Skip to comments.Dealing with gay family member situation (vanity)
Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn
We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.
I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.
It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.
If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -
It’s not your place to tell her how to live her life or who she can see.
Does she tell you how to live your life?
Been there, seen that. There are more important things in life than worrying about how someone else enjoys their life.
I’ve got a militantly lesbian cousin. I’ve found that the best way to deal with her is to ignore her “issues”.
Forgive my bluntness ....
You have made this situation about you. It’s not.
That baby is going to need loving family members, just as your children need. Do it. Be there for the child.
You can either accept the things you can’t change, and have the family member in your life; or you can overstep the line and alienate that family for the rest of your life.
I do not have gay family, nor hiave I been in a similar situation.
You are correct in seeing this as wrong. Were I in your shoes, I would:
Be supportive of your sister, but let her know that she is wrong. The KEY is that she has ‘decided’. It was a decision, not a predisposition. Same-sex physical relationships and unions are wrong, not to celebrated or allowed into a families life.
I would welcome her to my home, not her partner. The child? Part of me says No, it is of no blood to you, the child could/would be used as a pawn to crack open your door. Part says to welcome the child, it is innocent, not deserving of rejection in all this. That is a hard spot. Prayer, lots of prayer.
I would sort of just... deal with it, blood being thicker than water and all that.
**I have a small child and am expecting again**
That has to be the most difficult concern for you.
Short of moving to a different State - I have no idea how I would handle this.
The closest gay relative in the family is a cousin - but she lives in England and I have never met her. Thankfully, there are no small children in her partnership, just a dog. She is, however, the most attentive (of her siblings) to their elderly mother.
Good luck and God bless.
My advice is for you to be the best parent you can to your children and the best example to others.
How many times during the year do you see these people? If it’s just a few times during the holidays, I’m sure you can be gracious without getting involve with discussions about their lifestyle.
You don’t have to necessarily congratulate them.
You can wish the baby well.
Concentrate on the child when you see them and that will keep the atmosphere calm.
Unless it’s your child, I’d just smile like a dumb puppy at family events and be unaffected by it all.
Don’t give your opinion unless asked, and if asked just say something simple.
It’s not your job to teach them a lesson or hold up rating cards. They’ll work out their issues on their own, there’s probably a lot more to it you don’t know or want to know.
You can’t choose your family so just keep smiling
If you’re asked your opinion, give it without equivocation or apology. If you’re not asked, don’t volunteer it. If the subject turns to the baby, keep your mouth shut. You’ll say just as much by not saying anything at all.
It is clear this family member has made her decision. She has a right to do that. And you have a right to deal with her — and her decision — in any way you choose. If she demands the right to “be herself,” then she has to accord you the same courtesy, even if you disagree with her choices.
She has elected not to exist.
There is no need to support or even have her part of your or your children’s lives.
You do not need to buy her presents.
You do not need to endorse her choice of having a fatherless child via “congrats”.
Keep her away from your children.
Keep the door open if he ever reprents and finds her way back to normal. Until then, she has elected to exclude herself from the famil in favor of a sex fetish.
Not much you can do here. Best advice- let it go and take care of your own.
“Its not your place to tell her how to live her life or who she can see.”
You could always follow your own advice and not post in the thread.
I’m just saying...
Since you have a small child, you can surely be fully distracted whenever in their presence so as to preclude having any kind of cohesive conversation. So I would suggest you try to avoid any conversation about their pregnancy and expecting status, and talk about the weather, yourself, how busy the holidays are for you, etc., to the point they try to get away from you.
Did you read the post? The poster isn't asking how to make them change.
What a difficult situation. The problem with just being all loving, while not liking the situation, gives the impression that you are supportive. I wouldn’t continue to spend time with the relative for fear that your child, or another family member will be influenced by a loved family member. Shut the door on sinful lifestyles! Protect your child and your beliefs! The world will constantly be teaching “tolerance” of homosexuality... they don’t need anymore encouragement at home. That said, I’d continue to correspond on email with the relative without letting them be an influential part of my family’s life.
Just treat them like family if they are family. Everyone has an issue or another. I often think about the whole, pulling the plank out of your own eye verse.
Is she aware that you don’t approve of her situation? As a Christian, you should be kind to her but at the same time, she’s not entitled to your approval for the decisions she makes in her personal life.
The closest I’ve been to a similar situation was when I worked for a company where one of the managers and her lesbian girlfriend were having an IVF child. What was annoying was the way they expected the folks at the office to give approval to this. I thought they were clearly crossing a boundary there since we were just her co-workers not necessarily her friends.