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21 Adult Truths

Posted on 12/03/2011 8:24:28 AM PST by Java4Jay

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Computers/Internet; Education; Humor
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21 Adult Truths

1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

15. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!

19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

21. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was use in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies….Quit Laughing

1 posted on 12/03/2011 8:24:31 AM PST by Java4Jay
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To: Java4Jay

The older I get the better I was.


2 posted on 12/03/2011 8:27:35 AM PST by gorush (History repeats itself because human nature is static)
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To: Java4Jay

Those are great! But #5, let me help: you fold them inside-out.


3 posted on 12/03/2011 8:28:57 AM PST by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: gorush

I’m not as good as I once was but I’m as good once, as I ever was.......................


4 posted on 12/03/2011 8:29:57 AM PST by PeterPrinciple ( getting closer to the truth.................)
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To: A_perfect_lady

#12 I can identify, as soon as I master a piece of technology it becomes obsolete.


5 posted on 12/03/2011 8:31:22 AM PST by McLynnan
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To: Java4Jay

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!

Every day I join in this on the way home!!!! Thanks for a great list.


6 posted on 12/03/2011 8:37:39 AM PST by Domestic Church (AMDG ...)
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To: Java4Jay

here is another one- Things you predicted 30 years ago are coming true and people are complaing that no one predicted it 30 years ago.


7 posted on 12/03/2011 8:40:34 AM PST by Mr. K (Physically unable to profreed <--- oops, see?)
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To: Java4Jay

Truth #22 - Where there’s smoke, you’ll probably find a media guy rubbing two sticks together.


8 posted on 12/03/2011 8:42:27 AM PST by Liberty Wins
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To: A_perfect_lady
"9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. "

Trust me on this one: take a 'sleep vacation' weekend- plan in advance to ged rid of the kids and make no plans at all, and sit home and relax and sleep as much as you want, for the entire weekend. no cooking or cleaning or driving (freeping is OK) you will thank yourself for it.

9 posted on 12/03/2011 8:43:27 AM PST by Mr. K (Physically unable to profreed <--- oops, see?)
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To: A_perfect_lady

MY SENILITY PRAYER:

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m ‘older (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

THREE -Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded...

FOUR -All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

FIVE -If all is not lost, where is it?

SIX -It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

SEVEN -Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

EIGHT - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

NINE -It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

TEN -Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

ELEVEN -If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

TWELVE -When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

THIRTEEN -It’s not hard to meet expenses... they’re everywhere.

FOURTEEN -The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

FIFTEEN -These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.


10 posted on 12/03/2011 8:46:02 AM PST by Java4Jay (The evils of government are directly proportional to the tolerance of the people.)
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To: Java4Jay

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m way way ahead of the curve on this one. I already decided to boycott blue ray. I own zero blue ray disks and have sworn to never own a single one.

Seriously, blue ray is a scam. I’d prefer to never see another optical disk of any kind ever again. I will upgrade to whatever comes after optical disks, but I will never upgrade to a new improved optical disk.


11 posted on 12/03/2011 8:47:01 AM PST by mamelukesabre
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To: A_perfect_lady

I’ve been divorced 10 years and I have been on a quest for the whole time to figure out how. Thank you, I will give it a try.


12 posted on 12/03/2011 8:50:25 AM PST by RatRipper (I'll ride a turtle to work every day before I buy anything from Government Motors.)
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To: Liberty Wins
Truth #22 - Where there’s smoke, you’ll probably find a media guy rubbing two sticks together.

Or ignoring the smoke if it is Dem smoke.

13 posted on 12/03/2011 8:50:56 AM PST by TruthWillWin (The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples money.)
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To: Mr. K

Oh, I routinely spend an entire day in my pajamas. They’re flannel. They have little green shamrocks on them.


14 posted on 12/03/2011 8:52:40 AM PST by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: Java4Jay

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

YES! Unfortunatly reading it is now a problem.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Espcially when it says the person “died at home”.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.

No body touches my 8 tracks!

14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

Mad Dog 20/20 works faster!

17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

“Yes dear” also works.

20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

That is why you set the alarm clock clear across the room. You must get up to shut it off, then go back to bed.

21. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was use in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies…. Quit Laughing.

But I thought my brains were in the cup! That is, till I got old enough to “make an ass of myself”.


15 posted on 12/03/2011 8:52:49 AM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: Java4Jay
The Mark of an Adult is...

