Skip to comments.Dealing with gay family member situation (vanity)
Posted on 12/08/2011 11:52:02 AM PST by AUJenn
We have a close family member who decided a few years ago that she was gay. I say 'decided' because up until then, she had always dated men and was actually about to get married. It came as a huge shock to everyone and has taken a while to get used to. She has had the same partner since she announced her lifestyle change. It has been difficult for me and other family members to accept and get used to their living arrangements, lifestyle, etc, especially on holidays. But as time has gone on, I have accepted this is how she is going to live and there is nothing I can do about it. But I don't like it.
I have always been polite and cordial because I see no sense in being rude or hostile. And if I were hateful, it would just give conservatives/Christians a bad name IMO, and would add fuel to their fire. That being said....she has announced that she and her partner are having a baby. The partner is pregnant. This has really thrown us for a loop, as we never expected this to happen.
It so happens that I have a small child and am expecting again, so it really makes me think. I am completely against their doing this. But I have no idea how to publicly act or respond to this situation - especially at upcoming family holiday events. I don't feel like happily telling them 'congratulations!' or talking about baby things. I think about how this poor kid is going to feel about his/her parent situation, or how I'm going to explain to my children why this baby 'has two moms' and on and on.
If anyone has a gay family member or has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear how you handle it. Thank you -
Why is a homosexual girlfriend of a familiy member “family”?
Telling AUJenn to pull the plank out of her own eye is freaking offensive. She is polite and wanting to know how other people deal with this situation. Having a family member decide to become a homosexual is a difficult situation - homosexual behavior is immoral, perverse and destructive.
Jesus’ admonistion about puttling the speck from one’s own eye is irrelevant to the discussion.
Your insult to AUJenn makes me sick.
You will gain only the enmity of your entire family if you tell them what they are doing is wrong.
Dummy up and mind your own business.
You don't have to invite them to YOUR house.
I have a 3 year old and my brother is gay. I simply will not let my son be around if my brother’s boyfriend is going to be there. He can have a bachelor uncle, but he will not have a gay uncle.
I said nothing about hostility, and I don’t HAVE a gay family member.
Jesus did NOT tolerate sin. Jesus confronted sin.
You do not believe that a Christian can “fall away” or commit sinful acts after baptism? Why are there Biblical instructions for how to deal with brothers and sisters in Christ who lead sinful lives?
Some of the advice offered here is eye-opening. I find it amazing so many freepers are willing to put up with homosexual behavior in front of children.
Eye opening for sure.
Who, besides yourself, is discussing putting up with homosexual behavior (it’s called sex) in front of the kids?
Really, you find it amazing that family is so important to freepers that we work to keep the family bonds intact in spite of our differences?
You can have exactly zero positive influence on someone you alienate.
How’s that tagline working out for you?
Very disturbing. And I haven't even read the whole thread yet.
First, I was referring to the actual family member as that is who the OP was referring in her original comment.
Second, the ‘plank’ comment wasn’t directed specifically at the OP but is a general statement that everyone has faults and sins including ourselves and if we cut off everyone who has sins, we have to cut off everyone including ourselves.
You read way, way too much into that comment.
If you've even considered being "hateful", you are not making Christians look bad, you are making YOU look bad, and probably not all that Christ-like. I also fail to see where it would reflect on conservatives as a group.
Being fake isn't going to get you anywhere ... if this is a close family member, she is going to know that you are not sincere.
I strongly suggest loving the sinner and praying for the sin. The Bible may have something to say on the matter.
Excellent advice, and the voice of experience.
Such acts are sinful, and they are grave sins. The Bible says that they are worthy of death if convicted of the crime in a competent court. Of course, the acts are no longer illegal in America and in many nations.
In order to know what to do, it helps to think hypothetically for a moment. Imagine the family member had committed murders; this is also defined as a sin that should be punished by death. Imagine that murder was no longer punishable under American law.
