Enhance your calm, John Spartan.
Posted on 09/22/2011 2:02:51 PM PDT by Revolting cat!
Sally's husband was often abusive. One morning, over breakfast, Hank began yelling at her because she was on the phone instead of keeping him company. Later, after Hank went to work, Sally picked up his shirts from the laundry, ran some other errands for him, and decided to cook his favorite dish for dinner. Do you think Sally did the right thing?
Sally, alas, believed that if she could only create an ideal loving home atmosphere, her husband's abusiveness would stop. Unfortunately, she was in fact rewarding her husband's negative behavior. In response to his outbursts, Hank found his chores done for him and he was served his favorite dinner. Why would he change his treatment of his wife when she responds so positively?
The events that follow an action will weaken or strengthen the likelihood it will occur again. In behavioral psychology, this is called the "Law of Effect" and states that behavior varies as a function of its consequences. Hence, if Sally is nice to Hank when he treats her badly, she is teaching him to continue being abusive. By putting up with Hank's abusive behavior, Sally gives him the message that it's okay to treat her that way. If she showed him instead that she was willing to be especially kind and helpful only when he was considerate and loving, a positive pattern would be more likely to develop.
Similarly, Tommy believed that kindness would overcome unkindness. He sent flowers to his wife whenever she flared up at him, hoping this gesture would put her in a good mood. Instead, it only encouraged her to flare up at him even more. If Tommy understood the psychological Law of Effect, he would not repay his wife's unkindness with kindness but with a firm, assertive response that clearly expressed his unhappiness.
Keep in mind:
The meek shall inherit the earth because the aggressive people of the world will trample their face into it!
Despite the Biblical decree, if you always turn the other cheek all you'll end up with is a completely sore face.
To encourage positive and discourage offensive behavior:
• Do not reward behaviors in others that you wish to eliminate.
• Follow actor Alan Alda's advice: "Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they're fair with you."
• Learn to speak up assertively.
• Do not reward unkind behavior from others.
• If someone treats you badly, say so - do not smile and pretend it's okay.
Remember: Think well, act well, feel well, be well!
/johnny
Nice guys finish when, I forget?
Enhance your calm, John Spartan.
When I received an insulting, untruthful letter from my doctor’s office, I waited a few days until I had cooled down and replied in a firm, but courteous manner. I pointed out the factual mistakes and the fact that their office personnel—professional and clerical—had always treated me with competence and courtesy in the past. To my surprise, I received a very kind and apologetic letter in response.
Sometimes, we just need to say, “You are a better person than your recent action suggests. I don’t deserve the treatment you just meted out to me, and I choose not to accept it.”
Dude!
Despite the fact there is some truth to this article, the passage referenced is quoted out of context.
Not true.
This is modern psycho-babble BS.
It flies in the face of tried and true Christian principals both from the abusers standpoint and that of the victim.
LOL- he didn’t know how to use the 3 clamshells! phhhtptptt!!!
I disagree. The babble is what we hear from Christians, here among other places, about meekness and niceness and all that, while the most arrogant like your current POTUS, for example, rise to power and step over bodies to get there. Been there, done that. The real life examples the author cites, if true, are not what is considered psycho-babble. My opinion.
Understood.
I respect the values of the Bible.
You place your trust and confidence in what Alan Alda has to say.
(lmao. Sorry. Had to say it. lol)
I don’t understand what you’re saying. Are you saying that the woman given as an example in the article should have continued to do lovely things for her husband when he abused her? Do you think that that would make him treat her well? That has not been my observation at all.
Sally needs to ring a bell every time Hank is mean to her.....and then hit him with a frying pan. That’s called THE LAW OF THE FRYING PAN.
Or feed him dog food for dinner.
Keep in mind:
The meek shall inherit the earth because the aggressive people of the world will trample their face into it!
Despite the Biblical decree, if you always turn the other cheek all you'll end up with is a completely sore face.
To encourage positive and discourage offensive behavior:
• Do not reward behaviors in others that you wish to eliminate.
• Follow actor Alan Alda's advice: "Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they're fair with you."
• Learn to speak up assertively.
• Do not reward unkind behavior from others.
• If someone treats you badly, say so - do not smile and pretend it's okay.
Only if she drove over his shirts 10 times and put arsenic in his favorite dish.
It hasn’t been mine either.
Although long before Jesus, Socrates figured that sacrifice was only meaningful if there was a final reckoning.
--->listen
I walked in her room and saw her there She knelt so quietly I knew she was in prayer There was a presence in the room I'd felt before, but I was frightened So I turned and closed her door Love was calling out my name Love was calling out my name Looking back on that day, It's plain to me My momma's heart was crying out for my release It took years for me to be finally free Her prayers were answered, though she never lived to see Love was calling out my name Love was calling out my name Love has the power to make the weakest man tower to make the strongest man cower God has no end to His power Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com Love is a fire whose flames reach higher and higher Love burns with endless desire to see us whole I understand my mother's heart for me Wanting Jesus to make all that I could be Now the situation's changed, I'm on my knees Praying for my baby's eyes to some day see that Love is calling out her name Love is calling out her name Love has the power to make the weakest man tower to make the strongest man cower God has no end to His power Love is a fire whose flames reach higher and higher Love burns with endless desire to see us whole
“If Tommy understood the psychological Law of Effect, he would not repay his wife’s unkindness with kindness but with a firm, assertive response that clearly expressed his unhappiness.”
Which resulted in his wife calling the cops, getting his sorry ass thrown out of the house and served with a restraining order.
Revolting!
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