1) You Stand on your Own Feet
2) You Walk on your Own Path
3) You Do What has to be Done

No One Said you had to Like It

16 posted on 12/03/2011 8:53:28 AM PST by HangnJudge
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To: RatRipper

You turn the sheet inside out, and with the first fold, you tuck the corners in your left hand inside the corners in your right. Then just hold onto where it sticks up.


17 posted on 12/03/2011 8:55:07 AM PST by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar

Missed one!

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

You take a pocket knife and slit the corners so it folds flat.


18 posted on 12/03/2011 8:55:32 AM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: A_perfect_lady
thanks...but utterly useless to someone who hasn't the faintest idea what a fitted shirt is...
19 posted on 12/03/2011 9:24:19 AM PST by stylin19a (obama - "FREDO" smart)
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To: Mr. K

I’ve got another one: nap whenever possible and don’t feel guilty about it.


20 posted on 12/03/2011 9:26:02 AM PST by Mountain Mary (One Nation Under God...There I said it.)
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To: stylin19a

SHEET. Fitted SHEET. On BED.


21 posted on 12/03/2011 9:27:14 AM PST by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar

“You take a pocket knife...flat”.
Howling, RDdB.


22 posted on 12/03/2011 9:27:46 AM PST by Mountain Mary (One Nation Under God...There I said it.)
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To: Java4Jay

I’ll add one of mine:

Spending $100.00 at the bar is not essential.


23 posted on 12/03/2011 9:34:13 AM PST by Amerikan_Samurai
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To: A_perfect_lady

I have sheets in the dryer I can test on when I get home. Again, thank you.


24 posted on 12/03/2011 9:43:13 AM PST by RatRipper (I'll ride a turtle to work every day before I buy anything from Government Motors.)
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To: A_perfect_lady

I claim truth #2


25 posted on 12/03/2011 9:44:05 AM PST by stylin19a (obama - "FREDO" smart)
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To: A_perfect_lady

Re: 5; don’t fold, WAD, stick in closet.


26 posted on 12/03/2011 9:47:53 AM PST by Twinkie (John 3:16)
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To: Java4Jay
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the tail on the Donkey –but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

Find and push that button while half asleep - every time.

27 posted on 12/03/2011 9:50:15 AM PST by GOPJ (Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, Than a fatted calf with hatred - Proverbs 15)
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To: Java4Jay
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!

I literally LOL'd on this one. Pillowcases are also easier to put on inside out, as well.

28 posted on 12/03/2011 9:51:31 AM PST by retrokitten (It took so long to see that truth was all around me- Ray LaMontagne)
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To: A_perfect_lady

Folding a fitted sheet:

Hold up the sheet longways. Put your hands in the two top corners. Put hands together and put one corner inside the other (you’ve folded it in half). Do the same to the other two corners so that you have all four corners tucked in together (you’ve folded it into a quarter). Lay the sheet down and smooth the fitted sides so that it’s a nice square. Fold to fit the storage space. No biggie. Super simple.


29 posted on 12/03/2011 10:10:42 AM PST by bgill (The Obama administration is staging a coup. Wake up, America, before it's too late.)
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To: bgill

Could you repeat that again please...ping


30 posted on 12/03/2011 11:00:10 AM PST by PoloSec ( Believe the Gospel: how that Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again)
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To: Java4Jay; SortaBichy
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


31 posted on 12/03/2011 11:00:51 AM PST by ErnBatavia (Obama Voters: Jose Baez wants YOU for his next jury pool.......)
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To: mamelukesabre

I still have 600 VHS. What I recorded myself will NOT be sold on disc


32 posted on 12/03/2011 11:12:07 AM PST by eccentric (a.k.a. baldwidow)
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To: PoloSec

Basically, just get the corners all tucked into one corner. When that’s done, it’s folded into quarters. Then it’s just a matter of aligning or smoothing out the edges so it’s a nice square and then fold to fit the linen closet.

I stand up, can’t do it sitting down. 1) Ok, put your hands in two corners (a top corner and a bottom corner along one of the long sides), stand up and stretch your arms out. 2) Put your hands together tucking one corner inside the other. 3) Keeping one hand inside the orginal corners, bend down and grab the last two corners. 4) Tuck the last two corners over the orignal corners so that all corners are tucked into one which automatically folds the sheet into fourths. 5) Lay it down (corner and floppy sides up) and smooth the outter edges. 6) Fold as you normally would to store.