We would still want our family member to repent of their sin, even if they do not have to stand trial; to become aware of the truths in the Bible, to acknowledge that the acts are indeed wrong, to acknowledge that they committed the acts, and therefore to understand their need for salvation in Jesus Christ.
Sometimes people live their entire lives in sin and, upon death, are assured only of damnation; eternal separation from God. Oftentimes God orders people’s lives such that they commit horrible and disgusting sins, and this serves to provide the basis for them to become convicted of their own sin in a most dramatic way.
Christians must ask themselves, with anything that they like to have, or like to do - which is more important, God or that thing ? What are my priorities ? The Bible tells us that God is first in the heart of the believer. The believer will place God above country and family. Even to the point of perhaps going againsts hundreds of years of tradition or becoming a social outcast. While my earthly life may be much easier by going along with the crowd of heathens, I have nothing to look forward to beyond that, and earthly life is very fleeting. And none of my friends or family can come to my defense regarding my final judgement; only Jesus Christ can do that.
As far as those who live in habitual sin, and who therefore have every appearance of being unbelievers, as there is no other logical conclusion other than they simply have not yet been spiritually reborn, Christians are commanded to simply bring them the Word of God, the Gospel; BOTH the New and the Old Testaments. God and his law are unchanging, they do not change with the whims of humans. While looking at the Old Testament in such a case will convict the sinner in their heart, the New Testament presents the salvation of the elect, the children of God, who, by Grace through faith in Christ Jesus are born again, a new man, and will find themself living in obedience to the whole counsel of God and most certainly turning away from their former sins. Our time on earth is short. Wicked behavior is tempting in that it satisfies lusts of immediate gratification, thinking truly of ourselves, not of others. Man without the Holy Spirit wants to only satisfy himself and he will stand on his head to deny this and will be deceived by the allure of one wicked behavior or another and find it impossible to resist.
This all goes to show why it is far more cruel to not confront the sinner. To not say the truth, by saying nothing, is to lie to the poor sinner. When the sinner is confronted with the unchanging and eternal Word of God, they are confronted with their sin - which is the first step in coming to God. This must be done Scripturally to be effective - great harm can be done if it is not done Scripturally.
There is another alternative between “cutting off” and approval. It’s a continuum.
As I see it, they’re just not teachable on the subject because they have gay friends or gay family. Sigh.
Funny. As I see it, you’re the one not teachable on this subject. You have a cartoonish, one-size-fits-all view of gay people, and are entirely closed to any contrasting data.
>>I don’t think that the poster was inquiring about how to be hip in the 21st century. <<
Best post of the day, my FRiend!
stuartcr is one of the worst trolls on FR and I’ve come to the conclusion he’s psychotic as well. He loves to come to threads involving morality and religion and p*** on everyone who has any repsect for morality or belief in God.
Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.
The child isn’t lost until he or she decides to be lost. We are to be an example, not judge and jury. The two women can repent despite their present behavior. Unceasing prayer is absolutely necessary for these souls.
Thank you, friend. It’s so nice to see you! :)
He can have a bachelor uncle, but he will not have a gay uncle.
Except that he does have a gay uncle.
Your son will discover, long before you know it. He will begin to sense it in the way the uncle is treated differently from the other family members. Anyone thinking kids don’t sense this kind of thing is kidding themselves.
For those that will post to support her ask them if they had a brother humping dogs would they call that a “lifestyle” and accept it as well?
Scripter has been one of the most valuable members of FR since the first day I signed up in 2002. He knows more about homosexuality than probably any other person on FR. He also is a wise, kind and faithful man. For you to slam him like that makes me want to puke.
Are you a homosexual or something? Is that why his knowledge of the truth offends you so much you have to insult him?
Why are you promoting homosexuality on FR?
Think of your own children first. This is IMO an insoluble
situation, if one is trying to maintain good relations
and personal contact with the family as a whole, assuming
they accept the other pair. This is not a *stable* situation.
