supped with infamy. Benjamin Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: cripplecreek

Weinergate is officially over. The weiner has left the station.


23 posted on 07/18/2011 7:02:22 AM PDT by MHGinTN (Some, believing they can't be deceived, it's nigh impossible to convince them when they're deceived.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

Bwahahahahaha ... freepers are so creative!


24 posted on 07/18/2011 7:03:39 AM PDT by MHGinTN (Some, believing they can't be deceived, it's nigh impossible to convince them when they're deceived.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

This is great!!


25 posted on 07/18/2011 7:05:58 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Let this chant follow BHO everywhere he goes: "You lie. You lie. You lie.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

Well, he had four hours to get through the lines. Or, because he took two, was it eight hours.


26 posted on 07/18/2011 7:12:17 AM PDT by Vermont Lt
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

Oh, Lord, this need to go on a billboard!


27 posted on 07/18/2011 7:16:31 AM PDT by Excellence
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

This article left me laughing so hard I nearly choked on my breakfast sandwich.


28 posted on 07/18/2011 7:20:22 AM PDT by Bearshouse
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Click the Pic

These lions can't figure out why you haven't donated yet.

Give what you can
Or better yet, donate monthly
A sponsoring FReeper will contribute $10 for each New Monthly Donor

29 posted on 07/18/2011 7:35:55 AM PDT by TheOldLady (FReepmail me to get ON or OFF the ZOT LIGHTNING ping list.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

bump to watch comments from FReepers *snicker*


30 posted on 07/18/2011 7:37:54 AM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Palin/Perry 2012)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: martin_fierro; ATLDiver; Squantos; Travis McGee

It’s getting weird out there!


31 posted on 07/18/2011 7:40:46 AM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

As an occasional romance novel reader...
THIS ROCKS!!!
Thanx for my morning “wake up”...Cheers!


32 posted on 07/18/2011 7:42:30 AM PDT by matginzac
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Pan_Yan

ping


33 posted on 07/18/2011 7:47:02 AM PDT by Pan_Yans Wife (Utopia is being foisted on Americans for their own good.-- J. Robert Smith)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Bringbackthedraft

Reminds me of the term used in the smut books when I was a kid....”Hot, Throbbing member”


34 posted on 07/18/2011 7:49:58 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It's not the Obama Administration....it's the "Obama Regime".)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

That is some of the best writing I’ve ever seen on FR.


35 posted on 07/18/2011 7:49:58 AM PDT by Pan_Yans Wife (Utopia is being foisted on Americans for their own good.-- J. Robert Smith)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

FLOL ! Mr. Horny Toad for the TSA groping !


36 posted on 07/18/2011 7:54:27 AM PDT by CORedneck
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

As Billy Squier’s “Stroke Me” played...


37 posted on 07/18/2011 7:59:09 AM PDT by ConservativeStatement (Obama "acted stupidly.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

That’s hilarious!


38 posted on 07/18/2011 7:59:57 AM PDT by caver (Obama: Home of the Whopper)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

This is the funniest thing I have read in weeks. Thanks for starting my day with a smile.


39 posted on 07/18/2011 8:19:22 AM PDT by Grammy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes

ROFLOL I guess if you are going to have to have a TSA pat down might as well enjoy it?


40 posted on 07/18/2011 9:07:21 AM PDT by chris_bdba
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: isthisnickcool

Well done....:o)


41 posted on 07/18/2011 2:50:11 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: cripplecreek
OMG I'm laughing so hard - I wanna do this

An American Expat in Southeast Asia

42 posted on 07/18/2011 2:56:57 PM PDT by expatguy (Donations make Expat Better!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: 21stCenturion; 75thOVI; Abathar; alarm rider; albee; Alice au Wonderland; Amityschild; ...
INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH
HUMOR

>> PING <<
No amateurs, please.
Send FReepmail if you want on/off ISHP list
The List of Ping Lists

WUH-WUH-WUH-WUH-WAAAAAHHHHHH

43 posted on 07/18/2011 5:43:56 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: cripplecreek
It's not just that he pushed to the front of the line, it gets even worse. TSA didn't give him the pat down. So, he went through the line again and again until an agent finally gave it to him.

This guy may be from Wyoming, but he sounds like a Brokeback Mountain kind of cowboy to me.

44 posted on 07/18/2011 6:02:09 PM PDT by colorado tanker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Past Your Eyes; martin_fierro; shibumi
“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed,...

Smiling Bob says: You da man, Warren...
You da man!

45 posted on 07/18/2011 9:33:49 PM PDT by Semper Mark (Vlad Tepes was a piker.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson