Since it’s a British situation and related to sperm donation, it reminded me of one of the funniest “jokes” I have read in a long long time. It is a bit long, but very much worth the read.......
The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called Proxy Fathers. Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father a government employee who attempts to solve the couples problem by impregnating the wife.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, *I am off. The government man should be here soon.* Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell.
Mrs. Smith: Good morning.
Salesman: Good morning, madam. You do not know me, but I have come to...
Mrs. Smith: (Interrupting) No need to explain, I have been expecting you.
Salesman: Really? Well, good. I have made a specialty of babies, specially twins.
Mrs. Smith: That is what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Salesman: (Sitting) Then you do not need to be sold on the idea?
Mrs. Smith: Do not concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do.
Salesman: Well, perhaps we should get down to it?
Mrs. Smith: (Blushing) Just where do we start?
Salesman: Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out.
Mrs. Smith: Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it has not worked for Harry and me.
Salesman: Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I am sure you will be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card says, *I aim to please.*
Mrs. Smith: Pardon me, but this is a little informal, is it not?
Salesman: Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I would love to be in and out in five minutes, but you would be disappointed with that.
Mrs. Smith: I know! Have you had much success at this?
Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) Just look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown London.
Mrs. Smith: Oh, my!!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.
Mrs. Smith: She was?
Salesman: Yes, I am afraid so. I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. I have never worked under such impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.
Mrs. Smith: Four and five deep?
Salesman: Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd. I could not concentrate. I am afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in.
Mrs. Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?
Salesman: That is right, but it is all in a days work. I consider my work a pleasure. I have spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store.
Mrs. Smith: I just cannot believe it.
Salesman: Well, madam, if you are ready, I will set up my tripod so that we can get to work.
Mrs. Smith: TRIPOD?!?
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It is much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I am shooting. Mrs. Smith?... Mrs. Smith?... My goodness, she has fainted!
“Mrs. Smith: TRIPOD?!?”
Good one! Thanks for the Friday laugh.
Would have made a good Benny Hill sketch.