Be prepared to be faced with demands to legitimate more
and more abnormality. It’s insoluble especially as concerns
the other child.
I know. Threads like these sure attract a lot of pro-faggot trolls.
It's about how it will affect her children. If her children see her accepting homosexual behavior and relationships as though they are normal and natural this will affect her children. It is a problem.
When he is old enough to figure it out on his own, he is old enough to figure it out on his own, however, I intend to raise him with traditional conservative values and exposing him to homosexual telationships at 3 years old will only serve to normalize it. FWIW, my neice and nephew are 11 and14 & still havent figured it out. He isnt a flamer and there really would be no way of knowing unless there is exposure. Heck, nobody in the family knew or suspected anything until he came out as “bi” last year.
After years of keeping my mouth shut so as not to upset anyone, I finally got to the point where I decided that although I love my brother, my children come first. And to be honest, I am furious with my brother for putting me in this position. As all gatherings were at my house, I finally had to tell him that if he could not get her to control her behavior she would be unwelcome in my home in the future.
He stopped bringing her, and everyone else in my family was hugely relieved because she made everyone uncomfortable but no one else wanted to be the bad guy.
Now, this last Thanksgiving was at my sister's house, and my brother brought his woman. She behaved as she always has. As I no longer have gatherings at my house, my choice will now be that my family will no longer attend family gatherings and will spend holidays with friends instead.
As a mother you have to do what is right for your children regardless of whether or not other people think you are doing the right thing.
It’s amazing, and some of them are really nasty and aggressive and hateful.
Love the child and be decent to the parents, for that is who they will be to this baby. The pair probably knows you don’t approve and you won’t have any effect spouting your disapproval. Keep your relations with them to the group family events and keep your mouth shut, as youwould wish to be
Respected for your views and lifestyle by others.
Your concern about the child being used as a pawn to
crack open AUJenn’s door is well founded. Not only
that, she can expect requests and well publicized
disapproval if she refuses to allow her children to visit
the other two women’s household unaccompanied, or
to refuse their offers to babysit, etc. That’s the way
it’s going to be.
You’re pregnant. You have the perfect excuse to avoid any conversation. Queasy. Anything that becomes uncomfortable, excuse yourself holding your tummy with your hand over your mouth.
Look, from someone with a lesbian nouveau sister, unless someone (hetero or homo) is sucking face or playing touchie at the table, you can put up with anything. Because this is one lousy day that you have to put up with it. Next year, there will be a new baby that needs your love and your own baby to help you avoid the unwanted conversations.
I entirely forgot that AUJenn is being asked to legitimate
depriving a child of its father. Thanks for the reminder.
This is however, a more serious situation than being
faced with a woman opting for “single parenthood”
A good number of them.
You might want to rethink that. Those that push or condone homosexuality on FR are zotted. Homosexuality is a liberal “value” and NOT conservative.
And perhaps you just haven't come across a behavior you're not willing to tolerate. Think about that.
Who is talking about alienating? Stop, read and think.
not seen many posters before on this kind of thread, mmmmmmm
Who said we have to love family anyway.
I have a brother and a sister, ones is a junkie, prossie and convict the other is a drug dealer, layabout, welfare king and certainly a bad father.
I will not let my kids near them and I can’;t be bothered about them either.
As for these names on here I have not seen before , well it’s surprising.
I always love scrolling down a thread and seeing your pearls of wisdom.
Merry Christmas, Dear Heart!
I know, a number of names that are not familiar. Later when I have a chance I’ll check posting history.
I haven’t forgotten what I was going to send you - will freepmail you this afternoon.
The real bummer is nobody can fix stupid.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
Merry Christmas AUJenn. May you find blessings where you least expect them.
You won't, but thought I'd throw it out there so everybody can see it.
Obviously not as easy as Zen but it's working out pretty darn good.........thanks for asking homie!
Jesus did NOT condone sexual immorality. He told them “Go. And sin no more”.
I know. Some freepers...
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