HTH.


33 posted on 12/03/2011 11:17:00 AM PST by bgill (The Obama administration is staging a coup. Wake up, America, before it's too late.)
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To: eccentric

I haved a lot too- i wish there was a machine that would let you put in a tape and put in a disc and walk away - come back two hours later and it is copied to disk and you can toss it


34 posted on 12/03/2011 11:21:04 AM PST by Mr. K (Physically unable to profreed <--- oops, see?)
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To: Java4Jay
15. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

Yup.

35 posted on 12/03/2011 11:23:20 AM PST by gitmo (Hatred of those who think differently is the left's unifying principle.-Ralph Peters NY Post)
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To: ErnBatavia
The only thing missing was that "Martin Luther King Boulevard" was not underlined. That street name is *always* bad news...

Cheers!

36 posted on 12/03/2011 12:41:27 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: gitmo; Java4Jay
15. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

See post #31 and note especially the name of the street involved.

Cheers!

37 posted on 12/03/2011 12:42:53 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: Java4Jay
1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Then upon closer inspection, I realize I am not wearing a watch.

38 posted on 12/03/2011 12:44:35 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: PeterPrinciple

someone else likes Toby Keith....


39 posted on 12/03/2011 12:55:03 PM PST by goat granny
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To: Java4Jay; MotleyGirl70; Cagey; Mr. Brightside; earlJam; Rb ver. 2.0; lesser_satan; Taffini; jdm; ...
17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

Careful when dealing with a low-talker, or this might happen.

(Seinfeld Ping. If you want on, just say "Arrrhh!")

40 posted on 12/03/2011 1:00:29 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: A_perfect_lady

Really? Only 1 day, for me its sometims 3 days then I have to go to the store for Pepsi and tobacco. Getting out of PJ’s stinks, (maybe so do I by then) GG


41 posted on 12/03/2011 1:01:07 PM PST by goat granny
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To: grey_whiskers

****The only thing missing was that “Martin Luther King Boulevard” was not underlined. That street name is *always* bad news...****

Not necessarily. there is one in Fayetteville, Arkansas that is fairly safe to drive on, AKA Hwy 16. It was named as a bone to the U of A students. It is not a ghetto area at all.


42 posted on 12/03/2011 1:04:31 PM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar
Thanks for the tip! (Is Fayetteville anywhere near the Wal-Mart headquarters? Or is it "home" to anything else I should kick myself for not having remembered?)

Cheers!

43 posted on 12/03/2011 1:11:46 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: Ruy Dias de Bivar
Scissors also work...
44 posted on 12/03/2011 1:27:46 PM PST by goat granny
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To: A_perfect_lady
Damn! A whole lifetime of ignorance wiped cleaned in a sentence. I remember blank stares at my Mom when she told (asked? No "told") me to "fold the sheets" out of the drier when I was young.

FR has the smartest people in the Universe! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

I'm gonna go practice now, and the next time I see my Mom, I'm going to impress her!

45 posted on 12/03/2011 1:57:51 PM PST by TotusTuus
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To: grey_whiskers

(Is Fayetteville anywhere near the Wal-Mart headquarters? Or is it “home” to anything else I should kick myself for not having remembered?)

Fayetteville is about 25 miles south of Bentonville, AR. Fayetteville is also home to the Arkansas Razorbacks and University of Arkansas.


46 posted on 12/03/2011 1:58:02 PM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar
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To: Larry Lucido

And never have sex with the cleaning lady on you desk at work.


47 posted on 12/03/2011 2:05:09 PM PST by Gamecock (I am so thankful for [the] active obedience of Christ. No hope without it. JGM)
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To: Java4Jay

and this...

What I used to do all night long, now takes me all night to do!


48 posted on 12/03/2011 2:12:01 PM PST by dmzTahoe
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To: A_perfect_lady; Java4Jay

An easier way:
Grasp sheet by one corner. Spin hand until sheet is in a ball on your hand. Remove hand. Sit on ball until it is squashed. Place in linen closet.


49 posted on 12/03/2011 3:51:24 PM PST by irishtenor (Everything in moderation, however, too much whiskey is just enough... Mark Twain)
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To: TotusTuus

Practice is good...


50 posted on 12/03/2011 5:39:21 PM PST by A_perfect_lady (Islam is as Islam does.)
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